Being independent and emotionally resilient is an important condition for being happy. When we depend on others emotionally, we never really know who we are. Fortunately, by accepting ourselves, modifying our thinking and taking active steps to be who we are and acknowledge our true feelings, we can find the inner peace and independence we seek. It all starts with Step 1 below.
Step
Part 1 of 3: Accepting Yourself
Step 1. Understand the benefits of accepting yourself
The main use of accepting yourself is learning healthy techniques that can help you recover and let go of bad memories and trauma. The ideal goal is to build healthier interactions in your current life. Other benefits of accepting yourself include:
- Increase self-confidence
- Reduces anxiety and depression
- Reduce self-criticism and self-blame
- Increase self-awareness
- Increase self-worth
- Adding inner peace
Step 2. Find out why you are judging yourself
Take the time to find out why you're having a hard time accepting yourself. Try meditating, writing, or just sitting quietly for a few moments thinking about why you're judging yourself. Try to identify whose voice you hear when you judge yourself. For example, do you hear the voices of your parents, spouse, friends, or other people?
Step 3. Review your past
Take a look at our parents: most of them weren't great parents. Are they not great for not loving us or are we not deserving of their affection? No. However, as a child, it is not easy to realize this. They're not great parents because they really don't know what to do– they've tried, but they're human too. Instead of blaming them (or perhaps blaming your ex-spouse) for the pain you felt, try to look back on the memory and see it from a different perspective. Realize that they have no right to earn your anger or hatred. After all, they really should be pitied.
No matter how old you are, chances are you've had a relationship that had a negative impact on you. As humans, we tend to take failure/argument/disappointment/rejection personally and plant it in our hearts and influence the way we view ourselves. Obviously, this has to stop. The past is past and will not return. The past has little to do with what is happening now
Step 4. Forgive and forget
This is an important step in accepting yourself and trying to understand what has passed from a new perspective. If you don't hold grudges and stop taking things to heart, you'll also be able to see who you really are – the one who is emotionally independent and tough. Plus, you'll be happier too!
- If you ever get annoyed with someone, realize that this has nothing to do with you. They make the decisions and you have no control over them; and that's not a problem. This incident is just a small incident in life that will soon be forgotten.
- However, that doesn't mean you can just give up. Forgive them, forget what they did, but change your expectations. Is your friend an hour late for your lunch appointment? Okay. Next time (if there is one), you already know how to deal with it.
Step 5. Spend some time with yourself
When was the last time you had some free time and didn't take out your smartphone or distract yourself from yourself? In this day and age, there are always distractions that prevent us from doing introspection and exploring our own thoughts. From now on, take about 20 minutes to "me-time" or time for yourself. After all, who are our best friends besides ourselves?
When you're spending time with yourself, pay attention to how your mind wanders. Where did that thought go? How does your mind think? Watch how great your mind is. What can you learn from yourself?
Step 6. Know who you are
It's like asking an ant to look in a mirror and say, "I'm an ant," right? In addition to the steps above and below, there are a few points that apply to everyone:
- You are as valuable as everyone you know. No one is "better"; we all have good and bad qualities.
- You have talents and interests. What are these talents and interests?
- You have thoughts and opinions. You have things you like and don't like. What are those things?
- You have values. You have faith. What are some things/concepts/ideas that you believe in?
Part 2 of 3: Changing Your Mind
Step 1. Test yourself
There are various things that make a person can be a person who is not emotionally independent. One of the most common things is romance. We become dependent on our partners because we need love, sex, recognition, and other things from them. If it is not obtained, we feel we have done something wrong and somehow we feel less valuable. How come you can be emotionally independent? Is it because of a love affair? Or because of relationships with friends? Relationships with coworkers or bosses? Relationships with everyone you meet? Think about a few things to see what you need to work on:
- Do you get jealous easily? Do you compare yourself to others so often that you have a bad day too?
- Do other people often don't live up to your expectations? Who often does this to you?
- When you are alone, do you look for someone else to comfort you? Does the emptiness feel overwhelming when you are alone, not with anyone else?
- Does a partner or the concept of having a partner mean happiness to you?
Step 2. Be responsible
When we blame others, they are at fault. Therefore, only they can fix this problem. This is so bad. In order to control your thoughts and emotions, you must be willing to take responsibility.
This forces you to rely on yourself in finding solutions. Instead of dwelling on grief, you will think about what options you have to make things better. This can help you get rid of your overflowing negative emotions so you can be more logical and have more control
Step 3. The next time you feel offended, stop
Stop for a moment. Why are you upset? All you are dealing with is someone criticizing and judging. It's not the end of the world, and probably not a big deal. Why do you have to make him happy by thinking about it so much? Don't waste your precious time.
Remind yourself that you don't have to respond on impulse. It may seem natural to respond by feeling irritated, but you can actually choose to do the opposite. You can be angry, you can be sad– or you can admit the feeling and move on. Besides, there's no point in being angry or sad, right? What's the point for you?
Step 4. Realize that happiness resides only within you
Literally. Serotonin and dopamine are substances you can "really" enjoy. If you want to get into the habit of feeling happy when you see something that's actually normal, you can do that. The brain is a funny thing. In other words, you decide what makes you happy and this has nothing to do with the outside world. Happiness comes from within– you can't find it out there.
If you still don't understand, this is actually a very, very good thing. Because you have complete control over your feelings! You are not dependent on anyone! You can feel any emotion you want to feel. You don't have to feel all the emotions you don't want to feel. Happiness is just a decision
Step 5. Try your best not to cross the line
There's a fine line between being emotionally independent and being an asshole. Some people get so caught up in trying to be "themselves" that they end up bullying others when they do. Remember that this is not an excuse to be a bully and not think about other people in getting things done. You can still be a kind and caring person while trying to be yourself.
Most people who step on other people try to deny that they feel less or unimportant. They don't feel valued at heart so they take it out on others to reassure themselves. This is not emotionally independent but rather disrespectful
Part 3 of 3: Independent Living
Step 1. Decide for yourself
When your friends are hanging out and talking about the latest movie or discussing political issues or gossiping about a friend, instead of letting them form your opinion, try to come up with your own. How do you feel? Why should their opinion influence your own?
- Try this step in small things too. If you want to try a new cafe or watch a new movie or shop in a new store while you hear bad opinions about it, ignore those opinions and keep going! Sometimes other people don't know what they are talking about.
- When you have an opinion, try to share it. It's possible that others feel the same way but are too embarrassed to say! You can also make a good point that no one else has thought of.
Step 2. Say "no
"If you have the opportunity to do something you don't want to do, say no. As well as not wanting to take part in this activity, you're not forced to follow other people's expectations because it "doesn't bother you." Listen to your heart – often he was right.
However, there is a fine line in this regard. Should you skip your best friend's wedding because you really don't want to? Better not. Should you not attend your best friend's wedding because you're feeling lazy? No. In other words, you have to know what you should do
Step 3. Learn to fix your own problems
In this day and age, we live in a very comfortable era. We have so many conveniences that we don't have to do anything on our own. Someone else fixes our car, someone else fixes plumbing problems, someone else fixes our computer, someone else fixes our health – the list goes on. Unfortunately, it makes our abilities less honed and reduces our responsibilities. In order not to depend on others, we must solve our own problems.
So if you're feeling down again, take control of it. Take the time to do something you really enjoy, go shopping or maybe you can just relax. When you successfully solve this problem, you may also realize that it is "you" who chooses the power to make things better, not someone else
Step 4. Don't expect much from other people
There is a saying from the James Bond film, "Prepare yourself because only you can do it." It may sound a little cynical, but it's true: we are human and in the end we have to be selfish and put ourselves first to be happy. Everyone does this and you can too – without feeling guilty.
By keeping this in mind, you too can prevent yourself from expecting too much and feeling disappointed afterwards. If you don't expect too much from other people, it will be easier for others to meet your expectations. It will be easier for you to see who is still having a hard time meeting these not-so-great expectations of yours and who is always able to fulfill them
Step 5. Get together with a different group of people
When our whole life revolves around a small group, it's hard not to see their opinion as very important. In order to broaden your horizons and not get too hung up on people's opinions, try to hang out with more people! Having an extensive social network is great.
All humans are dependent on other things. Actually this is annoying because it means that our emotions depend on other people or things. The key here is not to rely too much on yourself. Only you can know what the limit is. The best way to do this is to divide yourself up among several people and divide your time well for them
Step 6. Do the things you love personally
This is the most important thing: you are who you are and therefore you will do the things you really love. Once you've found your true self and continue to maintain it, nothing can stop the happiness that overflows from within.
