Not all friendships last forever. In reality, friendships can end for a variety of reasons. Regardless of the reason for breaking up with the person concerned, losing a friend is a painful process. Fortunately, there are steps you can take to get back into life after losing someone who was so important to you.
Step
Part 1 of 3: Regulating and Controlling Emotions
Step 1. Don't blame other people
This attitude is unhealthy and only fuels anger. Even though you and your "ex" friend each have to blame for the breakup, neither of you can control each other's thoughts, feelings, choices, and actions. Understanding that both of you have played a role in the breakup is important in helping you figure out what caused the relationship to end, both from your own point of view and that of your ex.
Step 2. Get past negative emotions
Keep in mind that you may feel upset, guilty, sad, or grieving the loss of a friendship with that person. This is normal. However, it's important that you process and get past these feelings on your own (or with the help of a licensed mental health professional). You can get past these emotions by:
- Write it down
- Talking about feelings
- Creating art based on how you feel
- Turning feelings into other objects/shapes
Step 3. Allow yourself to go through the emotional process
You may feel a variety of emotions when dealing with a breakup. It's important that you allow yourself to process the feeling and understand the source of the emotion.
Step 4. Ask yourself why you are feeling the emotions involved in the breakdown of that person's friendship
Do you miss him? Do you yearn for the support he once gave you? Do you miss the usual activities with him? Understanding the causes of the emotions you are feeling is the first step to accepting those emotions.
Step 5. Feel the emotion as deeply as necessary
Don't try to cover up the negative or painful emotions that come with the breakup. By taking the time to accept the hurt and negative feelings, you can eventually emerge from those feelings and recover.
However, don't dwell on those feelings for any longer. Even though you have to accept and deal with your own emotions, feeling down and fixated on them for months will only make you more depressed
Step 6. Understand that internal wounds take time to heal
In order for you to recover from a broken friendship and get back into life, you need to be patient. Going through the process hastily is not a healthy move and will not properly resolve any negative feelings.
Realize that at first, you may have a hard time opening up or interacting with new people. However, this is something reasonable
Step 7. Accept the fact that people can change and grow
Right now, you are not the same person you were when you met him. On the other hand, at this moment he is not the same person as the person you met in the past. Over time, everyone's interests change and these changes can lead to distance and disagreement between friends. By understanding that this kind of phenomenon is a normal fact of life, you will be able to accept the end of a friendship more easily.
- Think of yourself the first time you meet him.
- Think about him the first time he met you.
- Think about what made the two of you friends.
- Think of yourself right now. What changes have you experienced since becoming friends with him?
- Think about it now. What kind of changes did he show?
- Take note of the significant changes the two of you went through from the time you first met until the friendship ended.
- Read the notes made and understand that change is inevitable, even if it is sometimes invisible if not noticed. You've both changed and there's a chance that you won't be good friends anymore. Try to understand and accept this fact without blaming anyone so that you can get up and get back to life.
Step 8. Accept the fact that your friendship is over
Although difficult to do, acceptance is an important step so you can get back to life as usual. In addition, acceptance of the situation means that you are "at peace" with reality and are no longer torturing yourself with wishful thinking, irreversible details of the end of the relationship, or negative emotions.
View past friendships as experiences for your future friendships. Take note of the positives, the things that hurt the friendship, and the way you chose your friends and kept the friendship going
Part 2 of 3: Focusing Your Attention on Other Things
Step 1. Focus on the things you can control
If you focus on the actions of others, you will only daydream and fixate on the moment that cannot be changed. Therefore, try to devote time and energy to personal action. In addition, by focusing on your own choices and actions, you can enjoy what is in the present, and not sink into the past. Some personal actions and choices you can think of include:
- Accept and pass emotions
- Be kind and generous to others, including your former best friend
- Spending time with other friends and family
- Trying to get back to life
Step 2. Disconnect with him
This way, you can distance yourself from him and refocus the time and energy that was previously devoted to him. What's better, when you stop interacting with him, there's a good chance you won't even think about him that much. Lastly, by cutting off all contact, you can ensure that no negative interactions arise between the two of you. You can cut contact by:
- Block the phone number
- Ignoring and/or deleting emails from it
- Not replying to short messages
- Delete them as friends or block them on social media
- Avoid face-to-face interaction (face to face)
Step 3. Have an activity to distract yourself from the breakup
You can go shopping, watch a movie, or go for a walk as a temporary distraction. If you need long-term activity, try a hobby or make time to help others. Regardless of the activity, it's important that you take time to direct your energy and emotions in a positive way. Some of the activities you can try include:
- Dance
- Compose songs
- Read
- Exercising
- Play sports games
- Working on art/craft projects
- Spending time at charitable organizations
- Be a mentor to others
Step 4. Learn to be a friend to yourself
To be a friend to yourself, you need to learn and accept yourself for who you are. Show affection for yourself by speaking in a friendly manner and looking for single activities that make you feel confident and empower yourself.
- For example, you could try writing or hiking on your own.
- Set some personal goals and make a plan to realize those goals. Make sure you choose a goal that is professionally meaningful, and not just a way to get your ex's attention or make him jealous.
Step 5. Take time to take care of yourself
You need time to process the end of the friendship. While processing your loss, make sure you can take care of yourself too. Eat regularly, get enough rest, manage and deal with emotions in a healthy way, and don't isolate yourself from the people around you. Remember that sometimes you need to prioritize yourself. You can improve your physical and mental condition by:
- Looking for friends and family to accompany you when you feel lonely
- Eating healthy food in the right amount
- Exercising enough
- Take time alone to recharge, and relax the body and mind
- Get enough sleep (at the same time) at night
- Make time for activities you love
Part 3 of 3: Finding Friends Elsewhere
Step 1. Share your feelings with a trusted friend or family member
Holding on to feelings will only hurt you in the long run. This doesn't necessarily mean that you can reconnect with your ex, but at least you need to share your feelings with someone you know, love, and trust. A friend or family member can give you support and affection by listening to your story. While they can't replace your ex, they can reduce the impact of your loss.
Step 2. Find new friends
You can visit social networking sites or start a chat with people you meet in everyday life. Find out the character you're looking for in a friend when you meet new people. You can also look for positive traits that former friends have in the new people you make friends with. Here are some ways to find or make new friends:
- Starting a chat with a stranger while waiting in line at the convenience store
- Chat with the barista at the coffee shop about the things he is interested in
- Watch an art or music performance and talk to an existing audience
- Meet people in cyberspace through social networking sites
- Open lines of communication between self and others
- Join the event to open up with others
- Invite new acquaintances to spend time with you
Step 3. Talk to a mental health professional if your loss feels too heavy to handle on your own
Mental health experts are objective listeners whose duty/responsibility is not to make prejudices. If you need to express your emotions to someone, or feel that the loss of a friend is upsetting your emotional balance, don't hesitate to seek help. You don't have to go through all this alone.
Step 4. Take care of the animals
While an animal can't replace a former best friend, you can build a new and important bond or closeness, and affection with the animal so that you can accept the loss. Several studies have shown that having a pet helps reduce stress levels, builds better psychological health, and provides emotional support. All of these emotional and health benefits are certainly good for someone who has experienced a loss of friendship.
Tips
- Even if you feel alone and lonely, remember that you are not really alone. You still have friends and family who care about you.
- The breakdown of friendships can be very difficult to deal with. Make sure you stay kind to yourself and your ex.
- When dealing with them, show maturity and generosity. Don't attack, mistreat, or insult him. He was once someone who meant a lot to you, and probably still is. When you feel like saying or doing something rude or cruel to him, scold yourself and remember the things that made you always glorify or view him with respect.
- When reminiscing about the moments together that have been passed with him, don't get hung up on negative moments. Think of the happy times you've had together.
- Don't say negative things about him on social media because apart from hurting his feelings, it will only tarnish your image.
