Humans generally cry, but women tend to cry more often than men. If you're faced with a woman crying, there are steps you can take to make her feel more comfortable, whether she's your boyfriend, best friend, or coworker. Soothing a crying woman can strengthen the relationship and make her and you feel better.
Step
Method 1 of 2: Calming Lover or Friend
Step 1. Assess the situation
There are various reasons that can make a woman cry. Maybe he is grieving, depressed, sick, or very happy. Before going any further, try to assess the situation and whether it is appropriate to try to calm him down. The reasons that might make you not the right person to calm the woman for example:
- If you get involved in a situation that upsets him. If you feel shaken, annoyed, or hurt by a situation that made her cry, you may not be in a good position to help her. If that's the case, you can seek the help of a friend who can help you and him understand the situation.
- If he cries because he is very happy. Researchers aren't quite sure why, but people who are engulfed in happy feelings can cry involuntarily, just like people who are afraid or sad. In this situation, congratulating your best friend or lover may be more appropriate than trying to calm them down.
- If he cries because he is fighting with you. Before trying to calm him down, you may want to calm yourself down for a while so you don't get into another fight.
Step 2. Make the decision to calm him down
Unless there's a very good reason not to calm her down, you should try to help the crying woman. Indifference to someone who is crying can hurt that person's feelings. What's more, deciding to calm someone down will make him recover faster from his grief and will also strengthen your relationship.
Step 3. Be a good listener
This is very important. Tears are an important form of communication, you have to pay attention to what he is trying to say. Use active listening techniques, such as verbally confirming what he is saying and trying not to interrupt him.
- Remember that calming doesn't mean changing her feelings.
- Be careful not to turn the conversation over to yourself because this is all about him. Don't think it's you. Even if he doesn't respond the way you expect it doesn't mean he doesn't deserve to be happy or he deserves to be sad.
- Avoid words like, "If I were you", "Have you tried…", or "If it happened to me, I wouldn't think so much about it."
Step 4. Don't try to "minimize" her pain or stop her from crying
Tears are often a good or positive response, even if they are caused by something painful. Crying can bring physical and emotional calm to people who are sad or depressed. Suppression of emotions can prevent the healing of the pain. Even if it makes you uncomfortable, let him cry until he feels relieved. She will feel better after crying.
- In general, avoid imperative words, negative language, or imperative sentences. Avoid words like, "Don't cry," "Don't be sad," or "That's not too bad."
- Saying that you know the solution to the problem won't help. Resist your urge to tell him what he should or shouldn't do to solve his problem. Don't act like you know everything he's going through and know how to fix his problem as this will only make him feel unappreciated.
- People who cry because of a mental disorder such as anxiety or major depression may feel worse, rather than better, after crying. If you think she may be crying because of the mental disorder, you should still offer help and encouragement, but you should also suggest seeing her doctor so she can get the treatment she needs.
Step 5. Acknowledge the sadness
Show him that you understand his pain by stating that his pain is understandable and that you share your condolences for it. Use words like:
- "It hurts so much. I'm sorry it had to happen!"
- "I see, it must hurt you a lot."
- "It hurts so much. I'm sorry."
- "No wonder you are angry. This situation does seem very difficult."
- "I'm sorry that this happened to you."
Step 6. Use calming techniques nonverbally
People who cry may more quickly perceive or feel comfort from nonverbal cues than verbal communication. Nods, appropriate facial expressions, eye contact, and leaning forward can let him know that you are sympathetic and caring.
While offering a tissue can sometimes be interpreted as caring, it can also be a sign that you want him to stop crying. Only give a tissue when the crying person asks for it or looks like he's looking for it
Step 7. Assess whether physical contact is appropriate
Some people find comfort in touch and others become more agitated by it. You can offer a hug if you know that he responds well to a hug. Hugs can even relieve stress from time to time. Other examples of physical touch you might be able to do include holding her hand, touching her shoulder, stroking her hair, or kissing her forehead. Use your best guess based on what you know about him and the boundaries of your relationship, and always follow what he says. Back off if he asks you to.
You can also observe his body language to determine if he might be "open" to this. Defensive body language such as fists clenched, arms or legs crossed, or avoiding eye contact may mean that he wants you to back off a bit
Step 8. Try not to avoid this situation
Many people feel uncomfortable around people who are crying. If that's the case, you may rush and say something you think will help when you don't know what to say. Or, you may be looking for a way out of this situation. This will only make him feel sadder. If you don't know what to do, try saying, "I'm sorry for your trouble. Is there anything I can do to help?" Words like this will at least show him that you care so that might help calm him down.
Step 9. Ask him what you can do to help him
Let him guide you on this. The temptation to try to make things right with the solution you think is best is easy to come by. However, he may not want help or may need more than you think. Of course you don't want to make things worse. Resist the urge to work things out when all you have to do is help him get through his pain and grief.
- Let him know that you are here to help him, but don't force it. He probably just needs someone to talk to. Often the best way to calm someone down is to be a good listener.
- Ask open-ended questions about whether you can help her deal with her problems. For example, "Is there anything I can help you with?" or "I really want to help, can anything make you better?" may be a great way to start a conversation about how you can help her.
- Sometimes an angry person is so caught up in their feelings that they can't think about how you can help them. If this is the case, try offering some specific things you might be able to do to help. For example, you could ask him if he might want to go out to get some ice cream, or if he might want to watch a movie together later. See if he responds positively to these suggestions.
Step 10. Provide assistance in appropriate situations
Even if dealing with the problem isn't your primary reference, there may be certain and obvious things you can do to ease the pain. If you're able to work out a problem he's having--and if he looks like he wants you to do it--then you can offer to help him.
For example, if he's crying because of work pressure, you might be able to offer to help him do some light homework so he has more time to focus on his work. If he's crying because he just had a fight with a friend, you can discuss ways to mend the relationship
Step 11. Check the state
A few days after the crying incident, occasionally check on her to make sure she's okay. Don't be too intrusive, but taking her out for coffee, asking how she's doing, or calling her every now and then is often helpful. It's possible that she will recover quickly, but she may also need more time to get through her grief. The encouragement or help you provide during these times will be very helpful.
Step 12. Look after yourself
Empathy is important, but it can also make you upset or depressed about it. Remember to take care of yourself too and ask others for help if you need help.
Method 2 of 2: Calming an Acquaintance or Coworker
Step 1. Show empathy
Generally, people prefer to cry in front of people they know, not in front of strangers, coworkers, or acquaintances. If you're not very close to him, he may be quite depressed and need empathy. It's important that you respond with empathy and not anger, panic, or fear.
Step 2. Let her cry
If he wants you to be near him, let him cry. Don't try to force her to stop crying or suggest that she forget the problem. Crying is natural and healthy, and can relieve stress and pain in the heart.
- Remember, there is no connection between crying and professionalism at work. People cry sometimes, so crying at work can happen to anyone at any time.
- Say something to calm her down if she seems embarrassed, such as "It's okay if you cry" or "There's no need to be embarrassed about crying, we're all human."
Step 3. Show that you are willing to talk
He may not want to go into too much detail because he doesn't really know you. However, maybe you can be a good listener. Ask her questions and use open body language to show that you are willing to listen if she wants to. For example, you can say:
- "I know I'm just your co-worker, but I'd also love to be your friend if you need someone to talk to. Would you like to chat?"
- "I'm always there if you want to talk about your difficult problems."
- "Can I help you? Even if it's not a work problem, I'd like to hear it."
Step 4. Listen actively
If he decides to share his problems with you, use active listening techniques to show that you care. These techniques include: not interrupting or making suggestions, asking just to confirm that you understand what he is saying, maintaining eye contact, and not diverting the conversation.
Step 5. Be empathetic, but still professional
You have to be tactful and show that you care, but don't cross the line with your coworkers. The working relationship between you and him will continue even after this incident.
For example, you may not want to offer a hug unless he asks for it. If you want to contact him outside of the office to make sure he's okay, you should ask him if he's comfortable with that
Step 6. Offer work-related help
Your co-worker may be crying because of the pressure of work or there may be personal issues that keep him from focusing on work. In either case, if you are in a position to help him professionally, you can help him find a solution.
- For example, he may need a break or you may be able to help him make plans to complete a difficult office assignment.
- Only acts if he wants to. The temptation to try to make things right with the solution you think is best is easy to come by. However, he may not want help or may need more than you think. Of course you don't want to make things worse.
- Don't try to go too far on personal matters. Don't feel like you need to solve your coworkers' personal problems. If you don't know him very well, don't assume that you know how to solve the problem. Be there to calm her down and listen to her, and focus on work-related issues.
- If you feel that you can't help solve the problem, apologize and tell him that you can't help solve the problem. If you know someone who you think can help solve the problem, suggest that they talk to that person and get help from them.
Tips
- Whatever the situation, the most important thing you can give to a crying woman is your ears and empathy. Additional body language may help--offering her dinner, a cup of coffee, or taking her to a movie to lighten her mood--but your presence and attention is the best gift you can give.
- Remember, crying is not a problem that needs to be addressed, but rather a form of communication that needs to be listened to.
- Crying can be uncomfortable for some people, but try to work around it to give love and care to someone who needs it.
Warning
- Crying is usually a very healthy condition, but it can also be a sign of a more serious condition such as an anxiety disorder, phobia, or depression. If he continues to cry without feeling better, you can suggest that he consult a specialist.
- Soothing a crying person is also a healthy, caring, and positive behavior. Sometimes there may be a victim. If you feel like you're getting pressured by trying to help calm someone down, take care of yourself by looking for someone else who can help you with your (problem).
