Although gossiping isn't just bad. However, it can also be very dangerous not only to you, but to other people as well. It's a good idea to find ways to limit your own gossiping tendencies, as well as not to get involved in gossiping with other people. See step 1 to get started with dealing with gossip, both from yourself and from others.
Step
Part 1 of 2: Avoiding Gossip
Step 1. Don't do negative gossip
Not all gossip is bad, so you don't have to completely eradicate it from your life. However, you must learn to distinguish between harmless gossip and the types of gossip that can hurt people.
- People who spread gossip (and most other people) don't spend a lot of time getting the facts. In fact, they usually hear the information they spread from a second or third party.
- There is also a difference between talking about a person or incident with a trusted friend and spreading misinformation (or one-sided information) to a group of people. Unless the person is dangerous (say they are a rapist or a harasser or a thief), you usually don't need to talk about your conflict.
- For example: telling people that you heard Harry from the accounting department cheated on his wife is dangerous gossip (even if it's true, people don't need to know about it). Now, suppose you are Harry's wife and you find out that Harry is cheating on you, you can tell people (especially the family if they ask about why you are divorced, or to clarify if Harry started telling him that he started the divorce because you were having an affair).
Step 2. Ask yourself what is the point of repeating the information
Humans are social creatures and gossip is part of the framework of society. This can help to maintain social norms and guard one's instincts, if they think people will pay attention to what they are doing. However, it can also be used to destroy reputations, and elevate the status of gossipers at the expense of others.
- Some questions to consider about your information: is it harmful? is it proven (you can back up the gossip with actual facts, not just hearsay)? Am I doing this to make myself feel better or to improve my status? Is this something I heard from a second or third party?
- If you gossip to put you in the limelight, or increase your ego, you need to stop. That's where the dangerous aspect of gossip comes in. imparting information is one thing (example: "Did you hear they added a new wing building for the library?" or "Did you hear that Christian is hospitalized? You should send him a greeting card.") but harmful gossip is like this (example: "I heard that Sandra slept with all the employees in Human Resources, because that's why she got a raise and we didn't").
Step 3. Find out the problem behind the rumors circulating
Sometimes the reason that you are gossiping about someone is because you are angry with them or for something they have done. Consider why what they are doing bothers you so much. Sometimes, it's because you have the same job.
- For example: If you find yourself constantly talking about Jane being a prostitute who always attracts men, stop and ask yourself, what's the real problem? Is it because you are jealous of the attention given to Jane? Did Jane even really want that attention? Even if Jane sleeps with people, what does that have to do with you?
- You really want to get to the root of the problem, especially if it's something that has been going on (especially if you've been gossiping about the same person or situation over and over again).
Step 4. Do something about this problem
Sometimes, instead of just talking to everyone you meet, you have to find a solution to the problem. This may require you to talk to the person about who you are talking about, but often it can also foster healthier networks and trusting relationships.
Sometimes what you have to do is remove someone from your life. For example, instead of talking about how rude and inconsiderate your ex was (and still is), stop engaging with him, unfriend him on Facebook, and delete his contacts from your phone. This way you can move forward to talking about more enjoyable things, instead of wasting energy talking to someone like him
Step 5. Give yourself a certain time limit for gossiping
If you can't stop talking about a certain person or a certain time limit, set yourself a certain amount of time to talk about it. When you're done, you can focus your energies on something more positive.
Limit yourself to between 2 and 5 minutes talking about this (per day if possible). Don't give yourself the same amount of time for everyone you talk to
Part 2 of 2: Avoiding Gossip With Others
Step 1. Talk privately about the specific actor
If you are trying to deal with persistent gossip, discuss the matter in private. Especially if you are someone in a position of power, you may need to keep the situation from gossiping.
- Dealing with chronic gossip. Find out who they are and try to avoid them. If you can't avoid them, don't give them the satisfaction of relaying information to you. When they try to gossip, change the subject, or walk away from them. Unlike people who only gossip occasionally, chronic gossipers don't seem to be deterred by the simple talk of quitting gossiping.
- For example: if Dan, your brother-in-law, keeps talking about your brother around you and talking about how his sister is a thief and his brother is a thief, talk to him privately and ask what the problem is with your brother. Tell him that it is not appropriate to pass on information about them to others. If there is a problem (For example, your sibling has actually stolen something from him), help to solve it.
- Remember that men are just as likely to gossip as women, even if it's not often called gossip, but men can pass along harmful or inaccurate information, too.
Step 2. Find the right response
When someone comes to you with slightly harmful gossip, find a way to change the topic, or make the gossiper aware of the harmful nature of what they are saying.
- Some subtle ways turn his attention to the harmful nature of gossip: "Let's look at this from X's point of view," (X becomes the subject of gossip) "Why do you talk so much about X?" or "Hey, maybe we can find a way to fix this"
- Try and find a way to get to the root of the gossiper's problem with the person they are talking about. If they are chronic gossipers, you may need to be more assertive in reminding them.
Step 3. Change the topic of conversation
Sometimes you just need to step away from the negative gossip and focus on something more positive. Try to do this without blaming the gossiper, as that can turn their anger on you.
- When they start gossiping, say "Hey, we have to plan what we're going to do this afternoon after work."
- You can also say something like "This conversation is very negative for X. Let's talk about something more positive" (especially if the subject of the gossip is negative).
Step 4. Break away
In the end, if you can't change the subject, the best thing to do is walk away or make it clear that you're not interested in hearing that kind of gossip. You may annoy the gossiping person and they may say something about you, which may be contradictory. However, it would probably be best just not to get involved with that type of situation.
- For example, you could say something like "Hey, I'm not interested in hearing baseless rumors about so-and-so," or "I don't really care about X's sexuality."
- If you don't want to make a big deal out of the situation at all, you can make excuses like "I have to get back to work" or "I have to go home," etc.
Tips
- If you feel the urge to talk about someone, pretend that the person you're talking to is standing right next to you so you won't say anything offensive behind their back.
- A person's loyalty can change at any time. If you engage in gossip, you may become the subject of gossip later on.
- Make it clear that you are 'not' interested in hearing or participating in gossip and be careful about the personal information you share with others.
