A slanderer will pretend to be your best friend, only to turn away and betray you and spread hurtful lies and gossip. Whatever the reason behind this behavior, protecting oneself from slander is important. If the situation persists, you will need to find a way to end the effects of this behavior on your life, for example by repairing the relationship with the slanderer or moving on.
Step
Part 1 of 3: Protecting Yourself from Slander
Step 1. Find out and make sure the story you hear is true before acting
Sometimes speech develops through word of mouth and you may overreact to something that didn't turn out the way it was told. But if it does, continue taking action.
Step 2. Avoid gossip as much as possible
If you're in front of a stranger, don't spread rumors. You may be tempted to help a new person by telling all the bad things about your teacher or boss, but you never know who this new person will talk to. If you can't stand gossiping or complaining, do so only with people who have never met the person you are talking about.
Listening to gossip from other people is okay, as long as you don't contribute anything. Try to be more listening and talk less if you can't stand the gossip
Step 3. Build good relationships with the people around you
Try to be friendly and positive, even when dealing with people you don't know. Even if some people attack you, others are less likely to attack you as well.
If you are at work, respect everyone, not just coworkers and bosses. If you're too focused on dealing with coworkers and bosses, then the receptionist, intern, or other low-ranking employee has reason to be offended by you
Step 4. Learn to spot the signs of slander as early as possible
The longer the slanderers spread lies or sabotage you, the harder it will be to make things right. If the signs of slander can be detected early, then this will help you to prevent it from getting worse. Look for the following signs:
- There are false rumors that reach you about what you should do or say.
- You said something personal, and now everyone knows what you said.
- People stop entrusting you with information, stop giving assignments at work, or stop asking you to come to events they've been to.
- People are cold or unfriendly to you for no apparent reason.
Step 5. Understand that not all hurtful behavior is a sign of slander
Make sure you don't overreact by assuming that someone is a slanderer. Some bad behaviors like being constantly late, careless, or selfish are signs of a reckless person, not a cunning slanderer. Occasional minor mistakes like canceling lunch at the last minute or not wanting to call back are also not signs of slander.
Step 6. Record what happened
As soon as you know there is slander coming up, start recording the events that make you suspicious. Write down what happened, as well as the reasons why someone would intentionally hurt you. This will make it easier for you to learn, so you can understand whether this incident was part of a larger plan or just a misunderstanding.
If you feel you are being sabotaged at work, make practical notes about how your work has been adversely affected. In this note, include details of work you've accomplished, positive feedback you've received, and any other concrete evidence you can use to defend yourself if sabotage becomes serious
Step 7. Identify the slanderer
When you see signs that someone is sabotaging you, examine the behavior and actions of a number of people to narrow down the suspect. Observe the suspect repeatedly at least before you jump to conclusions, as abusive behavior can be a sign of a bad day. Here are some of the behaviors a slanderer might have:
- If someone gives an insincere compliment, or acts as if the criticism is a compliment, they may be hiding their jealousy or anger.
- Someone is on your side if it's just him and you, then he will side with someone else when you talk about the same subject in a group.
- The slanderer recalled all his complaints and omissions with confidence. Such a person may harbor feelings of hurt for a long time and feel entitled to take revenge.
- This suspected slanderer doesn't respect you, ignores your opinion, or can't change his behavior when you ask him to stop.
- In addition to these signs, think back to who could hurt you. If someone is repeating what you've said in private, it's the person you've ever trusted to keep your secret. If the project you're working on is having trouble, the slanderer has access to project materials.
Step 8. Share your suspicions with someone you trust
Don't assume someone is sabotaging you. Ask a friend for an honest opinion and explain why you are suspicious. Find out if other people think the suspicion is reasonable or if you're just overthinking it.
- Talk to someone you trust and don't gossip. Ask him to keep this conversation a secret.
- If you suspect someone specific, talk to someone who knows them but is not a friend. If you don't have a trusted friend, talk to someone you don't know and explain their specific actions and behavior, not your opinion of their character.
Step 9. Don't be a slanderer
You may be tempted to seek revenge against the person who slandered you by hurting them in the same way. Getting caught in this behavior will make matters worse and make you more angry and emotionally involved. It also doesn't have a good impact on your reputation, so even if you attack the slanderer (which seems hard to believe), you may have the same problem as him.
Part 2 of 3: Dealing with a Defamatory Friend
Step 1. Stay calm
Sometimes people do evil things and sometimes this results in betrayal. Feeling hurt will not improve the situation. A better move for you now and in the future is to stay calm and focus on the realistic stuff. Don't ignore the situation, but live your life without becoming too obsessed with being hurt.
Step 2. Support the good side of the slanderer
Being nice to the slanderer may be the last thing you feel like doing, but if you're calm enough and sincerely agree with some of his or her attitudes, then this can improve the situation. Many people with passive aggressive traits such as slanderers feel compelled to resort to painful and winding ways because their direct contributions are not appreciated.
Invite the slanderer to do various activities with you. Do something fun and distracting that will make the slander feel welcome again
Step 3. Invite the slanderer to speak directly to you
Approach the slander in person by texting or emailing if you can't talk to him in person. Politely say that you want to talk to him about what's going on. Have a private conversation.
Step 4. Explain the situation honestly without making the slanderer feel threatened
Describe the incident that has bothered you and how it affected you. Ask the other person to corroborate the facts, such as when the slanderer texts you.
Don't start a sentence with "you," which makes the slanderer feel blamed and defend himself. Instead, use a sentence like "I heard some false rumors about me."
Step 5. Listen to the slanderer's story
Your friend may not want to be angry with you all the time. Let him tell his version of the problem without interrupting or getting angry. There's always a chance that you're wrong or that the situation is more complicated than you think.
Step 6. Apologize for any mistakes you made
Even if you think your friend is at fault, study the situation from his point of view. Apologize if you misunderstood him or hurt him unintentionally, even if you were only responsible for an event.
Step 7. Forgive your friends when you are ready
If you want to rebuild your friendship, you need to forgive each other for your mistakes. Even if you can't fix the relationship, forgiveness can help you get up and stop thinking about the betrayal.
Step 8. Talk about your friendship with him and other problems that occurred
Be honest and open. Have a private conversation any time you feel something is wrong. If one of you is unhappy about a certain attitude or repetitive pattern of relationships, let him know how you feel.
Step 9. Be willing to change
When you bring up problems in your relationship, both of you need to be prepared to change to increase trust and happiness. You may need to find a different activity if the usual ways you spend together are making your friend uncomfortable. If your friend reveals that something you say often makes him or her uncomfortable, pay attention to this during the conversation and try to avoid nicknames, tone of voice, or habits that annoy him.
Mistakes will happen, especially when trying to change old habits. Apologize when you make a mistake and forgive your friends when they make a mistake
Step 10. If all attempts fail, end your friendship
Sometimes, you can't repair trust that is reciprocated by a betrayal of friendship. If you've made an honest effort and it didn't work, you need to know how to get out of this problem.
- By this point, you've probably had at least one talk about your betrayal and friendship. If your friend isn't willing to fix the situation, don't talk to him again.
- If the two of you have tried to restore your friendship to no avail, your friend may already know why you are angry. Let your friend know if this doesn't work and cut off contact with him.
- Sometimes, you can just let the friendship slip away. Don't invite him to your events too often and don't pick up his phone when he calls you. Ignoring him completely could hurt his heart, but slowly ignoring him would have the same result but would be less painful.
Part 3 of 3: Dealing with Defamatory Coworkers
Step 1. Don't let coworkers interfere with your work
Focus on work you can do without a coworker and don't let your anger get in the way of relationships or work responsibilities. Don't let other people get angry and disappointed in you.
Step 2. Provide a positive way for slanderous coworkers to contribute
Most slanderous coworkers are not sociopathic, but they are people who think cunning tactics is the only way to get ahead. Make an honest effort to identify the positive contribution of a defamatory coworker and support the act.
- During a meeting or conversation, ask the slanderer for input on a topic that he or she is very good at.
- Support him when making contributions and suggestions that you also agree with. Do this if you're genuinely taking sides and don't praise him too much.
- If the slanderer reacts harshly to your attitudes, stop and do something else. Some people are not interested in changing their behavior and there are only a few things you can expect to make.
Step 3. Discuss the situation with the slanderer in private
Describe the event that made you angry, in person or via email. Bring the matter up openly and see if he's mature enough to discuss it.
Avoid the situation as if you blamed it. Use passive sentences like "I noticed that this project didn't finish on time," instead of active sentences like "You didn't finish this project."
Step 4. Back up your claim with notes
As explained in the section on Protecting Yourself, you should provide yourself with detailed information about events that have occurred. If your co-worker denies what happened, present an email or other document that proves this.
If the slanderer still denies it, bring in an eye witness to confirm it
Step 5. Have a meeting with the manager if the job is in trouble
If the slander threatens and results in serious consequences and your conversation with the slander is unsuccessful, ask to meet with your manager or personnel manager. This is an appropriate move if there are rumors that you violated workplace policies or did something that could result in you being punished.
Gather as much information as you can get. Documents, emails, and anything else that shows concrete evidence of sabotage will help with your problem. Positive feedback and notes about work you've completed can help dispel rumors of your lazy and unprofessional behavior
Tips
- If possible, don't rely on everything or turn to a slanderer for help.
- Don't hesitate to ask. If someone doesn't seem clear on their point of view, ask them to give them a chance to explain what's going on.
Warning
- Don't tell secrets to someone with a history of betrayal.
- Don't tell secrets to the slanderer's friends. They may be on the side of the slanderer.
- Be careful what you say. Slanders can twist your words and use them to attack you.
