It may be difficult for you to make new friends and even trust others. For some people, betrayal also makes it difficult for them to find someone who truly loves and cares for them. Ideally, a good friend will give you their love and respect, and will never betray you. However, unfortunately not everyone is like that. The harsh reality is that sometimes people-even friends-can betray each other. Even though it's difficult, it's important that you learn to forgive and rise above the sadness. Fortunately, this can still be done.
Step
Method 1 of 3: Understanding What Happened
Step 1. Think about whether this incident was a misunderstanding
Sometimes, it's easy to get upset when you feel that someone close to you has betrayed you. Therefore, you need to make sure that what he did was indeed a betrayal. Maybe he didn't really mean it that way. Make sure that he did betray you.
- What was your role in the incident that occurred? Are you making assumptions that lead to misunderstandings or resentment?
- Find out what really happened. Ask for more information from third parties who know the truth.
- Consider all the available information, including everything you know. If your friend did make a mistake, does he admit it?
- Confession is of course not the only evidence of wrongdoing, but it is something you need to consider. If not, you need to think about whether the incident that occurred was a misunderstanding. It doesn't mean that all guilty people will admit their guilt. Some of them just don't want to admit it. Therefore, consider all the evidence and make a decision regarding the next steps that need to be taken if betrayal does occur.
- For example, if you tell a friend a secret and suddenly everyone finds out, you might suspect that he has betrayed you. Ask him if he deliberately shared your secret with anyone. Was it an accident? Did your secret just come out of his mouth?
Step 2. Think about how he feels
If he's upset, as you are, try to understand the situation from his point of view. Did you say something that was misunderstood by him, or vice versa?
- You need to understand that you don't know what's going on in his life. Therefore, try to see the incident from his point of view. If he wants to be open, ask him how he feels. You never know what will happen so try to look at the situation from his perspective.
- In relation to the example above, understand how he feels when he keeps your secret. Is the secret too heavy to hide? Also, think about any regrets he might feel.
Step 3. Compare two points of view on the situation to understand it more clearly
There are always two sides to every story, and there are many things that influence an event. Try to view the situation objectively. If you try to "separate" from the situation and imagine the incident happening to someone else, you may see it differently. Maybe you can see and understand the situation from another point of view.
- Having done so doesn't mean you have to assume that the wrong or injustice experienced never happened. You may still notice that once a situation is viewed objectively and subjectively, it still betrays. In this situation, think about the next step you want to take.
- After assessing the situation objectively, you may feel pity or pity for him. You don't necessarily have to understand his behavior. However, because you've seen the situation from a different perspective, you may have a different feeling or response. Believe it or not, compassion or pity for a friend who has betrayed you can help you rise from the hurt you feel.
- You may also become aware of the role you played in triggering the betrayal (or your actions that led to the situation), either because you ignored or forgot something. This is a powerful moment of awareness and a call to see and think about all the things that have been neglected or forgotten.
- If your friend likes to chatter and gossip, don't share your secrets with him in the future.
Method 2 of 3: Let it go
Step 1. Take a break and take some time to be alone
Try meditating, shopping, or even dancing. Do something you enjoy to distract yourself. Try different things so you can feel better and calm down. It's possible that you'll find a meaningful solution while working on something you enjoy and having fun. As counterintuitive as it sounds, creative solutions usually come after doing something fun, even if it's unrelated to the problem at hand.
In connection with the example above, try to stay away from the situation. Don't be surrounded by people who know the secrets that have been exposed. Calm down. Stay away from the situation. Do something relaxing
Step 2. Calm down
Do not blame yourself. Don't assume that the incident that happened was your fault, and that you're always messing things up. Try not to over-generalize by saying, for example, "This happens all the time!" The habit of overgeneralizing actually triggers depression.
- Everyone must have made mistakes and experienced incidents. Bad things must have happened to anyone. Blaming yourself for what happened actually makes you unable to rise. It will be much more difficult for you to let go of the incident and recover.
- If we stick with the previous example, don't torture yourself just because you've already told a secret to a “bucket” mouthed friend. Instead of thinking like “I'm so stupid! Why am I telling my secret?”, say to yourself, “Yes, I made a mistake. Everyone has made mistakes. I will no longer tell her my secrets."
Step 3. Review the situation
If you feel that he has betrayed you and you haven't received his apology, repackage the incident so that the blame doesn't fall on you. Keeping yourself in touch with the situation in a healthy way is what you need to do to get yourself up and running. A review of the situation also makes it easier for you to apologize.
For example, instead of thinking that everything that happened was your fault, realize that he's been talking too much and can't keep secrets. Even though you're only realizing it now, you didn't know it when you told him the secret. You've made the best decision at that point. If you can choose to go forward, of course you will not tell him any more secrets
Step 4. Get your frustration out
For some people, the best way to let out annoyance is to complain. Therefore, find someone who can be trusted and will listen to your story about the betrayal that occurred. Choose someone who is not aware of the incident that occurred to avoid bias or further conflict between friends. Complaining helps you let go of negative emotions about the situation.
- Try not to be too emotional or negative about what happened. Because you're stuck in avoiding and taking blame on yourself, you're not really able to express your feelings well.
- Choose someone who is unlikely to be sad. Don't let listeners become sad and helpless after hearing your story, especially if you're already feeling down. Choose someone who can stay positive and give good advice on what needs to be done.
- If you don't feel comfortable complaining to other people, there are other steps you can take to let your anger out, especially if you're an active (or perhaps less active) person. Try going for a walk or running to release negative emotions. If you enjoy playing sports, try playing with friends or kicking a ball in the yard. Boxing, kickboxing, and even yoga can also help release stress from the body.
- Talk to another friend about the betrayal they experienced. If you don't have a friend or family member to talk to, write your feelings down in a journal.
Method 3 of 3: Resurrect and Forget Betrayal
Step 1. Forgive him
At least, be open to forgive him. Even if you don't want to accept an apology from the traitor, show a willingness to forgive him so you can get up. Think of your apology as a gift to yourself, not a gift to a friend who has betrayed you.
- If you're willing to forgive him, you can let go of the incident and get up. Otherwise, you will still be stuck in the situation. Without an apology, you will hold a grudge and over the next few months or years, you will still feel irritated, as if the incident just happened.
- Ideally, the friend who betrayed you should apologize, and you need to make the decision to forgive him. However, sometimes the betrayer doesn't apologize once or apologizes insincerely, and both of these things need to be considered. Because of this, often you need to work towards forgiveness regardless of what he did because he may not apologize at all.
- Try not to dwell on the betrayal. After you forgive him, end the incident, bury the hurt, and rise from the sadness. One way to wake up and stop yourself from thinking about the incident is to wear a rubber band around your wrist. Snap the rubber band every time you think about it to wake yourself up.
- Forgive yourself for telling him a secret. At the time, you didn't know that he wasn't someone who could keep secrets.
Step 2. Decide if you want to remain friends with him
Usually, someone who has betrayed will repeat the mistake, but this of course depends on the situation and the character of the person concerned. Therefore, decide whether you want to see him as a friend or acquaintance again, or break up with him instead.
- If you still want to be in touch with him, but "downgrade" his status, try to think of him as an acquaintance, not a friend. If you feel better, you may not need to have any relationship with him anymore.
- If you no longer want to be his friend, cut off all ties with him. You don't have to end a friendship "cruelly". If you've previously spoken to him about the incident, he'll know that you're upset, so it will be easier for you to end the friendship.
- If he left you for another friend, the best way to feel happier is to be a better person and not be in a lower position than him. Think about the things you've always cared about. Is someone who doesn't care about you important? Or is it you who is more important? For example, if you both go to the same school, the best thing you can do is beat the score. Try studying harder at home to beat his position. One day, he will regret leaving you because he is basically just a loser if he leaves you for someone else.
- If it turns out that you still want to maintain a friendship with him, make sure he knows that you feel he has done something wrong, but have forgiven him and want to remain friends.
- If he shows no remorse or apology, and you still want to stay in touch with him, rethink your decision. Don't get caught in the same mistake.
- You can keep in touch with him, but don't tell him any more big secrets. However, if you think your other friends already (or likely will) know more serious secrets, reconsider your friendship with them.
Step 3. Take your betrayal as a life lesson
Think of it as a lesson. Now that you know the signs and symptoms of betrayal, you can identify them in the future. This keeps you away from the same mistakes (and possible betrayals received). The presence of a traitor is beyond your control. However, at least you can control yourself when you start to feel “unprepared”, and determine what to do if the betrayal happens again.
Now, you understand that some people can't keep secrets, even if that person is a friend. In the future, you need to think twice when you want to tell a big secret, especially if the person you are talking to is not someone who can keep secrets
Tips
- Follow your instincts and learn from past experiences when you want to trust someone. There are some people who can never be trusted.
- If possible, withhold some information about yourself so you don't really open up to anyone. Thus, you are less likely to experience betrayal.
- Make sure you express how you feel, even when you're upset. Be careful not to say things that shouldn't be said.
- Don't ignore it absolutely! If he asks a question, don't pretend you didn't hear him. Answer the question politely. If you keep ignoring him, you will only irritate and hurt him.
- Always give yourself and your friends a few weeks or a month to cool off. Otherwise, new fights or debates can actually be triggered.
Warning
- Usually, the betrayed will eventually rise up and forget the betrayal (including the traitor). So don't be upset if you feel the need to forget about it. The decision is always yours.
- Be wary of people who easily share personal information about themselves or others. It's possible that such a figure can't keep your secrets.
- Humans are social creatures. You can't live without friends so be careful not to shun or ignore other friends just because of one betrayal incident.
