Breaking up with someone is hard. For young children, emotions can be so intense and difficult to control that a breakup feels like the end of the world. All of that hurts even more if the ex-spouse is the one who took your virginity. Having sex for the first time is a memorable and perhaps unforgettable moment. In reality, most people today would not spend the rest of their lives with a lover who took their virginity, but almost all of them could continue to live in peace.
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Method 1 of 3: Defuse Your Emotions
Step 1. Accept your own heart
At the end of a relationship, there will be a period of grieving. You just lost someone. So, for some time you will feel so sad. Accept and just let this happen. Cry and think about what just happened.
As a result of such a large emotional experience, psychologists claim that the first experience is usually more memorable and will continue to affect our emotional state for the rest of our lives. This means you need to spend more time getting over your ex. You may also never forget it. Instead of trying to forget it, accept what you feel as it is
Step 2. Look from the other side
Sometimes, even if the first experience is emotionally intense, it's possible that you're just exaggerating it. In our culture, losing your virginity is often seen as a big deal, but for most people, it's not something to worry about.
- After spending a few days grieving, try to see things from a different perspective. You are still the same person you were when you were a virgin.
- Also remember that you have the right to decide which romantic or sexual experiences were the most memorable in your life. If you don't want to see this incident as a "remarkable" sexual experience in your life, just ignore it. You've only just experienced one person, but a sexual experience with another person may be much more special. The “big moment” in your life may not have happened yet.
Step 3. Avoid negative views of yourself
For many people, when a relationship ends, there is a tendency to think negatively of yourself. This usually happens if you are not the one who chose to end the relationship. Feelings of being “rejected” can lead to a negative view of yourself.
- If you feel abandoned by your ex, you may think that you are not good enough or that you are not attractive enough. You may believe that you will never find happiness again. If you give up your virginity to someone, and then they decide, those thoughts are hard to get rid of.
- If you think about it, try to replace it with positive ideas. Your ex may not want to be together anymore, but someone else will. His refusal doesn't make you inferior to anyone.
Step 4. Think realistically for the future
When you are ready to think about the future, there are two realities to keep in mind. First, you will soon find happiness again. Second, you and your ex really have to separate.
- Think realistically for your future happiness. You were happy before this happened and will be happy again later. During life, you will love someone again.
- Don't think about going back to your ex one day. Love in youth is beautiful, but most of the time, this love doesn't last long. You and your ex are at a point where life is changing very fast and are still looking for each other's identities. These changes usually separate the love of two young people. It's nobody's fault. You can only move on and let your ex do the same.
Step 5. Try to control the sadness
For your own good, limit the time you spend crying over your ex. After a few days, if you can separate other aspects of your life from the sadness you feel, you can begin to conquer the sadness.
- For example, you may decide not to spend more than an hour a day mourning your loss. You can split the 30-minute session in half to feel the pain, but after that, do something that keeps your mind busy. After a few days, try to reduce the grieving time to 15 minutes.
- Some people feel that putting their grief in an imaginary box that is opened with a fixed schedule can make the feeling feel boring. In the end, this method can help you forget your sadness and start moving on with your life.
Method 2 of 3: Doing Something to Feel Better
Step 1. Keep some distance
Even though it's hard, when you're trying to get over the sadness that's building up in your heart, the best thing you can do is keep your ex as far away as possible. Don't see her, don't call, don't text, or contact her in any way.
- This doesn't mean you can't be friends, but as long as the feelings of affection are still there, spending time with your ex will only make it difficult for you to move on because you will remember the memories of the two of you. Take a break first. If in the future you are ready to make friends and still want that friendship, give it a try.
- If you go to the same school as your ex, this is usually quite difficult, especially if you're in the same class. There's no need to be rude or pretend your ex doesn't exist, just limit your interactions with him and ask him to do the same.
Step 2. You don't have to go through all this alone
Find a trusted friend or family member to share your problems with. Don't be afraid to ask for help.
- According to psychologists, although talking about their ex can provoke sadness or rejection, people who do this on a regular basis can forget their ex more quickly.
- Losing your virginity is a sensitive topic. So, make sure you only tell this to trusted people who won't judge or share your personal experiences with others.
Step 3. Forget the memory of it
While you may never be able to forget your ex or the moment you gave up your virginity, you also don't want to dwell on this all the time. Put anything that reminds you of him out of sight.
- Items in question include the gifts he gave her, photos of the two of you, or anything else that has a memory.
- Some people decide to throw away or destroy these memorable items, especially when they feel angry and dumped. Some people regret the decision later on. It is best to place it in a box so that it is not visible. Once you've managed to get over them and feel better, you can determine if they're worth keeping.
Step 4. Pour your heart out through writing
Writing personal things is a great way to process your emotions. Buy a notebook and use it to write down how you feel. You can write a diary, a poem, a story, or a song about your feelings.
- This has the same effect as talking to other people, and can be a place to let out feelings that might be too personal to share with others.
- If there are happy things that make you feel better, write them down in your journal too. This method can help you focus on positive changes in your life.
Step 5. Find yourself again
After breaking up, there are many people who have difficulty finding their true identity. Even if it's only a short-term relationship, the connection you build with someone can be an important part of your identity as an individual. Going through these moments means that you have to find out who you are without your ex.
- This is a great time to think about long-term goals and try new things. You might be able to try a new hobby, spend more time with friends, start exercising, or make a life change you've wanted for a long time.
- Focusing on the present moment and making positive new experiences will help you get over your ex.
Method 3 of 3: Moving On
Step 1. Give it a little time
The harsh reality of any breakup is the amount of time spent forgetting it. Moreover, there is no way of hastening the suffering experienced. Accept that you need time to get over your ex. No need to rush to do it.
Psychologists have found that it takes each person an average of 11 weeks to start feeling positive changes after a breakup. Don't be surprised if it takes you longer. The fact that this relationship involves sexual activity for the first time makes the healing period feel more intense
Step 2. Don't look for a momentary escape
Many people think that the best way to forget someone is to get in touch with the other person as quickly as possible. Some people believe that having sex with someone else will help you get over your ex. Unfortunately, looking for "escape" is not something healthy.
- Dating (or having sex) again before you get over your ex will make you compare your new partner to the one you still love. This can actually make you feel more lonely than when you were alone.
- Starting a new relationship in a hurry before getting over your ex can end up being painful for you and your new partner.
- If losing your virginity is a negative experience for you, don't rush into having sex with someone else. A negative first sexual experience often leads someone to do the same thing with another person, leading to more bad experiences and heartache. Wait until you can control your emotions before getting into a romantic or sexual relationship with someone else.
Step 3. Start dating again when you feel ready
Once you've gotten over your feelings for your ex or aren't feeling emotional stress on a regular basis, you can start a new relationship. Only you know when the time is right.
