Do you have really annoying relatives? Never mind hearing his voice, seeing his figure has succeeded in making your blood boil to the top. Since you don't get to choose your family members, the only way to keep your sanity is to practice reacting and responding to the various difficult situations they often cause. Avoiding every family event doesn't seem wise, especially if you don't have problems with other family members. Don't worry, there are always ways to deal with annoying relatives, at least so that your sanity and comfort are maintained when you have to attend family events.
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Part 1 of 3: Dealing with the Inevitable Interaction
Step 1. Think about how you will behave
Before spending time with your relative, think carefully about how you will behave in his presence. Maybe you and your relatives have had a big fight in the past. Remember again what was behind the fight; make sure this time you don't get into the same fight again.
On the one hand, you are a person who is not religious and rarely worships. While on the other hand, your aunt is a person who is too religious and often judges your beliefs; in his eyes, you are the sole candidate for the inhabitants of hell. To avoid conflict with him, make sure you don't bring up religious topics in front of him
Step 2. Pause before starting to speak
This is especially important if you really don't like the person you're talking to; don't speak or react without thinking, take a deep breath before starting to speak. If you're having trouble keeping the negative comments down for him, it's best to leave the conversation.
Say, "Sorry, I'm going to the toilet first" or "I'm going to the kitchen first, okay? Who knows there is someone who needs help."
Step 3. Ask for support from others
If you're really having a hard time adapting to your relative, tell another member of your family (such as your husband or sibling) that you want to reduce the frequency of interaction with your relative. They can help you escape an upsetting situation whenever you need it.
Previously, create specific signals that only you and your “reinforcements” understand. For example, whenever you need his help, make eye contact with him and make a hand gesture that means, “Please help me out of this situation!”
Step 4. Enjoy the time you have
There's no need to stop coming to family events just because of one person. Focus on spending quality time with your family, and enjoy activities that make you happy. Even if the annoying relative is in the same room as you, try to focus on something else. If you must communicate with him, make an emergency plan to escape the situation (for example, playing with the dog in the yard).
If you don't want to sit next to him at the dinner table, offer business card ideas and have everyone sit down based on the card's position. Put your name as far away from the names of your relatives as possible
Step 5. Keep your relatives busy
One way to "eliminate" annoying relatives is to keep them busy at family events. If dinner is cooking, ask them to help chop the onions or set the table. Let them occupy themselves and do as they please. At least they will disappear for a moment from your sight and stop bothering you.
Find ways to involve your relatives in family events, as well as to keep them busy
Step 6. Use humor
If the situation is too stressful or uncomfortable, you can always use humor to de-stress and lighten the mood. Make casual comments that show that you don't take the situation too seriously.
If your grandmother keeps telling you to put on a sweater, tell her, “I think my cat needs a sweater too. I don't want him to get cold either!"
Step 7. Always have an “emergency rescue” strategy
If you're really reluctant to interact with your relatives, arm yourself with an "emergency rescue" strategy whenever you feel like you need to run away from a family event. You might be able to ask your friend to call (or vice versa) and say there's an emergency, or admit that your pet is sick. Devise whatever strategy you think will work; arm yourself with potential excuses whenever you start to get fed up with your relatives.
Part 2 of 3: Creating Healthy Boundaries
Step 1. Avoid repeated debates
Maybe you and your uncle have different political views. To avoid the same debate, it's best not to involve yourself in political conversations. Try not to bring up political topics at family events. If your uncle discussed it first and provoked your response, think carefully about what kind of response is the most appropriate. Apart from politics, topics such as football or education are topics that are quite risky to give rise to debate.
Say, “We can agree to disagree” or “I really don't want to talk about it anymore. This is our family event. Let's have fun and don't have to have the same debate again."
Step 2. Act wisely
Not everything needs to be responded to or resisted. When your cousin says something that really offends you, it can be hard to control the urge to fight back. But when such a situation occurs, take a deep breath and ask yourself, "Was it worth the time and energy to put up a fight?". Think carefully, will your comments later change your cousin's mindset, or will it make it even worse?
Sometimes you need to grit your teeth really hard and say, "Okay, you're entitled to your opinion."
Step 3. Solve the problem that occurs
If your relationship with him has deteriorated for some reason, try to resolve the issue as soon as possible. You may need to get your relative to talk one-on-one; on that occasion, try to convey each other's complaints honestly and openly. When communicating with your relatives, make sure your tone is polite, calm, and non-offensive.
- The sooner the conflict is resolved, the less hatred will build.
- Be willing to forgive. You don't have to ignore the situation or pretend nothing happened, but learn to forgive the other person, at least so you'll feel more at peace afterwards.
Step 4. Say “no”
If your relative seems to want “something” from you (money, a place to live, etc.), feel free to say no. Remember, you have the full right to refuse. If you want to consider it first, you also have the right to ask them to wait for your decision.
No need to find excuses. Just say, "Sorry, I can't help you". Remember, you don't owe him an explanation
Step 5. Avoid manipulative tactics of passive-aggressive behavior
Perhaps one of the sources of your annoyance is the passive-aggressive behavior of relatives who often compare you to other relatives (“Wow, smart Rangga, yes, you managed to enter UI. You may even feel manipulated by their passive-aggressive behavior. If this happens, consider keeping as far away from them as possible. Reduce the frequency of communication and only contact them if you really need to. Remember, their words don't define who you are. It's not about you, it's about their personality.
If you feel like you're being manipulated, look for the best strategy for escaping the conversation (“I think Mom needs my help in the kitchen” or “Ah, I want to play with Kyla first, we haven't seen each other in a while!”. the talk
Step 6. Stick to family rules
If you're having a hard time establishing boundaries with annoying relatives, let them know that your family rules still apply. If he often abuses your child (such as ordering your child or stuffing him with unhealthy food), make it clear that this behavior is against the rules in your family. Also emphasize that your family rules apply both inside and outside the home.
Be honest and straightforward when discussing things with your relatives. For example, you could say, “Dian is not allowed to eat chocolate at home. That rule also applies here, so don't give him chocolate.”
Step 7. Manage the difficult situation as best you can
If your relative does something that is difficult to forgive, set personal boundaries that can make you feel more secure and comfortable. That could mean not inviting him to family events, completely cutting off communication with him, or telling other family members about your deteriorating relationship. Focus on making you feel more secure and comfortable, not on trying to "punish" your relative.
- Make your judgment as objective as possible when sharing the situation with other family members. Remember, however bad the situation may seem to you, other family members may disagree and remain on good terms with your relative.
- You may be thinking about taking a break from an annoying relative to keep your sanity. Remember, these actions can actually hurt him, as well as hurt you.
Part 3 of 3: Managing Your Hate
Step 1. Take good care of yourself
If you know you have to spend the next day with annoying relatives, at least make sure you come to the "battle field" with maximum preparation. If they are good at provoking your aggressiveness, arm yourself with adequate rest at night. If he puts you in a bad mood at the family Christmas party, don't hesitate to ask permission to go home first. Make sure you also maintain a diet; Stable blood sugar levels are able to maintain your emotional stability.
Step 2. Remember, their behavior has absolutely nothing to do with you
If someone is belittling, harassing, or saying bad things about you, it's a complete reflection of who they are, not who you are. Always remember who you are and stick to that belief. Do your best to erase those words from your mind and remind yourself, “This is not about me, this is a projection of themselves”.
- Sometimes, a person can behave very violently because they are battling a personal problem. This usually occurs in people who have low self-esteem, are emotionally unstable, or suffer from depression.
- There are also people who behave like this but do not realize it. To them, such behavior is completely normal and not wrong. This could be due to several factors; one of them is when they mix their competitive business style with their personal life.
- Some people grow up without the ability to empathize. In addition to genetic factors, the environmental situation in which a person grows up can also affect his ability to empathize.
Step 3. Realize that you can't do anything to change them
You may often fantasize about happy families spending every vacation together. But suddenly, the shadow of your relatives comes and destroys everything. Reduce your fantasies. Be grateful and accept your family as they are, whatever they may be.
Step 4. Accept your relatives
Instead of always being judgmental and skeptical about your relatives, try to build empathy and learn to accept them. Listen carefully when they are talking and try to understand their point of view.
Learn to love your relatives. Take a deep breath, look at your relative, then say to yourself, “I see you and I see the suffering you are going through. Maybe I don't really understand how you feel, but I know the problem is there. Right now, your problem has affected my life, and I have accepted it willingly.”
Step 5. Find reasons to be happy
Maybe for you, gathering with extended family is like hell, especially since your annoying relatives are also there. But try shifting your point of view. At least by attending family events, you can meet cute nephews or don't have to cook all day because the food is already on the table.
Find things to be grateful for before you even get to the event location. This way, you'll be in a better mood when you arrive at the event location
Step 6. See a psychologist or professional counselor
If you find it difficult to continue living after receiving bad treatment from your relatives, consider seeing a psychologist or professional counselor. They can help you dive into your feelings, find the best way to deal with the condition, see the world from a different perspective, and deal with any psychological problems you may be experiencing.
