It's sad when two people who are already close friends have to break their friendship. It's even sadder if someone has to say that the friendship that has been established so far is over. Although this is not an easy thing, you can do it if there is a good reason why you have to make this decision. If you stick to your point of view and be honest about what caused this friendship to become unsustainable, you can find a way to end it with self-respect.
Step
Part 1 of 3: Be Honest with Your Friends
Step 1. Convince yourself why this friendship is no longer doing you any good
Before you make the decision to distance yourself from someone in your life, make sure you're doing it for the right reasons. Maybe your condition is under stress? Or those who are under stress? If that's the case, it may not be time to make this decision. But if this condition has been going on for a long time and you no longer feel comfortable around your friend, this may be the right decision. Life is too short to live with people who keep us from feeling our best.
- Knowing exactly why you want to end the friendship can help you explain to your friend or friends why this decision should be made. If your beliefs are strong, they can't resist and get angry about it.
- Make sure you're not doing this out of a whim or out of anger. If you want to end the friendship impulsively, put off making a decision until the next day. If the next day you still feel the same way, you can make this decision.
Step 2. Meet your friend in person and share your decision
At first, it may be difficult to explain exactly how you feel until the situation is like this, but in the long run this will be the best way and can free you from the trouble of ending the friendship in other ways. Start discussing this topic with your friends in a friendly manner. Try not to blame or convey that your friend has bad traits that you can no longer accept. You yourself have a hand in this too.
For example, you might say, “I don't know how you feel and I want to hear your opinion. But understand that I feel our friendship is not fun anymore. Often times I feel we are not familiar, constantly fighting, dropping each other, etc. and even though I've thought a lot about this situation, I don't think I can fix it anymore. It's better if we don't see each other that often and be honest with each other about what happened to our friendship."
Step 3. Stay objective and not blaming
Be aware that when you give reasons for ending the friendship, give reasons that are most objective and don't blame anyone. Excuses that attack the other person's character or actions will provoke your friend to say that he or she will try to be a better friend, or something else that will put you in trouble for giving unacceptable arguments. Focus on yourself and how you feel because this is something they can't change.
- To avoid an offensive response, try to come up with a solid, non-judgmental reason. You must still be able to be a wise person in a situation like this.
- Don't say negative things about your friend's personality, as they will try to defend themselves and make you sound mean and petty. If you behave this way, you may have to "fix" your unpleasant behavior and it will take months for you to feel ready to end the friendship.
Step 4. Try to focus on the facts, not your own opinions and feelings
Try to criticize how you feel about this friendship instead of discussing your friend's annoying habits. Don't make him feel attacked because this will not do him any good (especially if you both have the same friends.)
Be aware that anything you say will probably only be interpreted negatively. This is a human thing and a way of dealing with pain. Therefore, convey your explanation in a short, friendly, and clear manner
Step 5. Be prepared to listen to what your friend has to say
This doesn't mean that you're "giving in" to your friend's opinion so that everything will be okay, but it's about being polite by showing that you want to listen. You can summarize what you understand from your friend's explanation and still feel like it's over.
This conversation may make your friend feel sad, hurt and even angry. Be prepared to accept it but don't use it as an excuse to assume that this problem no longer exists
Step 6. If the situation escalates, suggest that you see him again to finish this conversation
Don't just accept being treated harshly because anger is a sign to stop. If there is no solution, that's okay. You've done what you had to do.
If your friend gets angry during the conversation, don't force yourself to explain what you want. Just make it clear that you no longer want to be friends with him. At times like this, emotions tend to get out of hand, so you should try to stay logical
Step 7. Try to be realistic when deciding the fate of a friendship
There are times when both of you have realized that the friendship that exists is no longer useful. Chances are, your friend feels the same way and is relieved that you want to be open about this too, so talk about it. You don't have to get stuck in a friendship you don't like.
Because you do it in an open and honest manner, you both know where the problem lies. It will be easier for the two of you to interact later on, if and when needed. But if this can't be done, the next step will be about distancing yourself from the friendship in an indirect and passive way
Part 2 of 3: Withdrawing Quietly
Step 1. Don't see your friends as often as you used to
Sometimes "talking" is not an option. In these circumstances, walking away by not being friendly and not wanting to talk anymore can be a way to make someone understand. Make new friends and don't reply to text messages or answer your friends' calls. If he asks why you're not replying to his messages, simply reply nonchalantly, "Sorry, I'm busy" or "I can't have long chats anymore, there's no time." Your friend will feel attacked, but over time, he will come to terms with your attitude.
Don't see each other as usual. If this means you need to make new plans to meet up with other friends, it might be a good idea to use this method for a while. Not seeing each other is a great way to create distance and make your friend realize that you really mean it
Step 2. Stop making contact through networking sites on social media
Just block the account if this method helps. Don't reply to any messages he sends you on his cell phone or online. Avoid responding to posts, even if your other friends are doing it anyway. Your absence will send a clear message to the friend you wish to stay away from.
If you've got 15 text messages and 3 missed calls every time you look at your phone screen, this is what you should be doing. In this situation, reply to the message or call your friend again to ask him or her to meet. You should talk about this breakup in person
Step 3. Adjust your regular schedule, if necessary
If the two of you used to take fitness classes together, eat at the same cafeteria, or even have friends in common, you may need to re-adjust your schedule so you don't have to see him. This of course will keep you from doing what you want to do, but you'll feel happier because you won't have to deal with an abusive relationship anymore even if you're not aware of it.
This method will bring about temporary changes until the worst conditions pass. It usually takes a few weeks, after which things will return to normal. He will have time to calm down and get used to your absence
Step 4. Explain to other mutual friends
If you both have friends in common, it's a good idea to let them know too. This is necessary if your friends are going to hang out so they can let you know. After that, you are free to decide whether you want to stay involved in this group or not.
As a side note, it will be easier if you don't hang out with your friends very often, at least in the beginning. If you have several friends who have nothing to do with this unpleasant friend, count on their support to make this transition easier
Step 5. Tell the truth if the two of you see each other
Chances are your friend will notice this situation and ask what's wrong. If this is the case, be honest. Say that you want to make a new friendship, and that the two of you should go your separate ways. This is the best. You two can't be together anymore because the situation will be more and more unpleasant. Your friend may not understand what you are talking about.
If you choose the “quiet walk away,” be honest about why: You don't want to argue about this and want to avoid conflict. You may worry about making him sad and maybe scared. If you tell the truth, your friends can't oppose or attack you
Part 3 of 3: Continuing Friendship from Friends to Acquaintances
Step 1. Recognize that being friendly and polite will keep the friendship going
Even if you're no longer good friends, you shouldn't just leave people who "are not important in your life anymore." You never know if you'll ever see them again in an elevator, work in the same place, or meet at a wedding or funeral. Leaving a good impression is essential to staying connected to your community.
You never know, a few years later it might turn out you two are friends again. Your friend may finally realize what he's done wrong. Time can heal wounds and change a person in amazing ways
Step 2. Be polite but keep your distance from your ex-friend
Once you become close friends, don't be completely indifferent; it is unfair and unkind to behave like this. On the other hand, after a while you should be able to be polite and say hello from time to time. However, don't chat or engage in intimate conversation that is more than just acquaintance, for example by saying hello, goodbye, or how are you. Laugh together when something is funny. But prepare an excuse if you feel you need to leave him, such as because you have to meet someone or finish some work, just in case he thinks you're willing to rekindle a close friendship with him.
- For example, say something short and polite like, "That's interesting but sorry, I can't chat right now," then walk away or give a reasonable excuse (such as an appointment or a deadline) if your friend starts the conversation.
- Keeping your distance means no longer having a close relationship with your former friend. You can share the news that someone you both know recently had a baby but you don't need to go into details about the baby, how the mother is doing, or the clothes you want to buy as a gift. Deliver this news as big news, nothing more.
Step 3. If you have to, describe the actual situation
There are times when you may not be able to simply distance yourself from your friend with just a brief explanation. You will see their efforts to get close to you again. In a situation like this, you no longer need to mince words by explaining the truth honestly and as it is.
Here's an example you can use to say honestly and candidly, but still with dignity and maturity: "X, I know this isn't easy but I meant it when I said I don't want us to be friends anymore. I won't. continue this conversation with you and understand that I really mean what I said that I am no longer your close friend. I never wanted to hurt or be unkind to you but I don't want to be in the same relationship again. I hope you can understand."
Step 4. Avoid being aggressive
Expecting bad things about your ex-friend or deliberately ignoring him in front of his other friends is evil and won't make this breakup any easier. Don't spread gossip about your friends because this is the work of a coward and will hurt your friend's feelings. This method will also turn against you because a gossip will only breed more gossip.
- Unfortunately, audiences love exciting battles and there are people who don't hesitate to heat up one side, so don't let them be entertained, on the contrary, be someone who is exemplary in ending a friendship with self-respect.
- If you're being aggressive, don't be surprised if other people think that your friend ended their friendship with you. Staying calm, tactful, and able to control yourself is the only way to deal with difficult situations like this.
Tips
- Thoroughly consider what the consequences and reasons are before you end a friendship. After it ends, it will be difficult or even impossible, to re-establish these friendships.
- Don't let your friend get overly emotional, or hug her, because this will make your friend think that you're not really serious about ending the friendship.
Warning
- Don't talk about your friends behind their backs. This news will reach them to their dismay, and gossip about you will spread too!
- This is general advice. Only you know the real situation, the current situation in your relationship, and the reasons for separating. You should carefully consider the consequences of what you want to do, say, and whether this advice can help, listen to your heart, and most importantly use your own skills in building relationships. In the end, the best advice is to do your best so that your friends don't become enemies because spending energy in this way is absolutely pointless.
