Living with critics is not easy. Unfortunately, anyone can be a critic, whether it's your parents, roommate, or life partner. To build a happy and positive relationship, you first need to feel comfortable in the relationship. If criticized constantly, who will feel comfortable? Understand that critics are usually people who are not happy with their lives. Try to understand that criticism is rarely personal. Find strategies for dealing with criticism right away, managing it calmly, and moving on with life better afterward. No matter how bad your life situation is, stay focused on your happiness.
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Method 1 of 3: Dealing with Criticism on the spot
Step 1. Don't take all the negative words you receive personally
Remember, this is not all about you. If the person is really critical and negative, he or she is likely to be criticizing everything around him as well. When you are the victim, calm yourself and don't take it personally.
- Think about the source of the criticism. Does the person really like to criticize? Does he always complain about work, school, and friends around him? If so, chances are he is a negative person and likes to complain a lot. The criticism is a reflection of how he sees the world around him, not an objective assessment of your character.
- Remember, you are a valuable individual. There is always a righteous critique. If the criticism you receive is true, use it to improve yourself. However, always remember that your flaws and imperfections don't define who you really are. Your friend's criticism of your habit of forgetting to take out the trash may be true. But of course the way is wrong if he chooses to always focus on these shortcomings and not pay attention to other qualities of you.
Step 2. Avoid the urge to argue
Arguing with critics is a very bad choice, especially since they usually don't want to solve any problems; they just want to complain. Even if it's difficult, avoid the urge to argue with them.
- Listen empathetically if someone is criticizing you. After that, repeat their words in your own language. This shows that you are listening to what they have to say without getting involved in their unwarranted demands. For example, say something like "So you feel like you're not being treated fairly because I forgot to wash the dishes last night?".
- Often times, critics will force you to get involved in their complaints. If you respond with empathy, they'll just keep complaining. Instead of arguing with their grievances, speak your mind calmly. You could say, “I'm sorry if that upset you, but I totally forgot. I'll remember your words next time. I'll wash it now, okay?" If the person is very critical, chances are he or she will continue to criticize you afterward. Don't give him a chance to complain again; keep repeating your words. Sooner or later, he will get bored and stop talking.
Step 3. Ignore the complaint
Sometimes, the best way to deal with critics is to silence them. For people who like to criticize, complaining about everything has become their way of life. Learn to ignore or simplify their complaints.
Critics tend to like to develop conflict and drama in relationships. The more you respond, the more they will criticize you. Instead, try responding to their criticism with a short answer like “Oh”, “Okay”, or “Yes”
Step 4. Be merciful to others
Most critics are people who are not happy with themselves. They have unreasonably high expectations of themselves and their accomplishments. If you have to live with a critic, try to be a little merciful to him.
- You will only face them occasionally, while they have to deal with themselves all the time. If a roommate, family member, partner, or friend is overly critical, they may simply be feeling unsatisfied with themselves.
- When someone criticizes you, consider that person's perspective. There is always a reason why someone likes to criticize others so much. For example, suppose you are a student who still lives with your parents. If your dad is constantly criticizing your study patterns, consider considering his perspective. Maybe at that time, your father could not live the education you went through. If that's the case, he may feel insecure about your presence because you have the opportunity to achieve something he can't. The criticism is an impersonal expression of your father's unhappiness. Sometimes, having compassion for someone can completely wash away your frustration.
Step 5. Give in once in a while
If you live with a critic, sometimes life will be a lot easier if you will give in to some of the little things. If your partner is often angry when you don't fold the clothes according to his wishes, give in and do what he wants. It's not a big deal anyway and can help ease some of the tension between you two.
Even if the criticism you hear is very unreasonable and unwarranted, it doesn't mean that the content of the criticism is 100% wrong. As previously explained, everyone has bad habits. Hearing your roommate constantly complain about your habit of forgetting to dry the bathroom floor is annoying. But think about it, someone could slip and get injured because of your habit; and that someone could be you. Instead of busy feeling annoyed, try to get used to drying the bathroom floor after showering
Method 2 of 3: Managing the Situation
Step 1. Be assertive
Remember, there are times when criticism can no longer be tolerated. Maybe your roommate often criticizes your habit of forgetting to take out the trash. The criticism is reasonable and still acceptable. But if he starts to offend you and gives you unsolicited advice, show your assertiveness.
- Be firm, yet calm and polite. Expressing a complaint in a rude or aggressive manner will only escalate the situation and provoke both parties into an argument; as a result, no solution was found.
- Convey your complaint in a clear and simple statement. If any of your housemates are always interfering with you and your partner, tell them, “I appreciate your concern because I'm spending too much time with Madeline. Thank you for caring and passing it on to me. But I feel my relationship is now quite stable; I feel happy and don't need advice from anyone. If this situation changes in the future, I'll let you know."
Step 2. Evaluate the nature of the criticism
Although difficult, it can sometimes be helpful to objectively assess the criticism being made. If you are willing to understand the person's background and critique, you can manage the issue more easily.
- First, understand what is the subject of criticism. Is it something you can control? If so, maybe you can do something about it (for example, start washing the dishes after using it). But sometimes, there are some critics who tend to criticize something that cannot be changed or controlled by others. Do you often laugh out loud when you watch comedy shows? Such habits are an innate personality, not a conscious choice. In such a case, the criticism made will be less precise and fair.
- How are these criticisms expressed? Living with other people requires you to communicate well. If you do something that annoys your roommate, they have every right to complain to you. However, it is the way in which they present the complaint that matters. If they say it by yelling, using harsh words, or being rude, you have every right to be wary.
- Why is the person criticizing you? Does he really want you to change? Or does he just like to complain about everything?
Step 3. Give honest feedback
One way to deal with critics is to give them feedback. Some people just can't communicate efficiently; they probably just don't know how to give advice that doesn't sound like criticism.
- Not all criticism is wrong or you need to ignore. Unfortunately, not everyone knows how to convey advice or advice. If you have to deal with critics every day, try telling them how to give efficient advice. Over time, their way of communicating may improve.
- Let's just say your roommate is always criticizing the way you mop your room. Today, he's criticizing you again even though you're done mopping. You know that you're more likely to forget that advice when you're going to mop up again next week. Therefore, tell him, “I know you want to change the way I mop floors. Next time, can you say what you want before I start mopping? I'm afraid I've forgotten your advice next week."
Step 4. Use “I” speech
It's natural that critics often hurt your feelings. Negative and demanding people often irritate those around them. When expressing your annoyance, use "I" words. This utterance focuses more on your feelings, not on their faults; instead of directly judging them, focus on conveying your feelings.
- The utterance "I" consists of three parts. The first part is when you say “I feel…”, then explain how you feel. After that, describe the behavior that made you feel this way. In the end, explain why his behavior made you feel that way. This helps you not to blame them right away. Instead of blaming them, you place more emphasis on how their actions affect you.
- For example, suppose your partner is always criticizing you because you often bathe too long. You then say, “It sucks you know when you always complain about my shower time. After all, I never bother you every time you take a shower. You don't respect me!" With sentences like that, even if you mean right, your partner will feel judged and treated unfairly.
- Instead, rearrange your sentences and use "I" speech. In a similar scenario, you might say, “I feel unappreciated every time you complain about my shower time. Especially because I feel like I always respect your privacy in the bathroom.”
Step 5. Be willing to compromise
Living with other people requires you to be willing to compromise, even if you feel you are right. Find a middle ground that can benefit both parties.
- Accept true criticism. Everyone has bad habits that can annoy roommates, family members, or partners. If you do something wrong, no matter how small, try to correct it.
- Try letting go of some of your anger. Understand the critic's background and occasionally succumb to his demands.
Method 3 of 3: Moving On
Step 1. Give an example
One of the best ways to deal with a critic is to cultivate your positivity. Don't let them make you feel or think negatively. Show them how to be a more positive and happy person.
- If someone is always criticizing whatever you do, respond in the opposite way. This shows that they will not be able to influence others with their negativity. If your boyfriend is constantly criticizing your political views, respond like, "It's nice to live in a country where we can speak freely, isn't it?".
- There's no need to try to calm people who are busy thinking negative thoughts. Most of them like to complain and will continue to complain if not asked to be quiet. Chances are, they won't want to listen to anyone's potential solution. In a situation like this, immediately cut the sentence. Allowing them to complain constantly is not a wise move. Say something like, "I don't know what to say, but you'll find a solution for sure." After that, smile and leave the conversation.
Step 2. Manage your own happiness
The only person who holds the key to your happiness is yourself. Even if you have to live with a negative person, that doesn't mean your life has to be affected, right? No matter how bad your situation is, try to keep creating your own happiness.
- Have a more positive attitude towards life. In your situation, this step is certainly not easy to implement. In general, people will feel happy if they accept the situation that surrounds them, however bad it is. Therefore, try to think this way, “Life with him is really hard. But this is life. After all, I can still be myself and can still enjoy my life."
- If necessary, take the time to get out of the relationship for a while. For example, spend a few hours each day walking outside the house. You can also travel with friends on the weekends. Surround yourself with fun and positive people and situations. This can help maintain your level of happiness while living with the critic.
Step 3. If necessary, end your relationship
If his actions and criticism are getting more and more extreme, try to question whether the relationship is worth living for. This doubt you need to wake up, especially in a romantic relationship. Believe me, you will find it difficult to feel happy and think positively if every day you are always fed by criticism by your partner. If you've tried and compromised with the maximum but still nothing changes, evaluate your relationship and determine whether or not the relationship is worth saving.
