Helping a loved one through depression can be quite difficult. When that person is your lover, you will also feel emotional pain. Your boyfriend or girlfriend may often get angry and take their anger out on you. He may be trying to stay away from you. You will feel neglected, or even guilty of depression in your lover. Learn to stand by your loved one through this trying time while still taking care of yourself.
Step
Part 1 of 3: Having Spontaneous Discussions
Step 1. Recognize the symptoms of depression
The way men experience depression is slightly different from that of women. If you notice any or all of the following symptoms in your lover, he or she may be suffering from depression.
- Always achieve
- Loss of interest in the things he usually enjoys
- Get upset or angry
- Difficult to concentrate
- Feeling anxious
- Overeating or not eating at all
- Experiencing aches, pains, or digestive problems
- Difficulty sleeping or sleeping too much
- Unable to carry out responsibilities at school, office, and home
- Having suicidal thoughts
Step 2. State your concern
Maybe your boyfriend isn't aware of his own mood lately, but after weeks of watching him, you're sure he's depressed. Approach him in a non-coercive way and have a chat.
- Some ways to start a conversation include: "I've been worried about you these past few weeks" or "I see you've changed recently, and I want to talk to you."
- If there's tension between you and your boyfriend, don't bring up the depression he's going through. This will seem accusatory and silence him.
Step 3. Use “I” statements to avoid being blamed
It's natural for a depressed man to be argumentative or angry. It will exhibit these characteristics regardless of what you do. However, if you approach him in a loving, non-accusatory manner, he may be willing to listen.
- It's very easy to sound like accusing or judging your lover if you're not careful when you speak. Statements like "You've been really mean and annoying lately" will make him more defensive.
- Use "I" statements that focus on your emotions, such as "I'm afraid you're depressed because you haven't slept at all. Plus, you also stay away from your friends. I want us to talk about a way out of this problem so that you are better.”
Step 4. Listen to what he is saying and accept his feelings
If your boyfriend decides to open up to you about how he feels, know that this takes courage. Try to help him open up by letting him know that he can share his feelings with you. If he is talking to you, listen attentively and make sure you nod or respond to him. After that, summarize what he said and repeat it to show that you are listening.
For example, you could say, “You seem to be upset and can't calm down. Thank you for telling me. I'm sorry you have to go through this, but I'll do whatever it takes to help you."
Step 5. Ask safety-related questions
If your boyfriend is depressed, he may be thinking about hurting himself. Even if he doesn't want to kill himself, your boyfriend may be dealing with risky behaviors, such as reckless driving, using drugs, or drinking to self-medicate. Be honest with your concerns about your loved one's safety and health. You can ask a few things below:
- Are you thinking about hurting yourself?
- Have you ever attempted suicide before?
- What plans do you have for ending your life?
- What do you mean by hurting yourself?
Step 6. Seek medical help to help your lover who is suicidal
If your boyfriend's response indicates a desire to end his life (along with a detailed plan and intention to carry it out), you should seek help immediately. If you live in the United States, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, which operates 24 hours a day at 1-800-273-TALK.
- You can also call 110 or the local emergency services phone number if you believe your boyfriend is a threat to himself.
- Get someone to help get rid of things that can be used as weapons and make sure someone is with them at all times.
Step 7. Show your readiness to support it
A depressed person may feel like he can't ask for help when he really needs it. Reach out to your boyfriend by asking what you can do to help him, how you can relieve him of stress, and if you can help him with some errands or take him somewhere.
Keep in mind that he may not know what you can do to help him. Thus, asking “How can I help you now?” can get him to say what kind of support he needs
Step 8. Help her seek treatment for depression
Once your boyfriend has accepted that he is depressed, you should encourage him to seek treatment. Depression is a curable disease and just like most other medical problems. With the right medical help, your loved one can enjoy improving his mood and bodily functions. Offer to help find a psychologist or psychiatrist, and if he wants, accompany him to see a doctor.
Part 2 of 3: Helping Lover's Healing Process
Step 1. Offer physical activity for the two of you to do
In addition to medication or psychotherapy, physical exercise can be very effective at improving the mental health of people with depression. Staying active produces mood-boosting chemicals called endorphins. These chemicals can make lovers feel more confident. In addition, endorphins also help provide a positive diversion from some of the negative thoughts and feelings related to his mood.
Consider a shared activity that you can do with your loved one to create a good health benefit for both of you. This invitation could be a new fitness class at the gym, an exercise program at home, a run in the park, or participating in a team sport
Step 2. Make sure he eats a healthy diet
Researchers believe that there is a link between diet and depression. This is not to say that the habit of eating non-nutritious snacks in the evening makes him feel unmotivated, but if he continues to maintain this unhealthy habit, he will be stuck in a bad mood.
Help your boyfriend fill his fridge with heart and brain healthy foods such as fruits, vegetables, fish, and a small amount of meat and dairy products that have been linked to lower levels of depression
Step 3. Help her find ways to manage her stress
You can help your boyfriend reduce stress in his daily life by introducing him to the ability to deal with stress or anxiety. Then, work together to think of ways you can reduce or eliminate these causes of stress. Next, make a list of strategies that he can incorporate into his daily life to relax and avoid stress.
Activities that can help manage stress include deep breathing, nature walks, listening to music, meditating, journaling, or watching funny movies or videos
Step 4. Encourage him to write a mood journal
Creating a mood chart can help your boyfriend recognize his feelings and become more aware of how he's feeling on a day-to-day basis. People who are depressed can take notes on their sleeping and eating habits to look for patterns that point to negative moods. Your boyfriend can also write down his thoughts and feelings daily to find out fluctuations in his mood.
Step 5. Help him relate to other people
Both men and women who experience depression tend to be socially distant. Unfortunately, maintaining social relationships can actually help depressed people reduce feelings of isolation and fight depression. Suggest activities that the two of you can do with the other person so that he can form a new relationship. Or, talk to his friends and encourage them to get together.
Step 6. Don't let your lover get depressed
Yes, your loved one does have to recuperate in his own time and in his own way. However, you will be worried about letting him continue to feel depressed. If you're doing a lot of things to help your boyfriend and it's taking away his potential to gather strength, you should stay away from him.
Try to support it instead of letting it go. Gently pressure your boyfriend to be physically active, join in social activities, or get some fresh air, without showing “violence” or ignoring him. Your boyfriend wants you to show empathy and compassion, but he doesn't need you to take on all the responsibility to recover from it
Part 3 of 3: Taking Care of Yourself
Step 1. Don't take your lover's depression to heart
Remember that depression is a complex disease and you can't control her feelings. It's very natural to feel helpless or sick when you see him in pain too. Still, you shouldn't take what he's going through as a sign that you have flaws or that you're not a good lover.
- Try to stick to a regular routine as often as possible. Make sure you carry out your responsibilities at work, school or home.
- Also, set limits on what you can and can't do for him. You may feel guilty, but know that you are not responsible for making her feel better. Trying to do too much of anything can be at the expense of your own health and happiness.
Step 2. Recognize that you can't “fix” it, but you can support it
No matter how much you love and care for your lover, you still can't help him alone. Believing that you can "fix" her will only make you feel like a failure, and may even upset your boyfriend if you treat him like a project.
Make it a point to be by his side and offer help and support whenever he needs it. Your lover will beat depression in his own time
Step 3. Look for the support system
Your boyfriend's depression is such a great struggle to fight that he can seem like he doesn't have the energy to focus on your relationship. Supporting him during these times will require you to put your emotions aside. This can be difficult for both of you and you should also seek the support of others. Join a support group, maintain social activity with supportive friends, or talk to a counselor if necessary.
Step 4. Perform daily self-care
You will spend so much time caring for your loved one that you forget to take care of yourself. Try not to neglect activities that make you happy, such as reading, spending time with friends, or taking a warm bath.
Also, don't feel guilty about relaxing. Remember, you won't be helping your boyfriend if you don't take care of yourself
Step 5. Understand the boundaries of a healthy relationship
Even though you really want to help your lover as much as possible, sometimes depression can make your relationship impossible to maintain. If your partner cannot build a healthy relationship with you, this relationship may not continue. This doesn't mean people with depression can't have healthy relationships because there are many people with depression who can. However, depression can cause problems in relationships. Keep in mind:
- The relationship between lovers is not a "marriage". As a lover, you have the right to break up with him if your relationship is not going well. You're not a bad person to break up with someone who can't do much for you at this point, and even more so if they don't support you.
- You should understand what you want from a romantic relationship, and consider whether you are getting what you need.
- Putting yourself and your own interests first is not the same as being selfish. Especially as a free adult, and no one is watching your needs. You must take care of yourself before taking care of others.
- Sometimes depression can make a person unable to maintain a romantic relationship. This is neither you nor your partner's fault, nor is it proof that you are not perfect. Loving someone doesn't mean you have to beat mental illness which can be severe.
- Depression is not an excuse for abuse, manipulation, or other ill-treatment. People with depression are more prone to negative behavior. However, even if your partner can't control himself, that doesn't mean he's free from responsibility. On the other hand, you may have to go out of your way to save yourself from the situation.
- His reaction after you break up is not your responsibility. The fear after breaking up with a depressed lover is that he or she will do something dramatic, including suicide. However, you can't control his reaction. If you're worried that your ex-boyfriend will hurt himself or someone else, seek help. Don't let yourself get caught up in a relationship just for fear of breaking it off.
Tips
- Prove that you are strong and independent enough not to depend on him. If he's worried about how you're going to survive without his attention, he's going to have a hard time being honest with you and recovering.
- Be patient. Hopefully your beloved man will get better soon and maybe your relationship will be refreshed with closeness and trust. He will love you more for being with him.
Warning
- Be aware that depression is very common in your lover or becomes a habit, or begins to become part of your lover's character in general. He may need medical help. Also, this will make him very dependent on you which is not good. If the depression is getting worse (there are suicidal thoughts, etc.), it's time to get someone else to help.
- In some cases, you will be accused of ulterior motives or he will start to distrust you. Do not take it serious. Wait for the depression to get better and then talk about it. Tell him how hurtful the accusation was (use an “I” statement) and how you would like him not to do it again in the future. Likewise with his rude behavior when he was depressed.
- If he asks you to leave him alone, appreciate that he needs some alone time. However, have family or friends keep an eye on him if you're afraid he might hurt himself.
