You certainly understand the taste. When you're at a bar or club, or even just out for a walk, and you meet some amazing women. She might look really pretty, or there's something about her smile that makes you want to get to know her better. But, when you approach him, you feel anxious. You forget what you're about to say, start mumbling, and in extreme cases, you may even forget your own name. If you want to know how to approach women without feeling anxious or embarrassed, start by reading step 1.
Step
Part 1 of 3: Taking a Steady Approach
Step 1. Know the time is approaching
The first step in approaching a woman is finding the right woman. You should look for a woman who seems ready to talk to someone she just met, maybe because she's bored with her friends at the time, or just because she's enjoying her time outside. While you can't always tell for sure if she wants to be accompanied by someone she just met, the more open she is, the more likely you are to succeed. Here are signs that you can approach it:
- Of course, if he notices you. If he looks at you more than once, and smiles when your eyes meet, then he's paying attention to you. If his friends are also looking at you and chuckling, then he -- or at least one of his friends -- is paying attention to you. Approach him now!
- If he seems bored or annoyed with the person he is with. Maybe he yawns a few times while chatting with his girlfriends, or often rolls his eyes at the group of men who come with him. Step up to save him from the situation -- this is your chance to step in and save him from his friends. If you read the situation well, he will appreciate the change in mood you bring.
- Don't approach him if he's on a date, unless it's not going well. If he is kissing passionately with his lover, then stay away from them. But if he seems to be on a date for the first time, and he seems really bored with the guy, or he spends more time checking his phone, you can approach him while he's away, if you dare.
- Do not approach if he is having a warm chat with his friends. If he was in a group of other women, this was a different situation. But if he's only with one friend, and they're talking quickly and warmly, and haven't seen anyone around him in more than an hour, then he may be in need of a casual chat with his friend.
Step 2. Approach with confidence
Once you've found your target, show him that you believe in yourself, that you like what you do, and that even if you want to get to know him, your life won't end if he rejects you. Remember that most women can tell if they want to come home with you within the first fifteen minutes of talking to you, so make the most of your time. Here's how to do it:
- Look into his eyes. First, look him in the eye from across the room. Then, make sure to look into each other's eyes as you approach him. Don't give him scary eyes, but show that you're confident enough to look him in the eye and not stare at the floor or your feet.
- Smile. A smile will show that you are calm, and not tense. Remember: you're happy with yourself, so even if he rejects you outright, you can still walk away proud.
- Don't slouch and don't cross your arms in front of your chest. Show open body language -- anything can happen.
- Give him all your attention. Without getting too close, keep your body close to him, and avoid anything that can distract you, like checking your phone every five seconds -- or even once.
- Part of being confident is looking good. You don't have to wear expensive clothes, instead, wear clothes that are attractive, and make you look fresh at the time.
Step 3. Open with something interesting
When you approach a woman, you have to make sure to say and do the right things to get her attention. If you start off wrong, you'll have a hard time recovering, so you should make a good impression as soon as possible. Here's how:
- Calm down. If you're not calm when you approach him, he'll figure it out in a matter of seconds, and this can make him disinterested. Remind yourself that the worst thing that can happen is that he rejects you. So, can you deal with it?
- Don't say crap. Unless you think his sense of humor is odd, avoid saying too many flattery, such as, "You must be tired, because you've been running all night in my mind." Women will not appreciate this kind of artificial seduction.
- Approach clearly. While you also want to get his friends to like you, because their opinion matters to him, you need to be able to make it clear that what you want is his attention, and you're not a guy who approaches 8 women hoping that one of them will like you (even if it were).
- Approach directly. Just say, "Do you mind if I join?" Or if he seems bored with his friend, and you dare say, "Would you like to sit with me? I'd like to treat you to a drink."
- Introduce yourself. Tell him your name, and if you want to appear polite and formal, you can even shake his hand.
Part 2 of 3: Get Him Interested
Step 1. Make her feel like the most special woman in the world
Because that's the truth. Everyone wants to feel special. Don't say crap by saying how sexy her body is. But let her know that you feel that she is a unique woman, and say it in a special way. Here's how:
- Ask questions about himself. Don't dig too deep, or ask personal questions. Ask him some questions, like what his hobbies are, whether he likes the environment, or even his favorite sports team or TV show. You don't want to go and make him think, "Gosh, he doesn't know anything about me. He must just want to chat because he thinks I'm hot."
- Ask her opinion on a few things. Show him that you value his opinion. Ask him light questions about his thoughts on drinks at the bar, or even if he likes your new shoes.
- Feel free to compliment him even if you think he's heard the same compliment before. If she's pretty, attractive, or has a good sense of humor, tell her. If you say it casually and sincerely, you can flatter him.
Step 2. Amaze him
The key to attracting a woman is not only to make her enjoy chatting with you, but also to make her think "Wow, this is fun -- I want to spend more time like this." Not only will he find you a fun guy to chat with at the bar, but he'll also want to meet you elsewhere. Here's how:
- Show him what makes you special. Without showing off, tell him at least two or three things that will make him want to get to know you. Did you learn Japanese on your own, or spent a year traveling around Rio by motorbike? Cool. As long as you don't just make up stories.
- Look for common interests. Look for things you have in common, whether it's basketball or Mexican cuisine, that you can talk about. Don't make him think, "I enjoyed chatting with this guy, but I don't think this relationship will continue, because we have nothing in common."
- Say something interesting to him. Show him that you read the newspaper and know what is going on in the world. Without boring him, tell him about certain facts that have been of interest to you recently.
Step 3. Be yourself -- up to a point
This means that you have to show the real you and not pretend, but you also have to hide your quirky side of your personality until he gets to know you better, or he might walk away. Here's how:
- Do not pretend. Don't act like the handsome guy that many women are crazy about. Be a cool guy who wants to get close to him. Don't tell her about the other women in your life, or she will think, then why is she talking to me?
- Show him who you are. Tell us about things that interest you, what you do on the weekends, or tell us about your trip to Tahoe with your friends. The woman will capture the other side of you besides the man who is approaching her.
- Remember that you are not spending time with male friends. Even if he gets to know the real you later, don't tell harsh jokes or stories that could make you look bad in the first place.
Step 4. Captivate him with your sense of humor
Women like men who can make them laugh, especially those who don't have to try too hard to do so. You have to show that you are funny and can follow the conversation. Don't make him think you're trying too hard to make him laugh, or he'll just feel sorry for you. Here's how:
- Follow fast and smart chat flow. If he says something funny, don't just say "That's so funny" and laugh without replying. Reply with something equally funny to show that you can follow the flow of the conversation.
- Tease him gently. Women like to be teased in the right way. Make fun of something he says, or tease about his quirky laugh. This will make your relationship more enjoyable.
- Make jokes about yourself. But don't put yourself down, just show that you're not too serious, and that you can laugh at yourself.
Part 3 of 3: Withdraw Politely
Step 1. Know when you are not wanted
Part of stepping back politely is knowing when you're not wanted. This could be due to various reasons. Maybe he just isn't interested in you. This is not a problem. Or maybe he has a girlfriend and doesn't want to waste your time. Or maybe he just wants to spend time with his friends. Whatever the reason, if you feel it's time to back off, walk away.
- If your chat isn't going well at all, and he's constantly checking his phone or surroundings, then it's time to go.
- If his friends start rolling their eyes at you or ignoring you, then it's time to walk away.
- Once you know it's time to leave, don't embarrass yourself any further by saying, "Okay, you don't seem interested," or "Sorry to interrupt." Just say, "Nice to chat with you. See you later."
- Walk around with a smile, even if you feel disappointed.
- However, if he laughs a lot, keeps looking at you, plays with his hair, and in general he seems to be enjoying talking to you, and wants to chat more, then it's time to get closer to him.
Step 2. If your approach went well, then it's time to move on to the next stage
If you're a great fit in the conversation, and he seems interested in you, then it's time to move on to the next stage and see where things develop. You're trying to seduce a woman, aren't you? So what are you waiting for?
- If you're at a bar or nightclub, and your approach is going well, you might say "Shall we go somewhere more private for a chat?" Or "Shall we get out of here?"
- If you know that he still wants to have fun, and you don't want him to lose interest by trying to separate him from his friends, take him and his friends to a quieter bar down the street, or invite him to spend some time after party with your friends. Remember that he just met you, and even if he likes you, he may not want to accept your invitation this first night.
- If you're not ready to take him home to you, ask for his cell number. Do not worry. Make it clear that you are asking him out on a date. Say, "I enjoyed chatting with you, and I'd like to chat further over dinner or a drink. May I have your cell phone number to confirm?"
Tips
- You will experience rejection from time to time. This is life. Build your confidence and try again.
- Remember that you can approach women in places other than bars or clubs. You can approach women in parks or cafes. This method might work, because he would not expect it. Just make sure not to bother him if it's obvious he wants to be alone.
- Dress well, and more importantly, dress appropriately. Don't wear the shirt you wore to a nightclub to an event at the college bar, and don't wear a sweatshirt or sneakers to the club.
- If you've ever gone to a bar with your friend and her boyfriend, don't complain. This is a very appropriate situation to approach a woman if your friend is willing to help. A woman is much more trusting of the opinions of other women, and your female friends will find it easier to approach the woman you like. Some women may view this approach as cowardly, so make sure that the next time you meet the woman, you can get rid of those suspicions right away.
- Consider going to a bar with some friends. It is even better if among your friends there are several women. This will give you a little bit of curiosity and competition (I wonder if he's dating any of them?) and show that you're a sociable human being.
Warning
- Remember that no one is obligated to give you their time or attention. If he doesn't feel the same way, or if he moves away from you, doesn't look you in the eye, etc. Then it's time to move on with life.
- If he is so drunk that he is unable to walk, call a taxi for him and let him go home. Don't bother a woman who is too drunk to turn you down. This behavior is very scary.
