Compromising can be very difficult, whether with a boss at work, or with a partner. Fortunately, there are ways that compromise can be reached more easily and less painfully. The two most important ways are to be open to compromise and willing to listen!
Step
Method 1 of 2: Compromising in Personal Relationships
Step 1. Communicate openly
You should make sure that you both have open communication before trying to compromise. Being open in communication allows you to be open and honest in compromises. If you communicate but don't open up, your partner will know you're trying to get something out of him and he's less likely to compromise.
- First, state what you want and then listen to what he has to say. That way everything will open.
- Be calm in your attitude. If you are angry, sarcastic, or scornful, you will immediately fail to get your partner to consider your views.
Step 2. Make sure what you're asking for is reasonable
Think carefully about what you are asking him to compromise. There are good compromises and there are bad compromises. A bad compromise is when you ask the other person to compromise who he or she is personally.
- Ask yourself what you want your partner to compromise with you: Are you asking someone to change themselves? Are you asking too much of him?
- If the compromise stems from a deep desire to change things from his side, you will realize that compromise is impossible. For example, if you want everything in a shared room to be immaculately clean and your partner needs some chaos in their life, maybe you should consider that it's impossible to have a shared room unless you can find a way to balance the two desires.
- Good compromises have to do with things like asking for better communication from your partner, or getting him to take on more responsibilities (example: if you have to do all the household chores, asking your partner to take on more responsibility in that regard is very important). reasonable), or ensuring that all needs are met.
Step 3. Look at things from the partner's point of view
You may be very committed to what you're asking for, but you also need to be able to see what he needs. Your partner's commitment from his point of view will be the same as your own. If you can see how he feels and why he feels that way, it's possible that a compromise that works for both of you can be reached
- Make sure you ask him to be as specific as possible about his thoughts. Compromise can only be achieved through effective communication. Ask open-ended questions like, "Why do you feel that way?" and "What can I do to make this compromise work for you?" and ask your partner to help you understand the problem more clearly.
- For example: if you and your partner have a conflict because you want a month-long vacation over the summer, and he or she wants a smaller but year-round vacation, make sure you understand why. Maybe he's having a hard time getting the time off he needs for such a holiday, maybe he wants to use some of the little vacation to visit his family during the year-end celebrations. Those would all be very valid reasons and you should consider them.
Step 4. Listen
Part of effective compromise is effective listening too. If the person you're negotiating with doesn't feel heard, he or she won't feel like their wishes are being considered.
- When your partner is talking, really listen. If you can, make eye contact with him. Don't look at your phone, or fiddle with things.
- If what he says escapes your attention, ask him to repeat it. You could say something like, "Sorry, I was thinking about what you said about X, so I didn't hear what you just said. Can you repeat that?"
Step 5. Affirm yourself in the right way
Affirming your needs is great. Women, in particular, are taught to make peace instead of expressing their needs. But there is a right way to do it and there is also a way that will hurt your partner or cause further disagreement, instead of making a good compromise.
- Examples of appropriate self-affirmation: speak clearly, explain what you want, state certain things that you don't really like being compromised on.
- Examples of inappropriate self-affirmation: yelling, interrupting your partner, hitting, making derogatory comments about him or her, speaking condescendingly, forcing your partner to follow your plans "for his own good."
Step 6. Be honest
If you want to make sure that you are both clear about each other's needs and that your partner understands what you want and why you want it, you have to be candid. Sometimes being honest is hard, especially if you don't want to hurt your partner with that honesty. There are ways to be honest but they only cause a little bit of pain.
- Don't attack, even if your statement is true. For example: your partner has been procrastinating looking for work and you need a break, so you want him to work, even if it's just a temporary job. Instead of calling him lazy (maybe he is but that's not the point), say that you really need a break and really need help with income.
- It's always a good idea to combine criticism with taking it still or acknowledging one's strengths. For example: let's say you and your partner are trying to compromise on household chores. Say something like, "I really appreciate you taking out the trash every week, but I really need help with the cooking and cleaning up, and I know your cooking is great, so I'd really love to have some help with the cooking."
Step 7. Realize that compromise doesn't have to be 50/50
You won't make an even 50/50 share when you compromise with your partner. You just have to make sure that one side doesn't compromise on everything while the other doesn't compromise at all.
- For example: if you're trying to compromise with your partner about the nursery, one wants to paint it pink while the other wants blue, combining the two won't be very good. Better yet, see if the two of you can agree on another color you both like (like yellow, or pale green). Or agree that one person decides the color of the nursery, while the other chooses the furniture.
- If one person compromises everything, make sure that the next compromise will favor him or her, or consider giving up completely.
Step 8. Solve the bigger problem
Sometimes the problem you are trying to compromise on is related to a bigger issue. If you don't solve the bigger problem, you will face further difficulties later on.
- For example: if you're both trying to agree on a coffee time but can't agree on when, the problem may not be a disagreement over the time. Perhaps the bigger problem is that he's been absent before and you're not very interested in compromising your schedule if he doesn't show up in the end.
- Just as you do when trying to find a compromise that works, you need to deal with each other calmly and with a good attitude. Using the same example, explain to a friend or partner that you feel your time is not valued if they don't show up, and you weren't even told that they didn't show up.
Step 9. Do something fun
Serious compromises and discussions can be very difficult and energy draining. To make things easier for both parties, do something fun afterwards, especially if the compromise was a big deal. The person who compromises the most gets the chance to choose the thing that pleases him the most.
For example: if you've compromised on something big (like whose family you're going on holiday with) then do something fun like dinner out, or a picnic. The fun activity will reduce the feeling of displeasure because of the compromise that has been made
Method 2 of 2: Compromising at Work
Step 1. Calm down
Compromise, even in the workplace, can be emotional and frustrating for all parties. Before you try and work out the details so that everyone gets what they want, you need to take a step back from the emotions you've planted on your own side.
- Even if it's only for a few minutes, take the time to go somewhere yourself and think about what you want or need from the compromise. This is especially important when this is something you have to do with your boss, or there will be a lot of burden on this compromise.
- If you can't find time for yourself, take three deep breaths, all the way to your diaphragm. This will help calm the nervous system and make it easier for you to process information and express your views.
Step 2. Begin with open-ended statements and questions
You want to understand what the other person wants from the compromise. You also want him to feel heard. The best way to compromise is to really listen to the other party.
- Ask questions like: "Why do you think that way about X?" and "How can we do this better?"
- For statements say something like, "Help me understand more about this situation/your views."
Step 3. Respect
To reach any compromise, you must respect the other person's point of view even if you disagree. Respect other people and their ideas and show that you respect them.
- Don't use harsh language or use words like "stupid", "useless", or say something like "How can you suggest that?" or "That would never work!" Putting other people down will make them dig their point of view. harder and it will be more difficult to reach a compromise.
- For example: if a coworker proposes an idea that is different from yours, don't talk about how bad the idea was, or why it was a bad idea. You can point out the flaws, but still respect. In fact, you can suggest ways to make the plan more workable.
Step 4. Create common ground
Remember, you and the other party both want to reach an agreement. Stuck in a dead end would be of no use to anyone. Try and find something you can all agree on, even a small one. It will create good will between the two of you.
- Demonstrate your commitment to resolving the dispute. That way he'll feel as though you're both trying to achieve the same goal, even if it's coming from different perspectives. This means really listening to the other party, asking if there is a way to combine the two ideas and showing that you understand why the idea is important to him or her.
- The similarity could be something small, like a joke, as long as it forms some kind of bond between the two of you. For example: You could start the meeting by saying that you might have to find lunch!
Step 5. Share your views
Expressing views in a calm and rational manner is always better. This is the time to show why you want what you are proposing and what the benefits are.
- Give facts. The more ways you can validate your opinions and feelings, the more likely the other person to consider your position.
- Example: if you're trying to propose a four-day workday at your workplace (good luck), don't just say you want it because you're always tired and need better rest. Instead, present statistics and studies that have been done on employee productivity and how much better they perform when they get better rest.
Step 6. Offer more than one possible compromise
A good way to find something that works for everyone is to offer more possibilities. Combine ideas in different ways and see if you can come up with a creative solution to the problem.
- Discuss with the opposition. Answer the question: What are you trying to achieve? If there are no obstacles, how do you deal with the problem? What would be the optimal solution for both of you?
- Have a discussion about the different options you are willing to make with the other person.
Step 7. Aim to reach an agreement not to win
If you get into a situation looking for a compromise, you can't try and "win" that compromise, because you'll be setting yourself up for failure. Victory is when you and the other party both feel you got what you wanted, or were close to.
Try not to get too attached to your own version. You can want things to go your way, without overpowering the other person, as long as you listen and consider the situation from their side
Tips
- Be nice. No one wants to compromise with you if you seem unapproachable and willing to listen.
- Even if you disagree with the other person, you must be willing to consider the benefits of their approach and what they can provide.
