Sometimes Mom doesn't get along with your boyfriend right away. It can cause a lot of trouble at home and with girlfriends. Convincing Mom to accept a new boyfriend can be tough. The first thing to consider is maybe you're right. However, once you've looked within yourself and determined that you're compatible with your boyfriend, you should be able to convince your parents with clear communication and patience.
Step
Method 1 of 3: Talking to Mom about Accepting a Boyfriend
Step 1. Ask Mom directly, what makes her doubtful
Mom won't look at your boyfriend the same way you do at first, but that's natural. Give Mom space to voice her issues with your boyfriend and listen carefully. Once you know what you don't like, you can discuss the issue directly.
- You can start a conversation with, “Mom, I can see that you have doubts about my boyfriend. Why does Mother feel that she is not suitable for me?”
- If you are expressing your feelings, but not specifically stating why, you can say something like, “I understand how you feel, but what specific thing have you seen or heard that made you feel that way? I want to make sure I understand what's causing the negative feelings."
Step 2. Trigger Mom to use her sense of justice
If you attack your boyfriend personally or express doubts without sufficient experience, frame the judgment accordingly, personal and premature.
- For example, you might say, "I know you don't like all that, but how do you know that makes my boyfriend a bad person or has a bad impact on me?"
- If you haven't even met your boyfriend yet, you can say something like, “Mom, I know you're hesitant to accept him as a part of my life, but it would be rash to judge people before meeting them. It wouldn't be fair for him to be with me if he wasn't given a chance at all."
Step 3. Don't get defensive
If Mom has a long list of things she doesn't like about her boyfriend, your first reaction might be to defend him. Fight the urge and keep listening. Admit that Mom is right without losing ground. For example:
- If you correctly point out that your boyfriend is often late, you could say, "He is sometimes late, but it's not because he doesn't respect other people and it doesn't affect our relationship."
- If you're right that it's easy for your boyfriend to lose things, try saying, “Yeah, he lost his glasses and his water bottle. But he never misses anything important. After all, because of that, he immediately became a bad person or boyfriend?”
Step 4. Reassure Mom that she raised you to make good decisions
It will raise Mother's pride. What parent doesn't want to feel like they've raised a responsible and careful child? For example, you could say one or more of the following statements:
- “My mother said I should always be honest with my feelings and sincere in front of people. The more I do that, the closer I get to my boyfriend. We're dating because I followed Mom's advice and learned to be a good person."
- “My mother taught me to make a list of pros and cons when I want to make an important decision. When I decided to go on a date, the pros outweighed the cons. Five to one you know."
- “When I started working at a cafe near school, I learned that free time is important. When I thought about what I should use my precious time for, I decided that this relationship was right for me. I made rational decisions based on the lessons Mother thought I should learn.”
Step 5. Remind Mom that dating culture has changed since she was a girl
Dating and romance change as culture evolves and with time, so take some time to share some developments with Mom. Mom may not understand your relationship because it still uses an old world perspective.
- For example, you could say, "It's not so formal now, ma'am. Just because my boyfriend doesn't knock on the door when he picks me up when he's leaving, doesn't mean he doesn't respect Mom. He texted when he arrived and I immediately arrived. It's quicker and easier."
- Teach your mom to access social media and try saying, “We don't need to call or go on frequent dates, Mom. We know each other quite well because we are online friends, so we often hang out with the same friends when we go out.”
Step 6. Reassure Mom that boyfriend won't take her place
Mom wants to know that you still need her, not just the money! If you let your boyfriend take over all the roles Mom used to do, you run the risk of alienating her even more.
- You can say, “He's just my boyfriend, Mom. She's not my only friend or the only girl I respect. My mother has been in my life for a long time and will always be my mother for the rest of my life. I know it."
- Trust that you feel the stress this conflict creates too.
Step 7. Discuss broader relationship issues with Mother
Let Mom know that you respect her opinion and want her to continue to be involved in your ever-changing life. He's more experienced in romance than you are, and trusting Mom's judgment will show you're wise.
- Your mother will trust your judgment more if she knows that you are not rushing into thinking about and discussing the relationship.
- Mom was also a girl for a while (perhaps not that different from a boyfriend), so she understands how the world of girls works.
- Getting an adult point of view on love can help you stay grounded when dating, and romance can get you hooked.
Method 2 of 3: Getting Mom to Accept Boyfriend Over Time
Step 1. Manage the urge to constantly talk about your boyfriend
If Mom doesn't like her boyfriend, hearing that you're obsessed or focused solely on him will only amplify his doubts. A boyfriend should just be one part of your colorful and healthy life.
If your boyfriend is at the center of your being, you're giving Mom a strong argument against the relationship
Step 2. Ask friends and relatives for help
Enlist the help of a support network to compliment your boyfriend and point out the times when Mom said something unfair or outrageous. Seeing someone other than you trust and respect your boyfriend can slowly dispel your doubts.
- Ask a friend to name things that are harmless if you hear about your boyfriend while talking. For example, he could say, "Brother, you're really fast on his exams," or, "Sorry we're late, but your boyfriend has to get his trolley back before he gets in the car."
- Brother or sister can ask questions when Mom is around you such as, "How are you happy today?" Or, “Why are you in a hurry to get dressed?” Your answer will give your girlfriend a chance to make her proud.
- Don't be too obvious or you'll know something's wrong.
Step 3. Avoid taking sides
You may feel like you're stuck between your parents and your boyfriend, and that's because that's just the way it is. However, taking sides by distancing yourself from the family or pitting them against each other rarely works.
- Remember that the goal is for everyone to get along. You have to stay on both sides.
- Avoid talking badly about one of them when you're alone with the other person. You want your boyfriend and mom to respect each other, not just tolerate each other.
Step 4. Find what Mom and boyfriend have in common and use that to bridge the gap between them
You can get along well with your boyfriend and Mom, so there are bound to be some hobbies, opinions, passions, or personal similarities that you can use to calm Mom down.
- Mention these things around Mom casually to make it less obvious that you're trying to do something.
- If you say something your boyfriend agrees with, try saying something like, “That's so funny. My boyfriend thinks so too. But if I'm not sure." You'll immediately put your boyfriend and Mom on the same side and be able to tell that your boyfriend has finally helped you understand Mom's point of view.
- If you're playing a game together, you can play “Woman versus Man” to make sure Mom and boyfriend are literally on the same side for a moment.
Step 5. Avoid relationships that give negative attention to the family
This may sound fake or far-fetched in today's world, but the adult world places a high value on appearance and reputation. Even if you don't agree with what people are talking about you guys, you'll find it easier to convince Mom to accept a boyfriend if your relationship isn't something people talk about.
- Sometimes you have to fight for yourself and your beliefs, but try to do it while respecting the opinion of your parents.
- Small towns in particular can trigger unavoidable family political intrigue, and you may not share Mom's point of view.
Method 3 of 3: Teach Your Boyfriend to Reach Mom's Heart
Step 1. Make sure your boyfriend shows interest in your hobbies and strengths
If you see him at your football game, helping you study, or complimenting your art, it will help you realize that your boyfriend values you for who you are as a person (not just because you guys are dating).
- You can say to your boyfriend, “Hey, my mom is still weird seeing us dating. Can you come to my soccer game when my mom comes too so she can see you there?”
- If your boyfriend has a harmless gift for you, why not plan to receive it in front of Mom?
- Your parents have invested a lot in your life and they love you very much. Therefore, it's only natural that they want you to date someone who is willing to invest in you as well.
- Of course this goes both ways. Let your parents see that you are interested in your boyfriend's life as a whole.
Step 2. Encourage your boyfriend to be genuine and friendly around you
Boyfriend doesn't have to pretend to like everything Mom does to win her heart. If your boyfriend is friendly and respectful while still being himself, you're more likely to open up to him.
Everyone can benefit from learning how to be polite when disagreeing with someone
Step 3. Teach your boyfriend the rules and agreements in your home and encourage him to stick to them
Your mother's doubts will subside if your boyfriend acts like an integrated and respectable member of the family. For example:
- If Mom doesn't like you using your phone while eating, remind your boyfriend not to text at times like that.
- If you don't like dirty words, tell your boyfriend!
- If a family member takes off their shoes when they enter the house, don't make an exception for your boyfriend.
Tips
- Wait until your parents invite your boyfriend to a family event, especially around the holidays. Mom will definitely feel protective of your time as a family and she should be prepared for the idea of including strangers at such events.
- Be patient. Sometimes it takes a long time for two people to find something in common and become close.
Warning
- If your boyfriend isn't willing to take the time to win your mom's heart, step back and ask yourself if he's worth it.
- Remember that you've been mom's little child for years and I'll have a hard time feeling like anyone deserves you.
- If you're defensive, Mom will be too. It is not good.
