Regardless of your background, skills, age, and abilities, no one is too beautiful/handsome, too old, or too smart to be rejected by others. The only way to never get rejected is to never try to do anything and not interact with other people, at all. But humans can't live like that. So, like it or not, one day you will definitely experience rejection in your life. Some of the most common rejections that most people experience include love, school, work, sports, and business. But either way, don't let rejection destroy you. Overcoming rejection doesn't mean denying or pretending that everything is okay, but learning to deal with it and moving on in your life.
Step
Part 1 of 3: Getting through the Heartache in the Beginning
Step 1. Understand that it's normal to feel hurt
Feeling hurt after being rejected is a normal emotional and physical response that a normal human would have. Research shows that experiencing unexpected rejection can cause physical symptoms: emotional pain can activate the same neurons that cause physical pain in your brain. In fact, experiencing rejection can actually make you “hurt” because rejection can activate the parasympathetic neuron system that is responsible for handling internal organs like your heartbeat.
- Experiencing rejection in a relationship, such as an unpleasant breakup, can trigger the same response when a drug addict's brain loses its drugs.
- According to research, people who are depressed may have a harder time coping with feelings of rejection. Because depression blocks the body's release of opioids, or natural pain killers, depressed individuals who experience resistance experience more severe and longer-lasting pain than those who are not depressed.
Step 2. Allow yourself to feel sad
Rejection will cause real pain, both emotionally and physically. Denying or minimizing your pain -- for example, denying a rejection from your top university by saying "no big deal" -- can make the pain worse in the long run. You need to realize that the hurt you feel is normal. That way you can move on from the heartache.
Society always emphasizes being “tough”, which means that accepting and expressing emotions is a sign that you are a weak person. However, that assumption is very wrong. People who suppress and don't let their emotions out are actually more difficult to deal with, and may continue to create situations where they continue to have negative feelings
Step 3. Express your feelings
Expressing your emotions will help you accept the fact that you are going through something painful. Rejection can create quite intense feelings of disappointment, abandonment, and loss, and you may go through a period of sadness because you didn't get what you wanted or hoped for. So don't suppress or suppress your feelings.
- Cry if you really want to. Crying can reduce feelings of restlessness, nervousness, and anxiety. In addition, crying can also reduce stress levels in the body. So, yes, real men (and women) can and need to cry too.
- Don't shout, yell, or hit anything. Research says that even venting your anger by being harsh on an inanimate object like a pillow can increase your feelings of anger. It's more productive to write down your feelings and share the causes of your anger.
- Expressing feelings in creative ways such as art, music, and poetry can also help. But, avoid things that are really sad or angry, because that will make your feelings worse.
Step 4. Check your feelings
Clearly understanding why you're feeling down after a rejection can be a helpful step. Are you disappointed that you weren't chosen to join the team when someone else was selected? Do you feel hurt because the person you like doesn't respond to your feelings? Do you feel worthless because your job application was rejected? Examining your feelings will help you understand them.
Take this opportunity to consider what the reasons were behind the refusal. You're not trying to defend yourself, but making a reasonable analysis and figuring out what changes you should make going forward. Whatever excuses and solutions you come up with -- such as avoiding people who are too narcissistic, submitting essays on time, or working harder -- these can give you clear steps to take instead of focusing on your rejection
Step 5. Stick to the facts
Your self-esteem can fall easily when you experience rejection, especially if the rejection is as personal as a breakup. But, when really examining your feelings, try to keep your statements factual.
- For example, instead of saying "the woman I like won't come to the dance with me because I'm fat and ugly," stick to what you know. "The woman I like won't go to the dance with me." Sure, it's still rejection, and it still hurts, but a second mindset will keep you from shaming or criticizing yourself, which is unhealthy behavior.
- Rejection actually lowers your IQ for a while. So if you're having trouble analyzing your feelings, don't worry. It does happen and is hard to avoid.
Step 6. Avoid taking your feelings out on others
Because rejection is painful, some people may react angrily and/or take their feelings out on others. This response can be a way to try and restore self-control or to want others to notice you. However, this response can lead to further rejection or isolation. So while being angry and aggressive after experiencing rejection is a tempting option, avoid this option as much as possible.
Step 7. Take ibuprofen or acetaminophen
Believe it or not, research shows that emotional pain arises from the same process as physical pain. Therefore, taking a generic pain reliever such as Advil or Tylenol in normal doses for three weeks can reduce the effects of heartburn caused by rejection.
Only use generic drugs and do not consume in excessive doses. You want to deal with the pain, not become addicted
Step 8. Take care of your health
Eat a healthy diet and exercise regularly. Do not be rash by consuming alcohol or illegal drugs. Exercise can help your body produce natural pain relievers called opioids. So when you're feeling really upset, go out for a walk, bike ride, swim, or any other active activity you enjoy.
Channel your energies into aggressive physical activity like running, kick-box, taekwondo, or karate if you're really feeling angry about the rejection
Step 9. Get together with friends
Feeling isolated is one of the side effects that rejection can have. Reach out to people who love and support you. Research shows that having fun and healthy interactions with other people you like can improve the performance of your body's recovery system. Experiencing emotional acceptance from friends and family can help you deal with the pain of rejection.
Step 10. Have fun
Distract yourself from painful thoughts and find ways to involve yourself in activities that make you feel good. Watch a funny show, listen to comedy radio broadcasts, or watch comedy movies in theaters. While it won't take away the hurt in an instant, having fun can reduce your anger and increase your positive energy.
Laughter is an important thing to do after experiencing rejection because laughter can produce compounds called endorphins that affect positive feelings. Laughter can even increase the body's tolerance for pain
Step 11. Share your feelings with someone you trust
This person could be your best friend, sibling, parent, or therapist. Tell us what happened and how you felt as a result of the incident. They may be able to share their experiences and what they did to overcome them, and that can certainly be a useful lesson for you.
Part 2 of 3: Overcoming Rejection
Step 1. Practice loving yourself
Rejection can have a serious impact on your self-esteem, and lead you to often blame yourself or believe that you will never be successful or happy. Practicing self-love will help you learn to accept mistakes and failures as a part of life, and not be haunted by them all the time. Self-love has three basic elements:
- Be kind to yourself. This means you do yourself the favor you often do to your loved ones. This doesn't mean that you accept your mistakes and ignore your problems, but that you accept the fact that you are not a perfect person. Loving yourself also allows you to love others more.
- General humanity. Accepting the common humanity means accepting the fact that bad experiences including rejection are a part of human life and are not always caused by your actions. Understanding this aspect can help you move on from rejection, because you will realize that rejection happens to everyone.
- Self-awareness. Practicing self-awareness means realizing and accepting that the experience you are getting without giving any other judgment. Practicing self-awareness through meditation can help you process the negative emotions you have without focusing too much on them.
Step 2. Avoid personalizing the rejection you experienced
You can easily see rejection as evidence of your fear that you're not good at something, don't deserve love, will never succeed, and so on. However, learning to avoid personalizing your rejection can help you learn from your experience and not feel overly hurt.
Don't view rejection as a major disaster. This action means you are exaggerating your mistakes or failures and ignoring the positives that you have. If your job application is rejected, it doesn't mean you will never get a job and end up being homeless. If you get negative comments about your essay or work, it doesn't mean you can't learn and improve. Exaggerating mistakes will throw away all possibilities of seeing how you can develop and grow from the experience, including negative experiences such as rejection
Step 3. List your positive characteristics
Rejection can usually hurt you quickly and make all the negative voices in your head louder -- if you let them. To fight the urge to just find fault, be proactive and make a list of your positive, strong, and great characteristics. Research shows that when you consciously remind yourself that you are a valued and lovable individual, not only can you cope better with rejection, you will develop immunity to subsequent rejection in the future.
Step 4. Don't overthink
Rejection is different from what you expected, and is usually sudden and even unwanted. But rejection is also an opportunity to change the path you're on to be more productive and more effective. Though painful, rejection can teach us how to develop our strengths and focus our energy in a positive way.
For example, if you recently broke up, the person who broke up with you has just said that the two of you won't last long as a couple. While the rejection may be painful, it's better to know from the start that something you're doing isn't going to work than to spend too much time and energy only to find that you're going to fail eventually
Step 5. Let time restore everything
Even though it's a cliche, it's true. Time can heal because it gives distance. You also have the opportunity to do self-improvement, which will certainly help you see things from a different perspective. Coping with pain is tough, but over time, you'll realize that what you failed to achieve wasn't meant for you.
Step 6. Learn something new
Learning how to do something you've always wanted to learn will help you feel a sense of accomplishment, which can repair your shaky self-confidence. Learning something fun like cooking, playing the guitar or a new language can also help improve your mood.
- You could also consider some quirky activities like practicing assertiveness. Sometimes, a person experiences rejection because he doesn't convey his wants and needs clearly. You'll find that learning to be more assertive about your wants and needs will reduce your chances of getting rejected.
- There will be times when you feel hesitant when trying something new. Do everything slowly so you don't get overwhelmed. If you decide to examine the insides of life, you will at times feel inadequate and self-sufficient, and that's understandable. Try to ignore those feelings and realize that the “beginner mindset” is a positive state to experience, as you accept a new way of looking at things.
Step 7. Pamper yourself
Retail therapy can have a positive effect on you. For example, research shows that when shopping, you see how the things you buy will fit into your new life. Buying clothes that look good on them or getting a great haircut can boost your confidence.
Don't use money as a painkiller, because that means you're hiding a problem you have to deal with. Also, don't overspend or you'll get even more stressed. But buying an item or two can improve Ada's mood, especially if it can help you find a new, brighter path
Part 3 of 3: Stay Strong
Step 1. Remember that not everything will suit you
If the rejection you experienced was personal, such as a breakup or failure to get accepted into a sports team, you may see this as evidence that Ada is a weak person. However, by being comfortable with yourself and remembering that not everyone is right for you, you will be able to accept the rejection and move on without thinking too much about it. Remember that the more you love yourself, the less dependent you will be on verification from others.
Step 2. Practice getting rejected in less important situations
Getting into situations where you might experience rejection without great negative or personal risk can help you learn that rejection usually doesn't affect you personally.
For example, asking for something you know you're going to refuse (but isn't really important to you) can help you practice overcoming rejection
Step 3. Keep taking risks
A rejected person may be afraid to take risks and stop trying new things or approaching people for fear of rejection. Remember, stay positive and hopeful even if you will be rejected.
- For example, if you're chatting with a friend and feel rejected, you might end the conversation to protect yourself from getting hurt. While this will reduce your discomfort, it will also distance you from other people and may make your rejection worse.
- Remember, you are turned down from 100 percent of the opportunities you didn't seek.
Step 4. Always hope for success (but remember that you may fail)
This mindset is very difficult to do, but it is important to keep yourself healthy even after experiencing rejection. Research shows that belief in failure or success at something will affect how hard you try to achieve that goal, thus indirectly affecting your performance. Believing that you will be successful will help you to try harder.
- But remember, you have to keep in mind that the perspective of whether you are successful or not does not necessarily determine success in real, but only affects the level of your efforts. You may still fail despite feeling optimistic and working hard.
- Understanding that you can only control your actions, not their results, will help you accept rejection and not take it too seriously when it happens. Know that rejection can happen, but keep trying as hard as you can no matter the outcome.
Step 5. Practice forgiveness
When you're feeling hurt and disappointed at being rejected, the last thing you might think about is forgiving the person who hurt you. But empathizing with the other person will help you deal with your emotions. Try not to think about why other people should reject you. Usually, you will realize that his actions have nothing to do with you.
Tips
- Remember this quote from Michael Jordan: “I've made 9,000 miss shots in my career, lost nearly 300 times, and been entrusted 26 times with taking the winning shot, and missing. I've failed many times in life, and that's why I'm successful.
- Not all rejections are the same. For example, if you believe your job application was rejected because of discrimination, you can take legal steps to remedy the situation.
- Research shows that if you are positive and approach a certain person or situation expecting acceptance, you are more likely to get it. This doesn't mean you'll never be rejected, but your attitude will affect how other people treat you.
Warning
- Do not want to be controlled by anger even when you are hurt. Taking your anger out on someone else will give you some temporary relief, but it will only hurt you and the person you hurt even more.
- Process your feelings, but don't drown in them. Obsessing over negative emotions can make it difficult for you to recover.
