Letting go of an old lifestyle can be difficult, because we are used to living a certain way, and change can be daunting. When the pain of an unchanging life is worse than the fear of change, you can try starting a new life. Changes in life won't be felt immediately, but by taking responsibility for yourself and putting in the effort, you can improve your reputation and quality of life.
Step
Method 1 of 3: Striving for a Better Future
Step 1. Set goals for yourself
Think about what you want to achieve so that your future is better than your past and present, then write down clear, achievable goals. Make sure your goals are realistic, specific, measurable, time-bound, and achievable.
- Also consider the things you don't want to experience in life.
- Start chasing targets slowly, one at a time.
- Break your goals down into small, easy steps to make your goals easier to achieve.
Step 2. Get support
Remember friends who can be a good influence on you, and help you reach your goals. If you're moving to a new place and don't have many friends, consider keeping in touch with old friends, as well as making new friends. Maintain good relations with friends by being honest and kind. This attitude will show that you want to change.
You can also get support from an authority figure in your life, such as a teacher. Ask the teacher for advice if you believe it, then follow the advice. A good relationship with a teacher can also help when your life is getting better, such as when you need a work or college reference letter
Step 3. Avoid negative thinking people
Stay away from friends who are a bad influence in your life. If your friends don't want to start a new life, they may pull you into old habits that are causing your past to be dark. These friends may also insult your attempts to start a new life. Ignore them, and focus on improving your life.
Make sure you have friends who can support you during the transition
Step 4. Deal with the problem slowly
Make sure you write "live for a day" in the target. At the beginning of the day, pay attention to your schedule for the day, what things you have to do, and what preparations you have to do. At the end of the day, think about the day that has just passed and the progress you have made. If the progress isn't as great as you thought, no problem! What matters is that you tried.
Your dark past may last for years. Because of this, change may not happen quickly, whether you're changing bad habits or leaving bad situations that other people have created (such as abusive relationships). Bad habits, bad behavior, and self-defense against stress take time to develop and turn into positive alternative activities
Step 5. Take responsibility for yourself
You have direct control over your thoughts, emotions, behavior, and life. Decide to follow the target and improve your life. Choose an activity that you will actively engage in next. Every morning, look in the mirror, and say "I control my life. My decisions today are for a better tomorrow" with confidence.
- Whoever is responsible for the things of the past, you must still be responsible for improving the present and the future. Remember that you can only control yourself and your actions, but your actions affect other people and your future.
- It's easy to be passive and blame others, but don't let that become an excuse to live an annoying life.
Method 2 of 3: Accepting and Overcoming the Past
Step 1. Follow therapy
The therapist will offer you a private, non-judgmental space to help you organize your thoughts, worries, and concerns, as well as clarify and achieve goals. The therapist is able to put your life in a different light, and see things that you or others might miss.
It's not just people with mental problems who can follow therapy. Anyone looking to enter therapy can benefit from talking to a counselor/therapist. If you're afraid of being insulted, share your fear with someone you trust and has been in therapy for, or someone who knows the mental therapy process better
Step 2. Face the consequences
Try to distance yourself from the old lifestyle. Changing your lifestyle will be difficult if you don't change your house, school, or job. As your reputation rises, you may need to face the consequences of your past.
- Do your best to show that you have changed. Let your actions do the talking.
- Accept punishment from an authoritarian figure such as a boss or principal, then try to live it to the best of your ability. Accepting punishment can be a way of showing that you are responsible for your actions.
Step 3. Improve relationships with loved ones
Old wounds may make your life difficult or miserable. For example, you may have an argument with your sibling that you no longer communicate with them. Improving the relationship may fix the situation and calm you down. Accept that you are being blamed for making the situation worse.
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Apologize, and explain that you want to make things right. Explain that you want to apologize, what hurt you did, why it went wrong, and how you would fix it. For example:
- "I'm sorry for…"
- "That's wrong, because…"
- "Later, I will…"
- "Am I forgiven?"
- You may not be forgiven right away. However, keep trying!
Step 4. Forgive yourself
When you are in charge of your life, you may feel guilty for making your life negative. Consider pouring your heart out to a trusted friend. Explain how you feel, and why you feel that way.
- Your friend may be able to offer a new perspective. If you don't want to talk about old wounds, try writing down your pain, then replying with writing like a letter from a loved one. Write clear and honest.
- Mistakes don't necessarily bring you down, because everyone has done them.
Method 3 of 3: Preventing a Return to the Old Lifestyle
Step 1. Understand the problems that are causing you to lead the old lifestyle
You may have lived that old lifestyle for years, or lived in a negative family from birth and needed to start a new life. Whatever the cause, try to find out the factors that led you to lead an old lifestyle.
- Think about what other people are saying, your own and other's behavior patterns, your tone of voice, and your mindset.
- Make a list of the negative things you say to yourself. Find evidence for and against it. Find facts, not opinions. Ask yourself the question, "Why am I thinking this way?"
Step 2. Be careful that you don't make a mistake
Create a system that prevents you from repeating the bad things of the past. Make a plan that you will follow when you feel something that provokes a bad habit. For example, if you notice that you drink alcohol when you're sad, have a plan for dealing with grief so you don't drink.
- Talk to your friend, and ask him for help. When you feel sad, you can call the friend, and ask him to come. You may be able to exercise or do something else. You can even try pouring your heart out to help with this problem.
- Try making several plans to ensure that there is a second plan when the first one fails.
Step 3. Learn from the past
If you know the reason why your past was bad, try to think of a solution so that it doesn't happen again. If the problem is with someone else, you may have a hard time changing it. For example, if you are a teenager and your parents are making your life dark, you might want to ask your parents for help to make their life better.
Remember that only you know your loved one inside out. Asking others to seek help to improve their lives is difficult, so think of ways to help them yourself. Consult with others to understand your situation, or read relevant psychology articles
Step 4. Create new habits and routines
You can't stop doing certain activities without a replacement. For example, if you like smoking after school, try replacing smoking with activities that bring you closer to your target. Make a plan and ask a friend for help if needed. Once you get home, clean up, eat, then go study.
New habits may be more difficult to implement than new routines. Start by consciously doing the thing you want to make a habit of. For example, if you want to get into the habit of cleaning yourself, try brushing your teeth consciously before going to bed and when you wake up. Set a reminder on your phone to help, or ask your parents to check if you've brushed your teeth
Step 5. Make better choices
In daily life and long term life, keep your target in mind when making decisions. Think about how that decision will affect your day and your future. Remember the bad decisions you made in the past, and choose the better ones.
Sometimes, good decisions in the past no longer fit the current situation. For example, in the past you could give your brain a rest by playing a game, but the same activities no longer calm you down now. This is normal. You can change. Don't force yourself to do things you're no longer comfortable with
Tips
- Be kind and patient with yourself. If you are constantly criticizing yourself for not being able to achieve what you want, your self-confidence will drop. Your motivation to change your life will also go down.
- If you don't want to do therapy on your own, consider joining a support group.
- Habits take time to fade and grow, because habits are etched in your brain and you do habits without thinking. Don't give up on breaking habits and making new ones.
- Remember that you can only face today to change tomorrow. You can't change the past, but you can change the way you think about the past. Try to think of the lessons you can take from the past, and avoid making the same mistakes.
- One consequence of the past is that you may run into people you don't want to see again. If possible, be polite while staying away from the person. If he tries to provoke you, ignore it, or ask him to stop.
