Mothers are usually protective when it comes to the interests of their children. That's why it's not easy to break the news that you have a boyfriend. The conversation will be awkward and uncomfortable, whether you're telling her about your first boyfriend, a boyfriend who doesn't fit your mom's criteria, or you want to be honest with him that you have a different sexual orientation and are dating someone. Your mother may be angry or forbid you to date her, but keep in mind that she only wants the best for you. Give Mother a chance to state the reasons for her objection, listen with an open mind and seek her advice. Tell Mom that you value her experience and advice, and prove to her that you are mature and responsible enough to make decisions about your relationship.
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Method 1 of 3: Telling Mom about Your First Girlfriend
Step 1. Talk to mom when she's in a happy mood
Choose the right time to deliver the news. Don't pick a time when he's tired after work or when he's worried about something else. Your mother should be able to give your full attention and be open in responding to the notification. Also, you should try to convey the news without taking it by surprise.
- Don't wait weeks or months without letting your mom know that you have a first boyfriend, but it's also a good idea not to show up with your boyfriend unannounced saying, "Hello Mom, this is my new boyfriend!" It would be nice if you had a private conversation with your mother first.
- It would be wiser to share this news when your mother is not having problems with your behavior. If you've just done something irresponsible, or have just gotten into trouble, he may think you're not mature enough for a relationship.
Step 2. Tell the news when you're alone with mom
If you live with both parents but decide it would be more comfortable to talk to mom first, choose a time when dad is out of the house. Maybe you can do it while dad is at work, or away to take care of something for a few hours. Or, you can take your mom out for coffee or lunch.
- It's usually best if you tell both parents at once, but often the situation will make you feel more comfortable talking to your mother first.
- Sometimes dads can be more protective when it comes to their child's first boyfriend. Some will even object if you admit you prefer same-sex friends, and others will object if your boyfriend is of a different ethnicity or religion.
Step 3. Practice writing down what you want to say
Think about what you want to say, and how to say it in a mature manner. You must express yourself clearly, directly, and honestly, not looking confused or whining. You can write down the main points, especially if you tend to slur or are at a loss for words.
- It can be helpful to make a plan and practice putting what's on your mind down on paper, but you still have to deliver the news in person.
- Try writing down key points like, “Mom, we've always had a close relationship and I don't want to hide anything from you. My friend Irwan asked me to be his girlfriend a few weeks ago and I accepted. He's also in 11th grade and a nice and smart person."
- Write down the main points you want to bring up in the conversation if your mother's response is not what you expected. Say, "I know you might think I'm not ready to date, but I want to tell you that I'm quite mature now. I was active in school activities, my grades were always good, and I finished all the housework before Mom told me to. I didn't mean to marry him or anything, but I wanted to talk about the ground rules and ask Mother for advice."
Step 4. Emphasize the positives
When the conversation is going on, don't start with anything negative, especially if your family expects you to date a certain type of guy or has strict criteria for your boyfriend. Don't start off by saying, "He's a cool guy, but he's always getting punished at school and he's getting really bad grades!" Focus on the positive qualities of yourself and your boyfriend.
- Are your grades good? Are you the student council president at school or lead extracurricular activities? What can show that you are mature and responsible enough?
- Your parents want to see these qualities in you before letting you date. So, make sure you study hard at school, complete assignments at home, and show them that you are a responsible person.
- Also, try to say as many positive things as possible about your boyfriend. Show mom that your choices are justifiable. Tell him the nice things he does for you, his polite behavior towards you, his sweet demeanor, his talents, and other positive aspects.
- Considering the good things in him can help you decide if he is really the right guy for you. If you can't honestly mention positive things about him to your mom, then maybe he's not the right guy for you.
Step 5. Prepare photos or social media profiles that can be accessed quickly
Chances are your mom wants to know more about your boyfriend, unless he really doesn't like the idea of you having a girlfriend. Be prepared to show your boyfriend a photo so you can see what he looks like, or show him his social media profile so you can have a little idea of him.
- Remember, you don't have to assume that your mom will be upset, especially if you're a teenager or young adult. Mom might be excited and excited to talk about your boyfriend!
- It's natural to feel shy and want to keep your life private, but in most cases, you should tell your parents about your boyfriend.
Step 6. Don't keep it a secret
Please note that your mother was also young, and there is no need to assume that she will react negatively. Sooner or later, your parents will find out what you are hiding from them. So keeping your relationship a secret is not the best idea. Make sure you answer questions about your boyfriend honestly.
- If you want to show your mom that you're mature enough to have a boyfriend, you have to earn her trust. Keeping your relationship a secret will only damage the trust between you and your parents.
- Don't lie about when you started dating. Try to be honest and reveal as much detail as possible. Don't let your lies, such as about the date you started dating, be exposed and backfire!
Method 2 of 3: Handling Sensitive Issues
Step 1. Tell mom that you like same-sex friends
If you're gay, have a boyfriend, and want to tell your mom about the guy, do so when you're ready. No one can force you to reveal it if you are not ready. While it can be an overwhelming and stress-free experience, it's understandable to feel nervous, especially if you can't predict how your mother will react.
- Don't let your boyfriend pressure you into revealing your sexual orientation. The most important aspect in an effort to reveal a person's sexual orientation is the person's readiness.
- If you are ready, do so calmly and frankly, honestly, and clearly. Tell him that you have a boyfriend and that you really love him, and that you understand that sexuality can change, but that you are currently attracted to him.
- Be patient while mom digests the news, especially if she doesn't suspect that you already have a boyfriend. Say, “I know this is a big change and it takes time to think about it. Believe me, I have thought about it for a long time, I understand!”
Step 2. Consider whether disclosing your sexual orientation could make the situation worse
Sometimes, making such a confession is not the best idea. Consider how parents react when they hear news about homosexuality on TV, or when issues like same-sex marriage or bullying come up in conversation. You may have to postpone it if your parents react negatively, or if you are financially dependent on them and believe they will kick you out of the house or no longer want to pay for your schooling.
If you find that your mother is generally more receptive and wants to tell her, ask for advice on how and when you should disclose your sexual orientation to your father and other family members
Step 3. Tell mom that your boyfriend is from a different ethnicity and religion
The world is becoming smaller and more connected, so romantic relationships often transcend racial, religious, and cultural boundaries. Try explaining this fact if your parents expect you to only date guys of a certain race, religion, or culture.
- Try not to keep a cross-cultural relationship a secret, whether you're a teenager or an adult. What will happen if you and your boyfriend decide to make a more serious commitment? Also, don't create a negative situation by making your mother feel like she can't trust you or your boyfriend.
- Don't use your boyfriend as a way to rebel against your culture. It was unfair to him and ended up hiding any tension you might feel against your traditions.
- Show compassion and patience when you tell your mother that you are in a relationship with someone from a different culture. Give him the opportunity and trust to think about it, not force him to give consent.
Step 4. Consider postponing it if you suspect bad consequences
Just like when you want to reveal about your sexual orientation, you also need to consider the right time when you want to reveal a relationship that involves a different culture. Often being honest is the best option, but if you're concerned about your safety or your boyfriend's safety, or there's a chance your parents won't recognize you as a child anymore, consider holding off on breaking the news.
- Try to balance your worries and beliefs in your mother. Try to predict his reaction by seeing how he reacts to a friend or relative who is in a similar situation.
- If you feel that your mother will be more accepting of it than your father, ask him for advice on how you should share the news with your father.
- If you're in a relationship with someone who treats you well and makes you happy, don't let mom, or dad, force you to take sides. Explain to them that the world is so much more connected that today people are in love relationships regardless of cultural boundaries.
Step 5. Tell mom that your boyfriend has a dark past, but he's changed
Things might get complicated if you're reconciled with your ex, or your boyfriend has a past that you're reluctant to tell your mom. If you're trying to convince your mom that your boyfriend has changed, try to be objective and tell her the facts. If you criticize your boyfriend, don't respond by criticizing him, but explain how your boyfriend makes a real difference through his actions.
- Try saying, “I know mom thinks Irwan has no future, but since we broke up, he's really made some positive changes. He's got a great job and has been doing it for 6 months now, and he has an apartment and is saving money to buy a new car. He said he wanted to improve his life so I would consider getting back with him."
- If you're old enough to know that there are things about your boyfriend that mom won't like at all, consider all aspects of the situation. If you've only been dating him for a few weeks and the relationship isn't going to continue, you probably don't need to tell mom about the guy you're dating in a non-serious manner and has 8 piercings and an arm full of tattoos.
- Please note that a mother wants the best for her child. If mom doesn't like your boyfriend, think about whether he has a good reason for that. Maybe you're better off not getting back together with that ex-boyfriend, or rejecting someone with an overly dark past. By trusting your mother's instincts, you may be able to avoid future grief.
Method 3 of 3: Coping With Rejection
Step 1. Give the mother a chance to digest the information
After breaking the news about your boyfriend, whether it's your first boyfriend, your homosexuality, or a boyfriend who didn't live up to his expectations, be patient. Don't break your news, then stand up and walk away. Wait for him to respond and comment.
- If mom needs time to think, leave her alone to do it if necessary.
- Show that you are willing to compromise and help him feel comfortable accepting your relationship, for example by listening to ground rules. If your mom is feeling nervous or in doubt, ask what rules you have to follow when meeting your boyfriend or if you can be alone with your boyfriend.
Step 2. Say that you value your mother's opinion and experience
Show that you think his experience and knowledge are very important to you. Explain that you want your mother to trust you in such a relationship and appreciate her advice. That's the reason you told him about your girlfriend. Explain that you are growing up and that it is natural to want a boyfriend.
- Ask her about her experiences with dating, sex, health, and other issues related to a relationship.
- Don't keep all the details about your personal life for one important conversation.
- Try your best to establish communication with your mother, both before and after you tell her about your boyfriend.
- Explain that you find honesty and the ability to trust each other very important to you. Try to lighten the mood and try to have an open and unbiased conversation on a regular basis.
Step 3. Try to avoid arguing about your boyfriend
If mom gets angry, don't turn the conversation into a shouting match. Try to stay calm even if mom gets angry and starts screaming. Remember that he only wants to protect you and wants the best for you. If the reaction doesn't match your prediction, stay calm and think about your words before saying them.
- Mom may have good reasons to disapprove of your relationship. Maybe you're too young to date, or your boyfriend isn't the right guy for her. Remember that mom has more life experience than you.
- If you're a teenager or young adult, and you really believe you're ready for a relationship, you should try to prove to your mom that you're mature enough to make your own decisions.
Step 4. Accept the response he shows, even if he is against the relationship
If you get angry when he tells you not to date, it just proves that you're not ready to have a girlfriend. Respect the way he chose to raise you. Remember, he just wants to protect you.
If you react in a calm and understanding way, mom will see how mature you are. If he sees that you are growing up and becoming wiser, he will eventually support you
Step 5. Try to understand your mother's point of view if she is against your relationship
Show him that you value his point of view and want to dig deeper. Don't ask questions just to get what you want, but show that you understand them and want to come to an agreement with them.
- If mom says you're not old enough, ask, “What do you think is the right age for dating? How old were you when you first started dating? Does the age difference between now and when you were a teenager affect the right age for someone to start dating?”
- If mom doesn't like your boyfriend, ask him why. Remember that mom is usually the only person in the world who really puts your interests first. Ask, “Why do you think he's not the right man for me? Have you ever dated a guy like him and had a bad experience?”
