As a parent, temper tantrums are a stressful and frustrating thing to deal with, especially if your child is. After all, according to child psychiatrists, most children don't throw tantrums just to be naughty or manipulative. On the other hand, screaming is a sign of a child's anger and frustration when they can't find the right words to describe what's really going on with them. Therefore, staying calm and learning to identify what is really bothering your child will help you to deal with the situation quickly and effectively.
Step
Method 1 of 3: Talking about it
Step 1. Remain calm to deal with anger properly
The worst thing a parent can do is deal with a child's outburst of anger with an outburst of anger as well. Children need calm influence, especially when they are angry, and if you can't provide it, you can't expect them to calm down. Take a deep breath and wait a few seconds before deciding to take a response.
Step 2. Make sure the child has what he needs
Keep in mind that your child's anger is not a way to get what "they want," but could be the result of frustration, your lack of need for attention, or even a physical problem such as low blood pressure, pain or digestive problems. Maybe your child is teething, has a dirty diaper or needs a nap. In this case, never try to negotiate with the child, but simply give them what they need and the anger will subside.
- It is very common for children to throw tantrums when they are sleepy. Scheduled nap times can help prevent reoccurrence of anger if this appears to be the cause.
- If you're traveling and taking your child with you, always bring healthy snacks with you, so he won't get angry when he's hungry.
Step 3. Ask what happened
Children just want to be heard, and venting their anger is often the best way they know how to express themselves. Taking your child seriously by asking what happened and listening for an angry response can help. Hold your Child and give them your full attention so they have time to explain.
This does not mean that you have to give in to whatever your child wants. The point is simply to listen to your Child in a respectful manner, as you would any other person. Whether your child needs a new toy or doesn't want to go to school, they have the right to express themselves
Step 4. Give a clear reason, not just saying "no" and "because I said so" let him explain why, frustrating the child
You don't need to give elaborate reasons, but providing reasons for your actions will help your child think clearly and feel more in control of the situation.
For example, if you're at the grocery store and your child gets angry because he wants sweet cereal, remind him that he likes oatmeal and fruit for breakfast, so there's no need to buy cereal either
Step 5. Offer your child an imitation strategy
For example, your son/daughter wants ice cream, but it's too close to dinner. Say: "Johnny/Alexis, you're getting really mad right now. Calm down, or you should go to your room." You've given them a choice: control themselves or, if they can't, move to a place where they can't influence other Children. If he makes the right choice (to calm down), remember to compliment him: "You asked for ice cream and I said no. I want to thank you for saying no."
Instead, give consequences and straighten if you choose to be angry. Guide him to his room and emphasize that he will stay there until he calms down, for example. This is easier with a two-year-old than an eight-year-old, so the earlier you start the learning process, the better
Step 6. Hold Your Stand
Be empathetic but firm when talking to your child, and once you've calmly explained it, don't back down. Your child may not calm down immediately, but he or she will remember that venting anger will not lead to satisfactory results. The next time your child wants something, he will be less likely to throw a tantrum.
Step 7. Take steps to prevent injury
Some children can be very active when they are angry. If this happens, remove the dangerous object from its place or direct it to a safe place.
Try to avoid restraining your child when he or she is angry, but sometimes this is necessary and reassuring. Be gentle (don't use excessive force), but hold him firmly. Speak reassuringly to your child, especially if his anger is the result of disappointment, frustration, or an unfamiliar environment
Step 8. Don't lose your temper
It is very important to set an example of behavior in your child. If you lose your temper and start yelling and venting your adult-style tantrums, your child will see that this is acceptable behavior in your home. It's not easy to do, but staying calm and in control is the best thing you can do for yourself and your child. Take a few minutes to cool off for yourself if needed. Leave your spouse or someone else responsible for looking after your child while you are calming down. Place your child in his room with a fence in front of the door if needed.
- Do not hit or yell at your child. Losing control in this way will only make your child feel confused and afraid of you. This will lead to unhealthy relationships and a lack of trust.
- It's also very important to set an example of good ways to communicate and deal with frustration in your relationship with your partner. Avoid fighting in front of your child, or getting angry if things don't go the way you want.
Step 9. Help your child to feel loved no matter the circumstances
Sometimes, children get angry because they just want more love and attention. Reduction of affection is not a good policy when disciplining children. Whatever happens, your child should know that you love them no matter what the circumstances.
- Avoid scolding your child or saying "I'm so disappointed in you" when he's angry.
- Hug your child and say "I love you," even if you are very frustrated with his behavior.
Method 2 of 3: Trying Time Out Policy
Step 1. Use a time-out policy during times of crisis
Avoid making excuses with a child who is in the midst of a full temper tantrum. Give him time to vent. Instead, give your child a wording to express the emotion they are going through. Use sentences like, "You must be really frustrated that you can't get what you want right now," or, "You must be feeling really tired after a really long day." This not only helps your child to digest these words later, but shows empathy without giving up. At this point, you may find that the best option is to give your child some time to calm down.
Step 2. Tell your Child it's “time out” or “quiet time”
If your toddler is already in a full-blown crisis, and there's no other way he or she will be responsive with rational conversation, sometimes quiet time is the best method. Tell him it's time to be quiet until he can calm down and feel better.
- Keep calm yourself to be an example of good behavior for your child.
- Don't use silence as a punishment or threat, but use it as a way to give your child space so he can calm down.
Step 3. Place him in a safe place
The child's crib or other safe place in the house where you feel comfortable leaving him alone for a while is best. The place should be free from distractions such as computers, TVs or video games. Choose a quiet and peaceful place that can influence the child's feelings of calm.
Do not lock the child in the room. This can be dangerous and can be interpreted as punishment
Step 4. Explain to your child that you will talk to him when he has calmed down
This will help your child understand that you are ignoring him because his behavior is unacceptable, not because you don't care about him. When your child has calmed down, fulfill your part by discussing the child's anger and concerns.
Step 5. Speak up when it's time
When your child is no longer compatible, talk about what happened. Without scolding your child or accusing him, ask him why he is angry. Give a clear understanding of the story from your side.
It is very important not to treat your child as an enemy, even if you are angry with him. Hug your child and talk affectionately even when you explain that we don't always get what we want
Step 6. Be consistent
Children need structure to feel safe and protected in their lives. If they are never sure what will happen if they behave in a certain way, they will start behaving inappropriately. Use “timeout” or “quiet time” whenever your child is venting a tantrum. He'll soon learn that yelling and kicking aren't as effective as talking about everything.
Step 7. Try to take note of the time-out trick
If you don't feel comfortable putting your child in a different room or place, you can still facilitate time-out by diverting your attention elsewhere. When your child is angry, tell him you will write it down. Take a journal and write down what happened and how you felt. Ask your child to tell you how he feels so you can write it down too. Your child may want to be involved in what you are doing, and will soon forget to scream and cry.
Method 3 of 3: Know When It's Time to Get Expert Help
Step 1. See if you can handle your Child
Different Children have different responses with disciplinary methods. Try a few different things and see what seems to work. If your child keeps getting angry no matter what you do, you may want to get outside help from a doctor or therapist, who can give you more ideas that fit your child's specific needs.
Step 2. See if the anger is related to environmental factors
Certain environmental stimulants can cause your child to have more anger than usual. Sometimes children have sensitivities to certain foods (especially sugar), light, large crowds, music, or other factors that can hurt them and cause their anger to boil over into frustration.
- Pay attention to when your child is angry, and see if his anger has something to do with the environment. Get rid of the stimulant and see if this helps.
- Get expert advice if you're having trouble figuring out what's causing your child's anger.
Step 3. See if the anger persists as the Child grows older
Most children are finally free from anger when they learn other, more effective forms of communication. If your child continues to be as angry as he was when he was a toddler, there may be something going on that needs to be addressed. Consider taking your child to a doctor or therapist to see the cause in more depth.
Take your child to the doctor if his anger is frequent or violent. If your child gets angry several times a day, or if the anger is violent and exhausting, it's a good idea to see your child with an expert to see if your child has any unmet needs. Violent, frequent anger is usually a symptom of a developmental problem
Tips
- Design your child to succeed, not fail. For example, if you know it's been a very long day and she hasn't eaten since lunchtime, it might be best to wait until the next day to go to the grocery store. If that's not an option, try to get your Kids involved while shopping, and get in and out quickly. Remember how little they were and still learning to be patient!
- If you are in a public place, sometimes the best solution is to just walk away, maybe you even have to hold your child who is kicking and screaming. Stay calm, and remember that your child is behaving from a place full of emotion, not reason.
- With normal eye contact and tone of voice, say that you will listen after you pay for the family groceries, say names. For example, give your child an item, say it's your favorite thing, then put it on the conveyor belt and say thank you to the cashier. Give something to the Child, put it on the conveyor belt, and thank him when he does. Make her feel like she's done well and say with a smile, "I love it when you help Mom." Give him a sweet smile.
- The last word, never yell or say harsh words to your child when you want them to stop venting their anger. Explain to them what they do, why you don't agree with it, and suggest other ways to express themselves. For example, "Sean, you scream and hit, and that's not good. When you scream and hit, it makes other people very irritated. I want you to stop yelling and hitting, and talk to me. I want to know what's bothering you, but I can't hear your words if you scream."
- It should be noted that children with developmental difficulties may not always understand verbal instructions. Children with developmental challenges can often repeat instructions but still have difficulty turning those instructions into action. If you run into this, try to create a visual table of what you should want to happen. Cut a picture from a magazine or draw a table with pasted figures and study it with your child. The child will probably understand better if he sees pictures in addition to verbal instructions.
- Every Child is different and so is the situation or scenario. This is not the end of all, be all the answers. You, as a parent, are in control. Stay calm and in control. If you find yourself getting angry, annoyed, frustrated, hurt, etc., try to get yourself out of the situation first and calm down before you try to calm your child down.
- An anger is not manipulation unless you let it be. And often, an anger is not just about what happened recently; it can come from releasing days of pent-up frustration that cost the struggle to do things right, and learning to be the little kid to socialize with.
- Have a plan: when dealing with a problem place, such as a grocery store cashier, discuss the situation with your child ahead of time. For example: "(Child's name), the last few times we have always had problems at the cashier. From now on, this is what we have to do: when you are at the cashier, I will let you choose a pack of chewing gum if you can restrain yourself. If you scream because you want more, then you won't get the gum. Now, (Your Son's name), tell me what should we do?" (The child should repeat the instructions back to you). Once this plan is understood by both of you, there is no need to repeat it at the checkout. If (name of Child) misbehaves, he will be rewarded as planned; otherwise he doesn't get it. He already knows the rules.
- At some point, children need to accept no is no. However, if they are old enough to understand, explain why they can't behave that way.
Warning
- Don't hide to avoid embarrassment, which will teach your child to do it in public. Although parents feel that they are watching their child all the time, when their child acts out in public, the reality is that most people who are not watching say "go on," when they see a parent setting reasonable limits for their child.
- Don't expect age-inappropriate behavior. As a parent, you shouldn't accept abusive or hurtful behavior and you should set boundaries, but be aware of what's normal for a child your child's age. Remember that the phase will pass, and your job is to guide and love them, not force them into the next phase.
- Having a spoiled child can make things worse if you are under pressure. For example, if you have the responsibility to pay bills and the mortgage, a screaming toddler isn't making life easy for you. Go to a place where you can vent your anger. Remember, never, under any circumstances, take your anger out on your child because the difficult situation you are going through is not the child's fault.
- Never give up on your Child (when he or she is angry), this is a sign that they have won and that they are in control. Learn to control them while at home and you will have less chance of being publicly humiliated. You might try to “give up” on them when things go wrong, which will make them feel more in control, it reduces anger, when they see that being calm will be rewarded!
- If you have tried the strategies listed in this article but your child is still throwing tantrums, it may be time to seek professional help who will help you understand your child and know how to work with them. Children with developmental or other difficulties may need the expertise and skills of a specialist. Explain to the expert what you and your child are going through. Take articles like this one with you and show the tactician what tactics you've tried and tell how they worked. The expert may have a different opinion or may recommend further evaluation.
- Never hit or torture your child. If you choose to use corporal punishment, do so as calmly and responsibly as possible. Always educate yourself on the laws on corporal punishment where you live before administering a sentence.
- Don't often rely on distractions (like chewing gum) to get your little one out of temper tantrums. Teach your child not to get angry, and he will quickly develop other imitation mechanisms. However, some children may have anger, because it may be more interesting and more emotional. Just like adults, some Kids are calm, while others are more dramatic. Good anger releases pent-up energy, frustration and anger. This is natural. If you teach your child to "suppress" their emotions, this creates an adult who can't express his feelings!
- Depending on the situation, if you need to put your Child on “timeout” then do so. It is NEVER justified to hit your child. Physically disciplining your child for their anger will only teach them to use physical force on others (slapping, kicking, punching, etc.)
