Are you autistic or does one of your loved ones fall into this spectrum? Are you feeling lonely or want to learn more about autism? An excellent way to educate yourself and find like-minded friends is to introduce yourself to autistic culture.
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Method 1 of 3: Experience the Culture
Step 1. Realize that it is the autistic people who create the autistic culture, not other people
If autistic people can't voice their opinions clearly in an organization or event, it's probably not the right place to meet autistic people. Find a place that supports, includes, and empowers people with autism as board or committee members.
- If the organization is run partially or wholly by autistic people, the organization's “about” page will usually list it.
- Look for partner organizations and check whether they are nurturing or not treating autistic people well.
- Stay away from stigmatized groups like “Autism Speaks”.
Step 2. Read autism-friendly books written by autistic people and other concerned people too
There are many adult autistic people who have written about their experiences. There are also books written by autism experts and friends or family of autistic people.
The Ed Wiley Autism Public Library has a list of books that can be useful for finding books to read
Step 3. Search the internet for autism-friendly hashtags
There are many autistic people on the internet who are looking for friends and building community. So you can find a lot of people on this spectrum on the internet if you know where to look. Certain hashtags are very busy filled with activities of autistic people and their supporters.
- #AskAnAutistic is a hashtag where anyone can ask a question, and an autistic person will answer it. You can also try #AskingAutistics.
- #REDinstead is a hashtag where people take selfies or take pictures with red in them. This color is intended to promote acceptance of autism. This campaign was created as an alternative to #LightItUpBlue, a campaign that offends autistic people. #ToneItDownTaupe and #LightItUpGold is also a good alternative.
- #ActuallyAutistic is a special place for autistic people. Here they can publish something without having to drown the publications of people who are not autistic. If you're not autistic, don't publish anything using this hashtag (but if you just read it, retweet it or rewrite it on a blog, that's fine).
- #DoILookAutisticYet is a hashtag for autistic people to upload their selfies, creating a representation of how unique autistic people are and how unique their faces are. #YouCantBeAutisticBecause also the same. Here, autistic people can post something that relates to assumptions about why or how they don't "look" autistic.
Step 4. Look for famous and important people in the autistic community
This community is full of wise, compassionate and educated people. Some well-known autistic writers include:
- Cynthia Kim
- Amy Sequenzia
- Ari Ne'eman
- Julia Bascom
- Emma Zurcher Long
- Jim Sinclair
- Lydia Brown
- Judy Endow
Step 5. Participate in autism-related events
Events like this are rare, but if you live in an urban area, you can look for something like this that is positive. Look for events like leisure walks, fundraisers, anti-discrimination festivals, and more.
Find out more about an event before participating. Some events are run by bad organizations and the money raised can be used to hurt more people
Step 6. Learn common terminology
Autistic people use specific terminology to discuss issues and experiences related to autism. For example:
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Stimming:
repetitive movements such as moving left and right, clapping, echolalia (talkative), and others. There are gestures you can use to deal with it and to express yourself, such as a smile.
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Neurodivergent:
have a neurological disability such as autism, Down syndrome, dyslexia, or bipolar disorder.
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Neurotypical/NT:
do not have a neurological disability.
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Allistic:
not autistic, but by no means neurotypical.
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Neurodiversity:
the biological diversity of the human brain.
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Neurodiversity Paradigm:
the view that autistic and neurodivergent people are not sick, just different. They must be accepted and accommodated, not forced to change without their will.
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Curebie:
people who believe that autism is a serious disease and must be cured (without thinking about the wishes of autistic people).
Step 7. Learn the symbolic languages to avoid
Some autism languages are considered offensive or outdated. Sometimes, we can't tell which words have bad connotations, especially since autistic people are often left out of conversation. Here are some phrases and words with negative connotations:
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People with high / low intelligence levels or known as High/Low-Functioning:
Don't classify people based on that as this is considered rude, especially if they are skilled in certain areas but not good at other things.
- People with autism: disliked by the autistic community in general because it gives the impression that autism is not a part of him. Meanwhile, this is unethical from a humanitarian point of view. Autism is part of autistic people so this privilege needs to be accepted and respected, as we respect them as individuals. Use this term only if the person chooses to be called that.
- Suffering from autism: There are many autistic people who do not suffer. They did have some obstacles, but so did everyone. People with autism judge themselves fine.
- Autism is epidemic: autism does not kill people and is not a disease so it is not contagious.
Step 8. Learn positive symbols and symbols related to autism
Different symbols carry different connotations depending on how they are used. Understanding these symbols can help you identify what is and isn't allowed in the media you create. Also, recognize the signs that different communities use.
- Puzzle pieces and the color blue have a negative connotation.
- The symbol for neurodiversity (the rainbow-colored infinity symbol), the rainbow in general, red for #REDinstead, and Autisticat have positive connotations. These symbols are used in the autistic community.
Step 9. Listen to how autistic people describe autism
Some descriptions of autism are incorrect because they were not written by people who really understand autism. They are also motivated by a desire to control autistic people. Meanwhile, autistic people describe this situation more factually and acceptably.
Read the many works of autistic people to get the best picture. You need to read a lot of works by people who can and cannot talk, who can drive and who can't, who are socially active and who aren't, and much more. Understanding autism means understanding the variety of experiences that autistic people can have
Step 10. Mark autism events on the calendar
Several events are held each year and you can participate in writing posts about them to spread positivism and acceptance around autism.
- Autism Awareness Month is celebrated every April
- Autistic Anti-Discrimination Day is observed on 18 June
- Autistic Talking Day is held on November 1st
Method 2 of 3: Becoming Friends
If you're not autistic, you're probably wondering how to be friends with autistic people and respect their culture.
Step 1. Remember that you are welcome to join almost any discussion
You may also want to comment to show your appreciation or ask questions. The autistic community is a place for autistic people, but friendly visitors are always warmly welcome.
- You can share articles, rewrite blogs or retweet things you find through the hashtag #actuallyautistic. You can say that you are not autistic so that people will not be confused
- You can say that you agree with one of the articles or if the article helped you.
- You may ask. However, autistic people are not search engines so they don't have to provide answers.
- Remember, there are many friends who are willing to participate in the discussion and write something about autism!
Step 2. Use a search engine for easy questions
There are many questions that autistic people can answer, but some questions (example: do autistic people have belly buttons too?) are considered too frontal or condescending. If you have a question, go to the internet first because there are many answers already available there.
Step 3. Pay attention to general etiquette
The autistic community has some unwritten etiquette, just like all other subcultures. Here are some tips on what to avoid:
- Don't post #ActuallyAutistic if you're not autistic. This hashtag was created especially for autistic people to discuss about various things without interruption from nonautistics. Non-autistic people can write posts with the hashtags #Autism, #AskingAutistics, and #AskAnAutistic.
- Respect every autistic person. All autistic people, regardless of ability, deserve respect and exaltation. Autistic people generally want to respect everyone, including people who are more "capable" than they are or who are not as capable as they are.
- Don't assume you understand other people's struggles. Never ignore someone on the grounds that he or she is “too much talk” or “too smart” to understand what autism really looks like. You don't know their daily struggles and maybe they are actually facing serious problems. What's more, even if their lives are fine, that doesn't mean they shouldn't have an opinion or be presumed to have never listened to other autistic people whose cases are worse.
- Don't take other people's stories to heart. Sometimes autistic people can talk about their bad experiences and may also generalize about the current situation. It's just as disrespectful as when someone says "Not all men!" or “Not all white people!” say “Not all NTs” or “Not all therapists!”. Words like this are easily taken to heart by many people. His words are not about you if you don't do the bad things he tells you about. However, if you do, use this information to re-evaluate your behavior.
Step 4. Don't be afraid to help
Friends are very welcome and autistic people are always in need of help organizing events, finding resources, or educating the community. If you see an autistic person organizing something, ask "Can I help you?" or “May I help you?”.
Step 5. Look for written sources for nonautistic people
Some autistic writers have articles written for people who want to know how to help loved ones and be good friends. Don't be afraid to ask for a tip!
Read other articles on wikihow, such as how to understand autistic individuals
Method 3 of 3: Be Understanding
If you are not autistic, in particular, you may hear things that startle or anger you when you study autistic culture. Some autistic people have experienced abuse in their lives so you may be involved in this discussion. Do what you can to understand it and be sensitive.
Step 1. Understand the bad things that autistic people can experience
In addition to other challenges in life, autistic people are also at risk of not being treated well. This can lead to mental health issues such as depression or PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder), also known as post-traumatic stress disorder. In addition there are also difficulties to trust others, anger, and other effects. You may notice that some autistic people you meet may be very cynical, fearful, or hesitant to trust others. Be sensitive and remember that they may have been hurt or mistreated before. They may also have experienced:
- Persecution: Abused in therapy such as ABA, special education or other contexts.
- Mocked and isolated: bullying at school or work for years, having family members say bad things about them, finding the media that views autistic people as a burden.
- Ignored: they were told they were “too smart” to be recommended or to be given a lecture on autism, or conversely, they were told they were “too weak” to understand anything.
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Gaslighting:
being told that they are too careless when it comes to their problems, or that the problems are not real.
Step 2. Be careful when discussing controversial topics
Any controversial subject can ignite strong and painful emotions, especially if started over the internet. So it's important to remember that there are many autistic people who develop PTSD (sometimes more severe) as a result of bullying or abuse. PTSD can involve strong emotions and difficulty trusting others. So, they can perceive something as a threat even though there really isn't anything. Do your best to communicate with positive intentions and help them feel safe around you.
- For example, you might say, "Not all ABA therapists are abusive." A mentally healthy autistic person may agree and understand that the problem is different. However, a person who is deeply traumatized may panic and remember things their former therapist did. He can't tell you and will start to think that you're just making excuses or minimizing that type of abuse.
- After severe trauma, some people can act like injured animals. They will panic at the slightest threat. This is the same as you who will not blame the dog that was taken from the dog breeding place, maybe the dog will not be able to stay still. Don't blame trauma fighters if they react to certain things. Don't take their attitude to heart either, remember why they are like this.
- Of course trauma can't justify mistreatment, or mean you're allowing someone to hurt you. It's okay to set boundaries like, "You can be angry, but stop swearing."
Step 3. Validate the other person's feelings, even if you don't understand them now
Show empathy and try to understand why they are the way they are. This attitude can make discussions productive and caring. There are different kinds of experiences in this world that you may not know about. Treat them with love and understanding the way you would want people to talk about your problems.
For example, if someone is discussing abuse in ABA therapy, instead of saying, "That never happened," say "I didn't know it could happen" or "That sounded really bad. You want to talk about it?”
Step 4. When unsure, be nice or just listen
Sometimes, you will hear things that are very different from what you understand about autism. It's okay if you are surprised to hear that. Maintain your politeness, then show empathy and kindness when responding if you choose to say something. But if not, listen carefully, or walk away if you don't want to be part of the conversation. Your kindness is valuable so it's better to be kind or keep quiet.
- You don't have to engage in conversation if you don't want to.
- If you don't say anything, then someone asks why, just say “I was just listening” or “I'm not familiar with the topic, so I learned by listening to people's opinions”.
Step 5. Choose the place of discussion carefully
It's okay to think about what group you're in, based on age, mental health, personal preferences, etc. Some discussion sites are created for newcomers and young people, while other groups are political and activity based. This group expects you to understand the basics. Find a discussion place that is right for you.
- Watch for warning signs. This indicates that the topic being discussed is sensitive and the material may not be suitable for young people or people with mental health disorders.
- Look who's participating. Some communities are created specifically for autistic people, while other communities are for autistic people and their loved ones too.
- Pay attention to the number of unfamiliar words and whether they are explained or not. If you hear that there are many languages that are not common, but are not explained, you can assume that this community is made for people who are more experienced in the autistic community.
Step 6. Remember that autistic people are humans too
If you treat them with kindness and respect, value their competence and listen to them, they will respond well to you too. If you are nice, everything will be fine too.
