Everyone must keep a secret with varying intensity. For some people, information as simple as changing jobs they don't need to share with others. But usually, things that are kept secret are of a more serious nature, such as divorce matters. Do you feel that a friend or relative is experiencing an internal conflict over keeping a secret? As one of the closest people to you, you will be tempted to know it as a form of genuine concern. However, apparently the process is not that easy; First of all, you need to first cultivate his trust. After that, show that you are someone who can keep secrets. Want to know more detailed information? Read on for this article!
Step
Part 1 of 2: Building Trust
Step 1. Have a genuine conversation with your friend
Make sure you also take him on a broad topic first. Discussing meaningful things with your friend can build a positive connection between the two of you; as a result, it will be more helpful for him to open up to you.
- Discuss various topics with him. Make sure you are able to balance serious problems with lighter and simpler things.
- Be as sincere and honest as possible. For example, if your friend is having a hard time in a romantic relationship but you don't really understand the situation, try saying, “I don't really understand how you feel. But I'm glad you're willing and comfortable telling me about it." Saying this is so much better than simply saying, “I understand how you feel,” especially if you don't really understand how he feels.
Step 2. Be a good listener
Listen carefully to what he has to say; if necessary, repeat the story in your own language. Trust me, doing so will show that your attention is really focused on him throughout the conversation.
- Ask follow-up questions; show that you really listen to whatever he has to say.
- Be aware of changes in his tone of voice and/or behavior. Such changes indicate that he is hesitating or having trouble talking about something. If you notice a change in his tone of voice and/or behavior, try asking, "Are you okay?" Show him that you realize something is wrong.
- Don't force your friend to share information she's not comfortable with. Doing so shows that you can't be trusted and aren't really there for him.
Step 3. Tell me things about yourself
In every interaction with your friends, make sure you also tell various things about yourself. This will make him feel more comfortable with you and will be able to trust you more to keep his stories to himself.
- Get in the habit of discussing various types of topics with those closest to you, both light and serious topics. Trust me, it will help them to get closer to you and not hesitate to entrust their secrets to you.
- In addition, the habit of sharing is also effective in strengthening the foundation of trust in a relationship, especially if the parties in the relationship are comfortable telling things that happen in their daily lives.
- Make sure the weight of your story and the weight of the stories of those closest to you are balanced. Be careful, both too often or too rarely share, both of which can be a consideration for others to share their secrets with you.
Step 4. Accept your friends as they are
One of the most important parts of building trust in a relationship with someone is accepting that person for who they are. Undoubtedly, in the future your friends will feel more comfortable telling their secrets to you.
- Don't force her to tell you something she doesn't want to tell.
- Convince him as best you can. For example, if you know he's keeping a secret, try saying, "You know you can tell me everything, right?"
Step 5. Be someone you can rely on
Make sure you are always by his side and appreciate the commitment in your friendship relationship. This way, he will know that you are someone he can rely on, including listening to his personal stories.
- Fulfill all the commitments you make to the maximum extent possible. Show that you can be relied on, even for small and simple things. Undoubtedly, his trust in you will definitely increase.
- If you have to cancel an appointment or break a commitment, make sure you explain ahead of time and apologize to him.
- Make sure you don't judge anything he says; make him feel more confident about sharing his personal information with you.
Step 6. Show your independence
In every interaction you have with him, show that you are independent and not easily influenced by others. Showing that you are not easily influenced or pressured by others can show that you are sincere, reliable, and trustworthy. Trust me, he's more likely to be convinced that he's going to tell you his secret.
- Don't mention any gossip you hear about your friends, or about other people. If you do, he'll think you're talking behind your back.
- Emphasize your point of view without trying to show him that you are not easily influenced by other people's opinions, nor are you easily pressured to tell him things you don't want to tell.
Step 7. Show that you are capable of keeping secrets
The best way to earn someone's trust and make them want to share their secrets with you is to show that you are someone who can keep secrets. In other words, make sure you don't spill anything he's telling nor try to simplify it.
- Keep sensitive information to yourself.
- If you are unsure, ask him if you can share the information with others. However, be careful; most likely, his trust in you will decrease after that. For example, if she claims to be pregnant, try asking, "Should I keep this news to myself or can I tell it to someone else?"
- After that, respect and do whatever he wants.
Part 2 of 2: Keeping a Secret
Step 1. Encourage your friends to tell stories
If a friend of yours seems to be keeping a secret, try encouraging them to tell you the secret. Whatever the decision later, make sure you are willing to accept and respect it.
- Ask politely and not pushy.
- Reassure your friend that you just want to help him; also make it clear that you will not share the secret with anyone.
Step 2. Give your support
Most people who keep big secrets tend to feel troubled throughout their lives. Therefore, ask if he needs help and provide as much support as you can.
Research shows that keeping secrets risks causing emotional and physical disturbances. Therefore, tell your friend that sharing his secret with you will most likely make him feel better
Step 3. Stay still
No matter how strong the temptation you feel, and no matter what other people's secrets you keep, never divulge them to others. Remember, your friend has a very good reason not to tell anyone; after all, he must only want to tell the secret to those closest to him. In this case, you are one of those people.
Avoid the temptation to divulge the secret; be careful, the good relationship that has been established between you and your friends can be at stake
Step 4. Talk to an authority figure
If the secret relates to serious matters such as violence, infidelity, or health issues, and therefore you feel the need to share it with others, consider talking to an authority figure or relevant expert. Explain that you need their advice to deal with the situation.
- Make sure you don't mention your friend's name or provide too many details that could potentially leak their identity.
- Consider talking to and seeking advice from experts such as lawyers or the police.
- Make sure the person you choose doesn't know your friend.
Step 5. Share your personal secret
If your friend is sharing a very personal and serious story, consider sharing one of your own. After all, you will feel more "burdened" to keep his secret knowing that he is also keeping yours.
- Make sure the story you tell is similar to the story. Although this is not a competition, at least the weight of your story is equal.
- Try saying, “I understand how you feel. Don't tell anyone, okay? Actually I also have a secret.”
Tips
- Make sure you're ready to hear the secret, whatever it is. First, understand that there is a chance that the secret will surprise you and feel overwhelmed. If you're worried about overreacting, don't pry until you're ready to listen.
- Practice your response so that you can remain calm when listening to other people's secrets. If you have a tendency to respond aggressively, try practicing neutralizing your facial expressions and body language.
