Your professional and personal relationships can be harmed by a mindset that enjoys judging and criticizing others. However, it may be difficult to change an existing mindset. You have to put in a lot of time and practice. There are ways to change your way of thinking. For example, you can teach yourself to stay away from harsh thoughts about other people, focus on the other person's strengths, and express criticism constructively. Over time, you may find yourself appreciating and supporting others more often than you are judging or criticizing them.
Step
Method 1 of 2: Developing a Kinder Way of Mind
Step 1. When your thoughts start to be rude to other people, stop
Your judgment of others is often automatic. You should be able to try to put the brakes on these thoughts when needed. Pay attention to your thoughts, and when those gross thoughts arise, stop, then pay attention to your thoughts.
When you become aware of a critical thought, the first thing you must do is acknowledge the criticality of the thought. For example, if you notice yourself thinking: "That's great, letting her child go alone like that!" Stop, and realize that you are judging other people
Step 2. Challenge your way of thinking
Once you admit that you are thinking critically or harshly of another person, challenge that way of thinking. You can challenge that thought by paying attention to the assumptions you make about other people.
For example, if you think "That's great, letting her son go alone like that!", you're assuming that the woman is a bad mother or neglectful of her child. However, it is possible that the mother was very busy this morning and she was embarrassed that her child was wearing a stained shirt or her child's hair was messy
Step 3. Be understanding
Once you've challenged the assumptions you made about a particular situation, be understanding. Try to understand and understand the situation/behavior.
For example, after seeing a mother with a messy child, say to yourself: "Raising a child is difficult and sometimes it takes patience. I know my child has left the house with a messy shirt (or I have left the house in a messy shirt myself)."
Step 4. Look at other people's strengths
Focus on the things you like or even love about the other person. This way, you will avoid making quick judgments and be able to appreciate the person's intentions. Think about the things you like about the people in your life so you don't become interested in criticizing them.
For example, remind yourself that your co-worker is a nice person and always willing to listen to your "talk". Or, remember that your friend is creative and humorous. Focus your attention on the positives and not on the negative traits
Step 5. Forget the things you have done for other people
If you feel that other people owe you, you will feel allowed to criticize and hate them. Forget what you have done for others and think about what others have done for you.
For example, you may be resentful of a friend because you lent money but it hasn't been returned. Forget this annoyance and remember all the good things he has done for you
Step 6. Be clear about your wishes
People sometimes fail to achieve their goals because they are too abstract. Stopping all critical thinking or judging other people's behavior is a big, abstract goal. You may find it easier to reach the small, affordable aspects of this big goal. Think about what aspects you would like to change about judging and criticizing others.
For example, you can compliment people more often. You can also offer constructive criticism to others. You can make goals as specific as possible to increase your chances of reaching them
Method 2 of 2: Be a Constructive Critic
Step 1. Wait a moment
Avoid criticizing when someone has just done something. If possible, praise now, then criticize. This will give you some time to think about your critique. Your criticism will be more acceptable to that person.
Better yet, wait until you really need to criticize. For example, if you have a critique of someone who has just made a presentation, wait a day or two after the presentation is over before submitting your critique
Step 2. Give two compliments for one criticism
This criticizing technique is like a sandwich. Give praise, then criticism, then end with a compliment.
For example: "Your presentation is interesting! I sometimes have a hard time following it because it's too fast, but if the next one was slower, it would be great!"
Step 3. Use "I" statements instead of "you" statements
If you start the critique with "you," you'll give the impression that you want to argue with the person and the person will become defensive. Instead of starting sentences with "you", start with "I".
For example, instead of saying "You always interrupt me when I'm talking," say: "I don't like being interrupted when I'm talking."
Step 4. Ask for a different behavior in the future
One good way to deliver criticism is to ask for different behavior in the future. This is not as rude as making a statement criticizing something someone did or asking that person to change behavior completely.
