Accepting yourself means being able to appreciate all aspects of yourself. All aspects mean good aspects and aspects that you think still need improvement. The process of accepting yourself begins with recognizing the negative judgment you have of yourself and changing it so that you can appreciate all the aspects that you have. Also, try to make a commitment to yourself to shift your focus from judging and blaming behavior to tolerance and love.
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Part 1 of 4: Recognizing How You Think About Yourself
Step 1. Identify your strengths and traits
Identify your strengths or good qualities so that you can accept the bad aspects in a balanced way. Also, realizing your strengths can change your understanding of yourself. Write down all your strengths or write down one each day if this is easier. For example:
- I am a loving person.
- I am a strong mother.
- I am a talented painter.
- I am a creative solution giver.
Step 2. Write down all your achievements
Make an effort to recognize and acknowledge your strengths by keeping track of all your accomplishments. For example, who you have helped, your own successes, or difficulties you have overcome. These examples help you focus on actions and actions. Other concrete examples that can help you identify strengths include:
- The death of my father was hard on our family, but I am proud to have been able to support my mother through this difficult time.
- I wanted to run a half marathon and after 6 months of training, I made it to the finish line!
- After losing my job, I had a hard time accepting the situation and couldn't afford to pay the bills. However, I'm trying to identify the strengths I have and my condition is better now.
Step 3. Know your assessment of yourself
By knowing how you rate yourself, you can identify aspects of yourself that have been the target of over-criticism. You are said to be overly critical if you dislike certain aspects or traits of yourself. You may feel embarrassed or disappointed and these feelings are making it difficult for you to accept yourself. Start by writing down your negative thoughts about yourself. For example:
- I can never do anything right.
- I always misunderstand other people's comments. There must be something wrong with me.
- I'm too fat.
- I always make the wrong decisions.
Step 4. Be aware of the effect other people's comments have on you
When other people make comments about us, we often try to digest these comments and turn them into our opinions about ourselves. Once you know why you judge yourself, start thinking about how you see yourself.
For example, if your mother is always criticizing your appearance, you may not feel confident about your appearance right now. However, by understanding that your mother's criticism stems from her insecurities, you can rethink your self-confidence because of how you look
Part 2 of 4: Challenging Self-Criticism
Step 1. Be aware of any negative thoughts that arise
Now that you know the aspects of your life that you criticize the most, it's time to get rid of your own self-criticism. An inner critic might say that "I'm not my ideal size" or "I never do anything right." By eliminating these criticisms, you are able to counter the power of negative thoughts about yourself. In this way, you can cultivate compassion, forgiveness, and acceptance. To remove criticism from within, practice being aware of any negative thoughts that arise. For example, if you notice a thought that says "I'm so stupid," ask yourself:
- Is this thought good?
- Does this thought make me feel good?
- Do I want to share these thoughts with a friend or lover?
- If the answers are all "no," you know that inner critic is speaking.
Step 2. Resist self-criticism
When you find yourself thinking negatively about yourself, confront and dispel this criticism. Prepare positive thoughts or mantras to fight them. Use the powers you recognized in the previous step.
- For example, if you find yourself telling yourself "I'm stupid," change this thought into a more pleasant statement, for example: "Even though I don't understand this topic, I'm good at other things and everything is fine."
- Remember your strengths: “Our talents are different. I have talent or expertise in another area and feel proud of it.”
- Tell your inner critic that the negative statement is not true. "Okay critique, I know you used to say I'm stupid, but that's not true. I have realized that I have good intelligence in important and specific matters.”
- Be kind to internal criticism. Remind and teach yourself because you are still learning to change your mind about yourself.
Step 3. Focus on self-acceptance before improving yourself
Self-acceptance means accepting yourself as you are in the moment. Self-improvement focuses on making the changes needed so that you can accept yourself in the future., Recognize aspects of yourself with a desire to appreciate each aspect as it is. After that, you can decide what aspects you need to improve.
For example, if you want to lose weight, start by making a self-acceptance statement about your current weight, for example: "Even though I want to lose weight, I'm still beautiful and feel good about who I am." After that, make positive statements that are useful for improving yourself. Instead of thinking, "My body shape is not ideal, I will feel more beautiful and happy if I have lost 10 kg", you can say, "I want to lose 10 kg to be healthier and more energetic."
Step 4. Change your expectations
You will be disappointed if you set unrealistic expectations for yourself. This makes it difficult for you to accept yourself. Therefore, adjust your expectations.
For example, if you say, "I'm so lazy that I haven't cleaned the kitchen today," change your expectations by saying, "I've prepared dinner for my family. Tomorrow morning, I will ask the children to help wash the dishes after breakfast.”
Part 3 of 4: Loving Yourself
Step 1. Know that you are worthy of love
It might sound weird or feel uncomfortable saying that you want to love yourself because it sounds like you're being selfish. However, self-love is the basis of self-acceptance because love means "sympathetic awareness of the distresses of others and the desire to overcome them". You yourself deserve the same understanding and kindness! The first step to loving yourself is acknowledging that you deserve respect. We tend to let the thoughts, feelings, opinions, and beliefs of others dictate our approval for ourselves. Instead of agreeing to someone else's decision, give approval to your own. Learn to acknowledge and approve of yourself without asking for it from others.
Step 2. Practice daily affirmations
Positive affirmation statements can provide courage and encouragement so that you are able to love yourself. By loving yourself, it will be easier for you to empathize and forgive yourself in the past so that you can overcome guilt and regret. Daily affirmations will also change the criticism from within slowly. Cultivate love every day by saying, writing, or thinking affirmations. Use the following examples of affirmations:
- I was able to overcome adversity because I was stronger than I thought.
- I'm fine, even if I'm not perfect and make mistakes.
- I am a good and wise girl.
- Take time to love. If you find it difficult to accept yourself, take time to be kind to yourself by cultivating love. Recognize that your judgment of yourself is suffering because it may be very negative. Remind yourself to always be kind and do self-affirmations.
- For example, if you're thinking, "My body shape isn't ideal because I'm fat," admit that this thought is unpleasant and say: "This thought is unpleasant and I wouldn't tell my friends because it makes me feel sad and worthless."
- Say something nice: “My body may not be perfect, but this healthy body is my own and allows me to do activities I love, like playing with children.”
Step 3. Learn to forgive
Learning to forgive yourself is a way of overcoming the guilt that is making it difficult for you to fully accept yourself right now. Don't judge the past based on unrealistic expectations. Forgiving yourself can remove shame and give you the opportunity to form a new perspective that is full of love and acceptance. Sometimes, inner self-criticism doesn't allow us to forgive what we experienced in the past.
- Sometimes, we are unkind to ourselves by harboring guilt. Pay close attention to whether you feel guilty. Try to evaluate whether there are external factors involved in this. Certain situations are sometimes out of our control, but we continue to harbor guilt. Evaluate whether the current situation is beyond your control and try to forgive.
- In order to forgive yourself, practicing letter writing can be an emotional and cognitive vehicle to start this process. Write a letter to yourself as a child or in the past in kind and loving words. Remind your young (self-critical) self that you have done something wrong. However, you know that you are not perfect and you can accept it. Mistakes can be valuable learning opportunities. Remind yourself that the way you acted or what you did at that time is what you knew at the time.
Step 4. Turn guilty thoughts into expressions of gratitude
Know that you can think about the past productively by learning from past mistakes. Be grateful for what you've learned and accept that making mistakes is a part of life. This way, guilt or shame won't stop you from accepting yourself in the present moment. Write down any sentences/guilt thoughts that are still there and turn them into expressions of gratitude. For example:
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Bad thoughts/self-criticism: I treated my family badly when I was in my 20s. I am very ashamed of my actions.
Expression of gratitude: I am grateful for what I learned from my attitude at that time because at this time, I was greatly helped in raising my children
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Bad thoughts/self-criticism: I've ruined my family for not being able to stop drinking.
Expressions of gratitude: I am grateful for being able to restore relationships and start a new life
Part 4 of 4: Getting Help
Step 1. Get in the habit of hanging out with people who are able to love others
Spending time with people who like to put others down can make it difficult for you to accept yourself. When people are always criticizing you, it becomes even more difficult to convince yourself that you have power. Make time to hang out with people who support and love you. They will give you the strength you need to accept yourself as you are.
Step 2. Consult a therapist
A therapist can help you get rid of thoughts that are making it difficult for you to accept yourself. It will help you revisit the past to find out why you think about yourself in certain ways. He can also train you to talk to yourself, give you instructions for self-affirmation, etc.
Step 3. Set boundaries and be firm when communicating with others
When you need to interact with critical or unsupportive people, set boundaries with them. Have them talk to let them know that their comments are unproductive and hurtful.
For example, if your boss is always criticizing your work, say, “I feel like I don't have enough support at work. I want to do well, but it's so hard to please you. How about we find the best solution for both of us.”
Tips
- The process of accepting yourself takes time. You need to change the way you talk to yourself. Be patient.
- Time is precious. Take time each day to keep trying with infinite patience and love for yourself.
- Pay attention to what other people say to you. Work on improving yourself, but don't completely change yourself. There is no one like you in this world.
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