You will agree that first impressions are very important. Want to meet new people but are afraid to make a negative or even scary first impression? Try reading this article to learn how to control your attraction so that your good intentions aren't misunderstood as hopelessness or aggressiveness by others!
Step
Method 1 of 3: Showing the Right Attitude and Behavior
Step 1. Focus on the present
If you want to interact with new people without coming off as negative or even scary, the first thing to do is stop worrying about your attitude and enjoy the interaction in the moment. In other words, let go of all your expectations, egos, and fears, especially since they can get in the way of a conversation going organically. Instead, focus on the person you're talking to so you don't miss out on interesting topics of discussion and exploration opportunities because you're too busy thinking about what attitude you should be showing.
- When approaching new people, don't think, "I'm okay with that, don't I?" or “How do I sound?” Instead, think, “What do you think this person wants to talk about?” or "What's important to him?"
- Keep the momentum going by thinking one step ahead of the person. In other words, focus on the next reaction you can give, instead of dwelling on what you said five minutes ago.
Step 2. Don't be possessive
In fact, possessiveness is the gateway to obsessive behavior, and you'd agree that it would look scary! Understand that possessive people actually have a mental state that is neither stable nor balanced, especially because they choose to hang their happiness on the shoulders of others. If you feel broken or down after someone refuses your invitation to be friends or on a date, try to be more self-controlled, patient, and evaluate yourself more objectively.
- If you've found a match with the other person, don't immediately say, "I really like you, with you!" or "Wow, you're so cool!" unless the person is really emitting a positive aura of acceptance.
- When you meet a potential friend or potential partner, don't ask for their cell phone number in the middle of the first conversation or as soon as you feel like you're getting along with them. Instead, wait until the conversation is over to ask, especially since it will seem more natural.
- If you meet someone who seems like a great friend, try saying, "It's fun to watch a movie together sometimes," or "Wow, I'm really interested in taking the yoga class you told me about!" at the beginning of the relationship. For example, don't take her for days on a mountain hike, attend your family dinner, or go shopping for underwear with you! Keep the relationship casual so you don't look too aggressive in her eyes.
- So that you don't sound scary or hopeless, never say, "I don't have many friends, that's why I wanted to be friends with you!"
Step 3. Stay confident
No matter how big your self-doubt is, try to remain confident in front of others so that people will realize that you are someone worth chatting with. Step confidently into a room filled with new people, and build your confidence gradually as you communicate with others. Smile, talk about the things you love, and show everyone that you really love yourself and everything that comes with it.
- Boost your confidence by showing relevant body language. In other words, stand as straight as possible, maintain eye contact with the other person, and don't constantly move your hands awkwardly or stare at the floor.
- Don't constantly check your reflection on the glass or other reflective surface. Be careful, other people can misinterpret this behavior as your self-doubt.
- Introduce yourself in a loud, clear voice so he doesn't have a hard time hearing it.
Step 4. Show your positivity
Positive behavior that doesn't seem overwhelming will motivate others to chat with you. In other words, you should always smile in a friendly manner, but not constantly grin or laugh at jokes that aren't funny. Instead, focus on mentioning things that interest you or make you happy, as long as the topics aren't too personal or scary, like petting animals or checking other people's Facebook pages regularly.
- Also, don't share your long-standing hatred with certain teachers, classmates, or celebrities, so that you don't look terrible in front of them.
- Don't keep nodding your head in agreement so you don't look scary. Instead, you might occasionally say, "That's true!" or “I see what you mean!” to validate his words.
Method 2 of 3: Mastering Good Communication Techniques
Step 1. Master the art of small talk
In fact, the science of small talk is not easy to learn and can have an enormous impact if applied correctly, you know! In many cases, small talk is the perfect entry point to get to know the other person more deeply and to achieve a more personal relationship with them. For example, a conversation about the weather or a class you attended can transform into a serious discussion about each other's interests, or each other's favorite memories of a particular year.
- To make small talk well, you must naturally develop an interest in the person's life, rather than obsessing over showing interest in any way.
- Ask basic questions, such as the class she's in, her pets, siblings, or vacation plans.
- Learn to make comments that are casual but relevant. If he admits he hates the rain, ask him what he likes to do when it's sunny again.
- Be a good listener. If he claims to be from Jakarta, when the topic of football one day comes up, try asking him if he prefers PSJS or Persitara.
Step 2. Don't give too many unnecessary details
In fact, awkward silences can easily transform into uncomfortable or even dire situations. However, endless stories about your mother, your cat, and your collection of insects can have an equally negative effect! That's why an accomplished speaker can always find common ground with the other person through a casual, unobtrusive effort. For example, there is a huge gap between the questions “Have you ever held a tarantula, haven't you?” and "Your palms have touched a tarantula's soft and silky paw hairs, haven't you?" Although it sounds more poetic, the second question is actually too intimate to be asked at the first meeting.
- Learn to initiate conversations and keep them going in a fun, casual, and positive way.
- It's best not to keep talking about your unique hobbies or interests if the other person doesn't share your hobbies and interests, or if he or she doesn't ask a lot of questions about the topic. If he's just asking a few questions, it's possible he's just trying to be polite rather than genuinely interested in your story. Therefore, try your best not to dominate the conversation with excessive enthusiasm!
- When meeting new people, focus on listening to their stories instead of constantly bringing up your life.
Step 3. Find common ground with it
Even if it sounds forced, don't hesitate to do it. For example, if you both live in Jakarta, try telling him about your favorite vacation destination or a sports club you join, then ask him to do the same. If you studied at the same institution, try to mention extracurricular activities that you both may have participated in at different times.
- Don't be too obvious. For example, don't ask him to write down his ten favorite television series or bands so that your efforts to find common ground don't catch on to him.
- The similarity can be a very simple thing, you know! For example, you both think that bar or cafe A sells great beer.
- While the similarities should be positive, there's no need to ignore similarities that are based on negativity, such as hatred of Justin Bieber or your history teacher.
Step 4. Give appropriate compliments
To maintain the continuity of the conversation, you can give simple compliments to the other person, such as, "Wow, you're really good at managing your busy life at work and school, aren't you?" or "Your earrings are beautiful, you know!" Both can help the other person feel more appreciated, you know However, don't give compliments that are too personal or even sexual, such as, “You are the most beautiful person I've ever seen” or “I've never met anyone with long legs!”
Don't overdo this method! For example, simply complimenting one characteristic or object that sticks with his body throughout the conversation to keep you sounding polite, rather than horrible
Method 3 of 3: Respect Boundaries
Step 1. Don't act hastily
View every relationship like a video game. In other words, every relationship should start at the lowest and easiest level. As time goes on, and as the intimacy between all parties increases, you can move on to more difficult levels and achieve greater levels of satisfaction. In other words, at the first meeting, you are still at level 1, and cannot move to level 2 before completing level 1, and so on. People who give off a scary impression have a tendency to jump straight to level 15 on the first encounter.
- Gradually, you can increase the intensity of the conversation to a more personal topic. However, still start the conversation by bringing up a light topic that doesn't risk offending, such as the major you took at university or your favorite band.
- Don't mention any feelings of loneliness, depression, or mental illness you've experienced. Trust me, doing so will make you look scary in front of him!
Step 2. Don't stare at him all the time
Direct and continuous eye contact is a common body language shown in a romantic relationship. If romantic attraction really exists between the two of you, then of course this kind of body language is legitimate to show. However, if you don't, your gaze will actually be considered scary by him! So, keep your eyes on him when you're talking, but turn your gaze periodically to other things around you.
Make sure you don't have a tendency to stare at other people's body parts (chest, hands, feet, etc.), even if the action is motivated by admiration or curiosity. Don't make others think they are under the microscope with you as the observer
Step 3. Don't ask too many personal questions
What questions are considered too personal? Everyone will actually give a different answer. However, you can find out the preferences of the other person by observing a topic that he is comfortable talking about at the first meeting. In general, some of the topics you should avoid are about his love life, his political views, his religion, his illness, and other equally bleak topics like death or murder. Remember, this isn't a good time to tell you that the sword hanging on your bedroom wall is specifically designed to tear someone's gut in a specific way.
- The question "You already have a boyfriend" can be appropriate if the two of you are indeed talking about a romantic relationship with each other. However, don't ask questions that have the same meaning, but sound more personal like, "Have you met your true love yet?" or “Have you ever experienced a very painful breakup, haven't you?”
- Keep the questions balanced. Don't ask too many questions without giving them a chance to do the same! Even if the question you're asking isn't personal, it can also be viewed as gruesome by the other person.
Step 4. Don't give an invitation that seems "impolite"
For example, don't invite people you just know to visit your house or enter other places that are classified as private, such as a cabin, an empty cabin in the middle of a forest, an empty building, and similar locations that are often used in the process of making horror films. Such an invitation or solicitation demonstrates your expectation of being completely trusted by a new person, and of course no normal person can live up to those expectations!
- If you want to take him on a trip together, choose a location that is public and crowded with visitors.
- Also, don't take her on a first-time trip to an overly intimate event, such as a wedding reception.
Step 5. Show your appreciation through appropriate body language
Understand that everyone has different standards of character, attitude, and behavior that is considered scary. That's why paying attention to the signals shown through their body language will really help you think about your next steps. In general, there are some basic rules that you should follow in order not to appear scary or overly aggressive in the eyes of others.
- If someone is constantly looking away from you, moving their body away from you, or always staring out the door, it's likely that they really want to end the interaction. The more you practice it, the more you will get used to paying more attention to such details without realizing it.
- Remember, body language that looks awkward or uncomfortable can scare the person you're talking to! Some of them are leaning too close to the other person, and speaking with body language that seems condescending or disrespectful to the other person.
- Don't touch people you've just met, unless you're really comfortable with them. In particular, don't touch her hair and/or hands while laughing, unless the relationship between the two of you is already moving in a more intimate direction.
Step 6. Learn to deal with rejection (if necessary)
If someone is constantly resisting your attempts to engage them, try a different approach. For example, you need to first analyze the reasons behind the negative response. If the “problem” lies with you, do your best to change your behavior. In fact, people who are labeled “weird” or “terrible” are actually too unique. That's why it's perfectly natural to feel annoyed with people who put a "weird" stamp on your forehead, just because you don't act like the average person. However, be careful because these frustrations can prevent you from changing your behavior for the better in the future.
- Accept the fact that humans cannot escape the tendency to judge each other. The cycle exists and will continue to repeat itself. Therefore, don't assume that modifying your character to change someone else's perspective is a violation of your vow to be yourself.
- In fact, doing so may actually make other people know who you really are. As a result, your uniqueness will shine even brighter in their eyes!
- Accept rejection gracefully. No matter how good your ability to approach other people is, there will always be people whose reactions don't match your expectations.
- Remember, there is no guarantee that the communication situation will definitely go according to your plan. For example, it turns out that the person you're talking to has just had a bad day, is feeling very nervous, doesn't want to talk to anyone, or simply has a cheeky character. If faced with such a situation, walk away from him and find a new interlocutor.
Tips
- If you don't know how to respond, simply mumble "oh" or nod your head to show your interest in what the other person is saying. As a result, your interlocutor will be helped to be more relaxed afterward. However, don't overdo it so you don't come across as weird or aggressive.
- Don't be too cool or cold. In fact, most of the media portray a cold, indifferent, and mysterious attitude as a "cool" character. In fact, in the real world, this attitude can actually look scary in the eyes of other people.
- There's no need to feel the need to change your physical appearance or the way you dress. Be yourself! Believe me, if your communication skills are good enough, your physical appearance will no longer matter to the other person. However, keep wearing clean and tidy clothes when meeting new people to create a more positive impression.
- If the other person is starting to feel uncomfortable, give him a chance to "run away" by saying, "I really wanted to talk to you, but I think you're busy. I don't want to interfere with your work." Through this sentence, you actually have given him an opportunity to respond like, "Oh, you're not bothering me, really," or "Thank you, yes, I really want to be alone." Note: If you are a woman, it's best not to be too friendly on the first meeting with new people. In many cultures, a woman who is too friendly to a man she just met will receive the label "flirty," especially if she is old enough.
