Standing up for yourself requires confidence. If you want to know how other people feel, you have to be careful. By using your assertive communication skills, you can show what you want and respect others.
Step
Part 1 of 2: Doing Assertive Communication
Step 1. Recognize the difference between an assertive and aggressive response
Being assertive means that you stand up for yourself and share your thoughts and feelings with others. You don't want to hurt other people with your words. Instead, you want to get your point across. You are aggressive when you belittle others. You are trying to get your point across by hurting the other person.
- Example of assertive communication: "Lia, I would be grateful if you would be more open to my current personal situation. My brother is sick so I can't come to practice often." For more tips, read be assertive.
- An example of aggressive communication: "Lia, you are so mean. How can you be so insensitive when my brother is so sick. Do you have a heart, don't you?"
Step 2. Use assertive body language
Stand up straight. Do not bend over or lean against the wall. Keep your head straight and look the other person in the eye. Instead of crossing your arms, keep your arms at your sides. When sitting, don't cross your legs and make sure your feet are flat on the floor.
Step 3. Use sentences with the word "I
"Instead of using "you" sentences, choose sentences with "I." For example, "I feel hurt when you ignore my needs" instead of "You always forget that I have to be delivered." With focus to the word "I," you are less likely to come across as blaming, you are instead trying to open up a dialogue.
Step 4. Don't get defensive
When defending yourself, try to state the facts. Don't defend yourself. For example, you might say, "Lia, you're not being fair!" and this is not effective. While it's important to talk about how someone hurt your feelings, try to explain why. By saying that you are sad, the other person can find out why. You can try some of the tricks below:
You could say, "Lia, I don't think you understand why I miss training so often. My brother is very sick and my family has traveled all the way to visit him in the hospital. I would love to be able to commit to the team now, but my brother is more important. I hope you will. can understand."
Step 5. Remember only you can control your thoughts
If someone is belittling you, realize that no one can make you think that your thoughts are meaningless. If a thought crosses your mind, it means that thought is valuable. But that doesn't mean your thoughts are always right. Therefore, really understand this situation and try to be open-minded.
Step 6. Explain cultural or lifestyle differences
Not all contradictions have to be resolved. You can occasionally explain where you are from. Some disagreements are normal in any kind of relationship.
For example, maybe your religion forbids you to drink alcohol and you don't drink it when you go to a friend's birthday party. Even if your friend object to your choice, if he realizes that this is very important to you, he will likely understand your choice too
Part 2 of 2: Listening to Others
Step 1. Stay calm
When in conflict with another person, take deep breaths. Don't react right away. Make sure you are calm enough to discuss the situation rationally.
- If you're not calm and aren't ready to discuss the situation, say so. You could say, "Can you give me five minutes? After that I think I can work this out."
- Try to count to ten while breathing from the diaphragm. Let the breath out slowly.
Step 2. Let the other person do the talking
When you are in conflict with someone, listen to their point of view on the matter. Don't interrupt him. Even if you have to defend yourself, you will also understand the other person's point of view better. This can help you communicate more effectively.
- Don't think other people's thoughts are unreasonable. That's aggressive and unproductive behavior.
- Show that you are listening by providing verbal and visual cues. Nod your head and look into his eyes. Occasionally say "yes", "right", "hmm."
Step 3. Briefly repeat the other person's points
After the other person has finished speaking, repeat what you have heard. This will prevent misunderstandings. In addition, it will show how you are trying to understand the other person.
For example, you might say: "Lia, I get that when you mean I weakened our basketball team. I don't come to practice as often as you would like. Really?"
Step 4. Ask questions
After your friend has explained how she feels, take the time to clarify any questions or doubts that are on your mind. Asking the question shows a greater concern than just accepting the other person's words. Also, if the other person seems hesitant to share their feelings, try:
You could say: "Lia, I see you are frustrated with me. Did I do something to offend you?" Lia may not be angry with you because you are the weakest player on the team. It could be that he is upset that you are rarely present. Maybe he sees great potential in you and is frustrated that you didn't make the best of your commitment
Tips
- If you hurt someone's feelings, apologize right away.
- Don't say something that you know will hurt the other person's feelings.
