What to do if someone cries in front of you? Should you give an opinion? Or do you just need to provide an ear to hear all his complaints? For those of you who often feel awkward or confused in these situations, try reading this article to find effective tips for calming someone who is crying.
Part 1 of 3: Showing Support
Step 1. Make sure you are always there for him
Usually, there isn't much you can say or do to help someone who is grieving. In most cases, the only thing you need to do is be by his side, especially when he's going through a tough time and needs emotional support from someone else. For that, instead of calming him down with words of wisdom and motivation, try to take the time to accompany him through these times.
Show him that you will always support and accompany him. No need to try to give advice or opinions; for him, your presence is enough
Step 2. Make sure he feels safe
Often, a person is reluctant to cry in front of others for fear of being seen as weak. If she's already shedding tears in public, try moving her to a more private location so she doesn't feel embarrassed afterwards. For example, ask him to go to the bathroom, the car, or an empty room. Surely, he will feel more secure and comfortable in expressing his emotions.
- If he seems uncomfortable, try asking, "Would you like to go somewhere quieter, wouldn't you?" After that, you can invite him to move to a more private place.
- If you're still in school or university, don't take her to places where she shouldn't be carelessly entered (for example, an empty classroom). Don't let the two of you get into new problems because of it!
Step 3. Offer tissues
If you brought a tissue, offer it to him. Crying would make his face and nose wet with tears; Offering a tissue is a simple way to show that you want to help. If you don't have a tissue with you (or if you don't have one nearby), offer to buy one or get one first.
- You can say, “Want me to get you a tissue?”
- Be careful, he may misinterpret your actions as an order to stop crying; This misunderstanding can especially happen if the emotions are really unstable.
Part 2 of 3: Meeting His Needs
Step 1. Let her cry
There is no point in asking someone to stop crying or saying that the problem is not worth crying over. For some people, crying makes them feel a lot better. After all, all forms of emotional expression should be expressed rather than suppressed because of the risk of triggering mental disorders such as depression. If someone wants to cry in your presence, let them cry. Don't forbid it or ask, “Dude, it's a trivial matter, ah. Why are you crying?" Remember, he is sharing his helplessness with you; let him express his emotions in any way that makes him feel comfortable.
Even if you feel awkward or uncomfortable, always remember that your role is to give her the support and help she needs. Focus the situation on his needs and feelings, not yours
Step 2. Ask him what he needs
Chances are, he'll ask you to stay with him and listen to his complaints, or he'll ask you to leave him alone. Don't feel like you know best what he needs. Remember, you can never really understand someone's feelings. For that, ask him what he needs and wants; give him a chance to be in control and learn to be a good listener. Whatever the request or desire, respect it.
- Ask, “What can I do for you?” or “What kind of support do you need right now?”
- If he asks you to leave him alone, don't say, "But you need my help!" Instead, say, "Okay. But if you need something, just call or text, okay?" Remember, sometimes humans need solitude to clear their minds.
Step 3. Take your time for it
Remember, neither you nor he is being pressed for time to complete a particular mission. Being supportive means that you will always try to be by his side when needed. Therefore, be willing to spend your time on it. If you don't know what to do, just stay by his side and make sure he can still live his daily life well.
Show him that you are willing to accompany him if needed. After all, spending a few hours a day will not immediately disrupt your work or your daily life, right?
Step 4. If necessary, show your concern through concrete actions
If he likes to be cuddled, try cuddling him. If he doesn't like physical touch that is too intimate, just pat him on the back or don't even touch him at all. If the person feels strange to you, try asking first if they mind if you hug or hold their hand. If he seems reluctant, don't do it.
Try asking, "Mind if I hug you?" Don't make it even more uncomfortable
Part 3 of 3: Encouraging Her to Tell a Story
Step 1. Don't make him feel pressured
Chances are, he's still in shock and too lazy to tell anyone about his problems. If he seems reluctant to open up to you, don't force him. Not everyone can easily tell the problem to others, especially if the relationship with the other person is not very close. Don't force yourself to give comments or advice either; if you really don't know what to say, just stay by his side and show that you will always be there for him.
- It is possible that he will never tell you his problem. Don't sweat it; after all, he was under no obligation to do so.
- You could say, “Telling about your problems might make you feel better. When you're ready to talk, just let me know, okay?"
- Don't say or do anything judgmental. Trust me, he will shut himself off from you even more.
Step 2. Listen to the words carefully
Hone your listening skills and be willing to give him all your attention. If you ask him the problem but he doesn't respond, don't keep asking. Accept whatever he has to say and focus on being a good listener. Give your full attention; observe what he says and how he says it.
Look him in the eye while he is talking and give a non-judgmental response
Step 3. Focus on it
You may be tempted to say, "I've been there, too." Be careful, these comments can turn the focus of the situation on you; as a result, you may appear to be ignoring his feelings even if you don't mean to. To prevent this situation from happening, try to always focus on him and his problems. If he tells the root of the problem, let him talk to his heart's content and don't interrupt him.
Even if you're really tempted to share a personal experience that's relevant to the problem, don't do it unless you're asked. Remember, your biggest job is to help relieve the discomfort
Step 4. Don't jump to conclusions
If a situation upsets him, don't immediately come up with a solution or try to solve the problem. Believe me, what he needs is a listener; so make sure you don't talk too much and listen more to her complaints. Chances are, he won't even tell you about his problems. Don't worry, you're not required to solve the problem anyway.
- Crying is an expression of his emotions, not his way of solving problems. Let her cry all she wants.
- Remember, crying is not a symbol of someone's weakness. If you've been used to ignoring your emotions and suppressing the urge to cry, you may also have a hard time understanding these words.
Step 5. If necessary, encourage him to see a professional therapist.
If your friend is constantly having trouble dealing with her personal emotions, she may really need to see a professional therapist. Most likely, the problem is so much bigger than you think that he's dealing with it alone. This is where the role of the therapist is needed. There's no need to force her to see a therapist; simply state your opinion and considerations, and explain that you think this course of action is the best idea.