Has more than one person accused you of being selfish? If you think you're the center of the world, always stick to what you want, and don't like sharing or helping others, then maybe yes, you have a bit of a selfish problem. While reducing your egotism can't be done overnight, there are things you can do to become a person who is known to give more than demand.
Step
Part 1 of 3: Increasing Self-Awareness
Step 1. Join the team
Any team can. Join a sports league or any organization in your home, college or work environment. Being part of a team will help open your eyes that working with others is important; and that one must be able to balance oneself in order to succeed. Unselfishness is something a team member should have. So join a team. This is a great way to practice generosity and justice. Good teamwork in a team is also a must-have skill in a variety of jobs.
Being part of a team will force you to put the interests of the crowd above your personal interests. Otherwise, you will be criticized for being selfish. And this can be bad for the whole team
Step 2. Practice empathy
Empathy means understanding or sharing the feelings of others, or putting yourself in their shoes. Empathy is a skill that can be trained and strengthened, and can help reduce selfishness. Learn to understand the other person's point of view and put off personal wants and needs. By doing this, you will become more generous and understanding of others. Some ways to practice empathy include:
- Ask about other people. Instead of making assumptions or kicking someone out when he does something you don't like, ask him what's wrong with him. Find out and be concerned about this person and see if you can understand his perspective on what's really going on.
- Think of sympathetic reasons for responding to someone's behavior. If you're standing in line behind an old lady and she's taking a long time to get things done, don't be judgmental and frustrated. Perhaps the woman spent most of the day alone, and she chatted with the officers longer because she rarely saw other people. Whatever the real reason behind the behavior, the important thing is that it can help you develop empathy for the other person.
Step 3. Balance your needs with the needs of others
If you tend to put your personal needs first and always insist on getting what you want whenever you want it, then it's time to stop pushing yourself and try to find balance in your relationship. Start thinking about what your children, friends, or spouse might want; although it may be against your needs. When you face the opposite situation, think about what will make the other person happy, instead of what will make "you" satisfied. Find a middle ground, or try to put your needs aside.
- Remember that everyone's needs, wants, and desires are equally important.
- If your partner is desperate to see their favorite football team play in the decider, but you want to see a movie in theaters, let him get what he wants this time.
Step 4. Show appreciation for the good that others do
If you take advantage of or expect something from someone else, for example from a friend who always gives you rides, or someone who uses their personal network to help you get a job, now is the time to say "Thank you." When someone helps or is kind to you, show them your gratitude, whether it's a greeting, a letter, or even a small gift. Let them know how much you appreciate their efforts to help you.
Do good to friends or even strangers, selflessly. True good deeds must be done without expecting anything in return or praise
Step 5. Learn to compromise
Look for a medium of happiness where everyone involved can get some of the things they want. Compromising is a skill that will help you succeed in friendships, in love, or in business.
- When you are trying to solve a problem, think about who wants it the most. If you and your girlfriend are choosing a movie to watch, and she desperately wants to see a certain movie, while you don't have the urge to watch another, let her make the choice.
- If you feel like you're not being too insistent on wanting something, make a deal that's helpful to the other person. And the next time you really want something, that's when you get it. It's a matter of sorting out what's more important.
- Before reaching an agreement, make sure everyone is given time to express their views. That way, you'll have a more balanced perspective before making a decision.
Step 6. Share
Let a friend borrow your favorite dress. Share lunch with a friend who forgot to bring lunch. Allow your loved one to use the stereo of the day stuff.
Cultivate the habit of sharing items that you previously loved very much. Acts like this will help show others that they matter to you, and will make it easier for you to give. This method will also change the perspective of oneself from someone who was originally selfish to someone who is not selfish
Step 7. Volunteer
Take time to volunteer in a community setting, whether at school, work, or in independent activities. You could work in the school library, clean a nearby park, or make time to teach adults and children how to read. Volunteering will broaden your perspective on the world, by seeing others in need and finding ways to make a difference. Volunteering will also make you appreciate what you already have, especially when you see that not everyone is lucky enough to have everything you have.
Volunteer at least once a week, and see how much less selfish you are
Part 2 of 3: Becoming a Better Friend
Step 1. Be a better listener
If you want to stop being selfish, you have to learn to listen to other people. This means that you really have to listen, not just nod and say "yes" until it's your turn to speak. Listening means absorbing and remembering what the other person is saying, and understanding their problem, whether it's a friend, partner, or coworker. You can also ask open-ended questions to give the other person a chance to express themselves.
- Don't cut.
- After your friend has spoken, respond wisely by pointing out points in the conversation, to show that you really care.
- If your friend has a problem, don't immediately compare it to your own, especially if you claim your problem is "much worse." Look at each issue separately and provide relevant advice, because not everything has to be tied to you all the time. You could say something like, "I've had a similar experience. I used this method and it worked. Do you think this method works for your problem too?"
Step 2. Let your friends choose the activities you will do together
This trivial and simple gesture can make a big difference in a friendship relationship. One of the key aspects of being a good friend is being supportive, which includes supporting a friend's activities from time to time. The next time you and your friend get together, let them choose the movies, dinner places, cafes, or activities that you will do together.
- Once you get used to doing this, you'll feel good about making the people you care about happy.
- Can also take turns. He can choose what you will do this week and you can choose activities for next week.
Step 3. Prepare homemade dishes for your friends
Head to the supermarket, buy groceries that a friend likes and spend at least an hour cooking a good meal and setting the table. Preparing food for friends does take time, money, and effort. And you will see how happy it is to do something for someone else. This is a very good deed, especially if your friend is tired, penniless, or needs comforting.
- Don't make your friends bring anything but drinks. You have to do everything that night.
- If you find that you really like cooking for other people, try baking cookies or cooking vegetables and then sending them over to a friend's house in the evening.
Step 4. Give good advice
Taking the time to give a friend good, genuine, meaningful advice will make you feel much more generous and less selfish. Not all gifts have to be in the form of goods. Sometimes the best thing you can do is help solve the problem. Don't just say something he wants to hear, but take the time to give him some meaningful advice that can be realized and could really change his life.
Giving good advice to a friend can also make you more aware of what they really need, rather than what "you" need
Step 5. Don't talk about yourself all the time
This is easier said than done. Although being selfish and being involved are not the same thing, they go hand in hand. So when you're with friends, limit talking about yourself to a third of the time. Use the rest to talk about him or other acquaintances, or about other topics.
If a friend is going through a problem and you've been through something similar, it's okay to briefly share the experience, as long as the purpose of doing so is to show that you empathize with him or her. After that, immediately turn your attention back to him, so he can continue the story
Step 6. Ask friends how
If you're not used to it, get used to it. The next time you're with friends, ask them how they're feeling, their day, or their plans for the week. Don't be so obvious that you've changed and then bombard them with lots of questions at once. Instead, make small talk by asking how they are and how they are.
- Showing interest in others is a great way to reduce selfishness.
- Don't look fake. Ask friends how they are because they are your friends and because you care.
Step 7. Help a friend selflessly
Don't help her expecting something in return that you want later. Do it out of kindness. The help can be big or small, anything from getting coffee for a friend while she's studying hard, to spending three hours of your evening explaining chemical equations to her. If you see that he really needs something but are afraid to ask, you should be the one to offer, before he even asks.
And sometimes, you can help a friend even when they don't need anything. Just do it because you're having a good time, or just saw something that reminded you of him
Part 3 of 3: Showing Gratitude
Step 1. Make a thank you list once a month
One day a month, take about fifteen minutes to jot down all the things you are grateful for. Don't stop until you've written at least ten things. Save the list, and add to it every month. Use this list to remind yourself that your life is complete, and think about how grateful you are to the people in your life. Then tell them that.
Step 2. Give a small gift
Of course giving gifts to friends, family, or spouse on their birthday, is a sweet gesture. But it's even sweeter and more spontaneous if you give him a gift because he's grateful to have known him. Doing this will make both of you happier.
The gifts don't need to be new or expensive. It could be a souvenir, used book, or jewelry. The important thing is to show that you are grateful. The material value of the gift doesn't really matter
Step 3. Give something you really care about
This is another great way to show gratitude. It's fine to give an old t-shirt that you don't really like, but it's even better to give your favorite sweater to a sibling or friend. If there's something you really like but don't use very often, give it to someone who will put it to good use, even if it means a lot to you. Acts like this can be contagious. Imagine the kindness you could spread more widely.
Getting into the habit of giving away things you care about will reduce selfishness and attachment to things
Step 4. Respect nature
Go for a hike or run in the park. Take a walk along the beach. Enjoy nature, immerse yourself in its beauty, and focus on the gifts you currently have. Admiring the beauty of nature can make you more grateful for everything you already have and be more generous to others.
Enjoying nature can also help you see with a clearer perspective. When you are under a mighty waterfall, of course it will be more difficult to see with a narrow personal perspective, that you are the most important
Step 5. Write a thank you card
Every time someone does something that means a lot to you, take the time to make a thank you card. Don't forget to clearly state how much he means to you. Don't just send cards to teachers, coworkers, or professors. Get in the habit of writing cards to close friends, too, to show that you appreciate their efforts and are grateful for them.
Purchase a carton of ten thank you cards. Set a goal to use them all in a year
Tips
- Be happy that you have a way to help others who are less fortunate. Remember them and be grateful for what you have.
- Imagine what it's like to be hungry and not know when you can eat again. Try to live without food or drink, except water, for at least three days. Then donate food to those in need. Look at your most expensive clothes. Is it worth more than food or hope for hungry and desperate people?
