Not all friendships last. Perhaps you are in a situation that requires you to leave or end a relationship with an unwanted friend. Ending a friendship is not much different from ending a relationship with a romantic partner. You can distance yourself periodically or end the friendship quickly and clearly. Whatever method you choose, you also need to take the time to evaluate the friendship and the appropriate approach to ending it.
Step
Method 1 of 3: End Friendship Firmly and Clearly
Step 1. Make plans to meet
If you want to start an adult chat with your “friend” and explain that you need to end the friendship, the first step is to plan a meeting. Determine a time and place to meet, such as when you want to end a romantic relationship. It's a good idea to invite him to meet in person, not through a phone call, let alone a short message.
Step 2. Practice what you want to say
Chats like this are usually quite difficult to get through so it's a good idea to practice what to say from the start. Take note of the various reasons for staying away from him. Remember to focus on yourself and your personal needs. This is more effective than accusing or blaming him.
- You could say, "I don't think we like the same things anymore. I feel like we're not really good friends anymore."
- You can also say, “I don't like myself when I'm with you. I think we actually show each other the worst sides when we're together."
- Try saying, "I can't forgive you for what happened and I think it would be better if we didn't keep in touch."
Step 3. End your friendship with him
When you meet, sit down with him and express your wishes frankly. Make sure you want to listen to him, just as he listens to what you have to say. After that, you can leave it and feel proud that you were able to deal with it maturely.
- If you find it helpful, you can write down the important points that need to be said on a card and take it with you.
- While it may sound silly or impersonal, it can sometimes be very difficult for someone to remember everything in a serious or stressful conversation.
Step 4. Set limits
Sometimes, you may not want to see or talk to him again. In other situations, you may still feel comfortable making acquaintances and interacting lightly with them. Whatever the decision, it's important that you set clear boundaries with him and explain what kind of relationship you want going forward.
- Explain your boundaries as clearly as possible.
- You can say, "Honestly, I don't want to be friends with you anymore."
- You could also say, “I think we need some time to recuperate. Maybe we can talk again in a month or two."
- Try saying, "If we meet at a party, of course we can chat and spend some time together, but I don't think I can spend time with you alone."
Step 5. Prepare for emotional responses
Of course, it is difficult to predict his response to what you say. Maybe he's relaxed and just says "Oh, okay," or he's yelling at you, crying, or getting annoyed. He may also try to debate your options. Try to imagine the various reactions he could have, and think about what you could do or say for each one.
- After saying what needs to be said and taking the time to listen carefully, you can leave.
- If your decision is unanimous, there is no point in him debating your options.
Step 6. Be prepared for questions from him
When discussing this with your "ex" best friend, he or she may ask a lot of questions. From the start, think about any questions he might ask and find an honest (and still “warm”) way to get your message or opinion across. Here are some questions he might ask:
- "Why don't you like me?"
- "Why don't you want to spend more time with me?"
- "Is there something that makes you angry?"
- “What about our other friends?”
Method 2 of 3: Periodically Abstaining
Step 1. Stop calling or texting him
The first thing you need is to stop starting the chat. Hopefully, you've always thought of him as an acquaintance, and not a close friend so you don't feel awkward or awkward when you don't contact him. Don't text him about what happened. Don't call him to talk or make plans with him. Help him "get up" by not contacting him for any reason.
Step 2. Don't cross paths with her
You also can't meet or pass him. Maybe you know the places he usually goes. It's a good idea not to visit these places. You may not be able to get the pleasures you used to enjoy, but keep in mind that you do need to distance yourself from them. However, if you run into her, there are a few tips to follow so that the situation doesn't feel awkward and you can still keep your distance.
- If you both attend the same school, keep yourself busy with schoolwork. When he approaches you in class or after school, tell him that you are in a hurry and that you are feeling pressured by the task at hand.
- If you're at a party, offer to help the host. When you see it, you can also immediately “quibble” and go to greet other guests or friends.
- If you do eventually need to talk to him, have small talk that isn't filled with deep or emotional topics.
- You also involve a third person in the chat.
Step 3. Reject the plan he made
If he tries to contact you and make plans, you should be able to say no. There are a few things to say to politely decline his invitation:
- "Thanks for inviting me, but I was busy that day."
- "Sorry, I can't join, but thanks for inviting me."
- "Thanks, but I don't like the activity."
Step 4. Speak honestly
If he starts to attack with questions and forces you to meet, you have to build up the courage and tell the truth. If he approaches you and wants to talk, there's a good chance he doesn't share the same view of friendship. In this case, you feel like you no longer fit in with him, but he doesn't feel the same way. You need to speak your mind honestly and end the friendship clearly and unequivocally.
- Here are some things you can say:
- "I think our friendship is straining and maybe we should end it."
- "I don't think we're cut out to be friends anymore."
- "I don't think it's a good thing for us to get back to spending time together."
Method 3 of 3: Evaluating Friendships and Making Plans
Step 1. Take time to reflect on existing friendships
Before taking any drastic steps, take a moment to reflect on your friendship. Ending a friendship with someone is a big decision and you shouldn't just cut ties with someone. Take some time and think about the positives and negatives of the friendship.
- Make a pro/con list that includes both positive and negative aspects of your friendship.
- Make sure you focus on the current state of the friendship, not the "previous" friendship.
Step 2. Look for red flags in friendships
There are several things that mark a bad friendship. When looking in the mirror at your friendship, watch for signs that your friendship is indeed dangerous. If you experience some of these signs, it's a good idea to stay away from them.
- You feel tired after spending time with him.
- You don't like the way you behave when you're with him.
- There is no balance. He may ignore you or ask for too much attention.
- He makes you feel inferior or tries to manipulate you.
- You've lost respect for him.
Step 3. Define boundaries
Before expressing your desire to break up with him, make sure you know the impact or the end result. Do you want to cut ties "permanently" and never talk to him again? Do you just need some time to be alone for a while? Do you want to still feel comfortable when you meet him in a group, but don't want to spend time alone with him? Make sure you know the boundaries that need to be set, and make them as specific as possible.
Step 4. Think of other friends
It's also a good idea to think about and plan how to deal with problems with other friends who both know the two of you. If you want to end your friendship for good and don't want to see him again, other friends will have to choose between the two of you. Maybe you won't be invited to a certain event (or maybe he wasn't). If you're dealing with a "toxic" friendship, then breaking up is definitely the right choice. However, it would be wise if you also think about and consider how to deal with and/or explain the situation to other friends.
Tips
- Decide whether the two of you are "along with each other" or not. If the friendship seems strained and both parties feel the same way, all you need to do is talk to him and try to rekindle the relationship. Unfortunately, this does not apply if only one of the parties wants to break the friendship.
- If you're still in school, it's a good idea to break off friendships with him over the holidays.
Warning
- Be careful when you want to end a relationship with someone. You may overlook certain consequences when you choose to cut ties.
- At first, you may feel bad. However, try spending time with other friends to distract yourself.
