Becoming a parent can be one of the most rewarding life experiences, but it is by no means easy. No matter how old your child is, your work is never done. To be a good parent, you need to know how to make your child feel valued and loved, while teaching the difference between right and wrong. Ultimately, the most important thing is to establish a nurturing environment where your child feels they can succeed and develop into a confident, independent, and caring adult individual. If you want to know how to be a good parent, check out The first step for you to take.
Step
Part 1 of 3: Loving Your Children
Step 1. Give love and affection to your child
Sometimes the best thing you can give your child is love and affection. A warm touch or hug can let your child know that you really care about them. Never overlook the importance of physical connection when you are with your child. Here are some ways to show love and affection.
- A warm hug, a little encouragement, appreciation, approval or even a smile can boost your child's confidence and well-being.
- Tell them that you love them all the time, no matter how angry you are with them.
- Give more hugs and kisses. Make your child feel comfortable with love and affection from birth.
- Love them as they are; don't force them to be what you want them to be in return for your love. Let them know that you will always love them no matter what.
Step 2. Praise your child
Praising your child is an important part of being a good parent. You want your child to feel proud of their accomplishments and of themselves. If you don't give them the confidence they need to live in the world on their own terms, then they won't be compelled to be independent or adventurous. When they do something good, let them know that you care and that you are proud of them.
- Make it a habit to praise your child at least 3 times as much as negative feedback. While it's important to tell your child when they make a mistake, it's also important to help them build a positive view of themselves.
- If they are too young to understand, praise them with goodies, applause, and love. Encouraging them to do everything from going to the toilet to getting good grades can help them lead a happy and successful life.
Step 3. Avoid comparing your child to other children, especially siblings
Every child is a different and unique individual. Celebrate their differences and instill in each child the desire to pursue their interests and dreams. Failure can make you feel inferior, a feeling that they can never be good in your eyes. If you want to help them improve their behavior, talk about goal attainment in their language, rather than telling them to act like their siblings or neighbors. This will help them develop self-confidence rather than feelings of inferiority.
- Comparing one child to another can allow the child to develop competition with siblings. You want to educate your child to develop a loving relationship between your child, not competition.
- Avoid favoritism. Surveys have shown that most parents have favoritism, but most children believe that they are the favorite child of their parents. If your child has a fight, don't side with one child, be fair and neutral.
Step 4. Listen to your child
It is important that your communication with your child goes both ways. You should not only enforce the rules, but listen to your child when they have a problem. You need to be able to express your child's interest and be involved in their life. You should create an atmosphere that can bring your child to come to you with problems, both big and small.
- You can even set a time to talk to your child every day. This can be done before bedtime, at breakfast, during the commute home from school. Treat this time as sacred and avoid looking at your phone or being distracted by anything else.
- If your child says they're going to tell you something, make sure you take it seriously and stop doing your job, or set a time to talk when you can actually hear them.
Step 5. Make time for your child
However, be careful not to restrain them. This is a very different thing between protecting someone and confining them in your request. You want them to feel that time with you is sacred and special without making them feel compelled to spend time with you.
- Spend time with each child individually. Try to divide your time fairly if you have more than one child.
- Listen and respect your child, and appreciate what they are doing in their life. Remember, you are their parent after all. Children need boundaries. A child who is allowed to act as they please and is spoiled will struggle in adult life when they have to obey society's rules. You're not a bad parent if you don't follow what your child wants. You can say no, but you have to give a reason or offer an alternative. “Because I said so” is not an acceptable excuse!
- Arrange time to go to the park, playground, museum or library based on their interests.
- Attend school events. Do homework with them. Visit teachers at open houses for information on how they behave at school.
Step 6. Be there for every important event
You may have a busy work schedule, but you can do everything you can to be where something important is going on in your child's life, from ballet performances to their high school graduation. Remember that children grow quickly and they will be themselves before you know it. Your boss may or may not remember that you forgot the meeting, but your child will always remember that you didn't attend a game in which they were involved. Even if you don't want to give your child everything you want, you should at least try to be there when they are experiencing an important event.
If you're too busy to be there for your child's first school day or some other important event, you can't forget it for the rest of your life. And you don't want your child to remember their high school graduation was a time when their mom or dad couldn't attend
Part 2 of 3: Applying Good Discipline
Step 1. Enforce reasonable rules
Applying individual rules makes life happy and productive, not following individual rules that are ideal for you. It's very important to establish rules and guidelines that can help your child grow and develop without being so strict that your child feels that they can't move on without making mistakes. Ideally, your child should love you more than he or she is afraid of your rules.
- Communicate your rules clearly. Children must recognize the consequences according to their actions. If you punish them, make sure they know the reason and the guilt, if you don't tell them the reason and how they are guilty, the punishment will not have the deterrent effect you expect.
- Make sure that you not only set reasonable rules, but that you apply them sensibly. Avoid using forms of punishment that are too harsh, punishments that are too severe for minor faults, or anything that could physically hurt your child.
Step 2. Control your anger as much as possible
It's important to try to be as calm and reasonable as possible when you explain your rules. You want your child to listen seriously, without fearing you or thinking you are unstable. This can very clearly be a difficult challenge, especially when your child starts to over-behave or leaves you and climbs a wall, but if you feel like your voice is starting to rise, take a break and free yourself up before you finish talking to your child.
We sometimes lose control of our emotions. If you do or say something you regret, you should apologize to your child, letting them know that you did something wrong. If you act as if your behavior is normal, then they will try to imitate it
Step 3. Be consistent
It's important to apply the same rules every time, and to resist your child's attempts to manipulate you and make excuses. If you allow your child to do something they are not actually doing because they are exhibiting angry behavior, then this indicates that your rules can be broken. If you find yourself saying, "Okay, but only once…" more than once, then you must act to maintain consistent rules with your child.
If your child feels your rules can be broken, they don't have the incentive to obey them
Step 4. Be compact with your partner
If you have a partner, it is important that your child thinks you are one because two individuals will both say “yes” or “no” to the same thing. If your child thinks that their mother will always say yes and their father will say no, then they will think that one parent is “better” or easier to manipulate than the other. They should see you and your partner as a unit so that there is order when you are at school, and so that you don't find yourself and your partner in a difficult situation because you and your partner disagree on certain things when raising children.
- This does not mean that you and your family have to comply 100% with everything related to children. However, this means that you have to work together to solve problems involving children, rather than getting annoyed and fighting each other.
- You should not argue with your partner in front of the children. If they're sleeping, you can have an argument in peace. Children can feel insecure and scared when they hear their parents fighting. After all, children will learn to think about each other in the same way that they hear from their disputing parents. Show them that when individuals disagree on one thing, they can discuss differences peacefully.
Step 5. Give your child rules
Your child should feel that there is order and logic in their home and family life. This can help them feel safe and at peace and live happily inside and outside the home. Here are some things you can do to provide order for your child:
- Set boundaries, such as bedtimes and curfews, so they learn that they have boundaries. By doing so, they actually gain the feeling of being loved and cared for by their parents. They may cross boundaries, but they know in their hearts that their parents guide and love them.
- Give them responsibility by giving them work or “tasks” to do and give freedom as a reward for the work done (money, extra curfew, extra play time, etc.). As a "punishment" if they don't perform their duties, their privileges are revoked. Even the youngest child can learn the concept of reward or consequence. As children grow, give them more responsibilities and more rewards or consequences if they fulfill or ignore responsibilities.
- Teach them about right and wrong. If you are religious, take them to a place of worship. If you are an atheist or agnostic, teach them about the moral attitude towards things. Don't be a hypocrite or be prepared your child will show you that you don't “apply what you teach”.
Step 6. Criticize your child's behavior, not yours
It's important to criticize your child's behavior, rather than your child's. You want your child to learn that they can achieve what they want through their behavior, instead of being stuck with being a sweet kid. Let them feel that they have an agent to improve their behavior.
- When your child exhibits harmful and envious behavior, let them know that the "behavior" is unacceptable and provide alternatives. Avoid words like: “You are bad.” Instead, say, "It's bad behavior when it's directed at your little sister." Explain why the behavior is bad.
- Be firm, but friendly when pointing out what mistakes they made. Be firm and serious, but not over the top, when you tell them what you expect.
- Avoid public humiliation. If they exhibit bad behavior in public, draw them to a certain place, and explain to them in private.
Part 3 of 3: Helping Your Child Build Character
Step 1. Teach your child to be independent
Teach your children that it's right to be different, and they don't have to follow other people. Teach them what is right and wrong when they are young, and they will be (more often) able to make their own decisions, rather than listening to or following others. Remember that your child is not an extension of you. Your child is an individual under your care, not an opportunity for you to live again through them.
- When your child is old enough to make their own decisions, you should encourage them to choose the extracurricular activities they want to do or the playmates they choose. Unless you think the activity is dangerous, or that playmates can influence you, you should let your child discover what's going on outside of them.
- Children may have conflicting temperaments, for example: being introverted when you are open, and will not be able to adapt to your chosen pattern and style, and will make their own decisions.
- They need to learn that their actions have consequences (both good and bad). By doing so, it will help them become good decision makers and problem solvers so that they can prepare for independence and adulthood.
- Don't do a routine they can do on their own. While giving them a glass of water before bed is a great way to get them to sleep faster, don't do it so often that they'll always expect it.
Step 2. Be a good role model
If you want your child to have good behavior, you have to show the behavior and character that you want your child to do and they will continue their life by the rules you have made. Show them through verbal explanations and examples. Children tend to be what they see as opposed to what they hear unless they make a conscious effort to violate it. You don't have to be perfect, but you do have to be driven to do what you want your child to do, so you don't appear hypocritical if you tell your child to be patient with others when they find you having disagreements at the shopping mall.
- It's perfectly reasonable to make mistakes, but you should apologize or let your child know that the behavior was not good. You can say, “I didn't mean to yell at you. Mother is just so angry." This is much better than letting your mistakes go, as this will show your child that they should imitate the behavior.
- You want to teach children about charity? Get involved and take your child to a soup kitchen or shelter and help deliver food. Explain to them why you are doing charity work so they understand why they should do it.
- Teach children about tasks by setting a schedule and asking them for help. Don't ask your child to do something, but ask them for help. The earlier they learn to help you, the more they will want to do it.
- If you want your child to learn to share, set a good example and share your objects with them.
Step 3. Respect your child's personal freedom
Respect their personal freedom as you would want them to respect you; for example, if you teach your children that your space is limited to them, value the same with theirs. Let them feel that once they enter the room, they will know that no one will look at their pictures, or read their diaries. This will teach them respect for personal space and respect for the privacy of others.
If your child catches you peeking at what they're doing, it will take a long time to get them to trust you again
Step 4. Encourage your child to have a healthy lifestyle
It's very important to make sure that your child is eating as much healthy food as they can, that they are getting enough exercise, and that they are getting adequate rest each night. You should encourage positive, healthy behavior without nagging or making them feel that you are forcing your child to eat and behave in a certain way. Let them come to their own conclusions. The porch helps them see the meaning and importance of living a healthy life.
- One way to encourage them to exercise is to invite them to play in the morning, so that they find the desire to live a healthy life.
- If you start going overboard in explaining to your child that certain things are not healthy or that they shouldn't be doing it, they will go the wrong way and feel that you are insulting them. Once this happens, they will not want to go out to eat with you, and they will have a poor diet, which will make them want to hide fast food from you.
- When you are trying to adopt healthy eating habits, start at a younger age. Giving candy gifts to children can form bad behavior, because as they get older, some will feel that they have to respect themselves which can lead to obesity. Since they are small, start giving healthy snacks. Instead of chips, try to give crackers, wine, and so on.
- The eating habits they learned when they were young will be continued. Never make your child finish food, if they say they are not hungry. This will continue in their lives, and cause them to finish food without paying attention to portions.
Step 5. Emphasize moderation and responsibility towards alcohol consumption
You can start talking to children when they are young. Explain to them that they should wait until they are old enough to enjoy drinking with friends, and talk about the importance of driving safety. The mistake of discussing this too early often prompts them to sneak up and try something dangerous, if they don't understand it.
Once your friend is of age where they and their friend start drinking alcohol, encourage them to share it with you. You don't want them to be afraid of your reaction and end their behavior with regrets, such as drunk driving because they are too afraid to ask for a license
Step 6. Let your child experience their own life
Don't always make decisions for them; they must learn how to live with the consequences of their choices. They will learn how to think about themselves. It's a great way to start while you're there to help minimize negative consequences and emphasize positive ones.
They need to learn that their actions have consequences (both good and bad). By doing so, they can become good decision makers and problem solvers so that they are prepared to become independent and move into adulthood
Step 7. Let your child make mistakes
Life is the best teacher. Don't be too quick to rescue your child from the consequences of their actions if the consequences are not too severe. For example, being hit by a sharp object (in a harmless way) can be painful, but this is better than making them unaware of why sharp objects should be avoided. Know that you can't protect your child forever, and they will learn life's lessons better early than late. While it can be hard to stand behind and watch your child make a mistake, it will benefit you and your child in the long run.
You shouldn't say "I told you so" when your child is learning life lessons. Let your child draw conclusions about what happened
Step 8. Change your bad behavior
Gambling, alcohol consumption, and drugs can put your child's financial security at risk. Smoking, for example, almost always introduces health hazards to children. Secondhand smoking has been linked to several respiratory illnesses in children. It can also contribute to the premature death of parents. Alcohol and drugs may also introduce danger or distraction to your children.
Of course, if you want to enjoy a small amount of wine or beer, that's perfectly fine, as long as you can model healthy consumption of alcohol and take responsibility for your behavior while you're drinking it
Step 9. Don't give your child unreasonable expectations
There is a difference between wanting your child to be responsible, being a mature individual and forcing your child to be perfect or living based on your thoughts on how to be perfect. You should not push your child to get perfect scores or be the best player on the football team; it's better to encourage good study habits and sports in a sporting manner, and let your child use the effort they can afford.
- If you act that you are the best, your child will feel that they can never achieve what you expect, and may even rebel.
- You don't want to be the one your child fears because they feel they will never achieve what you want. You want to be a cheerleader for your child, not a sergeant.
Step 10. Know that parenting will never be done
While you may think that you have molded and raised your child into what they want them to be when your child wears their graduation cap, this is far from reality. Your upbringing will have a long-lasting effect on your child and you should always give your child the love and affection they need, even if you live far away from them. While you don't want to be in your child's everyday life, you should always let your child know that you care about them and that you will be there for them, no matter what.
Your child will still turn to you for advice, and will always be influenced by what you say regardless of their age. Over time, not only can you improve your parenting techniques, but you can start thinking about how to be a good grandparent
Tips
- Listen to what your child has to say.
- Go back and look at your past as often as possible. Find the mistakes "your" parents made, and try not to do them in the next few generations. Each parent/child generation has had a new batch of successes and/or mistakes.
- Encourage introspection by sharing with your child about your self-evaluation.
- Do not share bad behavior that you have had in the past with your child because they will compare themselves to you and lead them to have lower expectations of themselves. "So! You were like that too."
- Don't underestimate the choice of their friends. Next, try to maintain your own friendship.
- If you are trying to quit your habit, join a group that can help you overcome it. Try to get support, and have someone to talk to when you start wanting to do your habit again. Remember that you are not only helping yourself, but you are helping your child.
- Don't live their life. Let them make their own choices and live the life they want.
- Meet your need to be loved, but value your child's needs above all else. Don't leave your child for the sake of your love. Make your child a priority when you're on a date, and don't put your child in danger by introducing new people you never knew well in the house. Children need to feel safe, comfortable, and loved. If you suddenly leave them and don't provide for their needs just for a new boyfriend, your child will grow up feeling uncomfortable and hopeless. Love is needed by everyone, but it doesn't come at the expense of your child's emotional health. This also applies to older children.
- Adolescents who are on their way to adulthood need support from their parents more than ever. Don't think that since they are 18 or 21, you can leave them to find what they want. After all "don't" interfere in their unimportant business. You just need to walk together on the right path.
- Improve your child's social skills.
Warning
- Don't be too strict about following stereotypes of parenting behavior based on your culture, race, ethnic group, family, or other determinants. Please don't believe that there is only one way to raise children.
- Never pamper children too much. This attitude can make children stubborn and act irresponsibly.
- Don't be afraid to be a "parent". Do your best, be their friend, but never let them forget you as their "parent," not as a co-worker.
- Parenting does not stop when the child grows up. Being a good parent is a lifelong role. However, remember that once they grow up, the decisions they make in life are entirely their responsibility along with all the consequences.
