Betrayal tends to come from unexpected sources. This is because you can only be betrayed by people you trust. Perhaps you have been betrayed by a trusted coworker, family member, spouse, or close friend. Betrayal can also come from a group of people. You may feel betrayed if some friends spread malicious gossip about you, or if you are not invited to a family gathering. Whether you want to learn to trust the betrayer or not, you will most successfully deal with the betrayal if you take care of yourself and practice forgiveness.
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Part 1 of 3: Caring for Yourself
Step 1. Feel your emotions
When you are betrayed, you will feel angry, sad, and humiliated. Holding on to painful feelings can have a negative impact on your health and relationships. Once you learn of the betrayal, take time to recognize your emotions without judgment. This will help you to get through it without blaming yourself or others.
- Writing down your feelings can be a useful way. If you're used to keeping a diary, write down exactly how you feel. If you're not used to keeping a diary, just write a letter to yourself. You can also write a letter to the person who betrayed you, but wait a week before sending it.
- Holding on to feelings of hurt can lead to health problems such as chronic pain, sleep deprivation, and even heart disease.
Step 2. Give yourself some time
You'll have a harder time dealing with betrayal if the culprit is always near you. If you have been betrayed by a partner or friend, ask the abuser to stay away for a while so that you learn to accept and deal with the betrayal that has occurred. You might want to get away too for a while. If you're living with a partner who cheated on you, you might want to ask him to move and live somewhere else temporarily, or at least sleep in another room.
- If the betrayer isn't around, stop communicating with him for the time being. Say that you will communicate with him again when you feel ready for it. If it feels better that way, set a date.
- Disconnect from social media. Staying away from websites that provide information you don't want about other people will only hurt you even more.
Step 3. Don't rush into decisions that result in drastic changes in your life
Betrayal can turn your world upside down. If you've lost faith in someone, you may be tempted to cut ties with them altogether for the rest of your life. However, wait before making a big decision like this, such as filing for divorce, changing jobs, or announcing the breakup to many people, because your feelings may change later.
Step 4. Avoid revenge
If you feel vulnerable to harming yourself or others, seek professional help immediately. There is no positive revenge. Revenge when you're "hot" you'll only regret later. The time you spend planning revenge actions is wasted time, which you could actually use for your emotional healing process.
Step 5. Find people you can talk to openly
Talking about your betrayal with someone you trust can be an effective way of healing. A good friend or therapist can help you clear your head and decide what to do next. Remember that one betrayal doesn't mean you can't trust everyone around the world. You may even learn to trust the person who betrayed you.
Step 6. Take care of yourself
Physical health will help you through these emotional times. Try to eat healthy every day and sleep regularly throughout the night. Exercise will also improve your mood and help you sleep well. If you're not used to regular exercise, try walking briskly for half an hour each day.
Part 2 of 3: Deciding to Forgive
Step 1. Try to forgive
Forgiveness does not mean you approve of the act of betrayal by the perpetrator. However, this means that you choose to leave feelings of hatred behind. Forgiveness can bring empathy and compassion to the person who betrayed you. Forgiveness can also produce a deeper sense of peace in yourself.
Forgiveness can have a positive impact on your personal health and well-being. Deciding to forgive a betrayal can lower your blood pressure, improve your heart health, and relieve your anxiety and depression
Step 2. Get rid of all negative feelings
Focus on yourself, not on the person who has hurt you. Tell yourself that you have no interest in letting the betrayal control your life or your happiness. When a negative thought pops into your mind, don't suppress or suppress it. Instead, just admit it and then get rid of the thought. If the thought comes back, just admit it again and get rid of it again.
If you're having trouble letting go of negative feelings, go back to ways to care for and care for yourself. Try meditation or yoga to help get rid of all negative thoughts
Step 3. State your forgiveness clearly, at least to yourself
Forgiveness is an act of caring and caring for yourself. You don't have to tell anyone else. If you feel like sharing this change of mind, just tell the betrayer that you've forgiven him. If you can't or don't want to communicate with that person anymore, expressing forgiveness to yourself is enough to help you move past the pain of betrayal.
If you want to share this forgiveness without confronting the person who betrayed you, just write a letter. If you find yourself getting angrier while writing a letter, save the letter and try writing it again after your anger subsides
Step 4. Just forgive without having to reconnect the previous relationship
You can forgive or forgive the person who betrayed you without having to reconnect with the previous relationship. Some types of betrayal of trust mean the end of a relationship. If this betrayal involved the abuse of a spouse or child, it is almost impossible for your trust to be or need to be restored. Forgiving, or forgiving, does not mean Ada thinks the action is right or justifiable at all.
If the person who betrayed you has died or refuses to communicate with you again, the relationship is also impossible to reconnect. Therefore, you have to move on and forgive him without his help
Step 5. Keep trying
If you are having trouble moving on with your life, remember that forgiveness is a process. A major betrayal can temporarily reshape your life, and sometimes requires repeated forgiveness. Even the slightest betrayal may be recalled occasionally before the pain is completely gone. Remind yourself that your goal is forgiveness itself.
Part 3 of 3: Rebuilding Trust
Step 1. Share your experience with this betrayal
Once you've acknowledged your emotions, share them with the person who betrayed you. Tell about your experience of being betrayed without trying to influence the reaction of the person who betrayed you. Use the pronoun "I" in your sentences instead of "you".
- Practice clear ways of expressing, for example, "I feel betrayed when you tell someone my secret." This will make it easier for the person who betrayed you to understand, than if you used an accusatory sentence like, "You betrayed my trust by telling someone else my secret."
- Try writing a letter first. If you think writing a letter will help you express your feelings more easily, read the letter you wrote to the person who betrayed you, or have them read it before you speak.
Step 2. Ask the person to apologize to you
If you have decided to continue the relationship with the person who has betrayed you, you need to know if he or she is ready to continue the relationship. If the betrayer isn't ready to admit that he or she has hurt you, or instead is trying to blame you for his actions, this means it's not time to rebuild trust.
The words "I" also help in this regard. "I really wanted to know if you understood my heartache." "I will be very relieved if you apologize to me, because it means a lot to me,"
Step 3. Reflect together the events that have occurred
If both parties have agreed to rebuild trust, talk openly and calmly about the painful event. Don't dwell on the painful parts, but make sure that you both understand what happened, why it happened, and why it hurt.
Step 4. Decide together the agreed goals
Find out if you both have the same desire when it comes to resuming the relationship. Maybe you both want things to go back to the way they were, or maybe the relationship is different now. It is also possible that you will find that you both have different goals. Sometimes, betrayal arises in a relationship involving one of the parties who is not fully open to his needs.
Positive changes can come from reconciling if you are both coworkers, for example, you can work less hours, or work more focused on a particular project
Step 5. Talk to the counselor together
If you are trying to recover from a betrayal by a spouse or other family member, you may need to visit a counselor together. Try to find a therapist who specializes in handling your situation. In cases of marital infidelity, seek out a therapist who specializes in marriage therapy.
Step 6. Be honest about the effects the betrayal had on you
Stay open to the person who betrayed you as you move on with your life after the betrayal. Share your fears that arose as a result of the betrayal, and pay close attention to the person's fears. The best result of a betrayal, which is never desired, is a renewed commitment in the bond of the relationship.
