When your loved one is in prison, it can have a huge impact on your life. You will have to grieve the loss of that person from your everyday life, as well as face the additional challenges that come with their absence. Plus, you can learn to build a new life for yourself while your loved ones are not around.
Step
Part 1 of 3: Starting a New Life
Step 1. Stay focused on the present
If you try to imagine years ahead without a loved one in your life, you will be overwhelmed. Instead, deal with it moment by moment, dealing with situations that arise every day.
If you're having trouble staying focused on the present, you can try a mindfulness technique. For example, while in the shower, try to pay attention to what you are doing. Don't let your mind imagine what will happen after you shower. Instead, pay attention to the sensations of soap touching your skin, hot water that relaxes muscles, and the smell of soap that you can smell. Focus on the sensations you feel, not what you imagine
Step 2. Prepare for the obstacles that come your way
This advice may contradict the previous one. However, you can still focus on the present while realizing that the obstacles that come your way will be difficult to overcome. For example, you may lose a certain relationship because your partner is in jail. People may not be as forgiving as you hope.
Of course it will hurt, but if you lose a friend, know that you may find a new friend who is going through a similar situation. Plus you get to know that the people who are still by your side will stand by you through any adversity
Step 3. Create a plan and budget
If loved ones are the backbone of the household, you will have to make new plans. Look at the budget to determine what you need to survive.
- Also include the additional costs of supporting loved ones in prison. The cost while a loved one is in prison can be prohibitive for those left behind. From making phone calls to buying things in the prison cafeteria, loved ones will need money to help them while in prison. However, those fees can increase quickly because adding money to an account also costs money. Therefore, set a budget to determine how much you can spend on that person per month and don't deviate from it. If you don't think that's enough, ask a family member if anyone can help.
- You also won't have the support of loved ones at home, so you may have to do more work at home. Don't be afraid to ask family members for support when you need it.
Step 4. Take care of yourself
This is a grieving process. You lost someone important in your life and grieving their loss is important. However, don't forget that you still have to take care of yourself. Try to sleep on a regular schedule and eat healthy food so you can stay active.
Step 5. Determine how often you can visit
Most prisons limit how often you can visit. In addition, where your loved one is locked up may not be as close as you'd like. Therefore, you must determine how often you can visit, so that you and your loved ones can know how things will go in the future.
You can also let your loved one know when you can email him or her
Step 6. Make a plan for how you will present it to people
Deciding how much information you want to pass on to other people is difficult. It's best to tell the truth as some people might find out from a police report or newspaper. However, if you're not comfortable with that, you could say that you're separating or that a loved one has moved on. Just make sure you are consistent with what you say.
Also decide who you want to tell. Maybe you want to keep it a secret only between your family or maybe you feel like you have to tell a few friends. It's a good idea to determine from the start who you want to tell
Step 7. Think about what you want to say to the children
You should tell the truth to the kids when your spouse goes to jail if that's the case right now. If you don't tell them and the kids find out the truth, they will feel betrayed. Be direct and try to answer any questions they ask. Also give them a script of things they can say to people outside the family. For example, they could say, “Dad is away,” or, “Mom is in prison,” depending on your decision.
Additionally, if you decide you want to take your kids to visit a loved one in prison, make sure to go without them first. That way, you can tell them what will happen when they arrive at the prison and help them allay some of their fears
Part 2 of 3: Visiting Loved Ones
Step 1. Find out the rules first
If possible, contact the prison so you are aware of the situation. For example, you may be examined. In addition, some prisons only allow video conferencing, so you can't hug your loved ones. Some prisons minimize physical contact, limiting it to brief hugs. Knowing the situation in prison will ease the tension of your experience doing it.
You won't be able to give anything to a loved one, such as bread or cake, so it's best to take nothing with you
Step 2. Use a calming technique
Visiting someone in prison is stressful. If you're feeling anxious, try using self-soothing techniques. For example, you could try putting a soothing scent on a tissue that you can take with you. You may not be able to use it while in prison, but you can quickly use it before or after by holding it close to your nose and inhaling. However, keep in mind that the scent will be associated with the experience, so try not to use the scents you smell on a daily basis.
You can also try breathing techniques. If you're feeling anxious, take some time to calmly breathe. Close your eyes and inhale while counting to four. Count to four while exhaling. Focus on your breathing until you feel calmer
Step 3. Don't be surprised if your loved one throws a tantrum
Being imprisoned is scary for everyone and he may be afraid of losing you too. Plus, he has to live a new life in stressful situations. Try to understand it, but don't let the person stomp on you, especially since you're having a hard time too.
Step 4. Get support afterwards
Visiting loved ones in prison will be hard and the overall experience of visiting a prison will not be pleasant. Therefore, try to be accompanied by someone soon after. Go out for coffee and have a chat to help ease the tension.
Part 3 of 3: Finding Support
Step 1. Join a group
Many communities have support groups for anyone with a loved one in prison. You may be able to find one through the justice system. You can also try contacting your local psychologist's office to ask if they know of any such groups.
Step 2. Try consulting a bereavement counselor
If you can't share in a group, try a one-on-one session with a bereavement counselor. If you don't have insurance or your insurance doesn't cover counseling sessions, visit a subsidized clinic. The fee will be determined based on your income.
Step 3. Get rid of guilt
You may feel guilty that a loved one is in prison while you are not. Remember that you didn't make the same choices as a loved one and deserved jail time. What you can do now is support it.
- The first step to getting rid of guilt is realizing that you are innocent. It's not your fault the person is in prison, and you can't change the actions of others.
- On the other hand, if you feel like you did something that put a loved one in prison, accept responsibility for that action. One way to accept responsibility is to apologize to the person.
- After apologizing, try to move forward. Get rid of guilt from your mind and stop dwelling on it. You can't change the past. You can only move forward towards a better future.
Step 4. Create a new normal life
For a while, your life will feel like a mess. With the departure of a loved one from your daily life, you may feel a little confused. However, if you get past it, you can readjust your life without your loved ones and life won't feel weird anymore.
- Part of the new normal is to keep celebrating holidays as usual. Don't be afraid to celebrate holidays and birthdays without loved ones. You don't have to sacrifice your own life just because a loved one is gone.
- Try making a new tradition with your family so there's something to look forward to. Alternatively, you can try a new hobby to pass the time.
