While we may be taught that friendship is rock-hard, the fact is that most have their ups and downs. If a good friend keeps a distance and you want to contact him, the best approach is openness, honesty, a willingness to accept your friend's feelings. Take your time, be wise, and hope you can fix it and move forward.
Step
Method 1 of 4: Observing the Situation
Step 1. Think about what happened
Most likely there is a specific reason for the rift in your friendship. Consider the situation as objectively as possible. Does one of you bear a greater share of the involvement?
- Even if you feel wronged by your friend, consider the possibility that at some point you have hurt him in subtle ways that you didn't even know about.
- On the other hand, if you know it was you who made a mistake, spend some time reflecting on what you did and why, and how you can prevent it from doing it again.
Step 2. Beware of assumptions
If there doesn't seem to be a clear reason for your friend's departure, don't jump to conclusions. This may have nothing to do with you; maybe something is bothering your friend.
Step 3. Be prepared to accept responsibility and/or forgive
You may want your friend back, but until you're ready to admit your mistakes and/or forgive your friend's mistakes, you're not going anywhere.
However, you may need to have a long talk with your friend before the wound begins to heal. The important thing is to make sure you feel ready and willing to work things out together, rather than holding grudges
Method 2 of 4: Calling Friends
Step 1. Think about what you want to say first
If you feel you should apologize, be clear about what you are apologizing for. Make sure to be sincere: what do you really regret?
For example, if you have neglected your friend because you spent all your time with your new love, it would be inappropriate to apologize for spending time with this person. Instead, talk about how you regret that you haven't made time for your friend
Step 2. Call your friends or ask them to meet
It's probably best to talk face-to-face if you can: body language can communicate so much more than just your voice and can help avoid misunderstandings. However, if that's not possible, call your friend to talk.
If you ask to meet, try to avoid vague sentences like, "We need to talk." This can put your friend on the defensive. Instead, try a more emotionally rooted approach like, "I miss you," or "I just wish we could spend a little time together."
Step 3. Write a letter
If you're too shy or your friends won't see you, writing small notes can help improve understanding and communication. Sometimes expressing yourself on paper is easier than in person. Try to keep it simple and straightforward; at the end, suggest a casual, stress-free meeting, like going out for coffee or a walk.
Method 3 of 4: Communicating with Friends
Step 1. Express sincerity
Tell your friend how important he is to you, and that you miss him. While it may be tempting to end this conversation as quickly as possible, taking shortcuts can put you at risk. This is an opportunity to clarify your feelings.
Again, avoid jokes like, "Let's make peace" made up sentences can make your friend wary
Step 2. Listen to his views
Again, it's a good idea to approach the conversation without prejudice about how he feels or what he has to say. Keep an open mind, and give him as long as he needs to say whatever he needs to say.
- He may need a signal from you, such as "I bet I made you feel bad enough," or "I want us to be friends again. Is that still possible?"
- Listen without interrupting, even though what he has to say may trigger a certain response in you.
Step 3. Give your friend some time to think about it
You may be ready to talk things over, but maybe your friend isn't. You two may need some time to process what the other person said. You've made an important big step by starting this conversation - now step back a bit for your friend to consider.
- Keep this step in mind if you don't get a positive response at first. You may have to wait weeks or even months for your friend to return.
- It may be very difficult to stay away from friends. However, this may be necessary for the survival of your relationship.
Method 4 of 4: Moving On
Step 1. Be patient
Your friend may need more time, even more than you think, to reflect on something. Friendships are complex, so don't expect this to be fixed overnight.
Step 2. Talk about the things you want to change
If the two of you are ready to continue the friendship, this transition is a good time to agree on some basics if needed. This is also an opportunity for both of you to learn and grow from each other.
- For example, perhaps you will agree to be a better listener and your friend will agree not to criticize you too much.
- However, this doesn't mean that you have to make drastic changes in yourself to please your friends. If your friend makes demands that you don't feel comfortable with, you need to consider whether this is really a healthy relationship based on mutual respect and love.
Step 3. Make a plan
When you feel like you two have discussed things thoroughly and things are starting to improve, make plans to see each other again. Suggesting fun activities that you two used to enjoy doing together (going for a hike, cooking dinner, going to the movies) preventing you from dwelling on problems can help get your relationship back on track.
Tips
- Sometimes friendships have a natural ending because people start to drift apart, or do things the other person can't forgive. If your attempts are repeatedly rejected, you may have to accept your friend's decision and let go of the relationship.
- Try to stay away from words like "you" or "-mu" and words that describe him, words like "I" or "we" and words that describe you when you apologize to him. This shows that you have thought about friendship and how important it is to you. Example: "I know what I've done and we have a strong friendship between us."
