If you and a guy you know are starting to get to know each other as friends and you want to invite him to spend some time together, don't be shy! Being in a platonic relationship with a guy isn't always easy, especially if you're attracted to him. However, this might be possible if you approach him as just a friend from the start. Emphasize the fact that you only want him as a friend and that the invitation is not a date. Even though you still have to be yourself, focus on not being flirty so the guy doesn't get confused. If all goes well, this guy could be one of your closest friends!
Step
Method 1 of 3: Clarify Your Invitation
Step 1. Refuse any form of flirtation to set clear boundaries for your friendship
When a guy meets you, he may immediately act flirty to attract attention. However, if you get straight to the point, you can more easily turn your relationship platonic. If he tries to seduce you, just laugh it off, then tell him that you're honestly not interested in a romantic relationship. Keep your tone friendly, but firm, and add a little humor to lighten the mood.
- Try saying this to reject it while showing that you want to be friends: “Dwika, I'm very flattered, seriously. But, I don't like you like that. You better try that seduction on that beauty over there.”
- Don't be afraid to disappoint or make the guy jealous. If you really want to be in a platonic relationship, he shouldn't mind it. However, if you feel any tension rising, your friendship may not be as close as you think.
Step 2. Make sure the guy knows your relationship status and your disinterest in romance
If you already have a boyfriend, don't want to date, or aren't interested in your guy friend, make sure he knows it. Whenever your friendship feels like it's changing, talk about your boyfriend or your relationship status to show that you're not interested in him as more than just a friend. If you have a boyfriend or crush, say his name so your guy friend knows where your heart is.
- Talk about your boyfriend when you exchange messages about the same interests: “You like Persib Bandung too? My boyfriend, Arief, bought me tickets to the match next month!”
- If you don't want to date, try blaming a third party and warn your male friends not to bring up the topic: “Gee, my mom always says I have to have a boyfriend. How many times do I have to tell you that I don't want to date right now?!”
- Alternatively, you could also explicitly state your satisfaction with being single: “I'm happy because I feel like I have everything I need. I really like my new job, feel healthier, and have good friends like you…. I used to feel stressed about not having a boyfriend, but now I don't think about it anymore."
Step 3. Say that he is a good friend or that you consider him like a big brother
The best way to let a guy know that you just want to be friends is to say it outright. If your friendship is starting to feel close and intense, or you both don't have a boyfriend yet, you may feel like you're in the middle of a "just friends" or "something special" relationship. Whenever you talk or text, make your intentions clear by saying that you value your friendship. Also, to make it clearer that romance is impossible, let's say that you like him like a big brother.
- While it's best to bring this up early in the friendship, be sure to bring it up gently when the topic comes up when you go out with him.
- Try to use this approach when asking him out: “Brother, you're like a big brother to me, but we haven't been out together since college. Let's have a 'family reunion' as soon as possible!”
- Compare your friendship to the worst possible scenario: “I can't count how many guys I want to be friends with but are acting weird. I'm lucky to have a good friend like you."
Method 2 of 3: Arranging a Meeting
Step 1. Be the first to open the conversation so you can control the direction of the conversation
Don't code that you want to go out – you could signal that you want to be pursued as a potential boyfriend. However, come up with the idea of going out together as friends whenever you're ready. Show confidence to show that you are comfortable going out with him as a friend.
- Try mixing your invitation with the fact that you two are close: “I'm glad we're friends. Otherwise, this class will really bore me! I know our schedule won't be the same after the exams are over, but can we meet up to chat next semester?”
- When you're in control of the topic, you can safely divert it into the friend zone.
- If you don't show any awkwardness, he has no reason to feel uncomfortable going out with you. However, if you are too rigid, you will both feel something is wrong with the invitation.
Step 2. Make it clear that the invitation is not a date
The best way to avoid ambiguity is to state your intentions clearly. Be specific that you're not asking him out, either in person or via text. Say this before he agrees to your invitation: “Hey, want to go to that concert? I mean, just as friends,” or “Would you like to come with me to my roommate's birthday? Just as friends."
- If your guy friend texts you out on a date and you're not sure if it's a date or not, reply to him like this: “Yeah, rock climbing looks like fun! To be clear, I don't want to date, but I do enjoy activities with new friends."
- If his reply shows that he's agreed to go as a friend, or even relieved that you've clarified an awkward topic, you're safe.
Step 3. Invite him to go out with your friends
If you're hesitant to ask him out alone, start by inviting him to socialize in a group. Ask if he wants to go out with you and your coworkers on a discount hunt or invite people you both know to go to the movies together. Try to arrange a balanced group composition between women and men, as well as single and married people.
- He will probably feel more comfortable if there is another guy in the group and the two of you will be more comfortable if not everyone in the group is a couple.
- If you're sending a text message, clearly state that the group you're invited to is a “friends group”. Ask "Wanna come along?" instead of “Want to come with me?” so that he understands.
Step 4. Ask him if he wants to do something you've done before
This is a great way to minimize stress on your guy friend and your relationship with him: his response will reflect rejection or acceptance of the activity, not you as a friend. Try asking something like “Hey, I'm planning to eat after class, wanna join?” or “If you like jazz, you should watch my sister's performance on Saturday! I was going to go alone, but he gave me an extra ticket to make friends.”
This is very effective if you want him to come with other friends, but you can also offer him to accompany you alone
Step 5. Don't go to date locations together
Do not give suggestions to go to a place that has a romantic impression. Stay away from fancy restaurants, cocktail bars, or even the nearest ice cream parlor if the location has a reputation for being a trendy date spot. Similar to the above, don't spend time together in private places, like in your apartment. However, use public places such as family restaurants or large areas. Choose activities that reflect your common interests, and prioritize going during the day, not at night, so that the atmosphere of your meeting feels light and fun.
- Take him on an outdoor adventure or take a historical tour if you're both a history buff.
- If you want to meet up for a drink or a meal, look for a casual eatery or cafe with a lively atmosphere.
Step 6. Let him know that you will pay separately
You may have said that your invitation was not a date, but you still need to make it clear who will pay for this and that. Tell him that you want to pay for the ticket yourself, split the food bill, or settle the payment, then ask him to send some money to pay his share later.
- By making an agreement in advance, you will not feel awkward when you want to pay for something.
- Don't expect him to pay off. Even if he wants to be a real man and pay your bills, politely decline the offer.
- Similar to the above, don't expect him to bother taking you to the meeting place. If you are one-way, accept the invitation. If not, be prepared to leave and come home on your own.
- Feel free to send a text message to confirm your plans: "So we'll meet at 7, then go off on our own after that, okay?"
Method 3 of 3: Becoming a Platonic Friend
Step 1. Refrain from doing things that seem like flirting, such as touching or complimenting them
Flirting with a guy friend is fun and seems harmless, but if you want your relationship to stay safe, watch your temper. Limit the number of compliments you give him – especially about his appearance. Avoid frequent physical contact. While it's okay to hug, say hello, and say goodbye, touching your arm or leaning on the couch can lead a guy to misunderstand.
- If the joke isn't funny, don't laugh like he's your crush! However, look away and tell him the joke was really bad so he knows you didn't treat him special.
- Even if you compliment your female friends a lot, a guy can misunderstand and think you like him if you feed his ego too much and make him feel special.
Step 2. Say goodbye like a friend, not a partner
Don't say "I'll call you later" or "Let's go out with me again sometime" because these are usually spoken at the end of a date. Refrain from sending cute short messages that show that you enjoy spending time with him. Keep things simple by saying the usual goodbye you would say to other friends: “That was fun, huh! See you later!" or “I'm waiting for the Grab driver. Go first. See you in class tomorrow!”
- Hugging her before parting is fine, as long as it's done quickly. Similarly, do not prolong the conversation before returning home. Prolonging the conversation and being spoiled are often considered signs of someone in love.
- You two are friends. So, you may meet again another day. You don't have to make sure that you two spend time together again.
Step 3. Take a break before you start texting or spending time together again
Spend a balanced amount of time hanging out with other friends and let the guy do the same. Don't feel the need to call or text her all the time, even if the two of you are very close. Even if you talk every day at school or work, try to spend time together once a month and exchange messages every few weeks.
If you think about it all the time or feel like you need to spend a lot of time together – longer than any other friend – your feelings may not be completely platonic
Step 4. Be careful if you start to feel romantically attracted to a guy friend
Even if you value your friendship very much, there is a chance that these feelings will continue to grow. These feelings are perfectly normal, but they may frustrate you because they can jeopardize your friendship. If this happens, don't try to fool yourself. Face your feelings and be honest with the guy in question.
- If your relationship is starting to feel intense, try saying something like: “Arief, I know this sounds weird, but I'm starting to feel like we're getting along and I think I should stay away for a while. I feel confused and don't want to destroy our friendship, is that okay?"
- Various studies have shown that men tend to be attracted to female friends more easily than women to male friends. So, if you are his girlfriend, pay attention to see if he starts sending you romantic signals.
Tips
- When you are together, act like a brother or mingle with other people. Don't act like you two are lovers. Find out where you stand in the man's social circle and things will go much smoother.
- You and the guy need to develop strong trust with each other so they can support your friendship. Tell him what your plans are, invite the guy to spend some time together, and let your attitude show that you have a platonic relationship. The more relaxed you are, the harder it will be for your partner to suspect you when you're out with a guy friend.
Warning
- Don't let your friendship ruin each other's relationship.
- Don't interfere with his love affairs. This will only cause trouble for both of you!
- Don't ruin a friendship by creating drama. Don't gossip or code suspiciously when you're out with friends, and don't make your boyfriend jealous or feel uncomfortable.
