Comparing yourself with others is a habit that is very difficult to break, especially with today's living conditions that always demand perfection. When measuring achievement and success, we can continue to raise the target. It's natural to compare ourselves to others, even if we end up feeling envious. However, don't focus on the wrong things by paying more attention to your flaws than your good. This can make it even more desperate and difficult for you to develop various aspects of your own life. In addition, the habit of comparing yourself with others tends to make you less appreciative, even difficult to accept yourself. Break this habit by understanding how you see yourself, making plans to build self-confidence, and changing your behavior to improve your perception of yourself.
Step
Part 1 of 5: Finding the Causes of Comparing Behavior
Step 1. Get to know the way you see yourself
The first step to changing the way you see yourself is to become aware of it. Otherwise, it's hard for you to accept that your perspective is problematic. Your commitment to change will be very supportive because changing your mindset is not an easy thing. However, once you realize that there are behaviors that need to be changed, this process will become much easier. Start by dividing this plan into a number of goals that you can achieve.
Step 2. Try to recognize your ability to respect yourself
Self-esteem can be explained as the result of a positive or negative evaluation of oneself. We have all experienced good times and bad times. How we feel about ourselves can change when we reflect on what happens on a daily basis. Self-esteem can also be interpreted as personality traits that are formed with age.
Do you consider yourself to be a very good person? Do you allow other people to control how you feel about yourself? If you depend on other people to determine your self-worth, this means that you have to work on something in order to be happy
Step 3. Try to identify comparing behavior
Comparing behavior is the habit of comparing oneself with others, whether one is in a higher or lower position. Usually, you will compare other people's positive or negative qualities with your own. Sometimes, comparing behavior in social life can be beneficial, but comparing negatively can damage self-esteem.
- An example of positive behavior is when you compare yourself to someone you admire. Instead of feeling jealous because other people have good qualities (such as being considerate), try to be a person who cares more about others.
- An example of negative behavior is when you compare yourself to someone who has what you want. For example, you envy someone who has a new car.
Step 4. Write down the thoughts or feelings that arise from comparing
Write down how you feel after comparing yourself to others. If you can, immediately jot down any thoughts or memories that arise at that time. This way, you can clearly remember what happened and it's easier to retell it in full.
Try to remember how you felt after comparing. Write down all the thoughts and feelings that arise. For example, you may experience depression because you are jealous of someone who has a new car, because you are still driving an old car that is 20 years old
Step 5. Try to figure out how it started until you get used to comparing
Try to remember a time when you didn't have the urge to compare yourself to others and start journaling from here. This way, you can remember again where this comparing behavior came from.
- For example, think back to when you were a child and haven't thought about comparing yourself to your sibling. After a while, you begin to notice that the urge to compare arises because you feel neglected. Starting from here, start digging deeper into the causes of your comparing behavior.
- The biggest difficulty in dealing with comparing behavior is realizing its negative impact on oneself. One of the best ways to change this negative behavior is to recognize and acknowledge how you feel when you compare yourself to others.
Part 2 of 5: Appreciate What You Have
Step 1. Focus on what you have
Once you realize that there is no point in comparing yourself to others, you will look for other measures of success. By growing and expressing gratitude for what you have, your attention that has been focused on others will turn to yourself.
Spend more time focusing on the positive and good things in your life. This way can raise awareness that there is a lot of good that you have if you no longer compare yourself to others
Step 2. Keep a gratitude journal
Through this journal, you can remind yourself of what you already have, look back at what you've been ignoring, and appreciate it. Try to remember the most beautiful memories you have ever experienced, such as activities you have done, places you have visited, hanging out with close friends, or anything that made you very happy. Start learning to be grateful for these things.
- The opportunity to achieve success will be even greater by keeping a gratitude journal. However, there is no point in just journaling without the motivation to be truly grateful. From now on, you should try to see what you've been ignoring and appreciate it. Make the decision to always be grateful and improve your life.
- Write thanks from the heart. Instead of just writing a few things in order, write a detailed description of some of the things you're grateful for.
- Write down surprises or unexpected events so you can relive this happy experience in the future.
- No need to keep a journal every day. Journaling several times a week is even better than writing it every day.
Step 3. Be kind to yourself
You will be more motivated to work hard and achieve even better by being kind and not blaming yourself.
Step 4. Recognize that you are in control of your own life
While it's hard to resist the urge to compare yourself to others, you are in control of your own life. The decisions you make will shape your life in some way. Therefore, make the best decisions for yourself, not for others.
Don't worry about what other people do or have because the most important thing in your life is yourself
Part 3 of 5: Eliminating or Changing the Comparison Mindset
Step 1. Understand the process for changing behavior and thought patterns
The Transtheoretical Model which discusses change says that we will pass through several stages towards awareness of certain situations. A person will go through a process that ends with the formation of a new behavior. This stage consists of:
- Precontemplation: at this stage, one is not ready to change. This is usually caused by the absence or lack of information about the situation.
- Contemplation: at this stage, a person has started to think about the need to change by considering the positive side, although he is also aware of the negative side of the change.
- Preparation: at this stage, a person has already made a decision to change and is starting to develop a plan to do so.
- Action: at this stage, a person actually changes his behavior, for example by reducing or doing certain activities.
- Habituation: at this stage, a person performs activities with a certain intensity to ensure that his behavior has changed and is permanent.
- Termination: at this stage, a person has successfully changed his behavior and never relapses again, even when he is experiencing stress, depression, anxiety, or other emotional disorders.
Step 2. Realize that idolizing someone is not realistic
By idolizing someone, we are actually focusing on a certain aspect of this person and creating a beautiful image of him or her. In addition, we only want to see the side we idolize and reject other characteristics that we don't like.
Step 3. Replace negative thoughts with positive thoughts
You will see yourself negatively when compared to others. If you have negative thoughts about yourself, try to change them with thoughts that make you feel proud of yourself.
For example, there is someone who is very good at writing. Instead of being jealous of his talent, try to find yours. Say to yourself, “I may not be the best writer, but I can draw well. Besides, if I want to develop myself in the field of writing, I will try to achieve it without being envious of other people's talents.”
Part 4 of 5: Achieving Goals
Step 1. Define goals
By achieving your goals, you can build your own life and experience the things you want without being influenced by what other people want. So, define your goals.
If you want to run a marathon, make this a goal. Start by recognizing your abilities, for example by estimating how much distance you can run while running before starting to train
Step 2. Record the progress you have made
After setting goals, record your progress so you can measure how far you've come. This method will make you focus on yourself, not on others.
- Adjust speed. Consider the situations you will have to face when measuring your progress. For example, if you have to finish college later than most of your friends, consider considering that you'll also have to work full time, perhaps taking care of your family, or taking care of your aging parents. Everyone will experience certain situations that can either support or hinder progress. Consider your own circumstances when recording your progress.
- If you're training for a marathon, keep track of how much progress you can make each week. Try to run further each week until you can reach a distance of 42 km. As the distance gets further, increase your speed as well. By creating a progress chart, you can see how far and how far you still have to run.
Step 3. Develop skills
If there's a specific area you'd like to develop, take courses, seminars or trainings to hone your skills and techniques. In addition to increasing self-confidence, you can recognize your own limitations and strengths.
Know that thinking about perfection is not a useful mindset because it relies on unrealistic desires as targets for achievement. Realize that everyone faces a completely different situation. Work on improving your skills so that you can make yourself happy
Step 4. Compete with yourself
Many accomplished athletes and seasoned actors say they are competing with themselves. They are always trying to improve what is the best of themselves. You can also use this method to increase your self-esteem by reaching higher and higher goals. When an athlete succeeds in becoming a champion in his field, he will be motivated to set new targets for himself, demand himself to run faster, and hone his skills.
Step 5. Measure capabilities against your own standards
You will stop comparing yourself to others if you can use your own standards to measure your abilities. This will eliminate the feeling of competition because other people's expectations are not yours. By recognizing the ability to create the life you want, you can control the outcome. Measure your abilities by your own standards, not those of others.
Step 6. Respect others and don't be jealous
Think about what kindness other people can do for you. If your friend is very accomplished, try to see that there are many friends nearby who can help you become more successful in the future. Use other people's success for your own good, instead of feeling jealous.
For example, you see a photo of an athlete and admire his fitness. Instead of feeling inferior and envious, use this image as a source of motivation to change yourself, for example by improving your diet and exercising more. This way, you can use this photo productively instead of negatively
Step 7. Take risks
You'll feel free to take additional small risks if you're able to judge your abilities by your own standards. This risk allows you to set higher goals for yourself. Many people fail to achieve their best because they are afraid to take risks. They are trapped in fear and fail to reach higher desires.
Start with small steps that can build confidence in your abilities
Step 8. Build a support network
Your perception of yourself will improve if you are surrounded by supportive people.
Step 9. Be your own coach
Good coaches use a variety of ways to teach. There are always shouting and condescending players. Coaches who demand high performance will force their athletes to run faster, jump higher, or swim a few extra laps, but judge it with love and support. A coach who teaches with love is someone who is able to form a fully balanced human being.
Think of yourself as a coach pushing yourself to the highest possible level. Give love and appreciation for your efforts so that you can achieve the goals you have set by increasing your self-esteem, not by destroying it
Part 5 of 5: Using Media Responsibly
Step 1. Reduce viewing media and access social media
If the things that are displayed in the media seem too ideal and have a negative impact on your self-esteem, don't look at the media too often and access social media. Limit time or no longer access social media by deleting or deactivating your account.
If you don't want to deactivate or delete your Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram account, limit the time you check your account daily or weekly. For example, you may only access your account for 10 minutes a day or 30 minutes a week. But beware, you can compare with negative thinking even if only for a moment
Step 2. Avoid media that displays images that are too ideal
Limit time to browsing fashion magazines, TV shows about celebrity life, certain movies and music, etc. If you often compare yourself to certain models or athletes, don't read magazines, watch shows, or play games that feature them.
Seeing media that displays images of the ideal for a moment has been proven to have a negative impact on one's self-esteem and self-image. This can even make you always think negatively and experience symptoms of depression
Step 3. Start thinking realistically
Images of people who seem ideal in the media can be hard to avoid, so be careful when you compare yourself to them. Try to think realistically about people or things that seem perfect.
- For example, if you envy your friend's perfect relationship with her partner, remember how difficult it was for her to find such a partner and the challenges she had to face. Empathy can replace envy.
- If someone has the body, car, or life you want, think about and write down what you can do to achieve this goal.
Step 4. Use social media in a positive way
Look for ways to use social media that can enrich your life. Go to pages that are educational, informative, or inspiring. If you want to be successful, open an entrepreneur account. If you want to have a better physical condition, check out articles on fitness and healthy eating. If you want to improve your mindset and personality, try accessing sites about the brain and accounts related to psychology.
Tips
- Don't be afraid to prioritize and care for yourself. If you tend to comply with other people's wishes, stop being a person who always wants to please others and don't sacrifice yourself for the sake of others.
- Many people have a bad habit of comparing themselves. This behavior is difficult to change and takes a long time. Do not give up.
Warning
- Don't let others compare you to someone.
- Do not stress or worry too much because this emotional state can negatively affect self-esteem.
Related article
- How To Be Yourself
- How to Be a Happy Person
- How to Release Anger
