Are you easily provoked by anger? Have you ever cursed, kicked things, and used such harsh words that those around you quickly fled? Do you suddenly feel angry when you're stuck in traffic, hear bad news, or just hear something you don't like? If so, try to find ways to manage your anger and don't let it control your life. Controlling chronic anger habits is not easy and takes time. This article will explain some tips to help you deal with your anger, starting with calming yourself down, changing your outlook, and leading a calmer life.
Part 1 of 3: Calming Yourself When You're Angry
Step 1. Go outside for a walk
You can calm yourself and think more clearly by distancing yourself from the source of the problem that is causing your anger. It would be great if you could leave the room and enjoy the natural scenery. Walking can quickly dispel negative energy and free you from anger. If the argument escalates, there's nothing wrong with saying, "I'm just going out for a walk."
Be aware that a problem usually doesn't have to be addressed right away. You can leave your room or house to cool off before responding to someone
Step 2. Control your initial impulses
If you tend to get angry quickly, such as wanting to kick a car, punch a wall, or yell at someone, it's possible that this behavior stemmed from a bad initial impulse. Instead of simply acting on this initial impulse, try asking yourself if the action you want to take is really good and worthwhile. Try to figure out how you should act and what can help you stay calm.
Initial impulses that usually appear immediately may be rude, destructive, and very unreasonable. Don't make things worse by simply giving in to these impulses
Step 3. Try dancing
Maybe you don't want to dance when you're really angry. Therefore, you should start trying it. If you start to feel trapped in your anger, put on your favorite music and start dancing along to the song. This will divert your harmful impulses through external stimuli.
If this really helped you, pick a song that you feel most comfortable dancing to and play it whenever you feel pressured to hold on to your anger
Step 4. Practice deep breathing techniques
Start by sitting up straight in a chair. Inhale deeply through your nose for a count of 6 then exhale slowly for a count of 8-9. After that, breathe normally again and repeat this breathing technique 10 times.
Try to focus solely on the breath while trying to free your mind of anything that might be making you angry
Step 5. Count down from fifty
Counting down aloud or in a whisper can instantly calm you down in less than a minute. Let your body relax during the count so that you only have to think about the numbers to say. You'll be free from stress and more clear-headed by focusing on this easy, concrete task.
If you're still angry, repeat this exercise or start at 100
Step 6. Meditate
Meditation can help you control your emotions. Therefore, when you start to lose control of your behavior, give yourself a mental vacation by meditating. Free yourself from situations that make you angry, such as going to the yard, going to the bathroom, or meditating.
- Take a deep breath slowly. By breathing like this, the rhythm of the faster heartbeat will calm down. Breathe in deep enough to allow your stomach to expand each time you inhale.
- As you inhale, calm your mind while imagining a golden white light filling your entire body. As you exhale, imagine black smoke coming out of your body.
- Even if you're not angry, the habit of meditating every morning will give you peace of mind.
Step 7. Imagine a scene that brings peace
Close your eyes and imagine the place you love most in the world, maybe the beach where you used to go on vacation as a child or a lake with a beautiful view that you remember from when you were a teenager. You may imagine a place you've never been, a forest, a flower field, or a snow-capped mountain. Choose a quiet and peaceful place to be able to normalize your breathing rhythm again.
Focus on every little detail. The more detailed your imagining, the easier it will be for you to withdraw from thoughts of anger
Step 8. Enjoy relaxing music
Taking a break while listening to your favorite singer's voice will give you peace of mind and improve your mood. It's been proven that music can give you a certain feeling when you hear it and relive past memories. This method can calm an angry or upset person even if he doesn't know why he's upset. Classical music and jazz can be very relaxing, but try to find the music that works best for you.
Step 9. Get in the habit of positive thinking
You can reduce your anger by focusing more on positive thoughts. Close your eyes, banish any negative thoughts that arise, and think of three positive things.
- These positive thoughts can come from the problem you are worrying about or something else you are waiting for or anything that brings you joy.
- Some examples of positive thoughts for example:
- All this will pass.
- I'm strong enough to face this situation.
- Challenging problems are opportunities for growth.
- I will not continue to be angry because this feeling is only temporary.
Part 2 of 3: Adjusting Perspective
Step 1. Perform cognitive restructuring
Doing cognitive restructuring means changing the way you think about something. It's easier to focus on the things that make you angry in such a way that you start to believe things that don't make sense, such as the thought that your whole life is bad. Cognitive restructuring encourages you to think rationally and positively so that the way you view life becomes more positive.
- For example, you might think “whatever happens to me is always bad”. However, if you can think rationally about what's going on, you'll probably realize that there's always good and bad going on: a car tire suddenly goes flat, you find a coin on the floor, you have a job problem, or you get a surprise gift from a friend. and all these happenings you experience in one day. This is what is said to be a combination of good and bad. If you can focus on the good things more often, your life will feel better.
- Another example of replacing negative thoughts with positive thoughts, for example by changing the statement "It's always been like this. I can't take it anymore!" to "This has happened many times and I've worked it out before. I can definitely sort this out well".
Step 2. Record your anger in a journal
Write down in detail the anger you feel. At a certain time or when something happens that you can't control your emotions, take notes. Make sure you record exactly how you felt, what made you angry, where you were at the time, how you reacted, and how you felt afterwards.
After you've kept your journal for a while, start looking for similarities in each of your notes to identify the people, places, or things that triggered your anger
Step 3. Try to deal with the things that make you angry
In addition to learning to calm yourself down when you're angry, try to understand your anger habits by identifying your triggers and working to reduce your angry response. Many people say that they can reduce this emotional response by identifying the triggers for their anger and finding out what causes them to become angry easily.
Step 4. Have positive communication
Maybe you're the one who gets angrier yourself by saying what comes to your mind, which inflames your emotions, makes the other person angry too, and ends up causing problems that look and feel worse than they really are. If something is making you angry, think for a moment what the real source of your anger is and then say how you really feel.
One way to communicate positively is to express anger assertively. Instead of expressing your anger passively (getting angry without saying it) or aggressively (getting angry too much), try to communicate assertively. In order to be assertive in expressing anger, provide supporting facts (don't overdo it because of emotions) to convey requests (not just wishes) to the other person in an attitude of mutual respect. Communicate clearly and express your feelings well so that each other's wishes can be fulfilled
Step 5. Know when to ask for help
Many people can handle their anger on their own. However, you should seek professional help if your anger is characterized by any of the following:
- Unimportant things can make you very angry.
- When you are angry, you display aggressive behavior, such as yelling, screaming, or hitting.
- Chronic anger because it occurs over and over again.
Step 6. Follow an exercise program to manage anger
This program has proven to be very successful. This exercise can really help you understand anger, determine short-term strategies for dealing with anger, and build emotional control skills. There are many options available so you can choose the program that is most appropriate for you.
- You can search for programs in your community by age group, occupation, or problem at hand.
- Try looking for anger management programs at the nearest counseling center or search the internet for information. You can also look for programs that are specifically designed for teens or for dealing with post-traumatic stress disorder. Try to find a program according to the problem you are facing.
- You can also consult a doctor or therapist to ask about the most appropriate program. In addition, you can find information about self-development courses in your local community.
Step 7. Find the right therapist
The best way for you to feel calm is to identify and address the cause of your anger problem. A therapist can teach relaxation techniques to deal with situations that cause anger. He can also provide training to develop the ability to control emotions and communicate. In addition, a psychoanalyst who specializes in treating past problems (such as neglect or childhood abuse) can reduce attachment to unpleasant events that tend to cause anger.
You can search the internet for information about a therapist or counselor who can help you manage your anger. If you live in North America please click here and if you live in the United Kingdom please click here
Part 3 of 3: Living a Quieter Life
Step 1. Create a positive environment for yourself
Try to find positive things in your life, for example by lighting aromatherapy candles, planting flowers in pots, or looking at photos of your friends and family. Happiness will arise if your life is filled with positive things. Keep your workspace and home tidy, comfortable, bright, and enough sunlight so that you always feel positive and not stressed during your daily activities.
The tidier your room is, the easier it will be for you to complete tasks. The tendency to get angry will be reduced if you can find what you need easily
Step 2. Make time to do the things you enjoy
One of the reasons you get angry easily is because you feel like you never have enough time for yourself and have to finish a pile of work that you don't like. So, if you enjoy painting, reading, or cooking, set aside time by putting together a daily or weekly schedule so you can do it. Spending enough time doing things you enjoy will reduce your tendency to get angry.
If there's nothing you really enjoy doing or that makes you happy, try to find ways that can give you peace of mind
Step 3. Adopt a balanced diet
Many people are familiar with what it feels like to be “hungry and angry”. Prevent this feeling by getting used to eating healthy foods that are sufficient in protein, fruits, and vegetables. In addition to not having to endure hunger, this method will prevent a drastic drop in blood sugar levels. Get used to a healthy breakfast so you are ready to do activities throughout the day.
Step 4. Get used to sleep 7-8 hours a night
You need to get enough sleep each night to stay strong physically and emotionally. Lack of sleep can cause many health problems including the inability to control emotions properly. By getting enough sleep, you can stay calm if you have to deal with a stressful problem.
If you have trouble sleeping, try talking to your doctor about your diet or lifestyle changes to improve the quality of your sleep. Maybe your doctor will prescribe sleeping pills for you, if necessary
Step 5. Laugh as much as possible
It can be hard to laugh when you're really angry. But smiling and laughing has been proven to give you a little joy even when you're angry. In addition, laughter will also change the chemical processes in the body so that it can relieve anger. By laughing more each day, you'll be able to act less serious and find it easier to find humor when you're in a bad situation.
Read funny stories. If you feel better, invite your friends to laugh together, for example by watching a comedy movie together
- Reading books. Reading a book can bring peace of mind, especially if you are trying hard to understand what you are reading.
- Take a nap so that your anger can disappear and immediately free your mind from anger.
If you feel you can't control your anger or if your thoughts and actions become violent, seek counseling as soon as possible
- How to Calm Down
- How to Release Anger