Communication is hard work. Therefore, communication is the key to a healthy relationship. If you want to communicate better in a relationship, you not only need to know how to express your opinion, but you also need to be able to “really” listen to your partner. If you want to understand how to communicate better in a relationship, follow these steps.
Step
Method 1 of 3: Expressing Opinions
Step 1. Learn to speak your mind
We've heard jokes about what he means by what he says – when he says “this,” he means “that” – or, “what he really wants to tell you is…” Jokes like that are funny jokes because they are often really happened. Sometimes we expect our partners to understand our hidden intentions, but expecting or relying on them is neither fair nor effective. Instead, you need to express your opinion directly.
- When you express your opinion, provide a solid example of what you mean to make your opinion more reasonable. Don't say, "I feel like you're not doing your homework in this house…" Instead, say, "I've had to do the dishes every night for the past two weeks…"
- Speak slowly so your partner can understand what you mean. Don't let out your anger right away or your partner won't be able to follow your logic.
- Remember that there is no reward for talking at length. Get the point across, and "don't" keep talking until your partner is overwhelmed.
- Expressing your opinion directly can eliminate resentment and confusion about your goals. Instead of offering another option for your boyfriend to take you to a party, honestly say that you don't want to meet a lot of people after you've had a tough week at work, followed by something like, "I'm sorry, I'm not in the mood to party tonight. this."
Step 2. “Use the statement “I
Don't start an argument by accusing your partner of doing something wrong. If you say, “You always…” or “You never…” then your partner will defend himself and he will likely not listen to your point of view. Use sentences like, “I realized that…” or “Recently, I feel…” Keeping the conversation focused on your feelings will make your partner feel less condemned and make him feel like he's in a productive discussion.
- Even saying, "Lately, I feel a little forgotten" sounds a lot better than "You've forgotten me."
- While you'll end up saying the same thing using an "I" statement, this subtle delivery will make your partner less defensive and more likely to communicate more openly.
Step 3. Try to be as patient as possible
While you may not be very patient when you and your partner are having heated discussions, the more patient you are, the easier it will be for you to express your feelings. So, if you feel angry in the middle of a conversation, or even angry "before" you talk about a problem, try taking deep breaths until you feel patient enough to start a productive discussion.
- Speak in a slow, even tone to get your thoughts out.
- Don't interrupt your partner. This will only make him angrier.
- Take a deep breath. Don't get hysterical in the middle of an argument.
Step 4. Maintain positive body language
Positive body language can help set a positive tone in the discussion. Look into your partner's eyes and turn your body in front of him. You can use your arm as a cue, but don't move it so wide that you start to lose control. Don't cross your arms in front of your chest or your partner will feel that you are already covered in what he or she is going to say.
Don't hold things around you restlessly, unless this helps you release tense energy
Step 5. Express your opinion with confidence
This doesn't mean you need to discuss with your partner as if you were walking into a meeting room. Don't walk into the room, shake hands with your partner, and express your opinion. All you have to do is, show confidence by speaking as comfortably as possible. Smile constantly, speak carefully, and don't hesitate, don't ask too many questions, and don't express your opinion in an unconvincing way. If your partner doubts your commitment to your feelings, he won't take you seriously.
The more confident you are, the less likely you will be frightened or exhausted. This will help you to express your opinion
Step 6. Make a plan before you start
This is very important. Don't jump into an argument when you least expect it, and just tell him how many mistakes he's made. Even if you are sad or hurt for various reasons, it is very important to focus on the main thing you want to say, and think about what goals you want to generate from the conversation between you and your partner; If your goal is simply to make your partner feel bad about what he or she has done, maybe you should think twice before you start.
- Part of your plan is "when" to discuss with your partner. Bringing up rational arguments at inopportune times, such as at a family picnic or in the middle of an important sporting event on TV, can leave the whole point of your conversation empty and hollow.
- Think of a specific example you will use to express your opinion. For example, you want your partner to be a good listener. Can you think of two or three times your partner didn't listen to you and it hurt you? Don't slam him with negative criticism, but use solid evidence to get the attention you need.
- Keep your goals in mind – showing your partner why you are hurting, to discuss important conflicts and to find a middle ground that will make you and your partner happy, or to discuss how you can deal with stress as a couple. Always keeping your goal in mind will enable you to think straight.
Method 2 of 3: Listening to Your Partner
Step 1. Position yourself as your partner
Use the power of imagination to be able to see your partner's point of view on the current situation. Be aware that there may be some factors that you are not aware of. When he's talking, putting yourself in his shoes can help you understand why your behavior, or the current situation, can frustrate him. When you are angry or sad, it can be difficult to see the argument from a different angle, but this can help you reach a resolution more quickly.
- Empathy can always help solve problems in your relationship. Emphasizing that you are trying to understand your partner by saying, “I understand you must be feeling down because…” or “I understand you had a tough week at work…” can make your partner feel heard by you.
- Putting yourself in your partner's shoes can help you understand his feelings and let him know that you understand his struggles.
Step 2. Give your partner the freedom to work through the conflict within himself
While it may feel good to be able to talk about all the things that frustrate you, sometimes your partner is still looking for solutions to his thoughts and feelings, and he needs some alone time. Giving him space and time to self-reflect can prevent him from arguing and saying something he will regret. There is a fine line between inviting your partner to talk and forcing your partner to speak before he or she is ready.
Just saying, "I'll always be there if you need to talk," can make your partner feel that you care without putting pressure on them
Step 3. Give him your full attention
Know the signs that your partner wants to have a serious conversation. When he wants to talk, you have to turn off your television, get rid of your work, put away your cell phone, and do whatever it takes to fully pay attention to your partner. If you work on a lot or your attention is divided, then your partner will be more frustrated. If you're "really" doing something, if you can, you can take a few minutes to finish it so you won't be distracted when you and your partner are talking.
- Maintaining eye contact and not looking around for anything else that might interest you can help your partner feel truly heard by you.
- Let your partner finish the sentence, but you will need to nod your head or say, “I understand how you feel…” from time to time to keep you in the conversation.
Step 4. Let your partner finish the sentence
While he may say something outrageous or something you "need" to justify, don't interrupt him in the middle of a conversation. Jot down in your brain the gist of what you want to talk about after you let your partner finish what he or she needs to say. When he's done talking, it's now your turn to respond, and you can get to the core of your partner one by one.
This may be almost impossible to do when you really feel the need to interrupt your partner and return his or her words, but your partner will feel better when he has let his or her head out
Step 5. Realize the difference
When you listen to your partner, you need to know that you don't have to accept or accept everything he or she says. It doesn't matter how balanced you two are, how similar you both are, and how aligned your goals are, but there will be times when you both disagree, how much you both try to connect your feelings. And that's okay – being aware of your partner's different understanding of the current situation will make you more receptive to what he or she has to say.
Recognizing these differences will make you less frustrated when you and your partner don't understand each other
Method 3 of 3: Building a Strong Foundation
Step 1. Maintain intimacy
This doesn't mean you have to jump in bed with your partner every time you and your partner reconcile after a fight. However, you and your partner should continue to be as intimate as possible, whether that's cuddling, caressing each other and laughing at random things, or just spending time sitting on the couch holding hands and watching your favorite television show. Divide time for intimacy between you and your partner at least a few times a week, no matter how busy you are – this will help you when it comes time for tough conversations.
Being intimate has a more meaningful meaning than just touching. Intimacy is about looking at each other more deeply and trying to create space in your mind for your partner's words, body language, or actions
Step 2. Learn to know when your partner is feeling down
Of course it would feel better if your partner let you know whenever something important was bothering him or her. However, cases like this are rare. If you want to build a solid foundation for communication, then you need to recognize the non-verbal or verbal signs that let you know that your partner is upset. Get to know your partner's signs and you should be comfortable saying, “Hey, you look like you're upset. Is something bothering you? He may not want to talk all the time, but letting him know that you understand he's upset can make him feel cared about.
- Everyone will demonstrate this differently, from staying blatantly silent, saying he's not hungry, making passive but aggressive comments, or complaining about something small when he's thinking about a big problem.
- This doesn't mean you have to say, "Hey, is there a problem?" if your partner isn't 100% happy – maybe he's just tired after a long day at work. Recognizing signs when your partner is feeling really good is something different from asking if he's okay every 5 seconds; it can be annoying.
- Sometimes body language can convey more than the words that come out of your mouth. If you and your partner are in a misunderstanding, it is very important to prove your willingness to communicate.
- “I try to understand, but I don't understand at all. Did I do something to upset you?” "No." “Has anyone else done something to upset you?” "No." "Are you bothered?" "Yes." "With me?" "No. Not really." You have narrowed it down. Seems like a lot of effort, but it might be worth it in the end.
Step 3. Be more active
You don't have to worry about every little thing that bothers you, but you do need to bring up big problems when the time comes. Don't be passive aggressive and let your anger run its course, or you'll get into a big fight at inappropriate times when both you and your partner don't expect it. Learn to bring up the big questions so you can cheer up when you and your partner have compromised, instead of letting your own anger build up.
You and your partner can offer each other solutions until you both come to an agreement. True compromise is when a couple feels that their thoughts and feelings are conveyed when faced with a real problem: possibility, time, cost, etc
Step 4. Relax
Find time together to have fun. If you spend all your time working and then fighting about your problems, you will not enjoy your relationship. If you and your partner have fun with each other and have positive feelings for each other and create lots of memories for each other, chances are you won't get angry in the middle of an argument. Building a solid foundation of mutual love and happiness will get you through the tough times.
Laugh together. Either you make shallow jokes, watch comedies, or just laugh for no reason. Laughter will help you enjoy your relationship more and you'll be better prepared to deal with difficult times
Step 5. Recognize when a conversation is no longer productive
If you and your partner are yelling at each other, hurting each other, and your conversation isn't going anywhere, then the conversation is no longer productive. You don't have to fight anymore if you just make things worse. Instead, take a deep breath, tell your partner that you have to be patient and continue the conversation another time, if you are talking about something very important. This is a mature way to keep communication from getting out of hand.
- Try saying, "I think this topic is very important to us, but we should talk about this again when we're both calmer."
- Don't walk away by slamming doors or shouting words that can hurt. Go on well, even if you still feel angry.
- Sometimes, you might just argue for no reason just to see how each other reacts. If this is the case, then say so. Say, "What are we arguing about?" This can help you and your partner to withdraw from the problem and research the situation.
Step 6. Learn to compromise
In a healthy relationship, being happy should always be more important than being right. Don't spend all your time trying to prove you're right or fighting to get what you want, or your relationship will fail quickly. Try to find productive solutions that can make you and your partner happy. This will be better for your long term relationship and can help you communicate your real needs.
- Sometimes, you just can't get what you want when you're having a black and white discussion, like finding a new place to live. However, make sure you get what you want next time, or that you are happy with the resolution of a conflict next time.
- Take turns. A person cannot always get what he wants.
- Making a list of pros and cons can also help you reach a solution in a logical and less stressful way.
- Sometimes, when you and your partner are arguing, it's important to consider who cares more. This can help you to assess the situation. If something is “really” important to you, but seems to matter little to your partner, let him or her know.
Step 7. Don't forget to respect each other
If you want to maintain healthy communication, then you and your partner should compliment each other, send each other sweet messages, tell each other what they like about each other, and set aside time to do what you and your partner love. A weekly date night, and frequent dinners if you live together, can help you enjoy each other's company and get you and your partner in the habit of talking to each other in a positive way. This will make it easier for you to argue when the time comes.
