Do you have to date secretly so that your parents don't find out? Are they one of those parents who are self-indulgent, rude, or just a little too conservative? Whatever your reason for hiding your relationship from your parents, whether it's because you're too young, or because your parents hold values that don't match your preferences, this is not an easy job. Not only do you risk losing your parents' trust if they find out the truth, but you're also putting yourself in danger and violating your values. Communication, honesty and trust are essential to any relationship, but sometimes you have to hide certain things for your own good.
Step
Method 1 of 5: Thinking About Why You Need to Hide Your Relationship
Step 1. Set priorities
Decide if it's the right idea to keep the relationship a secret from your parents. Did your parents disapprove of your relationship because they were too strict, wanted to protect you or were worried? What is the reason behind their disapproval? Are there cultural, religious, or age differences? Of course, parents have a longer life experience, but only you know the value of your relationship.
Talk to a friend or other family member. Remember, if you want to keep your relationship a secret, the biggest problem you have to deal with is when the secret is revealed. So, you need support to help you take the right steps
Step 2. Discuss this issue with your boyfriend
If you want to continue the relationship, despite the fact that your parents disapprove of it, you must explain to your boyfriend that you think what you are doing is the right move. If you don't explain the decision, your boyfriend may feel slighted. If he is offended, it could damage the relationship. The longer you hide it, the more difficult the situation becomes.
Your boyfriend might have a good argument, especially if he's been in a similar situation before. For example, this may be your first relationship, but that doesn't mean it's the first for him. He may have advice on how to understand your parents, and most importantly, he can support and save you from stressful situations
Step 3. Consider the opinion of the parents
It's not easy to hear negative opinions about someone you care about, but sometimes your parents have a better perspective on the long-term implications of your relationship. Your parents may also have a hard time expressing their disapproval (depending on how good your relationship with them is).
Relationships with parents can be complicated. Sometimes it's hard to be open and honest, but try to communicate respectfully so the situation doesn't get worse. For example, you may think you're just trying to hide your emotions, when in fact you're passive-aggressive and curt
Step 4. Remember that healthy relationships are built on trust, respect, communication
If you want to strengthen your relationship with your boyfriend or keep your relationship with your parents, be sure to show respect and trust for the sake of the relationship to last. If you don't want your parents to know about your relationship, ask yourself why it had to be done at the expense of your parent's trust. Is that the only way out? You don't have to sacrifice your physical and emotional well-being for anyone, including your parents or girlfriend.
Would your parents be physically or verbally abusive if they found out about your relationship? Does any aspect of your relationship conflict with their beliefs? If your parent's disapproval is based solely on prejudice, or if the reaction tends to be harsh, seek professional help. Remember that your mental and physical health is the first priority
Method 2 of 5: Coping With Authoritarian Parents
Step 1. Act like an adult
Your parents will always try to protect you. So, show them that you are mature enough to be in charge of a relationship. First, show your parents that you are responsible enough and can obey all the rules. If your parents think you are too young for a relationship, try to always be on time, finish the daily household chores, and don't forget to study. If you gain the trust of your parents, they will quickly realize that you are mature enough to be in a relationship.
Step 2. Understand the risks associated with premarital sex
Parents often oppose romantic relationships for fear of the risk of pregnancy out of wedlock or sexually transmitted diseases. Make sure you and your boyfriend are aware of this risk. After all, there's a chance that if you're unprepared and have a pregnancy or contract an STI, your parents can't help. You may not agree with your parents' rules, but you should communicate with your boyfriend and respect each other's boundaries to make sure you're both prepared and safe.
Know that you deserve your boyfriend's respect and to be heard. Compromise is very important in a relationship, but in this case, neither party should sacrifice their beliefs. Understand, if you can't wait to take your relationship to the next level, but your boyfriend isn't ready, you should respect his choice. Never pressure your partner
Step 3. Don't show affection in public
Be careful if you want to show your love. You never know who will see. A trusted friend may slip up talking in front of your parents, without knowing that you're keeping the relationship a secret.
Public kissing and other physical intimacy may seem harmless to you, but remember, if your secret is out, your parents may think your relationship is more intimate than it seems
Step 4. Buy a new phone
If possible, having a separate cell phone to communicate with your boyfriend can help with hiding information. Remember, hide this new phone well or you will get into trouble. If you don't have the money to buy a new phone, create a password on your current phone and computer. If your parents manage to get the password, change it so you can message your boyfriend without worry. However, if you always use the family computer that doesn't have a password, your parents will be suspicious if you suddenly set a password.
- Delete all messages on your phone when you go to sleep or leave your phone unattended.
- Clear browsing history after using the internet. However, this action may seem suspicious if the browsing history on the shared computer has never been deleted.
- To prevent your parents from checking your phone, don't save your boyfriend's phone number on your phone or use his nickname or surname instead of his first name. Or, you can work around this by using a male or female version of the name. For example: Dewi becomes Dewo or Agus becomes Agustina.
Step 5. Tell your boyfriend not to write anything about your relationship on social media and ask him not to send instant messages
If you have accounts on social media or use instant messaging apps, your parents may want to check your account or get information from other people who have access to your account.
Create a separate account that you can use to communicate intimately with your boyfriend. This trick is very effective, especially if you are in a long distance relationship
Step 6. Prepare an alibi
You can ask a trusted friend to confirm your information with your parents when you are on a date. In addition, the friend can also be a cover for phone calls or text messages.
If that friend is worried about your relationship with your new boyfriend or refuses to be your alibi, consider his advice. It's easy to assume someone has the wrong idea, but if a lot of people share the same thoughts and are worried about your relationship, it might be a good idea to listen to their opinion
Step 7. Hide the gift from the girlfriend
Be sure to hide any gifts you receive from your boyfriend, or keep them at his house. You will attract the attention of your parents if you suddenly lock your closet or room. You can also make arrangements to treat each other to lunch or a movie, instead of giving gifts.
Method 3 of 5: Maintaining a Controlled Situation
Step 1. Tell your friends not to talk about your relationship with anyone
Ask them not to discuss it in public or write anything on social media pages, and explain that the consequences would be dire if their innocent comments reached your parents' ears. Social media can be very dangerous because you never know who is friends with whom.
Politely ask your friends not to post photos or comments that could complicate your position. Be careful not to take photos when you're in a group with your boyfriend
Step 2. Use multiple social media accounts
Most social media provide services for free so you can use them to your advantage. Create as many accounts as needed to hide your tracks in cyberspace. Remember all your passwords and access your account only using devices that are not shared with your parents.
Step 3. Create a fake email address
This trick is very effective because your parents won't recognize it and will allow you to create fake accounts on social media. However, keep in mind that parents can find your profile on social media based on your email information.
Step 4. Change the privacy settings for your social media accounts
All social media services give you the option to filter the information you want to share with other users. Open the Settings menu and set up your profile so that only you and your boyfriend can access it. You can add some really trustworthy friends to be able to view your profile.
You'll have the ability to filter updates and comments so parents can't see them. However, the best way to make sure parents don't see anything is not to write down anything that might raise their suspicions
Step 5. Provide false information when creating social media accounts to use as camouflage or when meeting your girlfriend in public
Keep in mind that your parents can find you on social media using your date of birth, phone number, last name, school or occupation. Don't make the mistake of creating a fake profile using information that would allow your parents to reveal who you are.
Completely rename the profile. Don't use a middle name, your name spelled backwards, or your dog's name. Anything that has to do with you can reveal who you are in the future. So, be careful
Step 6. Learn to hide emotions
If you have a fight with your boyfriend, try not to show anger or sadness in front of your parents. Don't get too emotional in public because that information could reach your parents' ears. Find ways to express your emotions. Sometimes it's really hard to contain your emotions, but find ways to avoid emotional outbursts.
For example, you can channel your frustration by practicing boxing, or listening to upbeat music through headphones to cheer yourself up after a fight with your boyfriend. Only you know your emotions well. So, find the best way to manage it
Step 7. Pay attention to what you say to others
If you tell lies to many people, it will be difficult to keep track of all the details. Your story should always be the same and try to keep it as simple as possible. The more details you add, the harder it is to remember.
Step 8. Place your boyfriend as a platonic friend
Don't give your parents reason to suspect that you're hiding the relationship from them. Therefore, introduce your boyfriend as a platonic friend who takes up your time. Talk openly about him as you would with any other friend.
For example, if you introduce your boyfriend as a co-worker, talk about meetings and work-related issues, and how the two of you are helping each other to get work done on time
Step 9. Change your routine
Choose places that you don't usually go to and your parents don't know about to meet your boyfriend. Change your schedule to reduce the risk that their parents or acquaintances catch you. It would be even better if you learn the daily routine of parents. That way, you will know where they are and can arrange a meeting with your boyfriend as far from their place as possible.
Method 4 of 5: Coping With Age Differences
Step 1. Think about whether you can be yourself when you're with your boyfriend
He should be able to accept you for who you are and parents may not be able to accept the age difference. Once they see that you have a healthy relationship and make you a better person, it will be easier for them to accept the fact that you are in a relationship with an older person.
Step 2. Think about the future
Of course, it's easy to fall in love with someone older or younger. Try to project yourself and see how the age difference can affect the relationship. Maybe your parents are afraid that the gap between the two of you will widen if the relationship continues.
The age difference can be a big obstacle if you are very young. Your parents may be afraid that you will enter the adult world too soon or that your partner will just take advantage of you. Consider their point of view when deciding to continue the relationship
Step 3. Understand the power dynamics
If your partner is your teacher or boss, it would be wiser to follow the rules and know the limits that are allowed. Parents will be calmer if they are sure everything is under control and no law violations have occurred.
Method 5 of 5: Dealing with Value Differences with Parents
Step 1. Make sure you are in the midst of people who support you
If you have to hide a relationship because of differences in values (either cultural or religious), seek help from people who have been in a similar situation. Give your parents and boyfriend time to adjust to this situation. By being in the company of caring and respectful people, you can withstand narrow-minded parents if they refuse to change.
Step 2. Provide support for your partner
Reassure him that you care about him and that you don't agree with his parents' thinking, but don't want to ruin the relationship with them. Show him that the opinion of your parents will not be a hindrance to your relationship. Tell him that he is more important than your parents' opinion and that the confidentiality is only temporary.
Don't set a time limit, but be prepared for the possibility that your partner will give you an ultimatum. No one likes to be in a relationship with someone who is ashamed of their partner. So, be prepared to choose between being honest with your parents or losing your girlfriend
Step 3. Don't take sides
The question is not who is right or wrong, but how you view your family and the values you believe in. Everyone must learn to respect and accept others if they want them to be a part of their lives. Stand up for your values and make it respectfully clear that you don't want to compromise on them.
Hiding the relationship should be a temporary solution. Parents may take a long time to understand that you know what's best for you. Being honest with yourself is very important for your mental, emotional and physical health
Tips
- Try talking to your parents, at what age can you have a boyfriend.
- Try as soon as possible to let your partner know if you have to hide the relationship from your parents. This will prevent a very unpleasant conversation from occurring.
- Make sure your partner understands how serious the situation is. Otherwise, he could accidentally tell others.
- Think about why you can't tell your parents about your relationship. What's the worst thing that could happen? When you feel ready, be honest with your parents.
- Most importantly, if you really love your partner, you want everyone to know about it. There's nothing better than being honest with yourself and your family.
Warning
- Sometimes it's really hard to lie to your parents. Keep in mind that your parents may find it very difficult to trust you again if the relationship is exposed. Don't force yourself to do something that goes against your judgement.
- Hiding the truth can be a very difficult job. There's a chance that you're too quick to talk and express it.
- You won't be able to complain to your parents if your relationship ends or you're going through a tough time.
- You have to pay more attention to the details so you don't get caught.
- You may feel pressured because you can't talk about the relationship.
- In most cases, if you have to hide something, it means that something is wrong. Remember that hiding your social life can be very dangerous. Your parents won't be able to protect or defend you if something goes wrong because they don't know anything.
- If no one knows where you are or who you are with, it will be very difficult to get justice in the event of a crime.
