It's hard to know what role you should play when a parent (father/mother) is depressed. Depending on your age, there may be very little you can do to help him, but there are actually several things that can help you deal with a depressed parent. As a child, it doesn't mean you are obligated to take on the role of a parent. If you have the ability, time and energy, you may wish to help or support your parents. However, it's important to remember healthy boundaries and your own limitations.
Step
Part 1 of 2: Supporting Parents
Step 1. Recognize the symptoms of depression
You may notice that your parents are no longer doing activities they used to enjoy. Parents may look sad, hopeless, or show an attitude of helplessness. You may notice changes in weight (weight gain or loss) or changes in sleep patterns (sleep more or less).
- Parents may exhibit different behaviors, such as being irritable, aggressive, or irritable than usual.
- Older people may lack energy or appear exhausted most of the time.
- Watch out for increased alcohol consumption or drug use. If a parent's habits change and they start using alcohol or drugs (including prescription drugs and sleeping pills), this behavior may be related to depression.
- Depression is not contagious and you won't just catch it.
Step 2. Talk to the parents
It can be scary to bring up the topic of depression, especially if it happened to your parents. If you're worried and don't think the situation is improving, don't hesitate to start a conversation about depression. Approach parents based on your concerns and concerns. Remind your parents how important they are to you, and that you want to see them happy.
- Say, “I'm worried about you as well as your health, has anything changed? How's dad doing?"
- You could also say, “Something seems to have changed, and I'm looking even more moody than usual. Is everything all right?”
- If your parents say something like “I can't take this anymore,” you should seek help immediately.
Step 3. Encourage parents to undergo therapy
After having a heart-to-heart conversation with the parent, encourage him or her to find a therapist. It's important to understand that you are not responsible for your parent's thoughts, emotions, and behavior, especially those related to depression. Encourage parents to see a therapist. Therapy can help reset negative thought patterns, identify triggers, practice coping skills, and practice preventive measures to minimize future symptoms of depression.
Tell your parents, “I want to see you healthy and happy, and I think a therapist can help you with this. Are you willing to see a therapist?”
Step 4. Engage in family therapy
While individual therapy can help a person gain skills, involving the whole family in therapy can benefit everyone. When parents suffer from depression, the whole family bears the burden. Family therapy can help the whole family to communicate and solve problems that arise.
If you feel like you're the one who carries most of the family's burden, family therapy is a great place to bring that up and find a compromise
Step 5. Spend time with your parents
Your parents love you, even if they can't show it openly. Show your parents that you love them back by trying to spend time with them. Your parents may want to spend time with you, but don't have the energy to do so. You can take the initiative and invite him to do something with you. Do activities that you both enjoy.
- Cook dinner together.
- Make pictures together.
- Go together to walk the dog.
Step 6. Do outdoor activities with your parents
Nature, sunshine, and fresh air can relax parents and help them feel better. Going for walks outdoors can lower depression and stress levels. Observe the trees and animals and enjoy your presence in the wild.
- Head to a park or visit a nature reserve and go for a walk together.
- If you can just walk around the house with the dog, that's also beneficial.
Step 7. Show that you love your parents
Sometimes people who are depressed feel unloved or wanted, and reminding them that someone loves them can increase positive feelings. You can write a message, send a card, or create a picture. Whatever you do, make sure your parents know that you love them.
If you don't live with your parents, you can send a card or e-mail to show that you think about your parents and love them
Step 8. Harness the power of human touch
Give warm hugs to parents. People who lack love tend to be more lonely and have a harder time dealing with more severe depression. People who get enough love are usually happier and healthier individuals.
- Hug your parents as often as you want, but don't make them uncomfortable.
- Give a light touch on the shoulder or arm for support.
Step 9. Talk to your siblings about what happened
If you have younger siblings, they may notice that something is different about your parents, but have no idea what. Explain to them as best you can, as simply as possible.
Say, “Dad is depressed, and sometimes he's annoying, and stays in bed most of the day. It's not your fault, and he still loves you very much."
Step 10. Know what to do if your parents can no longer take care of themselves
Sometimes, when people are depressed, they no longer care about themselves; he may stop showering, not go to work, or stop doing things like cooking dinner, cleaning the house, washing, and so on. If your parents ignore him, it means he can also ignore your needs.
- If your needs are neglected, try to seek help. If your dad is depressed while your mom or stepmother is still around, try talking to him about what happened to your dad and saying that you think he needs help. You can also contact your grandparents, uncles or aunts, or even a friend of a parent or teacher. You may be able to provide small assistance, such as keeping your room clean or doing small tasks like taking out the trash, but don't forget that it is your parents' responsibility to take care of you.
- If you're a little older, like your teen, you might be able to help do some of the work a parent usually does while he or she heals. Try to help with homework, offer to make or buy dinner, take the younger siblings to their place of activity, and so on. However, you don't have to take over all the household responsibilities or be the only person taking care of your parents. Give help for things that have the highest priority (such as food), but be aware that, at this time, it may not be possible to complete all household chores.
- If you are an adult, persuade your parents to seek help. If he's reluctant to see a therapist, you may be able to convince him to see a doctor for a general check-up. Set boundaries about what you're willing to do for your parents, and remember that the parent must be willing to accept help before he or she can feel better. You can't force him to seek help.
Step 11. Recognize suicidal behavior
Thinking about suicide can be scary, but getting used to suicidal behavior is important if a parent is depressed. People who are contemplating suicide often show signs, and recognizing these signs ahead of time means that you will be better prepared if you need to act. Some signs that someone is in danger and will try to commit suicide include:
- Distribute his belongings.
- Talking about going away or getting things done.
- Talk about death or suicide, and maybe talk about hurting yourself.
- Talk about despair.
- Sudden behavioral changes, such as calming down after a period of anxiety.
- Engaging in self-destructive behavior, such as increased alcohol consumption or drug abuse.
- Saying that you'll be better off without him, that he doesn't want to be here anymore, that it's all coming to an end, or something similar.
Step 12. Be prepared to act if you feel your parents are in danger
If you think your parents are showing suicidal behavior, call the hotline 500-454 which is managed by the Directorate of Mental Health Services at the Ministry of Health of the Republic of Indonesia. If a parent threatens to harm themselves or commit suicide, has a weapon or other object that could cause death (such as pills), is talking about suicide and is behaving agitatedly or anxiously, or is attempting suicide, call the emergency telephone number 112 immediately..
Part 2 of 2: Taking Care of Yourself
Step 1. Don't beat yourself up
You may feel guilty or feel like you've done something "wrong" to upset your parents, but that's not true. Usually there are many reasons that cause a person to be depressed, not just one or two reasons that make depression worse. Many people experience depression due to certain factors in their background that make them more prone to developing depression.
- You did nothing wrong and did not cause the parents depression. Get rid of that guilt because you're only torturing yourself, and it's not good for you.
- Even if you're not a perfect child, it still doesn't cause depression. Depression is caused by an imbalance in the brain, genetic predisposition, and/or an unhealthy environment (eg victims of violence or a very stressful work environment).
Step 2. Don't get carried away
Usually, women tend to be whiny and experience mood swings, while men tend to be angry or irritable. Either way, a depressed parent may say something, but don't mean it. You may feel that you are a cause of stress in your parents' life. Knowing that a parent's emotions are different and can lead to a change in behavior can help you realize that he or she doesn't mean what he's saying.
- If they say something hurtful, take a deep breath and say "Your words hurt my feelings" or "If you keep saying that, I'm leaving."
- You can also share your thoughts afterwards, if you're too surprised or confused to respond to them at the time. After calming down, say "When you say _, I feel hurt." That way, they have a chance to apologize and make amends.
- After they apologize, do your best to forgive them. Keep in mind that depression is distracting the sufferer's mind, and they may say things they don't mean.
Step 3. Spend time with people who make you happy
Have fun with friends, spend time with positive people, and enjoy your life. Don't be afraid to go out and do various activities. Fun events can give you the mental balance you need to stay home.
- Don't let your intention to take care of your parents and household chores take up your entire life. Being a nanny is not your responsibility. Offer your help, but don't let it rule your life.
- It is important to set boundaries with parents. If your parents rely on you to make them feel comfortable or whole, the dynamics that occur are unhealthy and can have a huge impact on your own mental health.
- Try to set small boundaries first, and try to do so without anger or judgment. For example, if your parents share too much information, telling you more about the problem than they should, you might say something like, “Dad, I enjoyed talking to you, but I think I'm a little overwhelmed. I think Aunt Susan would be more appropriate to help Father with this matter."
Step 4. Get out of the house
The atmosphere at home may be stressful for you while your parents are depressed. Taking a break from such an environment is sometimes healthy too. Try to get out of the house every day even if it's just for a short walk.
Helping your parents may be a part of your life, but it shouldn't be the only thing in your life. You also need time for yourself
Step 5. Talk about your feelings
Your emotions are important too, and keeping them in your heart is not a healthy thing to do. Find someone who can be a good listener and share your feelings with them.
Parental conditions may not allow him to carry out the role of parenting, so find another adult who can be a mentor for you. Consider siblings, grandparents, uncles/aunts, spiritual leaders, and family friends
Step 6. Find a way to let go of the feeling
Seeing the condition of parents who are depressed, it's natural for you to feel stressed, worried, and sad. It's important that you deal with these feelings by finding ways to channel healthy emotions that can reduce stress and restore energy. Try journaling, drawing or painting, listening to music, or writing.
Look for activities that can help you relax or feel comfortable. It could be exercise, running, or playing with the family pet
Step 7. Remember that you are allowed to cry
Dealing with depressed parents is not easy. What you feel is natural and permissible. Crying is a powerful way to release emotions in a healthy way. Crying can make you feel better because tears release stress hormones and toxins.
- Don't be embarrassed if you get caught crying. There's nothing wrong with crying or expressing emotions, whether alone or in public.
- Give yourself as much time as you need to cry. If you feel uncomfortable, you can ask permission to cry in a more private place, such as a bedroom or bathroom.
Step 8. Understand that your parents still love you
Depression can have a negative effect on a parent's thinking and behavior, causing him to often feel tired, change how he feels, and cause him to say things without really meaning it. He's had a tough time, but he still loves you very much.
