If some people have called you a drama queen and you're always sad, emotional, or frustrated with those around you, now might be the time to adjust your personality. Even if you think being a drama queen brings joy into your life and gives you the attention you seek, there are better ways to have a life that is meaningful – and less stressful. If you want to know how to stop being a drama queen. See Step 1 for directions on removing your crown.
Method 1 of 3: Changing Your Perspective
Step 1. Know when you are making plays
One way to stop being a drama queen is to know when you are the one bringing the drama. Are you always in conflict with other people, and no one in your life is easy to get along with > Are you always angry, crying, or stamping your feet every day? If that's true – unless you live in a war zone – chances are that all of this drama is your own making. Knowing that "you" is the source of most drama is the first step to limiting it.
Once you see that you are the source, you will stop blaming those around you and will see that you can control the situation
Step 2. Stop overthinking things
If you're a drama queen, you're definitely an expert at upping situations 3 or 4 to 10 on the drama scale. The next time you encounter a conflict or minor annoyance, take a minute to ask yourself how important it is. Maybe your boyfriend is 10 minutes late. Maybe you spilled some coffee on your sweater. Will you care about this 10 hours from now – or even 1 hour? Is this worth crying over? Is this worth ruining your day?
- This is an important question for you. Most likely, you will notice that you are exaggerating something small and will be able to move forward without throwing a tantrum.
- Overthinking small things will not help your mental state. This will make you stressed, difficult to sleep, and easily distracted. Remember that minimizing your problems will make you feel better.
- If you take things for granted, no one will take you seriously if something really bad happens to you.
Step 3. Try to build your confidence
Often, drama queens are like that because they have low self-esteem. They may feel like other people will only notice them or give them time if they're always being dramatic, fussy, or talking badly about other people. Ask yourself if this sounds like you, and think about your self-image and how you feel about yourself. When you wake up and look in the mirror, what do you see? Try to love the people you see there, and not see yourself based on the attention that other people give you.
- Of course, building self-confidence takes a lifetime. The sooner you begin to realize that your self-worth comes from yourself, not from what other people think of you, the sooner you will stop creating drama.
- Really think about yourself. Nobody is perfect – what do you lack? How can you try to improve – or accept it?
- Part of liking yourself is hanging out with other people who make you feel good. Is there such a person in your life? If everyone around you is focused on bringing you down, you won't be able to like yourself until you leave them.
Step 4. Stop seeing yourself as a victim
A lot of your drama probably comes from the fact that you feel like everyone is hurting you, and the world is treating you badly, and you deserve much better than what you get. Of course, some things may be right sometimes, but it's unlikely that everyone in your life is determined to make you feel bad. Rather, draw strength from the fact that you can control your own destiny. Stop saying, “I can't believe he did that to me…” or “I can't believe what happened to me…” and start your sentences with something positive like, “I did something cool today…”
- Don't let other people control you. Instead of thinking about what they did to you, try to do things that make your life better.
- Ask yourself why you should always seek sympathy. You don't really want that kind of attention all the time, do you? Sometimes, you may really need sympathy, so don't spend all your sympathy points on unimportant things just to get attention.
Step 5. Live in the present
People who are immersed in drama are usually living in the past, obsessing about other people who hurt them, past fights or dramas, or situations they didn't want to happen. While the past can be informative, helping us to repeat the same problems over and over again, if you are too immersed in the past, you will not be able to live in the present or move forward. If you lived in the present, you wouldn't worry so much about what someone said to you or how you were “harmed”, or even revenge.
Instead, try to have fun where you are, whether you're with friends or out for a walk. Stop obsessing over the past and you will find your way to a healthier mind
Step 6. Write down your thoughts in a journal
Writing your thoughts in a journal can help you really process what's happening to you, deal with it emotionally, and then take time to deal with your problems. It's much better to write down your problem than to talk about it before you're ready, especially if you have the urge to talk things over with everyone who can hear them. Write things down that can help you think hey, this isn't the end, and that can help you step back from the drama.
Try to keep a journal once a day. If you have to talk to a friend about something that's bothering you, for example, consider writing down the conflict beforehand so you can calm down
Step 7. Remind yourself that this is not the end of everything
Drama queens usually think that everything deserves her anger and tantrums, but that's usually not true. While you may hate hearing people say, “This isn't the end,” sometimes it's something you have to say to yourself when you're in a tough situation. Let's say you get a bad score on one test. Ask yourself if it will damage or affect your life in the long run. The answer is usually no, never yes. Think about this the next time you feel like you're about to get angry, or tears start to well up.
Method 2 of 3: Changing Your Actions
Step 1. Don't get into other people's dramas
While you may be the only drama queen in your circle of friends, chances are there are other dramatic people around you, or people who just like to talk about their drama. Don't let them affect you, annoy you, or make you angry for no reason. If someone is being dramatic with you, ask them to calm down, say it's not important, and don't let it affect you. If the other person wants to fight with you, make you angry, or exaggerate something, the most important thing is not to get involved with them.
Engaging in debate is a choice. If someone wants to talk to you about something, say that you will only do so calmly or reasonably
Step 2. Get out of an unhealthy relationship
Some people love drama so much that they are always in a relationship where they are always fighting, crying, or always being dramatic. If you are like this, you need to ask yourself why you need this person in your life. You probably care more about the drama than the person, which only makes it worse. Instead, find a relationship, whether it's a friendship or a romantic one, that makes you feel happy, content, and at peace – at least most of the time.
- Of course, you may be attracted to people who are high on drama. The next time you meet someone like this, ask yourself if it's really worth it.
- It's the same with friendship, too. Stop hanging out with enemies in a blanket just so you have something to complain about or to upset you. Maintain friendships with people you care about.
Step 3. Take time to cool off when you need it
Another thing you can do to avoid becoming a drama queen is to be able to identify your triggers. If someone says something that makes your blood boil, know when you start to feel angry, then walk away for a minute. This may seem unusual to you, but it's a good way to give yourself time to assess the situation and prevent saying something you'll regret. Get out and take a short walk. Drink water in the next room. Say you need some time to think about what happened. Being able to take a few minutes to yourself will help you handle the situation in a rational and calm way.
Be honest with yourself. You may feel like you're ready for a situation, but if your hands are shaking, you're tapping your feet, or you feel your temperature rising, you may need some more time
Step 4. Find something positive for you to do
This may sound silly, but most of the time, people create drama just because they're bored. That's right. You're sitting at home, "The Bachelor" is boring this time, your sibling isn't home, and you have no one to bully or joke with. Suddenly, you start thinking about something your friend said this morning, and get really mad… and make a Facebook post about it. If this sounds like you, you should just look for more meaningful things to do. In the near future, you won't have time for drama. Here are some options:
- Find a new hobby, such as painting or writing poetry. You will find that this is a more useful way to release some of your energy.
- Participate in volunteer activities. Spending time with people in need will remind you how much to be grateful for – rather than complaining about everything.
- Even if you feel like you never create drama when you're bored, finding something else to pass the time can be very helpful.
Step 5. Stop associating everything with yourself
Dramatic people are famous for keeping everyone centered on themselves. When someone tries to tell them a problem, they will say, “…that's almost as bad as something that happened to “me”, or “That's the same as “me” feeling when…” While it's okay to try to connect with others, you should not turn any situation into a problem that concerns you. People will quickly get bored and think that you are a stealer; they will see that there is no point in telling you something.
Better yet, try to respect others, and know that they have to deal with problems (and sometimes drama!) too
Step 6. Think before you speak
Another thing drama queens usually do is react in a heated situation, make rude and hurtful comments because that's what comes to mind. This is like giving yourself time to cool off. Before you say anything, ask yourself if this is really how you feel, or if you'll regret it after five minutes. You may feel like insulting your best friend, boyfriend, or sister at the time, but chances are, you'll feel stupid in the long run. Instead, take some time to think about what you're going to say and ask yourself if it was really helpful or just hurting someone.
Don't be afraid to say, "Wait a minute, I need a minute to figure out how to react…"
Step 7. Talk to close friends – not “everyone”
Drama queens love to broadcast their dramas to anyone who is there. Not only is it rude to give butchers, bakers, and candle makers too much information, but other people get bored quickly too. If something is really bothering you, you should talk to your best friend, mother, or close friend about it. This will help you gain another perspective, release any pent-up energy, and will prevent you from telling your whole business to the whole math class or soccer team.
Talking to someone who really cares about you first will help you see that you don't have to tell everyone something right after it happens just because you can't wait to say it. Better to learn to be patient. Throwing things out isn't going to help you deal with it
Step 8. Get attention for something positive, not your drama
A lot of drama queens are like that because they just want people to notice them. The next time you want attention, what if YOU get their attention for something positive? Play great in the next soccer tournament. The amazing Desdemona turns out to be in the next school play “Macbeth.” Write a great article for your school newspaper. Do what makes you feel good, and other people will be impressed by it – not just annoyed with all your tears and complaints.
Think about it: if you feel like other people only notice you when you're having drama, you should only find positive ways to channel your energy
Method 3 of 3: Treat Others With Respect
Step 1. Be honest and open with others
This may sound impossible, if you are used to dealing with problems by talking about people who annoy you rather than talking "on" them. However, you should know that this won't fix anything. The next time you have a real conflict, take the time to talk to the problem person in an open and honest way that encourages communication. This doesn't mean you have to say all the bad things you think about them, but it does mean that you should have a useful conversation with the person, if you want to work things out.
- Take time to calm down and discuss the problem in a rational way rather than getting caught up in the heat of the situation.
- Indeed, it's easier to just complain about the person than to deal with it. But if you face the problem head-on, the person will respect you more, and you'll improve your relationship.
- Take the time to listen to the person. Don't just say everything you feel and hope he won't say anything.
Step 2. Avoid gossiping
The drama queen couldn't avoid this. They like to gossip more than Perez Hilton. If they hear something interesting, they can't wait to share it with their 3,000 Facebook friends. But if you want to break the habit, one of the easiest things you can do is to stop gossiping about other people. The less you gossip, the more people will respect you, and they will gossip less about you. This can be hard to stop, but once you do, you'll be grateful for all the positive things that come into your life as a result.
Instead of talking about other people behind their backs, start praising other people behind their backs. This will make you and everyone around you feel better
Step 3. Stop raising your voice
Drama lovers love to shout, cheer, or simply speak louder than anyone else so that everyone can hear what they have to say. This is another bad habit that you need to get rid of. The next time your voice gets louder, take a deep breath, and try to match the pitch and volume of your voice to those around you. Don't think that you can't speak more quietly; everyone can.
If you speak more quietly, other people will want to be around you more. No one wants to be around someone who always dominates the conversation
Step 4. Avoid mocking or offending others in the heat of the moment
What is the point? It'll be fun for half a second, then you'll look stupid. Do you want others to mock you? If so, you have a problem. Say something useful to help you solve the problem. If you end up saying something hurtful, apologize.
Step 5. Take care of yourself
Your own drama should be quite a lot, right? Don't get emotional just because of your sister's boyfriend's behavior, or because your friend's cousin was involved in an accident. Mind your own problems and don't get involved with things that are not your place. Drama queens love to get involved with other people's dramas because they feel like there's not much going on in their lives; if you find something positive to fill your time with, this won't be you.
Step 6. Take time to listen to the other person
Drama queens are so focused on themselves and everything that happens to “them” that they never take the time to listen to other people. When someone says something to you, make eye contact, really listen to what they are saying, and don't interrupt. See people who mean something to you in their own terms and stop looking for opportunities to talk about your own problems. Everyone in your life has their own problems and goals and ideals, and you should treat them equally, not just people who should care about you, you, and you.
People look for good listeners because they are so hard to find. If you learn to really listen to other people, you will become a better friend – and a much better person – in the process. Knowing other people have drama, too, will help you see that your drama isn't really that interesting
- Try helping other people, for example – you see a girl fall down the stairs? Help? That way, others will see the good in you, and see your changes.
- Don't change right away – people will think you're weird. Like I said, slowly and slowly.
- Ask other people to see what you should be doing – say to someone you trust, “Hey [that person's name], I want to change so that other people like me. Any idea?" That way, you can get more tips from someone who knows you better than this WikiHow article.