You feel like your relationship isn't going to work out, but you still like the guy, or at least you don't want to hurt him as much as possible. A mature and honest approach is the best way to break the relationship. The heartbreak will still be there, but if you are lucky, you and your ex-lover will be spared the hatred and lingering anger.
Step
Part 1 of 2: Amicably Breaking Up With Men
Step 1. Tell him before anyone else finds out
Asking a friend or two for advice won't be a problem, but when someone finds out you're planning to break up, it won't be a secret. Don't put it off after making up your mind. You won't look good if your boyfriend finds out about it from someone else.
Whatever you do, don't let a friend pass on that information on your behalf
Step 2. Meet in person and in person
Disconnecting via text, email, or anything other than direct conversation is a bad idea. Meet in person, and in a place where you can talk to him privately, and don't make him feel embarrassed that someone else might be listening.
- If you're in a long-distance relationship, call him when you're home and alone.
- If you're worried that he might react by physically hurting you, meet him in a quiet public place, like a corner of a park or a cafe that's usually quiet.
Step 3. Start an honest conversation
Yes, this will hurt. No, there is no other better way. Speak as directly and clearly as possible, and get to the point right after greeting. "I want to break up with you" or "I need to end our relationship" will leave no room for uncertainty, which will benefit both of you later on.
Step 4. Give the real reason
Almost certainly he would ask "Why?" and you have to prepare yourself for it. Don't give false hope by saying you want more free time, or that right now is just a bad time in your life. You broke up because the relationship didn't work out, and he needs to know about it.
- For example, say "I don't feel a bond with you" or "My feelings for you have faded."
- If you're not happy but not sure why, just say "I'm sorry it had to end this way, but I'm not happy with our relationship and I don't want to hold it in."
Step 5. Don't be too honest
Speak clearly and straightforwardly without insulting in his presence. If he brings up his behavior, personality, or appearance during the conversation, use your own judgment to move on. For most questions, you should probably counter them by saying, "I already said my reasons." If it's a real, obvious problem (such as his infidelity, or something that's a frequent topic of debate), admit that "it doesn't help." Be careful with topics that are a common source of male anxiety in many cultures:
- Physical appearance (avoid saying "I'm not attracted to you").
- Sex quality
- Emotional sensitivity or lack of "manliness"
- Ability to give in terms of finance
Step 6. Don't talk about mistakes
It doesn't matter who's "wrong" the relationship ended. If you say it's his fault, he'll be offended. If you say it's your fault, you'll either feel guilty or he'll try to convince you not to break up. The best one can hope for is to accept each other that the relationship is over without trying to blame each other.
Step 7. Keep the conversation short and calm
Once he understands that the relationship is over and you don't hate him, it's time to say goodbye. If the conversation has lasted thirty minutes, it is time to say goodbye. If he gets angry with you and starts yelling, stay calm and say goodbye. Don't try to respond to angry remarks or get dragged into an argument.
Part 2 of 2: Treating Her After a Breakup
Step 1. Don't promise friendship
Making friends is an excellent solution in the long run, but a bad topic to bring up during conversations to break the relationship. You both need time to recuperate, and you can't do that if you keep spending time together or if he keeps trying to turn the "friendship" into a romantic relationship again. If he asks if you can be friends, respond with "Maybe later, but let's keep our distance for now." You can explore possibilities for making friends after the hurt has healed over time, perhaps after a few months.
Step 2. Keep an eye on your online messages
For the sake of courtesy, refrain from publicizing about a date you're on or a relationship that's just starting in the next few weeks. You don't have to keep it a secret, but don't post photos on Facebook or anywhere else your ex will see.
Step 3. Keep the doubts to yourself
It's normal to have doubts and miss your ex. However, telling him about these doubts can hurt him even more or resent you for feeling like he's being played with. If you need to rethink your decision, give yourself plenty of time to think it over personally.
Avoid telling your friends about these doubts as some of them can pass it on to your ex and tell him to contact you
Step 4. Avoid gossip
You'll want to share this experience, and you can do so with a close, wise friend. Never spread rumors about your ex-girlfriend or share private or secret conversations between the two of you.
Tips
Consider handing over your phone to a friend before trying alcohol as a way of recuperating, so you don't give in to the temptation to call your ex
Warning
- Some people go on "final" or "last intimate" dates, but this will only work if they both agree to break up and separate amicably. This will only be painful if it is done after a serious relationship, or a breakup that he didn't agree to.
- Avoid clichéd excuses that are commonly used to not state the real reason. No one wants to hear, "It's not your fault, it's mine"; "I love you, but I'm not in love with you"; "You deserve someone better than me."
