When you lose a loved one, it may take you a long time to recover. Your friends and family may provide support through condolence cards, letters, online messages, and flowers. Remember that people give their condolences because they care and love you. Knowing how to reply to those messages and good intentions when you're ready can be helpful.
Step
Method 1 of 2: Figuring Out What to Say
Step 1. Respond to your condolences directly by saying a sincere “thank you”
People will understand that you are feeling emotional or hurt. By saying "I'm sorry for your loss," they just want you to know that they have your back, and won't expect to have much longer in the conversation. A "thank you" reply will suffice.
- Another short sentence you can say is, “I appreciate your concern,” or “You are very kind.”
- If the person you're talking to knows the person who died and is grieving too, you can show that you know this by replying, "This must have been hard on you too."
Step 2. Write a simple, sincere message to people who send cards or gifts
If you're replying to an online message or writing a card, the greeting doesn't need to be long. Thank the recipient for their sympathy or support. You can mention specific details, such as flowers sent or when they attended a funeral.
- Here is a sample thank you message: “Thank you for expressing your sympathy during this difficult time for our family. I really appreciate the beautiful flowers you sent. Your love and support means a lot to me.”
- If you are replying to a letter, choose a word that concludes your speech based on your relationship with the recipient. If he or she is a close family member or friend, you can write “love” or “lovely.” If it's someone you don't know well, such as a friend or co-worker of the person who died, you can write "warmest regards" or "with respect."
Step 3. Refrain from replying to messages until you're ready
Some people return their condolences within a few weeks to help them feel better quickly. If you don't feel ready to reciprocate yet, spend more time grieving. Try writing some replies after 2 to 3 months. If it's still difficult, you can ask a friend to help you.
Method 2 of 2: Replying to Letters and Messages
Step 1. Send messages or handwritten cards to people who send you greetings in a similar form
You may receive all kinds of condolence cards and messages. If you receive a handwritten letter that is written wholeheartedly, take the time to reply with a handwritten message as well.
If you receive a typical condolence card signed only with his name, you usually don't need to reply
Step 2. Reply with a card printed by the funeral home staff as an easy solution
If you can't write a reply in person, use the thank you cards that funeral services often provide. These cards usually have a message thanking him for expressing his condolences.
If you want to continue your thank you card with a longer letter, include a message on the card saying you'd write a more personal message if you could
Step 3. Post replies on the funeral home website to reply to people who posted messages
Many funeral homes provide an online obituary service, where people can post their condolences for public comment. You can reply to all of these messages via the funeral home's website, thanking them for their condolences.
Here is an example of a message you can post in response: Thank you for your concern and prayers. We appreciate all the kindness given during this difficult time.”
Step 4. Post messages on social media to thank those who sent their condolences online
Expressing condolences online is now more common. If you receive a number of messages or comments on a site like Facebook, for example, you can write a message to thank the people who have sent their greetings for their support.
If certain Facebook friends of yours continue with them with a card or phone call, take the time to reply with a thank you card
Step 5. Say thank you to someone via email if that is your usual way of communicating
Sending emails can be considered impersonal. However, if a friend or loved one sends their condolences via email, and that's how you usually communicate, it's okay to reply by sending an email as well.
