If one of those closest to you has just experienced a difficult and sad event, understand that the only thing you need to do is be there for him or her without adding to the burden. This article teaches various tips for embracing someone who is grieving, being a good listener, and helping them take their mind off the negative and move on to a better life.
Step
Part 1 of 3: Approaching her
Step 1. Give him space to be alone
Remember, people who are grieving need to process their grief in their own way and at their own pace. Sometimes, people just need a shoulder to lean on and an ear to listen. After all, he would most likely need to process things without anyone bothering him, depending on what event was upsetting him. If your friend needs some time and space to be alone, provide it and don't make her feel like she's being pressed for time.
- After a while, get back in touch with him. There's no need to start by saying, “Oh, I just heard what happened! I'm going there now, okay?" Instead, just say, "I'm sorry, okay?"
- Don't burden your friends. Just show that you'll always be there whenever he wants to talk or needs help.
Step 2. Give him a simple gift
If your friend is difficult to contact or lacks communication with, try giving a simple gift to show your sympathy and encourage her to open up more.
- Before trying to talk to him or find out what's wrong with him, it's a good idea to send him a greeting card, bouquet of flowers, or other simple "gift" to show your sympathy. In addition, you can also give a piece of beer or a CD containing his favorite songs, you know!
- Help your friends, no matter how simple it is. Just buying soft drinks, providing tissues, or providing space to sit comfortably can have a significant positive impact, you know!
Step 3. Approach him
When someone is upset, they often feel reluctant to ask others for help, especially if the cause of the irritation is serious. If a loved one has recently experienced a sad event, such as a breakup or the death of a loved one, you will likely have a hard time contacting them. Even in this situation, try as hard and as creatively as possible to encourage him to talk.
- Try texting him if he won't pick up your phone. Besides being easier to respond to, your friends don't need to feel burdened because they don't have to have face-to-face communication with you.
- Even if the things that irritate him are simple, like a scratched leg or a loss at his favorite sports club, he may still isolate himself from other people. So, stick with it.
Step 4. Stay by his side
Sometimes, the only thing you need to do for someone close to you who is grieving is to be by their side. Believe me, suffering alone can be the most difficult part of the grieving process. Therefore, show that you will always be there when he is ready to talk and open up.
In some cases, simple physical contact can mean much more than a warm chat. Therefore, feel free to stroke his back, hug him, or simply hold his hand to make him feel more comfortable
Part 2 of 3: Listening Well
Step 1. Encourage him to talk
Ask a few questions to encourage your friend to talk and open up about what happened. If you already know the problem, it can't hurt to ask more specific questions. But if not, just ask, "Would you like to talk, don't you?" or "What's going on, anyway?"
- Don't force it. Sometimes, just sitting next to him in silence can also encourage your friend to talk when they feel ready. If your friend doesn't feel ready, don't push it!
- After a few days, try to contact him again. For example, you could take her to lunch and ask her again, "How are you?" She should feel more comfortable opening up at that stage.
Step 2. Listen to the story carefully
If he starts talking, stop talking and focus your full attention on him. In other words, don't say anything, don't interrupt her, don't try to sympathize, and don't share your personal experiences with her grief. Just sit quietly next to him, and let him talk. Trust me, that's what she needs most when she's grieving.
- Make eye contact with him. Give a sympathetic look, put your cell phone away, turn off the television in front of you both, and ignore anything else in the room. Focus completely on the words.
- Nod your head to confirm the words, and use other nonverbal body language to show that you are listening well. Breathe at the sad part, smile at the silly or fun part. Be a good listener.
Step 3. Summarize and validate the words
If your friend's tempo starts to slow down, one way to keep him talking is to summarize the words in your own language. Sometimes, listening to the problem from someone else's mouth can speed up a person's recovery process, you know! If your friend recently ended their relationship with their partner and is constantly mentioning their ex's mistakes, try saying, "He didn't seem very committed from the start." Help him fill in any missing information to speed up the recovery process.
- You can also do this if you don't understand the meaning of the words. For example, try saying, "Let me repeat, will you be angry with your sister because she borrowed your astronomy book without permission?"
- Never underestimate the problem, however simple it may seem. Trust me, the problems he goes through can be much bigger than you think.
- Don't pretend to understand his feelings if you've never been in his position.
Step 4. Don't try to solve the problem
Many people, especially men, make the mistake of trying to come up with a solution instead of simply being a good listener. If your friend doesn't make a specific request like, "What do you think I should do?" never try to provide a solution. Remember, there is no easy solution to grieving. Therefore, do not try to give it away. Instead, just keep him company and listen to his story.
- This method should especially be kept in mind if you are talking to a friend who made a mistake. Trust me, your friend doesn't need to be reminded that she should be studying instead of playing a game before a test!
- If you want to give advice, first ask, "Do you just want to be heard or do you need advice?" Appreciate any response.
Step 5. Get him to talk about something else
After some time has passed, encourage him to change the direction of the conversation, especially when he starts to be heard repeating the same topic. Encourage him to find the positive side of things he's going through, or try changing the topic to shift his focus.
- For example, try to tell the activities you will do after this. Gradually, invite him to talk about new topics. If the two of you are talking about their breakup experience outside the school building, try asking, “Are you hungry, aren't you? Where do you want to have lunch?"
- Sooner or later, your friends will start to run out of topics. If the topic is starting to feel unproductive, don't let it keep revolving around the same topic. Instead, encourage him to talk and focus his energies on something else.
Part 3 of 3: Keeping Her Busy
Step 1. Get him active to distract himself
Stop his anger or grief by asking him to do various entertaining activities! Remember, it's not the type of activity that matters, but how effective it is at keeping your friend busy.
- For example, take him for a walk around the mall and/or shopping, or just walk around the complex to breathe fresh air and treat his eyes to new sights.
- Invite him to throw away negative energy. However, make sure you don't use negative ways such as taking drugs and alcohol, or smoking, OK! If you want to lead your friend in a better direction, act logically and with reason.
Step 2. Get him to do some physical exercise
Indeed, exercise is effective in releasing endorphins to the brain that can calm and restore one's mind. If you can get him to do physical exercise, don't hesitate to do it to improve his mood in a positive and healthy way.
- Try taking her to do meditative exercises like light stretching or even yoga.
- To distract him, do an entertaining sport like playing in the yard, cycling, or taking an afternoon walk.
- If your friend is feeling angry or frustrated, try taking her to some high-intensity physical activity, such as lifting weights or hitting a bag at the nearest gym.
Step 3. Get him to do something light and entertaining
If your friend is constantly grieving, take her in the opposite direction! For example, you can take her shopping at the mall or go for a swim and then eat some fresh ice cream afterwards. Do you both like Disney movies? Why not take her to a marathon Disney movie while eating a bowl of popcorn and telling each other their ideals? Invite him to do activities that are light, entertaining, and able to distract him from sad things.
If you want, you can also take him to a silly movie or comedy solo show to restore positivity to his mind
Step 4. Invite him to eat something
When the person closest to you is in a very bad mood, try taking them out for ice cream or dining at your favorite restaurant. Sometimes, grief can make a person lose their appetite and forget to eat something. As a result, his blood sugar will decrease and his condition will get worse. Believe me, any light snack can definitely improve her mood a little!
If you want, you can also send food to his house. For example, cook a pot of soup and have it delivered to his house so he doesn't have to worry about finding food to eat
Step 5. Encourage him to postpone non-emergency plans
If your friend has just had a really bad experience, is it possible for her to stay focused while giving a presentation at the office or listening to material in class? Therefore, if needed, ask him to rest for a few days to clear his mind, instead of forcing his body to go through its usual routine.
