You do love your friend, but sometimes he can be a little annoying. Friendships are usually complicated. You need to talk to him or change the way you deal with him. With honesty, effort, and communication, you can still be friends with him.
Step
Method 1 of 3: Changing Approach
Step 1. Watch the annoying things he does
What did he do that upset you? Does he depend on you too much and won't part? Does he talk about you or say bad things about you? Does he often make fun of you? Or, maybe you just feel annoyed with him for no reason?
- The source of the irritation will help you determine what steps to take.
- If he's too dependent on you and won't let go, you need to put some distance between the two of you.
- If he is being rude or often hurts your feelings, tell him how you feel.
- If you can't figure out why you're annoyed with him, try doing a self-evaluation. Have you changed or become a more mature person?
Step 2. Spend time with him as a group
Instead of spending time alone with him, meet him when you're with other friends. This way, there will be a barrier between the two of you. You don't need to talk to him much. If he starts to be annoying, at least there are other friends you can chat with.
- Make sure there are other friends when you spend time with them. For example, make plans with other friends, then invite your friends. You can also go to lunch with other friends, and not alone with him.
- If he asks you to go somewhere and you know only the two of you will be going, decline the invitation or ask if you can invite another friend.
Step 3. Limit your contact with him
If you want to keep your existing friendship, try to keep the distance between the two of you. This way, you can "break free" from him and send a signal to him to change his behavior.
- If he calls and/or texts you frequently, don't always answer his calls or reply to his messages. Answer calls or messages if you really want or need to talk to him.
- If you need to call back, call him when you're about to go out. This way, your conversation with him will be kept short. For example, you could call him and say, “Hey! You called me earlier, didn't you? I was on my way to have dinner with my family. What is it?"
Step 4. Ignore him when he starts to be annoying
Your friend may exhibit certain behaviors because they like the response they get and the attention you give them. Maybe he says negative things or complains a lot in order to gain your sympathy and attention. He may also make fun of other people in order to laugh. If you respond to it, you actually "accept" and support the behavior.
- In the end, he will stop his behavior if you can ignore him.
- For example, if he's always making fun of someone to make others laugh, don't laugh and respond to him when he makes a comment.
- If your other friends notice his annoying behavior, you should all stop responding to the behavior.
- When you ignore them, don't roll your eyes or put on an annoyed facial expression. Both are still considered as a reaction to his actions or behavior. You can also hurt her feelings if you are rude.
Step 5. Encourage him to pursue other interests
If you have a friend who can't let go of you and relies on you too much, encourage him to try a new hobby or spend time with other people. In this way, your burden can be reduced. He can also reduce his annoying behavior when spending time with you.
- You can tell him, "I'm happy to be friends with you, but I think we should also meet new people."
- If he recounts an activity he managed to do without you, let him know how great it was and how proud you are of him.
- You can also suggest these activities for him to try. Choose an activity that he's interested in, and not yours. For example, if he likes to draw, but you're not interested in the activity, try finding information about an art class or exhibition, and share that information with him.
Method 2 of 3: Talk to him
Step 1. Tell him how you feel
Maybe he did something that you find annoying, without realizing that his actions upset you. All this time, he probably cared about you and didn't want to upset you. However, he won't be able to stop his behavior if you don't tell him.
- For example, he may joke around with you a lot and that hurts your feelings. During this time, he probably felt that everything was pleasant. You can say to him, “Hey! I'm actually offended you tease like that. Can you stop mocking me?"
- Show a polite and kind attitude when talking to him. Record or practice what you are about to say.
Step 2. Listen to the situation from his point of view
After sharing how you feel, it's important that you let him respond to your story, as well as listen to his story. He can explain his behavior and why he behaves the way he does. Try asking things that make him exhibit annoying behavior. Keep in mind that there is a possibility that he will react negatively and will not change his attitude.
- If he doesn't want to change, you may need to permanently change your view or attitude towards his friendship. For example, if he doesn't want to stop talking about other people, you may need to set new boundaries for your friendship. For example, you won't be talking about certain topics with him from now on.
- He may be going through a “sickening” phase or facing personal problems. For example, maybe he's trying to get more attention from you because he's having family problems at home. Therefore, it is important for you to listen to the story so that you can find out the root of the problem.
Step 3. Find a solution together
You can help him change his behavior. Let him know that you really value the friendship you have, but that you need to make changes in order to stay friends. Solutions will work more effectively if you both contribute. Don't let him feel that you are being selfish or overly critical.
- For example, if he needs to stop talking about other people (including you), say that you will warn him when he starts gossiping about other people. You can also give small signals with your hands when you are with other people. This way, you can warn him without embarrassing him.
- If he upsets you by constantly complaining about something, try to help him fix the condition or problem.
Step 4. Give him time to change
Keep in mind that change doesn't just happen overnight. After you talk and he wants to change, give him time. If you've set new boundaries for your friendship, it will take time for both of you to get used to them.
- Over time, problems and changes will occur in the friendship. As long as the two of you are willing to work things out together, you can still be friends.
- You may need to address the behavior issues several times during the change process.
Method 3 of 3: Determining the Future of Friendship
Step 1. Identify the right time to end the friendship with him
Not all friendships last forever. You may have done everything you could to keep your friendship, but all your efforts were in vain. Always give your best effort before deciding to unfriend someone. You may need to end the friendship if:
- You two often fight and don't get along well.
- Your friendships make you feel inferior or lower your self-esteem.
- You always feel uncomfortable or nervous when you are with him.
Step 2. Try a temporary breakup
If you feel like you don't want to be friends with him anymore, try separating from him for a while to confirm your decision. This way, you can find out what your life would be like without it. By staying away, you can also clear your mind and see the friendship that exists from a different perspective.
- When you decide to walk away, be clear about your goals and the time you need to "separate" from them. You can say, “Hey! Lately we can't get along. I think we need to be alone with each other. We can talk at length in two weeks."
- Take this moment to think and journal with your friends. Do you miss him? Do you feel happier when you don't spend time with him? What are the things that need to be changed?
Step 3. End the friendship if necessary
You may be ready to make a decision once your solitude is over. If you decide to unfriend him, make sure you share your decision. Don't just cut the ties of friendship without telling him. If you are a good friend, you need to give him an explanation.
- Show honesty and respect his feelings when you talk to him.
- You could say, "I care about you, but our friendship has changed. I'm sad to have to say this, but I don't think we can be friends anymore."
Tips
- If it's rude if your friend is annoying. Keep showing a good attitude to him.
- If he continues to irritate you, tell someone you can trust, such as a sibling, parent, or guardian. They can help you find the right solution.
- If you plan to distance yourself from him, try to stay away quietly.
- Tell him how you feel. If you don't want/can accept you for how you feel, it's time to say goodbye and find someone else who expects nothing from you, except your positive presence. It may be difficult to let go of someone you consider a friend, but in the end you realize that your decision is worth making.
- Always tell the truth. Don't lie about your feelings.
- Do not immediately decide to stop being friends with him. Try to distance yourself from him and give him a hint that you want to be alone.
- Notice how bad he treats you. If he's just making jokes, without hurting your feelings, you can ignore him. Do not immediately talk about the bad and involve other people. If you're embarrassed to talk about her attitude, just write down how you feel.
- Ask him to politely stop his behavior if he often annoys you. At first, state your request in a friendly tone of voice. If he's still being annoying, speak up. If he's still annoying after a few warnings, talk to him again and confirm that he's being annoying, and offer suggestions that can help him stop his behavior.
- If he's being rude or can't get away from you, don't ignore him constantly. You may want to ignore him at first, but over time, let him know about his behavior. Remember that you are not responsible for his feelings.
