Many of us enjoy gossiping and it hurts when someone says negative things about you. To find out if a friend or coworker is gossiping about you, pay attention to what they say and what they do. This article explains how to deal with gossipers and stop rumors from spreading so that a healthy and rewarding relationship can be established at work or at school.
Step
Method 1 of 3: Paying attention to his speech
Step 1. Notice if he is giving an insincere compliment
Listen carefully when he talks to you. People who gossip usually harbor anger or disappointment with the person being gossiped about. These emotions can be seen when he interacts with you, for example in the form of negative words that are offensive or insincere compliments.
- Even if he denies what he's saying by saying, "I'm just joking," he may still have a hard time hiding his anger.
- An example of an insincere compliment: "Congratulations, yes, I heard you were accepted into a university. This seems like a big achievement… for a public school graduate."
Step 2. Notice if he evades when you ask
People who gossip usually don't want to be honest about their feelings. Find out if he's hiding something from you by asking 1 or 2 questions. If he refuses to answer or seems dishonest, he may have shared his disappointment with someone else.
For example: if you suspect a coworker is disappointed with your performance on the team, ask him, "Are you dissatisfied with our team's work?" If he avoids or refuses to discuss the issue, he may have already shared his feelings with someone else
Step 3. Tell a good friend and ask if he heard rumors about you
Go to a trusted friend to ask if they know who is gossiping about you. Make sure you don't mention his name when confronting the gossiper. Explain that you just want to know why you are being gossiped about because his actions were so hurtful.
- For example: say to a friend, "It looks like Lisa is gossiping about me. Did you hear the rumors? I wouldn't tell Lisa if you gave the information. I wonder why she's mad at me."
- Never break the trust of a friend who has revealed who is really gossiping about you. Maybe your friend will join in the gossip and scorn for supporting you.
Step 4. Pay attention to how gossipers talk about other people
People who gossip when they talk to you will usually gossip about you when they talk to other people. If you have friends who behave this way, it's a good idea to keep your distance from them so you don't become the subject of gossip. When they start talking about other people, remind them not to continue.
Tell them, "I don't want to gossip about other people. This isn't good. We don't want to be gossiped about either, do we?"
Method 2 of 3: Observing His Actions
Step 1. Notice if a group of people suddenly stops when you approach
Observe a group of people staring at each other as if in shock and the conversation immediately stops when you arrive. They also avoid your gaze. People who like to gossip are very afraid of having a confrontation with the person they are gossiping about because they are afraid that their feelings will be exposed. They will seem awkward when you accidentally interrupt their conversation when they are talking about you.
Step 2. Notice if certain people change their attitude when they meet you
People who gossip about you usually have a hard time hiding their negative feelings. He hopes that people in authority (such as teachers or superiors) share negative thoughts about you. If they suddenly treat you differently, they may be influenced by someone who has already spread rumors about you.
For example: if your boss transfers your usual work to someone else without notice, you need to ask your boss about the reason for the change
Step 3. Observe if he seems to avoid interacting with you
Pay attention to whether he acts like he wants to be evasive when he meets you, such as not wanting to make eye contact, leaving the room when you come in, or pretending he doesn't see you. Also pay attention to whether he quickly turns off the sound of electronic devices ringing. People who suddenly turn off the ringing of their cellphones usually have just been texted or called by a friend who wants to complain. He does this because he feels guilty about gossiping about you or wants to give a long distance signal that he is angry.
If you want to be sure, use avoidance theory. If someone seems to be gossiping about you with friends, walk over and sit down. If he immediately stands up and leaves the room, your suspicions may be correct. This attitude is also a way of conveying the message that you can't be bullied
Step 4. Pay attention to the friends who hang out with him often
Someone who is friends with people who avoid you will usually behave the same way. If your friends often seem to be chatting with people who are mean to you, they may be gossiping about you or wanting to hurt you.
Step 5. Observe if it covers the screen of the phone
If your best friend does this when you approach them, it may be because they are annoyed that you find out who they are communicating with or are afraid that they will find out that they are badmouthing you. Covering the phone screen can be a sign that he is gossiping about you.
Method 3 of 3: Dealing with People Who Gossip on You
Step 1. Ignore the problematic behavior
Often, a person behaves badly (eg, likes to gossip) because of an anxiety disorder. If people you know gossip about you, it's more because of their character than you. Be tactful and ignore this person. Don't reward his behavior by paying attention.
To feel valued, hang out with friends and family members who support and love you
Step 2. Don't be afraid
Guilt after doing something or worrying about not knowing someone well tend to make you think about things that aren't necessarily true. Don't be discouraged by imagining gossipers as long as your worries can't be verified. If you're feeling scared, take deep breaths or take a walk to calm your mind.
Step 3. Evaluate your own behavior
If you feel guilty, do some introspection to find out what your behavior needs to be corrected. If you accidentally hurt a friend's feelings or are intentionally negative, it will cause the other person to gossip about you if he or she feels wronged. If you haven't done anything wrong, think about whether you changed yourself. Other people can gossip about you even though you don't deserve that treatment.
Step 4. Meet the gossiping person and ask him to behave
If you don't do what's rumored, get him to talk one-on-one to stop his behavior. Say honestly what you want without being rude even if the behavior is hard to accept. Remind them to respect others as much as they want to be respected in order to build friendships or good working relationships.
For example: "I suspect someone is spreading rumors about me. This is really outrageous. If you have a problem with me, we can have a good talk. How about we work together and respect each other. We'll think of the best solution to this problem."
Step 5. Tell your boss if it persists
If he continues to bully or slander you by gossiping, it's a good idea to file a formal complaint against him, for example to the personnel department at work or a counselor at school. Don't hesitate to seek help if you can't figure it out on your own.
