Seeing a friend or family member's life ruined due to alcoholism is a very sad and disappointing thing. When a person becomes an alcoholic, he or she needs to go to a rehabilitation program to get help dealing with the addiction. If you want to help, you need to first identify whether the person is really an alcoholic. Then help him get the right treatment.
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Method 1 of 2: Asking Alcoholics to Stop Drinking
Step 1. Look for signs of alcoholism
A person who has an "alcohol problem" may not have crossed the line of alcoholism completely. Alcohol problems can be handled and overcome by the person himself, but alcohol addiction is an incurable disease. This requires external intervention to control it. Alcoholics usually show these signs:
- Problems at work and school, such as showing up late or not showing up at all because you're not feeling well because you're drunk.
- Often loses consciousness after a heavy hangover.
- Legal trouble for drinking, such as an arrest for drunkenness in public or drunk driving.
- Inability to spare half a glass of alcohol or to be near alcohol without drinking it.
- Make plans to drink and experience a hangover.
- Broken relationship due to the person's alcohol problems.
- Consume alcohol as the first thing to do in the morning and experience withdrawal symptoms when drinking.
Step 2. Practice what you say
When you decide to talk to the person about their drinking, practice what you say. Keep it short, non-judgmental, and detailed. This will keep the person from limiting themselves if you talk too long and keep them away from feeling like you're emotionally cornering them.
- Try to remember some key sentences that are important to you. For example, you could say, “I care about you, and I'm worried that your health will be damaged if you drink alcohol every week. I will support you in getting the help you need.”
- Talking to the person with other friends may also help. However, be careful not to feel attacked.
Step 3. Talk to the person
If you notice some signs of alcoholism, talk to the person and let them know you're worried. Explain that his behavior affects others and that it is time to stop drinking for his own good and for the good of the family. Tell him about the problem that his drinking is the cause.
- Choose a time to talk when the person is not drinking. Talking in the morning is usually the best time. It's okay to talk when the person doesn't feel well because they're drunk. Point out the fact that the person is destroying his body so that he is sick every day.
- Be prepared if he denies. Alcoholics usually don't admit that their alcohol intake is causing problems. He usually doesn't take it seriously until he feels ready. Even though you should try to tell the truth and the facts, be prepared that he will likely reject it.
Step 4. Don't argue or judge
When you talk to the person about their drinking, don't start by blaming or judging them. Don't keep talking about his drinking habits, as this could make the problem worse. Arguing will make it harder for the person to open up to you about his reasons for drinking.
- Be aware that this may trigger him to attack and criticize you personally. Part of an alcoholic's resistance to acknowledging the negative effects of his behavior is to use other people as an excuse to drink. As a result, he will state that the problem to be addressed is the work or his partner, not himself.
- Try to listen sincerely and think logically. Of course, this is difficult to do. However, he will have a harder time getting angry with people who are receptive, sincere, and treat him well.
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Don't let him accuse or abuse you. Healthy boundaries are very important when dealing with alcoholics because these are often not owned by them. Even if there is a problem that triggers him to become addicted to alcohol (a relationship problem, for example), you are not the cause of this addiction. Harassment, manipulation, irresponsible behavior, and violence from him are also unacceptable.
- You can stay away from or stay away from alcoholics who behave in this way.
- This doesn't mean you "hurt" or "ignored" him. If an alcoholic doesn't face the fact that his behavior is negatively affecting his life, he may continue to drink.
Step 5. Try to understand the person
When you talk about his drinking habits, be sure to ask him if there are any problems or things that stress him out, which encourages him to drink. You should also find out if the person has a good support system or not. If not, you need to advise him on getting group help.
- The person may not want to discuss the issue that prompted him to drink or may deny that there is a problem.
- Understand that alcohol consumption can really change a person so often that it's hard for you to know what he really looks like.
- Alcohol can cause irrational behavior, inability to make good decisions, and difficulty thinking. This can continue even if an alcoholic is not drinking. If you ask "Why did you do that?" to an alcoholic, you probably won't get a clear answer. The answer may be "just because of alcoholism".
- It doesn't matter if you don't understand. You probably won't be able to understand, and aren't in the best position to do so. Just loving someone doesn't mean you can help them. As an example:
- A 14 year old may not understand everything like a 41 year old man.
- A person who has never been to the battlefield may not understand what it is like to see a comrade in arms die in battle.
Step 6. Don't force the person to stop drinking
Alcohol addiction is a complex disease, so forcing or shaming the person to stop drinking is unlikely to work. In addition, it can trigger the person to drink more often.
- You need to understand that you can't stop that person from drinking. But you can suggest and help the person to seek help.
- Of course, this doesn't mean you have to help him get alcohol, or justify his actions.
Method 2 of 2: Be Supportive
Step 1. Don't drink near the person
This will make it more difficult for the person to reduce the habit of drinking alcohol. It can also trigger unhealthy drinking habits in your life. You can help the person by meeting and spending time in places that don't serve alcohol. This will make it easier for the person to stop drinking.
Step 2. Talk to the other person
Ask those closest to the person if they notice any worrying behavior or if they think the person has a problem. Avoid telling other people that the person is an alcoholic and be careful not to tell anyone who doesn't need to know. Don't take the risk to invade the person's privacy.
If you think the person is an alcoholic, it's time to get someone else involved. The problem is too big for you to handle on your own and you should get outside help for the alcoholic as soon as possible
Step 3. Talk to the person
Remind him that you're worried, so you care about him and want him to get help. Express your thoughts about what you noticed and ask what you can do to help. Be prepared if the person doesn't want your help or is avoiding you for a while.
If the person is open to getting help, offer to consult a professional. Prepare a help list for the alcoholic. The list should include contact information for the Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) group of alcoholics, the names of therapists and psychologists who specialize in helping alcoholics, and a list of rehabilitation centers
Step 4. Try to involve a professional
If the alcoholic refuses to take medication, or even refuses to consider it, try to get a therapist involved. A therapist has experience dealing with different types of alcoholics, and will work with you to develop a plan for the alcoholic.
Professional therapists know how to deal with defensiveness and other behaviors that can irritate or confuse immediate family members
Step 5. Be supportive during therapy
If the alcoholic agrees to go to therapy and take steps to stay drunk again, make it clear that you support him or her and this is the best thing the person can do. Ease the person's feelings of guilt or shame by showing that you're proud of him or her for getting help.
Step 6. Be prepared to support him if he relapses
If the person enters a rehab center and has completed a series of therapies, he or she may become wobbly when they leave. For some people, therapy never ends and alcohol addiction is something that must be constantly dealt with. The alcoholic's family and friends should continue to support the person, even if he relapses. Relapse condition occurs in almost the majority of alcoholics.
- Do relaxing non-alcohol activities to do together. Bicycle. Playing card. Pretend it's raining and cool off together. Making cake. Get out of the house and enjoy life together. Go to the museum. Go to the park and have a picnic.
- Encourage the person to attend frequent AA meetings and get counseling if needed. Let him know that you are there to talk to if he needs you.
Step 7. Watch yourself
Being a close friend or family member of an alcoholic is exhausting and can lead to feelings of helplessness and hopelessness. Alcohol addiction is often referred to as a “family illness” because its effects extend beyond the person's life with the alcohol problem. Take time to do activities that make you feel good and increase your self-confidence and self-esteem during these times.
Consider going to therapy. It helps to have someone to talk to about your feelings during this emotionally difficult time
Step 8. Spend time with other friends and family members
You need to take a break from dealing with someone with a drinking problem. Even if you focus on the health of a family member who is addicted to alcohol, spending time with other people in your life can help take your mind off these things and re-energize you.
Make sure you deal with your own personal problems during this time. Avoid focusing so much on the person with their drinking problem that you damage other relationships in your life or develop your own dependency problem
Tips
- If your friend doesn't acknowledge the problem, there's nothing you can do about it. Don't take it too seriously or feel responsible for his alcohol problem.
- If this person is a part of your life, you must be affected by his drinking habits. Try going to an AA type meeting or at least looking for AA reading resources. Such groups have a lot of advice to follow.
