Getting married means having a new family. So, what should you do to interact with this new family? Even if the relationship between him and his family feels too close, you will get more love from your partner by being on good terms with his family. To have a good relationship with your in-laws, you need to be tolerant, have a good attitude, and be willing to make some sacrifices.
Step
Method 1 of 3: Communicating Well with Brother-in-law
Step 1. Listen when your in-laws talk
They may want to talk about each other's lives, both past and present. Let them tell stories and be a good listener. You may learn a life lesson afterwards, and your brother-in-law will be delighted to have his story heard. You may hear a lot about your partner from your in-laws, so you will get to know your partner better.
Get your in-laws to communicate with you. For example, ask the question "Uh, tell me, when you were little, how was your life?"
Step 2. Don't bicker for no reason
Family squabbles can be caused by conversations about religion, politics, or position in current events. Don't try to change other people's mindsets, or change their social habits. If they speak harshly, insult, or embarrass themselves in public, don't feel pressured to rebuke them.
- Your brother-in-law may be older than you, and as you age, humans will become more closed to ideas and calls to change. Respect their decision and point of view, even if you disagree.
- Try not to find fault with brother-in-law. Don't make a list of disgrace that will be exposed at will when you pour out your heart about the family-in-law. If you and your brother-in-law's problems are getting more and more difficult to deal with, you may be able to resolve them with your partner's help, or even go directly to the brother-in-law if necessary.
Step 3. Treat your in-laws like you would your parents, and treat your sister and brother-in-law like your own brother and sister
Be nice, calm and natural around them. Communicate with them honestly and openly. Don't feel like you're being watched when you're with them. Pour out your deepest heart and thoughts to them if appropriate. The in-laws are your new family, so considering them as your own will help you feel comfortable with them.
Step 4. Don't share domestic problems with your brother-in-law
They will always side with your partner, and revealing your domestic problems will worry them. No one wants to hear about their own child's problems, and if they do, they get defensive. Work things out privately with your partner, and don't try to attract your partner's family or force them to take sides in your domestic matters.
Method 2 of 3: Adapting to Family-in-law Behavior
Step 1. Set boundaries in the association from the start
Initially, many couples will tolerate the behavior of their partner's family in order to win the heart of the couple's family and make a good impression. Although tolerance is natural when someone feels anxious and is new to the family, it's a good idea to set boundaries early on when you enter the family to make future relationships easier.
- For example, if your in-laws often come over to your house regardless of the time, make it a rule for her to make an appointment before coming home. Ask your partner to share the rules with your in-laws instead of saying them yourself, because your parents-in-law will listen more to their children's advice.
- For example, in the above situation, your partner could say "Mom, actually we are happy if you come here often, but we need time to prepare for your arrival and make sure you are not lonely. So, if you are planning to come, we ask you to call first. first. Thank you!"
- If your in-laws or siblings-in-law give you advice on raising children, listen patiently and then think about it. They give advice from experience, and you may want to consider it. Say thank you after hearing the suggestion, and let your in-laws know that you and your partner will consider it. Then, in private, decide with your partner whether you will take the in-laws' advice. If you and your partner decide to reject the suggestion, don't say it. You just have to ignore the advice. In-laws are generally kind, and will quickly forget about it.
Step 2. Adjust your expectations
Meeting your in-laws may take you out of your comfort zone. Don't assume their family situation is the same as yours. For example, your family may not communicate and touch much, while your partner's family may be very noisy and express affection with hugs and kisses. Try to follow the customs of the couple's family when visiting them. Remember the saying "Where the heavens are upheld, there the earth is stepped on".
Step 3. Celebrate certain holidays and events together
For example, on your spouse's birthday, call your in-laws before the event, and invite them to plan meals, games, and so on. Brother-in-law will probably donate kitchen utensils and servings while you carry food. You can also provide a place for a barbecue. Sharing responsibilities like the example above shows your trust in them, it also shows that you want them to be involved, so that you will grow closer to the in-laws as time goes on.
- When you change or adjust plans, let your brother-in-law know. Don't change your plans at will.
- Don't let your in-laws control your family life. For example, if you agree that the first day of Eid will be spent alone, and the second day of Eid will be spent with your partner's family, tell them "We need time to shake hands with friends. The hero also wants to shake hands with his friends. On the second day, we will definitely visit you, really." If they really want to visit you, let them visit your family home.
Method 3 of 3: Gaining the Trust of Brother-in-law
Step 1. Recognize the in-laws' fears
When someone watches their child grow and develop, they will be increasingly afraid of being separated from the child. Parents often want to play an active role in their child's life, regardless of age. When the child gets married, they may be afraid of losing control of the child. This fear is only part of a larger fear of losing control of their own lives as they age and weaken physically and mentally.
- Face the fear head on. In-laws may not say outright that they are afraid of losing their child. However, reassure your in-laws that you want your in-laws involved in your partner's life. You may also want to ask your partner to reassure their parents.
- Keep your promise. Visit your in-laws regularly with your partner, and invite them to join family events, as well as celebrate holidays, birthdays, or other special occasions.
Step 2. Spend time with your brother-in-law
There is a Javanese proverb that reads "witing tresno jalaran soko kulino", which means "love comes from getting used to". Don't avoid your in-laws. When your partner invites you to visit their family, make time to visit. The more you interact with your in-laws, the more comfortable they will be with you.
Visit your in-laws regularly with your partner, and invite them to join you on family events, holidays, birthdays, and other special occasions
Step 3. Help brother-in-law
The older a person gets, the more difficult it is for them to take care of the house, such as sweeping the lawn, mowing the lawn, or removing the air conditioner. Help them willingly when needed. Don't wait until they ask for help, be active and ask for your help, for example "Ma'am/sir, the family car needs an oil change. So, when should I change the oil?". By helping your brother-in-law, you will be loved by their family even more, and your in-laws will see you as capable of taking care of their child.
Step 4. Give gifts to your in-laws
Don't limit yourself to giving gifts during the holidays. Give your sister-in-law a gift every time you visit, unless you visit often. Knowing what your brother-in-law likes can help you find the right gift. For example, if your father-in-law loves to play golf, you may want to give him a golf cap or golf ball. If your mother-in-law loves to cook, give her cookbooks or rare ingredients that can be cooked into delicious dishes.
Don't forget to give gifts on special occasions
Step 5. Find a hobby, habit, or interest in common with your brother-in-law
For example, read a book from their bookshelf when you visit. As well as killing time when you're at a family reunion, finding common interests also shows that you appreciate and are interested in your brother-in-law's interests.
- If your father-in-law likes golf, invite him to play with you. If he likes football, buy a ticket to the game and take him to the show, or invite your mother-in-law and partner to watch together.
- If your mother-in-law loves farming, visit her to help her pull the grass in the garden and plant the seeds. When the harvest arrives, you can help him harvest.
Step 6. Maintain a good relationship with your partner
Make sure your partner is happy enough in the relationship. Although expecting a smooth home life is too grandiose, maintaining the peace of the household is a good way to cultivate brother-in-law's trust. Maintain communication, return love, and discuss with your partner like a team.
Tips
- Smile when you meet the in-laws.
- Don't be afraid to ask for help when you need it.
Warning
- Avoid working in the family-in-law business to prevent unwanted pressure.
- Avoid financial transactions between families. Money can destroy good relationships.
