Is your partner angry? Don't worry, there are two things you can do to calm him down; first, he needs to feel the emotional support in your tone and words; second, he also needs to feel safe and protected through the physical support you provide. If you are able to combine the two things above, surely your partner will feel much better in no time!
Step
Part 1 of 2: Calming Her Verbally
Step 1. Ask what the problem is
Whatever your opinion regarding the problem he is facing, don't share it right away. Let him vent all his anger and annoyance on you; every now and then, nod your head and make brief comments if needed. If he doesn't want to talk to you about his problems, don't force him either. Remember, some women don't like to talk about things that upset them. If that's the case, simply let him know that you care about him and let him cry in your presence.
- "How do you feel?"
- "Is something bothering you lately?"
- "You look upset. What's wrong?"
- "I'm ready to listen if you need a friend to talk to."
Step 2. Be supportive and don't underestimate the problem
You don't have to agree with him, but reassure him that you will always be by his side even if your views differ. Take your partner to a private place, and tell them that they can cry as much as they want there.
- "I know you must be very upset right now. I'm sorry to see you like this."
- "I can't imagine how you feel. It must be really hard, huh?"
- "I'm sorry to see you like this. Let me know if there's anything I can help you with, okay?"
Step 3. Acknowledge the problem and express how you feel about it
Show that you are able to understand the problem; even such a simple act was enough to make him grateful. Make sure you provide a clear and concise response.
- "I'm sorry to hear that your mother is sick."
- "I'm sorry you didn't get that promotion. I know you really deserved it."
- "He's a good friend. I'm annoyed that he suddenly moved."
Step 4. Don't give advice
Usually, resentment comes when your partner realizes that there are no easy solutions; so don't try to give him advice. He's likely to have thought of these solutions before, and your advice will remind him that the problem is very serious and there are few solutions. Instead, tell him:
- "This situation must be very tough for you."
- "I wish I knew the solution, the important thing is that you know that I will always be here."
- "What do you think next?"
- "What are you going to do about it?"
Step 5. Empathize and validate the emotion
This method may sound difficult; but as long as you don't intervene, it will help him understand and control his emotions. Encourage your partner to open up by trying to put your shoes on his feet. That way, you can also help him label the emotions he's feeling:
- "I know you really want the job. I would be devastated if I were in your position."
- "You have every right to be sad; I would feel sad too if I were in your position."
- "I know you're very angry right now. I understand how you feel and the trouble you're going through."
Step 6. Keep your positivity
While showing your support, keep reminding him that his condition will definitely improve. When he asks for advice, make sure you don't give a negative response. Contribute positive energy in your every word; surely, sooner or later his condition will improve.
- "Let out all your complaints. No matter how bad the problem you are going through, you know that all these problems will pass."
- "Let's remember the good times! Do you remember when…"
- "I know this situation is really annoying right now. But don't worry, I'm not going anywhere until things really get better."
Step 7. Don't underestimate or oversimplify the problem
Remember, you are not a magician who can fix things in the blink of an eye. Your job is to support it, not fix things. Comments like, “That's not a big deal” or “I've had that too” give an indication that you're not taking the complaint seriously. Things not to say include:
- "That job is not suitable for someone as smart as you. You deserve another better job." Remember, if your partner is angry, it's a sign that he believes the job is worth it.
- "I really know how you feel." Everyone has unique problems. You can't really know his feelings; therefore, do not say such clichés. He'll know you're just making small talk.
- "You're a strong woman. I know you'll be fine". Sometimes, people just need to be reassured that they aren't that strong, and that's okay. Don't make her think she can't possibly feel down.
- "I know your problem sucks. Eh, I already told you that at that time I……". Focus on the problem, not your personal problems in the past. Don't try to shift the subject of the conversation to personal things about you.
Part 2 of 2: Calming Him Physically
Step 1. Be patient while he's trying to process his feelings
That doesn't mean you have to be passive! But make sure you know when to wait, and when to act. If your partner takes a long time to process his feelings, be patient. Observe the flow of the conversation to know when it's time to respond and take action; make sure you diligently ask if he is ready to tell the problem or not.
Leave him only if he asks for it. Even if your partner looks very angry or upset, stay by his side until he calms down.
Step 2. Use physical touch to calm her down
Even a gentle touch can make a big difference! Physical touch will encourage the release of the hormone oxytocin in the partner; This hormone is able to increase trust, intimacy, and attachment in your partner. If you're holding her hand, lightly touch your thumb against her knuckles, or rub the joints of the fingers on the back of her hand. Wrapping an arm around his shoulder or rubbing his back can also have the same effect.
Hand in hand is a powerful stress buster. This simple action can increase a sense of security and trust, as well as reduce levels of the hormone cortisol (a stress hormone) in the partner's body
Step 3. Hug your partner
Hug your partner warmly or pat their back gently to calm them down before you start talking. Remember, you want to calm him down; so make sure the hugs you give him are able to make him feel safe and protected.
Naturally, hugs and physical touch are a very powerful way to provide a sense of security to humans
Step 4. Don't force her to do something she doesn't want to do
A light touch or a warm hug is enough to calm your partner. After all, if he wants to kiss you, he will.
Step 5. Take him on a trip
Take your partner to places he's never been or surprise him with sweet acts. When he's angry, he probably doesn't want to meet a lot of people. Therefore, invite him to travel alone and do activities that can take his mind off the pressing problems.
- Take him on a picnic together.
- Take her to the spa for a relaxing massage.
- Invite him to watch funny movies.
- Take him for a walk.
Tips
- Don't force him to do things he doesn't want to do. If he doesn't want to talk yet, be patient.
- Once the anger has subsided, show your concern by doing things that completely relieve the stress; for example, fill a bathtub with warm water, put a few drops of aromatherapy oil, and have your partner soak in it. While she's bathing, go buy her favorite chocolate. These actions will show how much care and concern you have for him.
- If you can't help him, offer to share his problems with his friends. Offer to drop her off at her best friend's house, and come back to pick her up when she's feeling better.
- Throw a romantic seduction and kiss your partner.
Warning
- Be careful in choosing jokes. Of course you can make jokes to lighten the mood; but be careful. Although he will appreciate your efforts, your goals will not necessarily be achieved. It could be that your joke is not funny or even inappropriate in the situation.
- Most women need time to be alone when they are angry. If your partner seems to want to be alone (or if he's telling you directly), step back and give him the distance he needs. But don't “go” too far either; there's a good chance he'll change his mind and ask you to come back with him.
