Parents may find it very difficult to watch their children grow. It often feels like they've gone from tiny babies to moody teens, then quickly become independent adults. Dealing with children growing means continuing to prepare yourself for the stages of life. This means holding on tight, but also letting go slowly so your child can be himself.
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Part 1 of 3: Releasing Children to School
Step 1. Be positive even if you are anxious and sad
Having a positive attitude towards children's growth is very important. Reflect on the things your child has learned and be proud of them, just as you would be proud when he learned to walk or dared to sleep alone.
- Likewise, try to appreciate your child's growing abilities, for example, he can go to school on his own, does homework without your help, and can make his own decisions.
- Instead of being sad because your child is growing, be proud of him and be proud of yourself, because you, thanks to your support and love, have helped your child grow into an independent child.
Step 2. Let your child play alone before he goes to school for the first time
The desire to overshadow a child to guide and protect him is indeed very strong and difficult to control. Often, the independent and challenging step for both parents and children is to let the child play alone in the yard.
- Talk to your child and tell them the dos and don'ts.
- Let him play but keep an eye on him and be ready to react.
- When you see your child respecting the agreement and behaving the way you expect them to, you can slowly relax and step back.
Step 3. Prepare your child for what can happen at school
Help her get ready with the daily routines, expectations, and pleasures and fears that are part of school. At the same time, prepare yourself to let it go.
- Ask the things that make him doubt and fear, and find solutions to these things. This is a reminder that the child still needs you, but in other ways.
- Talk to your child and explain things that can happen in kindergarten or school.
- Practice going to school by getting up early, getting lunch ready, and taking your child to school. Show him where his class is later. This will help both of you to be more emotionally prepared when the day comes.
Step 4. Fill in the blanks in your schedule with something positive
While you will definitely stay busy, you may feel a void in your daily schedule while your child is in school. Fill that void with something that makes you happy so that the transition is easier to go through and that benefits you and your child in the long run.
- Even if you haven't had a new opportunity when your child is about to go to school, now is a good time to find a new hobby. It feels like a new phase in your life because it is. So this is a good time to develop yourself, broaden your horizons, or try something you've always wanted to do.
- You will have many opportunities to volunteer or be involved in your child's school. This will be a positive solution and build a new bond with your child. However, be careful not to let this be an opportunity to continue to "shadow" your child. Even at an early age, you have to start letting go of yourself little by little.
Part 2 of 3: Guiding Youth During Transition
Step 1. Discuss the physical changes you will experience with your child
As your child grows, you will begin to see physical changes in his body. Use your experience and affection to reassure and guide him through this transition.
- The obvious physical changes that occur at this time are caused by hormonal changes in the body. Various endocrine glands produce hormones that cause changes in the body.
- These hormonal/physical changes are also followed by emotional and mental changes.
- Be open to answering questions when physical changes begin to occur. It's best to discuss physical changes before adolescence arrives. Tell him that these changes are normal and part of growth. Be open and honest and answer all questions directly, even if there is some natural discomfort (usually experienced by both parties).
- While many schools hold special sessions or classes when your child is a teenager, don't rely on this alone. Combining school learning about body changes with your own perspective will prepare and encourage your child to be more confident and willing to interact with you when changes occur.
Step 2. Be prepared for emotional ups and downs at this stage in your child's life
Hormonal changes in your child will affect the brain directly. Because of this, his interests, wants, and needs will begin to change. It is almost certain that your child will experience mood swings and tend to be irritable at this stage.
- He may want to be more independent and don't want to talk about his day-to-day experiences with you. However, the next day he demands your attention and insists you listen to him right now. Just listen. He will pass on if he needs your opinion or advice.
- Tell him that you love him, even if he acts like a grumpy, grumpy kid. These mood swings are caused by sudden and fluctuating changes in hormone levels in the body. But remember, just because your child makes your head feel like it's about to pop at the slightest provocation doesn't mean he doesn't love you!
Step 3. Show your child that you love and support them
If your child wants to try something new, be supportive. When he succeeds or fails, give him support. This confirms that you are still playing the role of a parent and taking part in the growth process.
- You may be upset about his mood swings, but remember that your child is affected by it too. He is working on developing his personality as he copes with these changes, and needs your support at this time.
- No matter what the problem is, make it clear to your child. Tell him that you love him and that you are always there to support him. This would give him the berth he was looking for in times of crisis.
- Always remember that your child's brain is not fully developed until he is in his early 20s. This unfinished brain development makes him emotionally immature, which often irritates parents.
Step 4. Accept the new relationship but build boundaries
When children notice changes in their bodies, they begin to experience a series of new and unfamiliar social experiences. This can be realized through new friendships and the emergence of romantic attraction.
- Keep the lines of communication open. When you accept your child's choices and friends, he's less likely to be ashamed of you and more open about what he's going through in life.
- Be prepared when your child starts hanging out with a new group of kids. Teenagers tend to feel comfortable when they are part of a group. They may feel a strong urge to belong to a group because their unique identity has not yet developed.
- Try to stay in touch and spend time together. Try to have dinner together and chat. Be his friend.
- However, you also need to set boundaries because children at this age tend to have risky behavior. Set clear boundaries between good and bad behavior, and healthy and unhealthy relationships.
Step 5. Realize that your child doesn't need you as much, or at least not as much as they used to
This is the time when your child begins to show a desire to be independent. He will, for example, enjoy spending more time with his friends than with you.
- Give your child space, but be there when he needs you. Give him space to breathe and work things out on his own. If you overprotect him and solve all his problems, he will become less capable of dealing with important issues in life.
- This is also a good opportunity to discuss money matters. His weekly allowance may no longer be enough to fulfill his desire to go out with friends and buy food. Discuss your household budget issues in a mature manner, and help him find ways to earn some extra money. Making your own money will build self-esteem and independence.
Step 6. Think about your own stress
Raising a child at any age can be stressful, but raising a teenager can be very upsetting. While helping him deal with the stress of the changes and challenges he faces, don't forget to manage your own stress. If you don't take care of yourself, you won't be able to take care of him.
- To manage the stress you feel, you can focus on getting enough sleep, eating right, exercising regularly, taking time to relax, finding fun activities, and enjoying support from your partner, relatives, friends, and so on.
- Your child watches and learns from your example, even when he is a new teenager who likes to deny your existence. Show him that managing your mind and taking care of your body is important.
Part 3 of 3: Releasing the Child Out of the Nest
Step 1. Understand the concept of “empty nest syndrome”
You might think you'd be happy to have lots of extra free time (and a more spacious home) because your child has left the house, but you find yourself feeling sad and adrift. Letting go, then adapting, is hard to do, even if you know your child is ready.
- First of all, admit that your child no longer needs your help every day. He may not be very happy to be around and you may not know everything about the colors of his life. It is normal and natural for you to be sad.
- As a mature parent, understand the changes that occur in your child's adult life. Know that your child loves you and doesn't mean to hurt you.
- It's natural to feel lost at this point, even if you're lucky enough to see your child on a regular basis. Don't ignore or deny these feelings; accept these feelings as a natural part of the parenting process. You've dedicated your life to protecting and caring for your child, so it must be hard to let him or her out of your grasp.
Step 2. Try to spend time together
When your child becomes an independent adult, it doesn't mean he or she will be gone from your life forever. He actually still really needs you. Make the most of the time you spend together, whether during important meetings or casual events.
- Today's technology allows you to be in constant contact with your child, whether by telephone or the internet. Stay connected and continue to be a part of your child's life as an adult. However, don't overdo it (eg by calling him every day), or you will alienate your child. Remember, he's not trying to figure out how to cope with life as an independent adult.
- Be available when he wants to talk or see you. Don't miss this opportunity, because you never know how often they will come back as grown children when life gets busier.
Step 3. Learn to let go
Don't cling to your grown child, trying to protect him from every trouble. Give him the freedom to create his own mistakes and successes. We all learn best from our own experiences and mistakes.
- Don't always come to help. Give advice when asked, but more often give him sympathy and understanding. You are not helping your grown child if you solve all his problems in life.
- Sometimes very good advice will be ignored, and you have to accept it as part of your child's life and learning process.
- Support your child's career path, even if you hope he will pursue another career. Don't try to fulfill your dreams through your children. When he pursues a career with passion, your child will be more confident.
Step 4. Continue to live and be active
Do things you couldn't do when your child was at home. Parenting is a serious business that requires you to give all your attention to your child and you don't have enough time for yourself. Face the fact that your child has grown up. The trick is to take the time to focus more on yourself.
- Find a hobby or do something you didn't have time to do when your child was at home. Or, dedicate yourself to exercise and health, or give more attention to your career (especially if this makes you happy).
- Plan time to have fun with friends. In this way, you balance loneliness with discussion and exchange of experiences.
- Do the things you love. You will always be a parent, but don't forget, you too are unique. Remember all the dreams and ambitions you had before your child was born? This is the time for you to start thinking and planning.
- If you make a conscious effort to move on with your life as an adult, you will feel less lost when he or she leaves the house. "Empty nest syndrome" can be difficult and painful to deal with, but it becomes easier if you have a little foresight and purpose in life.
