When children are angry, it is sometimes difficult to calm them down. If your kids are constantly upset, you will feel depressed too. They can also get into trouble, both at school and elsewhere. Whether you're a parent of a child who is often upset or angry, or just parenting someone else's child, there are some simple techniques you can use to calm an angry child and relieve high-intensity emotions.
Step
Part 1 of 3: Talking to Children
Step 1. Ask him what's wrong
This is an important step if you don't know exactly what is upsetting the child. Even if you know it, it's a good idea for him to still explain how he's feeling in his own words. By showing or expressing his feelings, he can process his emotions and develop emotional awareness.
- Naming can talk about the emotions he is feeling can help him identify those emotions more clearly later on.
- For children who are still unable to express their feelings clearly, parents can help emphasize or reflect these feelings by saying, for example, “You feel angry”, “You feel upset”, “You feel hurt”. Then, the child can respond by confirming or denying it. In this way, parents can teach their children to recognize and properly name the emotions that may arise so that children can identify and name their emotions correctly.
Step 2. Accept that the emotions are real
It is important for parents to 'reflect' their child's feelings, especially in the early stages of life. By accepting the emotions your child is feeling, you help him develop confidence and self-esteem.
- For example, if he's angry, you could say, “I know you're angry right now. I know what it's like when you're angry, and it's okay if you feel angry."
- If he's too young and can't explain how he's feeling, being around him and watching what he's doing can be a good reflection.
Step 3. Try to be a good listener
Listening to what your child has to say is one of the best ways to encourage him to listen to what you have to say again. In addition, it also makes him feel understood and appreciated. Try following these steps to become a good listener:
- Try to be there for him. Build an open relationship that allows your child to talk to you whenever he feels the need to talk. This can be done by encouraging him and asking him to keep talking when he talks about what is going on in his life.
- Reflect on what he said. When he talks about his feelings, repeat what he said and ask him if your understanding is correct.
- Try not to jump to conclusions. If your child does something wrong, let him explain what he did before you respond. Ask him if he has finished explaining before you give a response or explanation.
Step 4. Stay firm
You need to acknowledge and accept your child's feelings. However, it is important that you remain consistent and assertive in your response to high emotional outbursts.
This can make him feel calm (stable) and organized when he has to deal with the outside world which, at times, is terrifying
Step 5. Describe the decision you made
When you set boundaries or prevent your child from doing something, it's a good idea to explain to him why you made the decision or prevent it. This can be a reflection for the child to make good decisions, and create a sense of more respect between you and your child.
- Involving children in the decision-making process is a great way to introduce them to personal responsibility and clear thinking. Make sure you adapt the decisions you make to your age and the situation at hand.
- Make sure the final decision remains made by your consent. Authoritative parenting is generally considered the best approach. This kind of parenting involves flexibility in decision-making, without giving the child too much authority.
Part 2 of 3: Taking Action to Calm Children
Step 1. Watch for signs of anger or irritation in your child
It's important to be aware of the signs of annoyance or anger in your child so you can help him relate his emotions to verbal or physical cues. This way, he'll notice when he's starting to get annoyed. Annoyance or anger can be expressed verbally or through physical actions. There are several signs to watch out for, such as:
- Clenched hands.
- A tense body or a strong effort to calm down.
- Angry facial expression.
- Verbal emotional outbursts, such as shouting or cursing.
Step 2. Make sure basic needs are met
One of the simplest ways to deal with an angry or upset child is to make sure his basic needs are met. Below are some of the basic needs that most children need:
- Physical needs such as absence of hunger, cold, or fatigue.
- Attention. Children need the care and attention of their caregivers and those around them. Read him a book or play a game together.
- Stimulation. Children need new stimulation in order to thrive. New toys, friends, and activities can prevent emotional problems in children.
- Feeling safe and comfortable. If your household is in a chaotic situation, chances are your child will exhibit bad behavior because of his or her insecurities.
Step 3. Laugh with him
Laughter is a fun way to relieve tension and release heavy emotions once your child has calmed down. Do something that makes him laugh. Make sure he doesn't immediately think you're laughing at him, and make sure you defuse the tension at the right time (not, for example, in the middle of a big argument). There are a few things you can try to do:
- Telling jokes.
- Watch a funny television show or read a funny book together.
- Shows funny facial expressions. This is most effective for young children.
Step 4. Calm your child with physical attention
Touch has been known to calm tension, especially when it is given by someone the child loves and trusts. Hugs and hugs can release the hormone oxytocin in the body which is a hormone that encourages intimacy. This hormone can reduce stress levels and increase positive feelings. If your child is feeling irritated or bored, give him physical touch or attention to make him feel better. This is also done to show him that you are a 'source' of comfort he can trust.
Make sure the physical attention shown doesn't necessarily make him feel constrained because restraint can increase feelings of powerlessness. Restraints also teach the child that he does not need to control his behavior because someone else will control or adjust to his behavior
Step 5. Keep the child away from the environment that triggers his annoyance or anger
Stressful situations can cause emotional turmoil in both adults and children. Sometimes, the most effective approach is to keep the child away from the source of the stress. For example, if he throws a tantrum because he wants something while shopping at the store, take your child and leave the store as soon as possible. You can deal with its behavior after that. The first step that needs to be taken (if possible) is to reduce the intensity of the situation that triggers the annoyance. This can help make it easier for all parties involved.
Step 6. Handle physical aggression appropriately
It's not uncommon for children to show physical aggression to try and get what they want. If your child tends to be violent (physically), try diverting his energy into other forms of expressing emotion. Give him a gift if he tells you what he thinks is wrong or draws a picture that reflects his anger rather than being rude. Physically expressing anger is a form of communication that some children find effective. Therefore, make sure you don't reinforce this behavior by going along with it or allowing it to behave violently without accepting the consequences.
- Don't forget to take care of your own safety. Calm the child when he is being rude. Take steps to prevent injury. If he tries to bite, put on gloves and hold him back so he can't bite you. At this point, you can try to calm him down with a touch, while trying to talk to him.
- Nor should you respond to it with physical aggression. This can show him that physical aggression is an effective way to communicate and get what he wants.
- Contact a therapist who specializes in children if your child is often physically aggressive and behaves violently.
Step 7. Be aware of things that trigger annoyance or anger in children
You can often guess when your child will be angry or upset. Pay close attention to the 'difficult' times he has to go through, such as before going to bed or when he needs to do homework. Make sure you are more sensitive and aware of how your child is feeling at these times. You don't need to give a reason, but it's a good idea to stay aware of the times that trigger the emergence of higher stress.
Prepare ahead of time if your child often has trouble handling or exhibiting certain behaviors. Make a plan for how you will respond to your child so you don't have to make sudden, unprepared decisions
Step 8. Demonstrate good behavior reinforcement
It will be more effective to reinforce behavior or good things done by children than to punish bad behavior. You can't always avoid punishment, but if possible, wait for your child to do something right and encourage him to continue to behave like that. There are several ways to reward good behavior:
- Use nonverbal communication. Head nods, smiles, and hugs are effective forms of nonverbal communication to reinforce good behavior and improve the quality of your relationship with your child, without spending money.
- Give more positive attention.
- Give more specific verbal compliments. If your child does well on the exam, tell him "I'm proud of you for doing well on the exam."
Step 9. Teach your child some ways to self-soothe
It's a good idea to show your child how to calm himself down when he's angry or upset. Self-soothing skills can make it easier for you and encourage him to be able to manage his emotions early on so he won't have emotional problems later on. There are a few things you can teach him:
- Before going to bed, ask him to cover himself with a blanket. The sensation of wrapping a blanket is useful to make him feel calmer so he can rest better.
- Provide drawing, painting, or coloring tools. These tools can help her focus on something else (and not focus on her annoyance). In addition, activities such as drawing or coloring can be a good outlet for emotions.
- Teach him the deep breathing techniques you use. You can make deep breathing more enjoyable by exaggerating the movement of your body as you breathe.
- Have an item that calms him down or his favorite toy (eg a doll) that he can hold or hug when he's upset. If he's scared of being away from home, you can give him some kind of 'reminder' that he'll feel safe. He can carry it in his trouser pocket making it easier for him to hold or view the reminder when he is feeling sad or anxious.
Part 3 of 3: Keeping Yourself Calm
Step 1. Watch your own behavior
One of the first and most important steps in calming your child is keeping yourself calm. It will be more difficult to calm your child down if you are upset yourself. Children look to you as an adult to see how they should behave. If you overreact, your children will react the same way. Watch out for behaviors, especially dangerous ones, such as cursing or yelling. These behaviors teach children that raising one's voice is an effective way to deal with emotions and communicate with others.
Step 2. Breathe deeply
When things get messy, don't forget to take a deep breath. Step away from the chaos and take a deep breath. It's also a good idea to count your breaths or focus on the sensations your body feels when you breathe in (eg the sensation of air going in and out of your nostrils). Such simple actions can make it easier for you to deal with stressful situations.
Step 3. Look for deeper reasons
Children don't necessarily behave badly for no reason. The reasons range from being hungry to not being able to go somewhere with friends. By understanding why, you can refrain from taking action right away. In addition, you can also make a plan of action for the future and not feel too confused.
It's a good idea to wait for the problem to subside before starting to reflect on your child's reasons. Make sure you consider and pay attention to how he feels
Step 4. Ask for help
If you start to feel overwhelmed, or start to lose control, ask your partner or someone you trust to help you. Maybe you need help when you prepare breakfast, while your spouse or partner helps prepare the kids for school. Whatever the case, don't be shy about asking for help.
Accept it when the help you get isn't perfect or to your liking. Sometimes imperfect help is better than no help at all. For example, if you're concerned that your partner is feeding your child a low-nutrient diet, consider that an acceptable compromise for the time being (to keep things from getting worse)
Step 5. Take time for yourself
Everyone needs time to themselves (eg to rest or pamper themselves). If you're feeling pressured when parenting or caring for a child, try making a schedule to entertain and please yourself. Hire a babysitter or ask a friend to look after your child for a few hours. In addition, there are several things you can do to recharge and refresh your mind:
- Go on a date. You can date your partner or other people (if you are single).
- Watch movies with friends.
- Go to the spa. Indulge in relaxation and self-care.
Tips
- Make safety your priority. Don't just teach children lessons or involve them in the parenting process if their emotions are still too high and the situation is too chaotic.
- If you feel that your child's emotions are too difficult to control, discuss your concerns with another parent or even a psychologist.
Warning
- Avoid reinforcing negative behaviors. If he rages because he wants something, don't go along with it.
- If your child does something that has the potential to cause an accident or harm, stop your child immediately.
