When we think of the word "positive", maybe many of us will remember the word "happy". However, happiness is not the only positive thing. There are various ways that you can use to be a positive person, even when you are experiencing sadness, anger, or challenges. Research has proven that we have an extraordinary ability to choose positive emotions and thinking. In addition, it has also been proven that emotions are able to change the cells of our bodies. What we experience in our daily lives is really just a result of how we interpret and respond to the environment. The good news is that we can choose other ways to interpret and respond to our environment, instead of trying to suppress or try to “free ourselves” from negative feelings. Eventually, you'll become a more positive person with lots of practice, patience, and effort to be able to choose a different way of responding.
Step
Part 1 of 3: Turning Yourself Into a Positive Person
Step 1. Get to know yourself
You can begin to change yourself by trying to accept the fact that you have negative thoughts and feelings. After that, admit that you don't like the way you respond. You can't change the way you think if you can't (or don't want to) recognize the problem at hand.
- Don't judge yourself by your thoughts and feelings. Basically, there is nothing "good" or "bad" about thoughts and feelings. Know that you can't control every thought that comes up or how you feel. What you can control is how you interpret and respond to them.
- Also accept what you cannot change about yourself. For example, introverts usually prefer to spend time alone and need quiet moments to "recover." They will feel very tired and unhappy if they have to try to be an extrovert. Accept who you really are right now as you are. That way, you can more freely develop yourself into a positive person!
Step 2. Set goals
Having a purpose allows us to see life in a positive light. Research has shown that by setting a goal, you will immediately feel more confident and optimistic, even if the goal itself has not been achieved. You will find it easier to reach your goals and continue to develop yourself by setting goals that are meaningful to your personal life and that align with your beliefs.
- Start setting small things as goals. Don't be like the back of the moon. Don't think too much. It's better to walk slowly, the important thing is that you can achieve the goal. Define specific goals. “Being a positive person” is a very good goal, but it is too big. You yourself may be confused where to start. Therefore, try to set smaller goals specifically, such as “Meditate twice a week” or “Smile at other people once a day.”
- State your goals in positive words. Research has proven that your goals will be more easily achieved if you use positive words. In other words, set goals that make you want to achieve them, instead of avoiding them. For example: "Stop eating unhealthy foods" is not a good goal because this statement will cause shame or guilt. You can set specific and positive goals, such as “Eat 3 servings of fruits and vegetables every day”.
- Set goals that can be accomplished on your own. Know that you can't control other people. If you set goals whose achievement depends on other people's responses, you will be disappointed if things don't go as expected. So, set goals based on the things you can control, namely your own abilities.
Step 3. Try practicing loving-kindness meditation
This meditation is also called metta bhavana or "love meditation" which comes from the teachings of the Buddha. This meditation teaches you how to develop compassion for your closest family members and extend these feelings to others in your daily life. This meditation practice has also been shown to increase a person's ability to bounce back from negative life experiences and restore relationships with others in just a few weeks. You can see for yourself the positive effects just by practicing for five minutes every day.
- Many places offer loving-kindness meditation courses. You can find meditation guide MP3s on the internet. The Center for Contemplative Mind in Society and the UCLA Mindful Awareness Research Center provide a loving-kindness meditation guide that you can download for free.
- Loving-kindness meditation is also beneficial for mental health. Research has shown that loving-kindness meditation can reduce symptoms of depression on the assumption that being able to share love with others will enable you to love yourself.
Step 4. Keep a journal
Recent research has shown that there really is a mathematical formula for positivity: three positive emotions over one negative emotion will keep you healthy. Keeping a journal will help you become aware of all the negative emotional experiences in your daily life and determine if your mindset should be adjusted. In addition, journaling will also help you focus on positive experiences so that you can remember them.
- Journals aren't just for jotting down things you don't like. Research has shown that keeping a journal of negative emotions and experiences in a journal will only strengthen your memory of those negative things and make you feel even more negative.
- Try to write how you feel without judging good or bad. Example of a negative experience: “Today I felt offended when my coworker made fun of me because of my weight”.
- After that, think about what your response would be. How did you respond at that time? What response would you choose now, after this incident has passed? You might write: “At that time, I felt very disappointed in myself and felt worthless. After I thought back on what had happened earlier, I realized that my friend had said such a heartless thing to anyone. Other people's judgments don't determine who I am or how worthy I am other than me.”
- Try to think about how you can use this experience as a lesson. What are the benefits for your personal growth? What would you do if this happened again? You might write: “The next time someone offends me, I'll remember that other people's judgments don't define who I am. I would also tell my friends that his words were unfeeling and hurt me so that I would remember that my feelings are the most important.”
- Don't forget to write positive things in your journal too! Take the time to note the kindness of people you don't know, beautiful sunsets, or pleasant conversations with friends so that these memories can be "saved" for you to remember again in the future. These positive experiences can be easily forgotten unless you focus on writing them down.
Step 5. Be grateful actively
Gratitude is not just feeling, but a action. Many studies have succeeded in proving that gratitude is very beneficial for you. Gratitude can change your perspective instantly and the more grateful you are, the greater the benefits will be. In addition, gratitude also makes you feel more positive, improves your relationships with others, grows love, and increases happiness.
- There are people who have a "gratitude nature" by nature as a natural expression of gratitude. However, you can show an "attitude of gratitude" regardless of how much "attitude of gratitude" has already formed within you!
- In any relationship or situation, don't treat the other person by putting yourself in the shoes of someone who "deserves" something from him. By acting like this, no means that you do not deserve anything and may be mistreated or unappreciated. This means that you should treat others without feeling “bound” by certain outcomes, actions, or benefits.
- Share your gratitude with others. Sharing gratitude will make this feeling even more "embedded" in your memory. In addition, other people you share with will also feel more positive. Find a friend you can make a “thankful partner” with and share three things you can be grateful for with each other each day.
- Try to find all the little positive things that happen throughout the day. Record these things in a journal, post your photos on Instagram, share your positive experiences on Twitter, or do anything you can to remember these little things for which you are grateful. For example, note if your chocolate pancakes are cooked just right, there's not much traffic to work, or if a friend compliments you on how you look. Your notes will multiply in no time.
- Keep these good things. Humans have a tendency to focus more easily on negative things and forget about positive things. If you experience a positive event, take the time to be aware of it and “keep it” in your memory. For example, if you see a beautiful flower on a morning walk, stop for a moment and say to yourself, “This moment is really beautiful. I will always remember how grateful I am for being able to experience this moment.” Try to make a mental “picture” of the moment. This will help you remember the incident again in the future, if you run into problems or negative experiences.
Step 6. Use self-affirmations
Self-affirmations seem less useful, but research has proven that they are very important because they can form new neural networks for "positive thinking". Know that your brain likes to take shortcuts by following the paths it uses the most. If you get into the habit of saying self-love things on a regular basis, your brain will see it as the "norm." The habit of talking to yourself and doing positive self-affirmations will also reduce stress and depression, strengthen the immune system, and improve the ability to deal with problems.
- Choose affirmations that are meaningful to you personally. You can choose affirmations to show that you love your body, care about yourself, or to remind you of a spiritual tradition. Use whatever makes you feel positive and calm!
- For example, you could say, "My body is healthy and my mind is fine" or "Today, I will be as friendly as possible" or "Today, my guardian angel always accompanies me throughout the day."
- If you are facing a particular problem, try to find positive affirmations to solve this problem. For example, if your problem is body shape, try saying, "I'm beautiful and strong" or "I can learn to love myself as much as I love anyone else" or "I deserve to be loved and respected."
Step 7. Cultivate optimism
In the '70s, researchers found that people who won the lottery-what most people consider a very positive event-were not happier than people who didn't win a lottery prize in just one year. This is due to the process hedonic adaptation that occurs because humans will return to the "threshold" of happiness after experiencing external events (both good and bad). However, even if your happiness threshold is very low, try to actively cultivate optimism. Optimism can improve self-esteem, well-being, and relationships with others.
- Optimism is the way we choose to interpret life. Be grateful for the flexibility of the human brain because you can learn different ways of making interpretations! Pessimistic people will see this life with an ingrained and irreversible perspective: "There is no justice in this world", "I will never be able to change the situation", "My life is difficult and this all happened because of my fault". Optimistic people will see life with a certain flexible perspective.
- For example, a pessimistic viewer would look at the violin show next week by saying, “I can't play the violin. I could fail the show later. I'd rather just play Nintendo at home." This statement assumes that your skill in playing the violin is a natural and permanent talent, not a skill that can be acquired through hard work. This statement also says things that blame you. “I can't play the violin” assumes that your ability is due to a natural talent, not a skill you have mastered through practice. This pessimistic outlook can also mean that you don't need to practice the violin because you feel useless or feel guilty because you "can't" do something. Both points of view are useless.
- An optimistic viewer will look at a situation by saying: “There will be a violin show next week and I'm not quite satisfied with my current preparations. I will practice more every day until the day of the show and try to do my best. This is all I can do, but at least I worked hard to make it work.” Optimists do not deny that there are challenges and negative experiences, but they are able to choose a different way of interpreting them.
- There is a big difference between true optimism and “blind” optimism. Blind optimism, for example: You are playing the violin for the first time and hope to be accepted as a member of the Erwin Gutawa orchestra. These expectations are very unrealistic and will leave you disappointed. True optimism will acknowledge the current situation and try to prepare for what will happen. People with true optimism also recognize the need for a few years of hard work and even though may be You were not accepted to join the dream orchestra, at least you did your best to achieve your goals.
Step 8. Learn how to change a negative experience
One of the most common mistakes people make is avoiding or ignoring negative experiences. In certain circumstances, this method does make sense because this experience is usually painful. However, the habit of suppressing or ignoring these kinds of experiences will hinder your ability to deal with them. Instead, try to figure out how to change this experience. Can you learn from this experience? Can you see it in a different way?
- You can learn from the experience of an inventor named Myshkin Ingawale. In a 2012 TED Talk, Ingawale recounted his experience when he was trying to find a tool with new technology to save pregnant women living in rural India. He has tried 32 times to create this tool and to no avail. Time and again he interpreted his experience as failure and gave up. However, she chose to learn from the challenges of the past and now, her findings can reduce the death rate of pregnant women in rural India by up to 50%.
- You can also learn from Dr. Viktor Frankl, a prisoner who was imprisoned by the Nazis and survived the Holocaust. Despite having to face the worst humanitarian situation, Dr. Frankl chose to interpret his experience in his own way. He wrote, "Anything can be taken from a person, except for one thing, namely the freedom of man to determine his attitude in certain situations, the freedom to choose his own way".
- Instead of allowing yourself to immediately respond to a negative challenge or experience in a negative way, take it easy and figure out what the problem is. What is wrong? What's the reason? What can you learn from this experience so that next time you can choose a different way? Has this experience taught you to be kinder, more generous, wiser, stronger? Instead of seeing every problem as a negative experience, take time to reflect so you can reinterpret.
Step 9. Use your body
Your body and mind have a very strong relationship. If you're having a hard time feeling positive, your body may be against you. Social psychologist Amy Cuddy has proven that a person's posture can affect the stress hormones in his body. Get in the habit of standing up straight by pulling your shoulders back slightly to keep your chest straight. Look straight ahead. Master the area around where you are sitting or standing by doing “power poses” to make you feel more confident and optimistic.
- Be a smiley person. Research has shown that when you smile, whether you're "feeling" happy or not, your brain improves your mood. This method applies if you do a duchenne smile that will activate the muscles around your eyes and mouth. People who smiled during painful medical treatments said they felt less pain than those who didn't smile.
- Try to wear clothes that express yourself. What you wear will affect how you feel. A study shows that people who wear lab coats when performing simple scientific tasks perform better than people who don't, even though the difference is only in the coats! Wear clothes that make you feel good about yourself, no matter what other people think of them. Don't force yourself to change your body size because of the size of the clothes always fickle. Size S in one store can be as big as size L in another. Remember that random clothing sizes can never determine your self-worth!
Step 10. Exercise
When you exercise, your body will produce endorphins, which are body chemicals that are very useful for giving "feel good". Exercise can also overcome anxiety and depression. Several studies have shown that regular exercise that is not too strenuous can increase peace and happiness in life.
- Do exercise with physical activity that is not too strenuous at least 30 minutes a day.
- You don't have to be a bodybuilder to enjoy the benefits of exercising. Jogging, swimming, or cycling will make you feel more positive.
- Try meditating as you do in yoga and taici to make you feel more positive and healthier.
Step 11. Create the life you want by experiencing it
If you want to be more successful, focus on ways that make you feel successful. If you want to be more loved, focus your attention on the people who care about you and on the abundance of love you can give to others. If you want to be healthier, focus on a way of life that makes you feel healthy, and so on.
Step 12. Don't worry about the little things
A lot of people go through life dealing with things that seem really important, but they aren't, if they'd just stop for a moment and take a look right perspective. Research has proven that these often-disappointing things will never make you happy. In fact, you will feel better by attending to the needs of others who are in need. Research has shown that we need five basic things to live a happy life:
- Positive emotions
- Involvement (to be fully involved or take part in certain activities)
- Relationships with other people
- Meaning of life
- Success
- Remember that you can define yourself what these things mean to you! Don't get hung up on other people's definitions of "meaning in life" or "success". If you don't know the meaning of what you do and the way you act, you won't feel it is a good thing. Goods/materials, fame and money at all can not make you happy.
Part 2 of 3: Choosing an Environment That Affects You Positively
Step 1. Apply the law of attraction
Our activities and thoughts have both positive and negative forces like magnets. If we try to avoid the problem, the condition will stay the same or even get worse. Our negative attitude will also bring certain consequences. However, the more we get used to positive thinking, the more proactive we will be in acting and achieving our goals. In addition, we will also find it easier to find and get positive choices that will bring us success. Positive thoughts can even strengthen the immune system!
Step 2. Do whatever you like
While it sounds easy, it can sometimes be difficult to do because you may be very busy. So, take time to do activities that can make you happy, for example:
- Listen to music. Enjoy music with your favorite genre.
- Reading books. Besides being useful, reading can also teach you empathy. If you enjoy reading non-fiction, you can gain new information and perspectives on life.
- Do creative activities, such as painting, writing, making origami, etc.
- Exercising, doing activities that are your hobbies, etc.
- Look for inspiration from admiration. Studies have shown that the sense of awe or awe you experience while walking in the open, looking at a magnificent painting, or listening to your favorite symphony is very beneficial for both physical and mental health. Look for ways to give your life a little admiration whenever you can.
Step 3. Get together with friends
Appreciate the people who have been by your side in the ups and downs. Try to remember their support so you can be more positive and happier on this journey. Also, maybe you can help them too. As friends, of course, you will help each other in times of good or bad.
- Research has shown that people who often hang out with friends who share similar values and perspectives are generally happier and more positive about their lives than people who don't experience these kinds of friendships.
- Interaction with the people you love causes your brain to release neurotransmitters that make you feel happy (the hormone dopamine) and relax (the hormone serotonin). These hormones are chemical compounds in the body that will cause positive feelings when you enjoy the company of friends and loved ones.
- Invite friends and loved ones to be a grateful couple. By forming a group to share things that you are grateful for together, imagine the positive things that will happen because you can share with each other!
Step 4. Show love to others
Love can be manifested by doing good for another person, especially if this person is less fortunate than you. This method really supports you to be positive. For example, research has shown that people who are charitable feel just as happy as when they receive money! Think of ways you can serve others, either individually or in a community, so that you can share love. This method is not only good for other people, it is very beneficial for your health too!
- The same will attract each other. If we do good to others, especially those that are done without being asked, they are more likely to repay us by doing good. This reply may not be directed at us directly, but it could be to someone else. But in the end, directly or indirectly, this kindness will come back to us. Many people refer to this as karma. Whatever the term, several scientific studies have proven that “doing good selflessly” is a principle that applies in everyday life.
- Get started as a tutor, volunteer, or get involved in church activities.
- Make loans on a micro scale to help others in need. Micro-loans, even if they are only a few tens of thousands of rupiah, can really help someone in a developing country to build an independent business or economic life. The rate of return on micro-loans can be more than 95%.
- Give small gifts to those around you, even to people you don't know. Buy a bus ticket for someone who is waiting in line with you. Send gifts you made yourself to your friends. Giving a gift will stimulate the production of the hormone dopamine in the brain. In addition, you will also feel happiness that is greater than what is felt by the person receiving it!
Step 5. Find an optimistic sentence or proverb and store it in your purse or shirt pocket
If at any time you feel doubtful or a little discouraged, read on for inspiration. There are some quotes of wisdom that you can use:
- How wonderful it would be if no one had to wait for the moment he wanted to change his life. (Anne Frank)
- Optimists always say that our life is the best and pessimists are always afraid if this life turns out to be really like that. (James Branch Cable)
- The greatest discovery in history is the fact that a person can change his future simply by changing his attitude. (Oprah Winfrey)
- If you hear your inner voice say “You can't paint”, try to start painting either way and it will go away on its own. (Vincent Van Gogh)
Step 6. See a therapist
There is a common misconception that one “needs” to consult a counselor or therapist only if there is a “problem”. As it turns out, you went to the dentist to have your teeth cleaned, even if you didn't have cavities. You go to the doctor for a routine health check every year, even if you are not sick. Seeing a therapist can also be useful as a "preventive" method. If you want to know how to think and behave positively, therapists and counselors can help you identify unhelpful thought patterns and form new, positive perspectives.
- You can also consult a doctor for references or look for information on the internet. If you have health insurance, try asking if there is a counselor you can contact in the insurance company's network.
- Usually, there are consulting services at an affordable cost. Look online for information on mental health services at a clinic, community health center, or counseling center serving the general public at a particular college or university.
Part 3 of 3: Avoiding Negative Influence
Step 1. Avoid negative influences
In general, humans are very susceptible to “emotional contagion” and this means that the feelings around us will influence how we feel. Stay away from people who behave badly and negatively so as not to infect you.
- Choose friends wisely. The friends we meet often can have a big influence on the way we look, whether good or bad. If you have friends who always think negatively, try to share a positive perspective with them. Encourage them to learn to be positive. If they continue to be negative, it may be you who should stay away from them for your own good.
- Do only what makes you feel comfortable. You'll feel unhappy, guilty, or worried when you do something you don't feel comfortable with that can't make you feel positive. Learning to say "no" if you really don't want to will make you feel stronger and more self-accepting. This is especially true when you have to deal with friends, loved ones, and people at work.
Step 2. Challenge negative thoughts
In general, we are very easily carried away by "automatic" thinking patterns or negative thinking habits, especially about ourselves. We can even be our own harshest critics. Challenge every time you notice a negative thought emerges and turn it into a positive thought or try to find the wrong logic in a negative thought. This method will form a habit if you do it for a long time. In addition, this method will make a big difference in increasing your ability to think positively. Say "I can!" more often than "I can't!" Know that anything can be changed in a positive way. Keep trying!
- For example, if you're angry and yell at your friend, you'll hear a voice that says, "I'm a bad person." This is called cognitive distortion, namely the process of generalizing based on specific events. This process only creates feelings of guilt and is of no use to you at all.
- Instead, start taking responsibility for your actions and consider what response you should give. For example: “I may have hurt my friend's feelings by yelling at him. I am guilty and will apologize. Next time, I'll ask for a moment to pause if the discussion gets really intense.” This way of thinking does not generalize you as a “bad” person, but as a person who has made mistakes and wants to learn to improve.
- If you often think negatively about yourself (or others), make it a habit to look for three positives over one negative thing you say. For example, if the thought comes to you that you are “stupid”, challenge this thought with three positive things, for example: “I'm thinking I'm stupid. However, last week I just finished a project with excellent grades. I've also managed to overcome a difficult problem a while ago. I'm a really great person at work and I'm currently having a hard time.”
- Even if we don't get what we want, we still get valuable experiences. Experience is usually much more valuable than material that gradually becomes useless, because experience will always be ours and can develop our whole life.
- There are always positive and negative aspects to every situation. We alone who must choose where to focus. We will not be able to control ourselves if we are always negative, but think otherwise.
- No need to worry about negative things if they can't be changed anymore. There are things that are "unfair" in this world because life is "just the way it is." We will only feel frustrated if we continue to waste energy and happiness on the things we cannot change.
Step 3. Overcome past trauma
If you're constantly feeling unhappy, disappointed, or negative, there may be an underlying problem that needs to be addressed. Try seeking professional help dealing with traumatic experiences, such as past violence, stressful events, natural disasters, grief, and loss.
Seek information about a licensed mental health professional, especially one who specializes in trauma management, if you can. You may experience unpleasant, even painful moments when you consult a counselor or therapist to deal with the trauma, but you will eventually become stronger and more positive
Step 4. Don't be afraid of failure
To quote Franklin D. Roosevelt, the only thing we have to fear is fear itself. We will all fail and make mistakes. How we get up again is what matters. If we expect success without being afraid of failure, we will have the best chance of staying positive in everything.
Tips
- If you need to rest, take a deep breath, count to 10, drink a glass of water and try to smile. Even if it's forced, you'll still smile and you'll feel better. Focus your attention on the good things.
- Every morning, make it a habit to look in the mirror while looking for five good things about yourself. Do not give up easily. Good habits can replace bad habits if you keep trying hard.
- Form a habit of positive thinking by looking for useful reasons, for example to improve the quality of your life and that of others. Remember that we can control our thoughts. Change any negative thoughts by thinking positive things.
- Keep emails or texts from family members and friends who can encourage you. Read again if you are sad to remind that you are valuable to others. They love and care about you. So, you will not easily feel sad knowing that you can bring happiness to many people and it will not be easy to feel pessimistic if you always try to strengthen others.
- Try to be quiet if you feel angry because hatred will eat away at peace of mind or disturb our peace of mind. Staying kind will make your life calmer and more positive.
- If you're not thinking about anything and just want to free yourself from negative feelings, try looking online for pictures of positive things that make you feel happy.
- Don't punish yourself for what happened! Look at what is useful and what is not so that you always remember it.
- Try to remember what you've done that made someone feel happy or felt helped when he was facing difficulties. In order to feel like a good person, try doing things that are nice to other people. This way, not only will this person feel happy, but you will also feel good about yourself.
Warning
- Be wary of people who don't want to be positive. Ask for guidance only from positive people.
- There will always be people judging you. Don't let their behavior disturb your peace of mind. Remember that the person you are most entitled to make happy is yourself.
