Helping someone close to you who is experiencing depression can be difficult, confusing, and frustrating, not only for the person concerned, but for you as well. Before helping someone, make sure you understand well what you have to say and do. While sometimes the person you're trying to help doesn't seem to want to listen, they're actually trying to pay attention to what you're saying. This article will explain some of the things you can do if you want to help someone who is experiencing depression.
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Part 1 of 5: Talking About Depression with People Who Need Help
Step 1. Get help right away if someone is suicidal
The quickest way to help people who are contemplating suicide is to call an ambulance or take them directly to the emergency department at the nearest hospital. If you live in Indonesia, call Halo Kemkes at telephone number (local code) 500567. For those of you who live in the US, immediately call 911 or find information by searching the 24-hour service telephone number on this website or click here if you live in other countries.
In the US, you can also call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 (TALK) or 800-784-2433 (SUICIDE)
Step 2. Watch for symptoms of depression
If your loved one seems to be depressed, pay close attention to their behavior so you can get a sense of how depressed they are. Take note of the symptoms that appear, for example:
- Often sad for a long time with / without a clear reason
- Loss of interest or no longer interested in things that he used to really like
- Significant loss of appetite and/or weight
- Eating and/or gaining weight excessively
- Disturbed sleep patterns (making it difficult to sleep or sleeping too much)
- Fatigue and/or lack of energy
- Increased anxiety or reduced movement that is clearly visible to others
- Feeling worthless and/or feeling excessively guilty
- Difficulty concentrating or feeling unable to make decisions
- Repeatedly thinking about death or suicidal thoughts, making plans to commit suicide, or committing suicide
- These symptoms can last for 2 weeks or more. In addition, these symptoms can disappear and reappear so it is called a "relapse period". Symptoms of depression are more than just having a “tiring day” and are usually characterized by severe mood swings that affect how a person lives their daily lives.
- If a friend has recently lost a family member or experienced a traumatic event, he or she may be showing symptoms of depression, but not clinical depression.
Step 3. Invite this person to talk about their depression
After learning that someone has depression, talk about the condition openly and honestly.
People who are depressed will have a harder time recovering if they don't want to admit that they have a serious problem
Step 4. Explain that depression is a clinical disorder
Depression is a health problem that can be diagnosed by a doctor and can be cured. Try to give reassurance that your friend's depression is real.
Step 5. Be assertive
Show that you are genuinely concerned about your friend's well-being. Don't let him take this for granted by saying that he's going through a “hard time.” If your friend is trying to divert the conversation, get back to talking about his emotional problems.
Step 6. Don't be blunt
Remember that this person is experiencing emotional problems and is very vulnerable. Don't force it right away, although you still have to be firm with it.
- Instead of saying, "You are depressed. What are you going to do about it?" start with: "You seem to be a bit depressed lately. What do you think is the reason?"
- Be patient. Allow enough time for someone to open up, but don't let them distract you.
Step 7. Know that you can't "cure" depression
Do your best to get your friend to cooperate. However, there is still no easy way to "cure" depression. Encourage your friend to seek help and give him support. But in the end, the decision to fully recover is in the hands of your friend.
Step 8. Discuss the next steps
Once your friend notices that she has depression, you can discuss how to deal with it. Maybe he wants to see a counselor or consult a doctor to ask about healing by taking medication? Has he ever experienced an event that made his soul depressed? Is he dissatisfied with his living conditions and lifestyle?
Part 2 of 5: Helping a Depressed Person Get Help
Step 1. Know when this person needs professional help
Before you start trying to deal with this problem yourself, know that depression that is not treated properly can be a very serious problem. It's okay to help your friend, but he or she should also consult a mental health professional. There are different types of therapists with different skills or specializations. They are counseling psychologists, clinical psychologists, and psychiatrists. You can choose one or more.
- Counseling psychologists are therapists who have special skills in providing help and helping people cope with difficult times in their lives. This therapy can be short-lived or long-term and usually aims to address specific problems that have specific goals.
- Clinical psychologists are therapists who are trained in performing tests to confirm a diagnosis and tend to focus more on the science of mental illness and researching behavior or mental disorders.
- Psychiatrists are therapists who practice psychiatric therapy using measurement scales and administering tests. However, a person usually only sees a psychiatrist if he wants to consult about the use of drugs. In certain countries, only psychiatrists are licensed to prescribe drugs.
Step 2. Give referrals to your friends
When looking for a counselor, it's a good idea to ask friends, family members, religious community leaders, local mental health centers, or general practitioners for recommendations.
For those of you who live in the US, professional associations such as the American Psychological Association can provide information about the location of the members closest to you
Step 3. Offer to help your friend make an appointment
If your friend is not sure if you want to consult a health professional, it's a good idea to make an appointment for him. Maybe he's not settled yet and needs your help to get started.
Step 4. Accompany your friend at the first meeting
Offer to accompany your friend the first time she consults a doctor to make her feel more comfortable.
If you can speak directly to a mental health therapist, there may be an opportunity to briefly describe the symptoms of depression that your friend is experiencing. But remember, a counselor will prefer to talk to your friend alone
Step 5. Suggest your friend so he can find the most suitable counselor
If your friend is not comfortable with her first counseling session, suggest that she find another counselor. An unpleasant counseling experience can derail all plans. You can also help him if he doesn't feel like a particular counselor because not all counselors have the same abilities.
Step 6. Suggest some therapy
There are three ways of therapy that have consistently been proven to be very beneficial for patients, namely cognitive behavioral therapy, interpersonal therapy, and psychodynamic therapy. Your friend may benefit from a variety of therapies depending on the problem he or she is experiencing.
- Cognitive behavioral therapy aims to test and change beliefs, attitudes, and initial understandings that are thought to be the cause of depressive symptoms. In addition, this therapy can also change deviant behavior.
- Interpersonal therapy aims to cope with life changes, build social skills, and resolve interpersonal problems that contribute to depressive symptoms. This therapy is usually very effective in treating depression that is triggered by certain events, such as death.
- Psychodynamic therapy aims to help a person understand and deal with the feelings that arise from unresolved conflicts. This therapy is done by recognizing feelings that are not realized.
Step 7. Make suggestions about the possibility of taking the drug
While your friend is doing counseling, it's also a good idea to take an antidepressant to feel better. Antidepressants will affect the way neurotransmitters work when our brain is trying to solve problems so that it works according to the brain's purpose of producing and utilizing neurotransmitters. Antidepressants are classified according to how they affect neurotransmitters.
- The types of drugs that are usually used are SSRIs, SNRIs, MAOIs, and tricyclics. The names of antidepressant drugs that have been used widely can be searched on the internet.
- If treatment with antidepressants alone doesn't work, the therapist may prescribe antipsychotics as well. There are 3 kinds of antipsychotics, namely aripiprazole, quetiapine, and risperidone. If antidepressant-only therapy doesn't work, a combination of antidepressants and antipsychotics has been approved as a treatment for depression.
- A psychiatrist may give several kinds of drugs until the most appropriate drug is found. There are people whose condition is worse after taking antidepressants. The two of you should work together to monitor the effect of the drug on your friend. Make special note of any negative changes or unwanted effects on emotions. This problem can usually be resolved by asking for a prescription for a replacement medication.
Step 8. Combine medication and psychiatric therapy
In order to maximize the results of this treatment, in addition to taking medication, your friend should consult a mental health professional regularly.
Step 9. Encourage your friend to stay patient
You both have to be patient a lot because the effects of the counseling and medication will appear gradually. Your friend may have to attend several counseling sessions regularly for several months before feeling the results. Never give up because counseling and treatment is a process that takes time to be successful.
In general, the lasting effects of antidepressants can be felt for at least three months
Step 10. Find out if you are allowed to negotiate the method of therapy to be used
Depending on your relationship with this person, try to find out if you are allowed to discuss with your doctor what therapy to use. Patient records and information are usually kept confidential, but there are special considerations when it comes to the privacy of a person's personal health records when it comes to mental health.
- You may need to get written permission from your friend to have a discussion with your doctor about this therapy.
- If the person in need of therapy has not yet reached the legal age of maturity, the parent or guardian may discuss the treatment to be undertaken.
Step 11. List the names of drugs and therapies
Write down the name of the medicine your doctor gave to your friend, including the dose. Also note the therapy he has been undergoing. This way, you can ensure that your friend is doing therapy according to a predetermined schedule and is still taking medication regularly.
Step 12. Try communicating with people in your friend's support network
You're not the only one who has to help him. Contact family, friends, or religious leaders where he worships. If you want to help an adult, make sure you get permission before talking to other people and asking for their support. You can gather more information and better understand this person. Plus, you won't feel alone in dealing with this problem.
Be careful if you want to tell others about someone's depression. There are people who like to judge, even though they don't know the real problem. So, decide carefully who you will talk to
Part 3 of 5: Communicating with People With Depression
Step 1. Be a good listener
Listening to a friend talk about their depression is the best thing you can do for them. Be prepared to listen to whatever he has to say. Don't show any shock if he says something really horrible because he will shut himself off. Try to show acceptance and concern. Just listen, don't judge.
- If your friend doesn't want to talk, try asking some easy questions. For example, ask what his activities this week. This method might get your friend to open up.
- If what your friend is telling you upsets you, give them support by saying, "It must be so hard for you to tell me this" or "Thank you for telling me everything."
Step 2. Give your friend your full attention
Put your phone away, look him in the eye and show that you want to be fully involved in the conversation.
Step 3. Know well what you have to say
People with depression are the people who most need love and understanding. It's not enough if you just listen well. You should also be sensitive to what you have to say when talking about depression. There are a few sentences you can use if you want to talk to someone who is experiencing depression:
- You are not alone. I'm here with you.
- I understand the suffering you are going through. This is the cause of what you think and feel.
- Right now you may not be able to believe it, but your feelings will someday change.
- Maybe I can't understand exactly how you feel, but I care about you and want to help.
- You are an important person in my life. Your life is very important to me.
Step 4. Don't say “just ignore it”
Telling someone to "ignore" or "underestimate" a problem is not a helpful word. Try to feel what he is going through. Just imagine what it would be like if everyone was against you and your life fell apart. What would you like to hear from other people? Realize that depression is a very real condition and very painful for the sufferer. Never say the following sentences:
- All of this happened by your own choice.
- We all have times like this.
- You will be fine. Do not worry.
- Look on the bright side.
- You have everything; why do you want to die
- Don't be crazy.
- What is your problem?
- Shouldn't you be feeling better by now?
Step 5. Don't argue about your friend's feelings
When you talk to someone who is depressed, never talk about their feelings. What he's feeling may not make sense, but you don't have to say he's wrong, let alone argue with him. Instead, try saying, "I'm sorry for your sadness. How can I help you?"
Be wary because your friend may not want to tell you honestly how bad she feels. Many people with depression feel ashamed and cover up their situation. If you ask, "Are you okay?" and he replies, “Yes”, try another way to find out how he really feels
Step 6. Help your friend find the bright side of every situation
Try to have positive conversations when you talk to people with depression. Don't demand that your friend be happy again, but show a better side of life and the problems he is facing.
Part 4 of 5: Being a Good Companion
Step 1. Maintain good relations
You can show your friend that you care about them by calling, emailing, texting, or visiting their home. There are different ways to keep in touch with the people you want to pay attention to.
- Try to see your friend as often as possible without disturbing him.
- If you're at work, send an email to ask how he's doing.
- If you can't call them every day, use texting to communicate with each other as often as possible.
Step 2. Take your friend for a walk
Even if it was only for a moment, he would feel better if he could get out of the house. Someone who is depressed may find it very difficult to leave the house again. Invite your friend to do what he enjoys most outside of the house.
You don't need to take him to a marathon, but try taking your friend for a 20-minute walk. Doing activities outside the home can make him feel better
Step 3. Do activities in the wild
Several studies have shown that connecting with nature can reduce stress and improve mood. According to research, walking in a green area can help a person's mind reach a meditative state, promote deep relaxation, and improve mood.
Step 4. Enjoy the sunshine together
Sunlight can increase vitamin D levels in the body which is useful for improving mood. You just need to sit on a park bench and bask in the morning sun for a few minutes.
Step 5. Suggest your friend find new things she likes
If your friend is busy and has activities to look forward to, it will distract her from depression, even if only temporarily. Don't suggest that your friend practice skydiving or learn Japanese, but encourage her to find a new activity that she enjoys the most. Thus, his focus will be diverted so that he no longer feels depressed.
- Try to find your friend a book that can excite him again. You can read this book together at home or discuss its contents.
- Bring out great-watching movies made by your favorite directors. Who knows your friend is addicted to watching movies with your new favorite theme so he can still watch movies with you.
- Make suggestions for your friend to express their artistic side. Try suggesting that he start drawing, painting, writing poetry, or some other activity as a means of self-expression. In addition, you can do this activity together.
Step 6. Acknowledge your friend's success
Congratulations on acknowledging your friend's success in achieving his goals. Maybe he's just doing small things, like taking a shower or going grocery shopping. Confession means a lot to someone who is experiencing depression.
Step 7. Help your friend live her daily life
You can encourage him to try new things outside the home, but sometimes the best help is to help him with his daily activities. Plus, your friends won't feel alone either.
- Accompanying your friend on easy tasks like preparing lunch or watching TV can make a big difference for her.
- You can lighten the burden felt by people who are depressed by doing small things. Maybe you can deliver goods, shop for food and necessities at home, cook, clean the house, or do the laundry.
- Depending on your relationship, your friend may feel better if you make physical contact, for example, by hugging him or her.
Part 5 of 5: Avoiding the Boredom of Being a Companion
Step 1. Take a break once in a while
You may be disappointed if your valuable advice and support is met with resentment and resistance. Don't take your friend's pessimism as a personal matter. This is a symptom of a depressive disorder, not a reflection of you. If his pessimism is taking up too much of your energy, try finding activities that inspire you and you can enjoy.
- This method will be very useful if you both live in the same house so you can't avoid the attitude.
- Direct your disappointment at the problem, not the person.
- Even if you're at home, make sure you ask how he's doing at least once a day so you know how he's doing.
Step 2. Watch yourself
The problems that your friend is experiencing can make you get carried away and don't care about yourself anymore. Being around someone who is depressed can make you depressed or even create problems for yourself. Try to find out if the frustration, helplessness, and anger you are experiencing is normal.
- If you are in a lot of trouble yourself, you may not be able to help others. Don't use your friend's problems as an excuse to avoid your own problems.
- Find out if your efforts to help others have taken you away from the joys of life or made you care less about the things that are important. If your friend is already very dependent on you, this condition is not good for you either.
- If you are feeling deeply affected by your friend's depressive disorder, seek help. It's also a good idea to see a counselor.
Step 3. Take some time away from your depressed friend
Even though you've become a great friend by providing emotional and physical support, don't forget to schedule time for yourself so you can enjoy a healthy and enjoyable life.
Have fun with friends and family members who are not depressed and enjoy their company
Step 4. Take care of your health
Do activities outdoors, bike, swim, or walk to the supermarket. Do whatever it takes to maintain your mental strength.
Step 5. Take time to laugh
If you can't make your friends laugh, take time to hang out with funny people, watch comedy movies, or read jokes online.
Step 6. Don't feel guilty about enjoying life
Your friend is depressed, but you are not and of course you can enjoy life. Remind yourself that if you can't feel your best, you won't be able to help your friend.
Step 7. Learn about depression
If there are people who are depressed, you need to be knowledgeable about what they are dealing with. Many people do not understand what it means to have a disorder, such as depression. This common neglect will make their lives even more difficult. However, their lives will be saved if there is only one person who does not judge or criticize them and understand their situation well. Read articles about depression or try asking a mental health professional. You can also discuss with someone who has depression or a similar disorder.
Tips
Remind your friend that he is never alone and that if he needs someone to talk to, you will listen
Warning
- Save someone's life. If you live in the US, never call the police during an emergency due to mental health problems because the police will traumatize him or even kill him. Immediately contact a hospital, health care professional, or 24-hour suicide prevention service, if necessary.
- Observe for any body language or suicide threats. Statements "I wish I died" or "I don't want to be here anymore" should be taken seriously. Depressed people who talk about suicide don't do this consciously. If the person you're working with is suicidal, contact a doctor or a trained mental health professional immediately.
